Salaam
We live in an expensive area due to my husbands mother living near by and him wanting to take care of her. This means rent and living costs are high. My husband has said to me that he will have children with me but I must help put financially and this has really annoyed me because we would be more comfortable financially if we lived outside this area.
My question is I need some fatwa to show what he is doing is wrong. Should a women have to have financial burden just because she wants children?
:wasalamex
I intend to answer your question from two angles. One is from a legal standpoint and the second is of practicality.
Islamically a man is legally bound to take care of his parents throughout his life. This duty is not waved even after marriage. This is unlike the duty of the wife whose responsibilities over her parents are lightened after marriage, as it would be burdensome for a woman to take care of her parents full time as well as taking care of her husband's needs.
Your husband appears to be fulfilling his duty that Allah has placed upon him by taking care of his mother and, from your own admission, that he has been fulfilling your rights as well by giving you your own home. It also appears that you're comfortable enough to be a stay-at-home wife as you seem content with him being the sole earner, suggesting that he has been fulfilling his duties towards you.
Secondly, from a practical standpoint it's difficult living on rent while having children. The cost of rent, utility bills and other related expenses as well as having a child means he is going to be financially strained - unless he has a helping hand. It's more practical to have two people on an income as expenses can be shared between each other, lightening the pressure and stress of ensuring you have all your basic necessities rather than having to compromise every now and again.
The reality is he's going to take care of his mother whether he lives closeby or far away, as every responsible and upright man should. The travel to and fro could end up costing him no less than being where he is now, with the added stress of travelling if you force him to move away. Additionally, he's going to have to pay for the deposit for the new place and all the related moving expenses as he's the sole earner. Unless you're going to contribute financially, you're going to push him beyond his means.
Furthermore, you shouldn't put your husband in a situation where he has to choose between spending more time with you or taking care of his mother because no-one should be forced to make that choice. Relationships aren't always based on rights as you're not doing business with each other. Relationships require compromise, sacrifice and a willingness to work for a future together. Inshaa'Allah when you have children and they grow up and get married, you would want them to take care of you when you become old. Therefore, I encourage you to work together with your husband by doing what's best for both of you as this will lead to a more harmonious relationship.
w/salam
