How to Discipline our Children?????

[jameelah]

Hello,

I am interested in finding out the rulings on disciplining children. For instance if our children become out of line and refuse to obey our commands, are we allowed to physically disciplne them (of course not in any harsh or abusive way, like leaving marks or bruises on their bodies!!!!!!!)

If anyone can please post references on "How to discipline our Children" with evidence from the Qur'an and ahadith.

Thank you!!!!!!!

Jameelah :?

 

[Snowflake]

The Islamic Method of Disciplining Children​

We are commanded to be mild and loving to children. The Noble Rasul(SALLALLAHU ALAYHI WASALLAM) sent Sayyidinaa Mu-aadh, (RADIYALLAHU ANHU) to Yaman with instructions to be soft and make things easy for the people, not to be hard on them, to teach them, and not to create hatred. In another version the words are, "Educate them and do not be harsh, because a teacher is better than one who is severe." A child is won over by tenderness. The Noble Rasul (SALLALLAHU ALAYHI WASALLAM) treated children with mildness and love.

The nature of the child must be considered before instituting punishment. Some are corrected by a mere stern glance. Others need to be scolded. Yet others need the rod (But only the very last resort). The murabbi must punish the child in accordance with the misdeed. Excess and severity bring about cowardice and laziness in a child. The development of such a child stops. Laziness sets in. there is no incentive to develop virtue, perfection and good conduct. Therefore, the murabbi must exercise care and use wisdom in meting out punishment. Punishment must be used as a last resort.

Gradual steps should be taken when punishing a child. The murabbi is like a healer. Just as the doctor uses various means of treating patients, the murabbi must employ different methods to correct a child. The Noble Rasul, (SALLALLAHU ALAYHI WASALLAM), used the methods given below:

1. Correct the mistake by showing the correct procedure. Sayyidina Umar bin Abii Salmah, Radiyallahu Anhu as a young boy, would not control his hands while eating. The Noble Rasul ((SALLALLAHU ALAYHI WASALLAM)) said, " Son, take the name of Allah before eating, and eat with your right hand. Start with the food that is nearest to you."
2. Correct by teaching tenderly. Once, the Noble Rasul,(SALLALLAHU ALAYHI WASALLAM) drank something. To his right sat a youngster, and to his left and aged person. He sought the youngsters leave to let the aged person drink first. The youngster did not agree saying, " By Allah, I cannot give preference to anyone to your blessed leftover." The Noble Rasul desired to teach the boy the rights of elders and the respect due to them.
3. Correct by pointing out an error. Sayyidinaa Fadl, (RADIYALLAHU ANHU) happened to glance at a woman. The Rasul (SALLALLAHU ALAYHI WASALLAM), physically turned his face the other way so that he could understand that what he was doing was incorrect.
4. Correct by scolding. Once Abuu Dhar (RADIYALLAHU ANHU) spoke harshly to someone and called him the son of a black woman. The Noble Rasul of Allah, (SALLALLAHU ALAYHI WASALLAM) said, "You are aman on whom there are traces of the jaahiliyyah(era of ignorance). You debased his mother. Your servants are your helpers. Treat them well."
5. Correct by severing ties. The Noble Rasul of Allah, (SALLALLAHU ALAYHI WASALLAM) forbade the throwing of stones. He said one could not hunt by throwing stones, neither could one cuse damage to an enemy, but there was always the risk of hurting someone or dislodging a tooth by hurling a stone. Sayyidinaa Abdullah bin Mughaffal, (RADIYALLAHU ANHU) remembered this advice one of his kin tossed pebbles. He asked him to stop doing so. He told him about the injunction imposed by Sayyidinaa Rasulullah (SALLALLAHU ALAYHI WASALLAM). That person however persisted in throwin pebbles. Sayyidinaa Abdullah bin Mughaffal (RADIYALLAHU ANHU) said, " I told you the words of the Noble Rasul of Allah, (SALLALLAHU ALAYHI WASALLAM), in this regard, but you paid no heed. Go, I will not speak to you any more." We also know that Sayyidinaa Ka'b bin Maalik, (RADIYALLAHU ANHU) remained behind in the Ghazwah Tabuuk. The Noble Rasul, (SALLALLAHU ALAYHI WASALLAM) forbade others to speak to him and his isolation lasted fifty days. Also, Sayyidinaa Abdullah bin Umar, (RADIYALLAHU ANHU) never again spoke to one of his sons because of his apparent disregard of a hadith.
6. Correct by using the rod. The Noble Rasul (SALLALLAHU ALAYHI WASALLAM) said, "When the child is seven years old command the performing of salaah but, if, ten years age, the child does not perform salaah, administer a beating."
7. Correct by means of the most effective punishment. For example, the Noble Quran has prescribed a hundred lashes to be given in public to the person who commits fornication so that others may take heed. It has been commanded to execute murderers, so that peace may prevail the world over.

When, after punishment, the child refroms, .and its character and habits have improved, be cheerful and good-natured towards it. Let the child know that punishment was for the childs own benefit, so that one may be successful in this world and in the hereafter. The Noble Rasul, (SALLALLAHU ALAYHI WASALLAM) treated Sayyidinaa Ka'b (RADIYALLAHU ANHU) in exactly this manner.

However, a child must not be beaten when one is in a state of extreme anger, because at that moment one may be under the devil's influence. Only such places on the body must be beaten where there is no possibility of injury. One must not slap on the face, hit or punch on the chest, head or stomach. Mild punishment be dispensed in the beginning, and if it shows not results, only then may one mete out a harsher punishment. Do not beat a child under ten. When it is the child's first mistake, allow it a chance to relent. Accept the excuse. Do not unnecessarily publicise faults. If the child has to be punished, the murabbi must undertake the task, and not other children. Beat only when it is imperative and only the dose that is necessary. Everything is perfect onlywhen it is done when necessary and within the correct limits.

 

[jameelah]

Thank you for the replies that i have been givin thus far. If you can find anymore that would be a great

 

[lolwatever]

Pull out the cane and give them a bloody good hiding ;D

if you've got ne kids, hav they fled the house yet?:rollseyes

 

[chacha_jalebi]

if our kids dont pray, then your allowed to beat them with a baseball bat, i mean lightly

but parents nowadays are too harsh on their kids, i really hate it when parents beat their kids, how can u wanna hit a kiddy? wit der lil small hands & cute little feet awww , and people beat them, i swear it makes me so angry, theres a difference between beatin and hittin lightly, many people needed to be reminded of the way RasoolAllah (saw) acted with kiddies

like he would always get up for his daughter, hadhrat Fatima (ra)

nowadays parents or elders will stand in front of u, til you dont get up

when hadhrat Hassan (ra) climbed on RasoolAllah (saw) back durin salah, RasoolAllah (saw) made his sujood longer & the sahaba said "why did you make the sujood longer" and RasoolAllah (saw) replied " i didnt wana deprive the child of his fun" see mashallah, RasoolAllah (saw) is the best man, so sweet & jus mashallah man!
nowadays if a kid climbs on sum1s back durin salah, everyone will beat the crap out of the kid accusin him of bein shaytan

but back on topic if you bring up ur kids proply, then discipline isnt needed @ all, if they make a mistake jus tel em wit ur mouth not hands

 

[syilla]

i'm not complaining...but it 'is' hard to take care of a child...to make sure that he has a good manners, ethics, obedient, salah and etc....