how to propose to a brother

[Ummu Sufyaan]

no, not for me hew but for someone near and dear mmokay

scenario: a girl is interested in a guy. she comes from a culture where it is seen as really rude and shameful for the girl/her family to do the propsing. her family, knowing that she doesnt care about this whole ultural jargon, will allow for her to propose. so most likely her wali will give her his permission, but because of this cultural mindset, he/family wont do it himself, so she'll have to do it herself.

question: how on earth should this girl approach this dude. Islamic etiquette, etc and what should she say. i mean obviously you don't ask: will you marry me...
i know that she should get some background info on the due in respect on what he thinks about a girl proposing to a guy, but what should she actually say and do.

and also if we could get a rough idea from brothers how you would take it if a girl was to directly approach you. not necessarily face to face, but perhaps through an email (which you've given her family or something :$)

we need every last detail here...

 

[convert]

Been there before. Well, wasn't directly but was through people.

Makes it easier on converts since we don't have the community social support anyway. I would advise that she knows what shes doing though and takes everything into account. It gets very annoying months down the road in the planning stages for her to realize "oh wow, this is going to be difficult and culture matters, lets call this off"


... yeah that happened to me:rollseyes

 

[Musaafirah]

^^That is HARSH!
@ Na7lah. Can the sister approach an uncle to go on her behalf? Or ask the local imam?
Does the sister have enough background info to be able to propose?

 

[salafy_masry]

we alikum eslam

1. either she has friends ( females ) who in turn have brothers than can deliver the message to him.
2. she goes through her family to contact him in a way or the other.

 

[Ummu Sufyaan]

Can the sister approach an uncle to go on her behalf? Or ask the local imam?

i was thinking the same, but uncles isnt possible, maybe local imam tho...but doesn't that look shifty? i mean i dno it just seems weird...

Does the sister have enough background info to be able to propose?

thats what we are working on atm

 

[Güven]

the guy needs background info about the sister too and prepare himself.

Can't she approach the mother or sister of that brother ?

 

[anonymous]

scenario: a girl is interested in a guy. she comes from a culture where it is seen as really rude and shameful for the girl/her family to do the propsing. her family, knowing that she doesnt care about this whole ultural jargon, will allow for her to propose. so most likely her wali will give her his permission, but because of this cultural mindset, he/family wont do it himself, so she'll have to do it herself.

then perhaps the family/girl can put a friend or someone in between who can suggest the idea to the brother instead, that there is this nice family who have a daughter and they are looking. That way, if he is interested, he can do the inquiring and proposing ?

 

[crayon]

Perhaps somehow let the brother know that the sister is interested, and if he is interested as well, he'll take it from there?
There must be someone you could mention it to, a family member of his, or a close friend, or even the imam at the masjid he goes to? They could then tell the brother, and it could develop from there.

 

[Ansariyah]

^I think thats a good idea. Hints shud be dropped via via..find out where he stands ...without putting the sister out there (her shyness shud be protected). But make sure that she knows wat kind of a guy this guy is...Is he the kind of a guy who will like this idea or will he be like one of my bros n run a mile?

A middle man is needed or woman... jst something..!

 

[AbuSalahudeen]

no, not for me hew but for someone near and dear mmokay

scenario: a girl is interested in a guy. she comes from a culture where it is seen as really rude and shameful for the girl/her family to do the propsing. her family, knowing that she doesnt care about this whole ultural jargon, will allow for her to propose. so most likely her wali will give her his permission, but because of this cultural mindset, he/family wont do it himself, so she'll have to do it herself.

question: how on earth should this girl approach this dude. Islamic etiquette, etc and what should she say. i mean obviously you don't ask: will you marry me...
i know that she should get some background info on the due in respect on what he thinks about a girl proposing to a guy, but what should she actually say and do.

and also if we could get a rough idea from brothers how you would take it if a girl was to directly approach you. not necessarily face to face, but perhaps through an email (which you've given her family or something :$)

we need every last detail here...

I think most brothers would be delighted, but you don't need to out right propose to a brother, as some one said about hints can be given, and questions like are you interesting in getting married, if he says yes the wali can throw the sisters name in there, without her proposing. That way if he wants to get to know more about the sisters, he would need to approach the sisters family.

 

[noorseeker]

im all for the idea

Too many sisters just sit and wait, think we will fall out the sky.

one word ,Khajida r.a

 

[nebula]

^ lol true akhi Khadija r.a was one of the best women that ever Lived.

 

[أبو سليمان عمر]

I think best to have a family friend who has brother imam someone other then her or a sister should make the approach just like the man should go to her parents and not her direct same goes for a sister and brother
Allah Knows Best
that is in my opinion

 

[Yanal]

Go to the house when that guy is not at home with your parents and talk out things and fix a meeting from 2 weeks at the girls house. Leave your phone number so if he refuses or delays it the parents can call you guys.

Keep it cool and don't get too interested so if he denies you,you can bear it and not be really emotionial.

 

[Khayal]

The best way is to, first, tell everything to her mother, then do Istikharah to make sure he is right for her; then your friend should let her parents approach him through his parents. It is not a good idea to talk to the brother directly.
And, also, will it be more embarrasing to propose by herself, or through her parents?

no, not for me hew but for someone near and dear mmokay

scenario: a girl is interested in a guy. she comes from a culture where it is seen as really rude and shameful for the girl/her family to do the propsing. her family, knowing that she doesnt care about this whole ultural jargon, will allow for her to propose. so most likely her wali will give her his permission, but because of this cultural mindset, he/family wont do it himself, so she'll have to do it herself.

question: how on earth should this girl approach this dude. Islamic etiquette, etc and what should she say. i mean obviously you don't ask: will you marry me...
i know that she should get some background info on the due in respect on what he thinks about a girl proposing to a guy, but what should she actually say and do.

and also if we could get a rough idea from brothers how you would take it if a girl was to directly approach you. not necessarily face to face, but perhaps through an email (which you've given her family or something :$)

we need every last detail here...

 

[Muslim Woman]

In the name of Allah , Most Gracious, Most Merciful

Salaam/peace

....
perhaps through an email ...

I don't think it's a good idea

First tell her to offer Ishthekhara prayer. If the sign is good , then she may ask her sisters , friends , cousins , collegueas to carry out the proposal. She is also allowed to give proposal but in prensence of other persons ...she must not be alone with him.

 

[Ali_008]

im all for the idea

Too many sisters just sit and wait, think we will fall out the sky.

one word ,Khajida r.a

Yeah, other than the example of the Prophet's wife (may Allah be pleased with her), you must definitely do Istikhara. And if the result is positive then you shouldn't waste another minute. Whatever you're doing, do it quick, who knows he might be already engaged or interested in someone else. OFFER VALID TILL STOCKS LAST. If the result of Istikhara is positive then you should go straight to this guy and tell him your intentions and also tell him about the Istikhara you did. I say this out of experience that in a couple both the partners get the same response if they do Istikhara seperately. The brother has given you an excellent example of Hadhrat Khadija (R.A.), so say Bismillah and just do it. and Inshallah after the marriage all these cultural differences and the unusual proposal will just vanish off everybody's brains.