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Thread: i am married and committed Zina
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ryaan

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salam alikum

i have made a massive mistake ive been with my partner 4 years she is a revert, we had done our Nikah over a year ago. i have been stupid enough to commit zina not once but twice with a work collegue she is single not married. i feel so down, sick and guilty as i do love my wife dearly and i feel so bad words cant describe how i feel. i promised myself i will not interact with the lady from work like that again. it botheres me so much that i didnt even sleep that well yesterday. i dont know what to do i know i must seek repentance from allah and i beg him to forgive me for my sin as i know its a big one.

what can i do i know if i tell her she will leave me thats 100% i know she loves me but thats one thing she said will do if she ever found out i cheated. what can i do to make things better should i do a kurbani and just keep praying to allah to forgive me? please help me or advice me on the right path.

jazakum allah keir
 
Salam,
Maybe I am stupid but if my future husband cheated on me there's a possibility for me that I would forgive him if I loved him and he really regreted it and showed that he did. I might be angry for a while, disappointed, let down and everything, but after a while what else husband do I have with all the memories, all the love and all the common things we have shared together? Many people forgive their partners. I believe the best thing is to tell her even though she has said that because that's a thing I would say too but not mean it (I start to feel I am a very complicated person hm). You can't lie to your wife, she deserves to know. Then it's up to her what happens. Unfortunately you did this but you can't go back in time so now you just have to try to make it better. Ask Allah (swt) for forgiveness yes, but also that he will help you in this case. It's not wrong to wish that your wife will stay if you tell her. She might, she might not, she might be away for a while, she might come back. We know nothing about the future, maybe she already has her thoughts about that you could have been unfaithful and will feel relieved for that you actually admit it? I hope that everything will be solved to the best inshallah, still I believe partners in love can forgive everything.
 
J Aaliyah said:
Salam,
Maybe I am stupid but if my future husband cheated on me there's a possibility for me that I would forgive him if I loved him and he really regreted it and showed that he did. I might be angry for a while, disappointed, let down and everything, but after a while what else husband do I have with all the memories, all the love and all the common things we have shared together? Many people forgive their partners. I believe the best thing is to tell her even though she has said that because that's a thing I would say too but not mean it (I start to feel I am a very complicated person hm). You can't lie to your wife, she deserves to know. Then it's up to her what happens. Unfortunately you did this but you can't go back in time so now you just have to try to make it better. Ask Allah (swt) for forgiveness yes, but also that he will help you in this case. It's not wrong to wish that your wife will stay if you tell her. She might, she might not, she might be away for a while, she might come back. We know nothing about the future, maybe she already has her thoughts about that you could have been unfaithful and will feel relieved for that you actually admit it? I hope that everything will be solved to the best inshallah, still I believe partners in love can forgive everything.
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Sister i disagree with you because as woman with dignity i cannot accept my husband been with an other women and come back to me it will be always in my mind and eyes hes a cheater , I dont understand if a man loves his wife why he cheated her , what difference between his wife and his girlfriend we are all women having same thing anyway
 
Alpha Dude said:
Hmm. With further thought, you're just asking for advice and a fatawa site may or may not help.

I'll allow others to advise you, but I'll keep an eye on the replies InshaAllah. Nothing counter-productive please.
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Good thank you Alpha Dude
 
Assalamu alaykum bro Ryyan,

As sad as I feel to read your post, I also feel happy that you regret your actions. Allah is forgiving, provided you repent and ask for His forgiveness from the bottom of your heart. We should conceal our sins, so don't make mention to your wife of your sin. Also your guilt is feeling like a burden, and you want to find relief by telling your wife. But what will that achieve? Apart from her testifying against you on the Day of Qiayamah, it can ruin your marriage for good. Is that wise when you regret your actions and want to change? You have to carry the burden yourself until Allah makes it easy for you, inshaAllah. On a practical note, I hope you haven't caught anything (STD). If you think there's a chance you should get tested and Allah forbid if something is wrong, you will have to tell your wife.

Please read the following articles relating to zina, repentance and forgiveness inshaAllah.


1. http://www.islamawareness.net/Repentance/
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2. http://www.themodernreligion.com/misc/hh/zina.html
Allah (SWT)'s order in the Quran to stay away from Zina.

"And those who invoke not any other god along with Allah, nor kill such life as Allah has forbidden, except for just cause, nor commit illegal sexual intercourse (zina) and whoever does this shall receive the punishment. The torment will be doubled to him on the Day of Resurrection, and he will abide therein in disgrace; except those who repent and believe and do righteous deeds, for those Allah will change their sins into good deeds, and Allah is Oft Forgiving, Most Merciful." (al-Furqaan #25, ayat #68-70)
"And come not near to unlawful sexual intercourse. Verily, it is a faahishah (a great sin) and an evil way." (Sura Al-Israa # 17 ayah # 32)
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May Allah accept yor repentance and forgive you. Ameen
 
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If ryaan wants advices from those who know better than us, it's possible to create an anonymous e-mail and send a mail to an imam. He won't know who you are and he can help you without judging.
 
