How to deal with overprotective parents

[person5]

Aslam Alykum Warahmat Allah Wabarkatu.

As the title suggests, my parents are very over protective. Of course I obey what they tell me to do but the problem is that I am 20 and they still cannot let go of me. Both my mother and father fear a lot for me which of course I am grateful for but at times it can make life difficult. Although my mother doesn't tend to enforce her opinion as often, my father does a lot.

I don't really know what to do about this and am looking for the most Islamic way to deal with this. I have spoken to my father about whether he can no longer enforce his opinion on me but he says if he does that then he will always be worried about something happening to me whether it be dangerous or somehow harmful. When I asked him at what age I will have to be for him to give me freedom he says potentially never.

Is the only way to please Allah in this situation to just accept my restricted lifestyle or is there something I can do about my situation?

 

[Abz2000]

Aslam Alykum Warahmat Allah Wabarkatu.

As the title suggests, my parents are very over protective. Of course I obey what they tell me to do but the problem is that I am 20 and they still cannot let go of me. Both my mother and father fear a lot for me which of course I am grateful for but at times it can make life difficult. Although my mother doesn't tend to enforce her opinion as often, my father does a lot.

I don't really know what to do about this and am looking for the most Islamic way to deal with this. I have spoken to my father about whether he can no longer enforce his opinion on me but he says if he does that then he will always be worried about something happening to me whether it be dangerous or somehow harmful. When I asked him at what age I will have to be for him to give me freedom he says potentially never.

Is the only way to please Allah in this situation to just accept my restricted lifestyle or is there something I can do about my situation?

Maybe buy him a tasty favourite, show your appreciation for his love, and slowly and smilingly and calmy go through the points:
....... that you have reached the age of responsibility, and are liable, and that you have to stand in front of the scales alone, and he will stand before his own scales, and that you must start even if slowly, making decisions, and that it would be dhulm on himself if he claimed to be taking your burdens, and that one of you will have to one day leave the other behind to make life decisions. You have a duty to him, but are an individual account holder accountable to God now, and it's only fair that he lets you be a human servant of God with rights from God.

If you see him getting stubborn, maybe melt back and let him think calmly, arguing in that condition only exacerbates the divide and takes the emphasis off your points.

Please bear in mind that your father has more right to patronise you (to a limit) than most others. The term patronise is linked to the word father. It is undeniable that he has years of experience under his belt, so if he's of sound mind, I believe it would be wise to take his advice wherever possible.

 

[person5]

Jzk for the response. I think that sounds like a good idea, I have never tried that actually. I think I can try that and see how it goes and I also think that your point about leaving the argument early on is also very wise. Much appreciated.

 

[Ümit]

Aslam Alykum Warahmat Allah Wabarkatu.

As the title suggests, my parents are very over protective. Of course I obey what they tell me to do but the problem is that I am 20 and they still cannot let go of me. Both my mother and father fear a lot for me which of course I am grateful for but at times it can make life difficult. Although my mother doesn't tend to enforce her opinion as often, my father does a lot.

I don't really know what to do about this and am looking for the most Islamic way to deal with this. I have spoken to my father about whether he can no longer enforce his opinion on me but he says if he does that then he will always be worried about something happening to me whether it be dangerous or somehow harmful. When I asked him at what age I will have to be for him to give me freedom he says potentially never.

Is the only way to please Allah in this situation to just accept my restricted lifestyle or is there something I can do about my situation?

Sounds terrible...you are already an adult but your father treats you like a small child...you of course want to be free and do whatever you want.

But let me tell you something else:
I am 42 years old and my mother still chases me with a slipper although it doesn't do that much for me anymore. I'm married and have a 5 year old daughter...my wife and daughter laugh their butts off when that happens.

It used to annoy me a lot when I was your age...but right now I appeciate it and thank Allah they never changed.

 

[person5]

subhanAllah that's funny that your mum chases you with a slipper. jzk