:sl:

Brother I think since you are remorseful and repenting for your sins you should keep them between you and Allah. Do extra good deeds and be extra nice to your wife but look at this way, if Allah wanted her to know she would have found out.
Just pray to Allah sincerely and make a firm intention never to repeat the sin.

Allah is most forgiving if he chooses to forgive you he will conceal your sins not only here but inthe hereafter too.
 
Allah knows what you should do brother, the punishment for zina when married is very severe-its death. I dont think anyone here can tell you what to do, what would YOU do if your wife told you that?
Yes you must of course seek forgiveness from Allah but as for telling your wife- what you gonna do if you hide it from her and she finds out through someone else?

Read this inshaAllah:
http://islamqa.com/en/ref/47924/zina married
 
:sl:
repent repent and repent.
i have more to say, but best thing sometimes to do, is just shut up...
 
subahan allah guys i really didnt expect this much replies in such short time im greatfull to you all for taken the time and may allah bless you all. thank you for all your help and advice mashala this is a nice forum.

she reverted to islam and i started life as a muslim, the girl at work is not my girlfriend or anything like that it was something i done that i really do regret. alhamdulilah allah had blessed me with the a lot of things and belive me i couldnt be happier but doing my job i get a lot of female attention i keep my ring on 24/7 no matter where i go, i always say no when im offerd a date, but the situation with the lady at work is so dificult and it obviously not all her fault as we all know it takes two to tango.

last night i was up and i thought to myself for every wrong i do i should try and do as many rights as possible in order to wash it of. and try and be as nice as i can to my wife as possible and repent to allah and allah knows best. once again thank you all for your input you guys have truely made me see this forum in a diffrent light
 
my work and home life are diffrent we both live diffrent proffesional lifes so she wont find out at all. i told the girl at work its best we stay as work collegues nothing more nothing less. im avoiding her at work she tryies to email me every now and then but thats the least of my worries i just truely hope allah does forgive me for my sins
 
ryaan said:
subahan allah guys i really didnt expect this much replies in such short time im greatfull to you all for taken the time and may allah bless you all. thank you for all your help and advice mashala this is a nice forum.

she reverted to islam and i started life as a muslim, the girl at work is not my girlfriend or anything like that it was something i done that i really do regret. alhamdulilah allah had blessed me with the a lot of things and belive me i couldnt be happier but doing my job i get a lot of female attention i keep my ring on 24/7 no matter where i go, i always say no when im offerd a date, but the situation with the lady at work is so dificult and it obviously not all her fault as we all know it takes two to tango.

last night i was up and i thought to myself for every wrong i do i should try and do as many rights as possible in order to wash it of. and try and be as nice as i can to my wife as possible and repent to allah and allah knows best. once again thank you all for your input you guys have truely made me see this forum in a diffrent light
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Brother Ryan,
Are you muslim or you become muslim later and it is same for you wife?
 
:sl:
alhamdulilah allah had blessed me with the a lot of things and belive me i couldnt be happier but doing my job i get a lot of female attention i keep my ring on 24/7 no matter where i go,
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grow your beard as well. a big hairy scary one :hiding:
 
All of what I can say is try to be very sincere in your repentace brother

And I will recommend you strongly to seek the advice from a scholar to tell you exactly what to do inshaAllah
May Allah forgive you
 
i was born a muslim can some one please forward me an email address of a good schollar, i work in sales and unfortunately my beard doesnt grow although im 28?

jazak allah keir
 
ryaan said:
i was born a muslim can some one please forward me an email address of a good schollar, i work in sales and unfortunately my beard doesnt grow although im 28?

jazak allah keir
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Brother,

Which city do you live and i can advise you a schollar?

What you mean by your wife revert ?
 
I'm not going to sugarcoat it: what you did was despicable. If you were under an Islamic state you would be stoned to death. Make sure you spend you Ramadan wisely and don't let it pass without making serious repentance and increasing your ibaadah. If I were you, I would do itekaf this year as well.

Get tested for STDs before you cohabit with your wife again to make sure you didn't catch anything either.
 
:wa:

ryaan said:
... keep praying to allah to forgive me?
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Offer your sincere repentance to Allah and take all the necessary steps not to commit the sin again.

Try to change your job so that u can avoid that lady . Next time , u feel attracted to any lady , spend close time with wife and InshaAllah you can overcome the temptation for other lady. I read that and most probably it's a hadith .
 
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