I am stuck

[anonymous]

Hi.
I was in a relationship with a guy who took an oath on the Quran several times that he would marry me. I am book smart, but social intelligence is zero. I take people for their word, because I fail(ed) to believe muslims can be bad too. Especially who quote quran and sunnah constantly.
However, we all know how these things end. Mine went the same. I moved on, but the Quranic oath kept bothering me. My family introduced me to a guy and i was gonna marry him. But i just couldn't face him so i'd lash out on him for my own mistakes. I met my ex during this time a couple of times, thinking perhaps he might have realised the value of his oath (didn't do anything unethical as such). I just met him, and just tried to make sense of the situation.
Unluckily, my now to be fiance had exhumed all of my texts with my ex that i exchanged with him being in the picture . He accused me of cheating and what not..

I didn't cheat. I was looking for answers..because that person time and again took oath on the quran that he will marry me( I keep a copy of the quran in my bad bcuz i like to recite in free time).
I know im a sinner. I know everything about zina etc. I am just confused as what to do..i want to plead to Allah for forgiveness. I want to plead to Allah to make things right..but my question is, is it far fetched to ask Allah to bring back my fiance. All my life i kept myself safe from such garbage and still ended up where I didn't want..its been more than enough time. I have never been a fan of marriage in the first place. But I know, my parents are going to push me into marrying someone I don't like one bit.

 

[Eusra Fhaad inshaAllah]

May Allah make a way out for you& bless you with miraculous relief, Aameen

 

[Avis]

As far as I can tell, if you break an oath, you need to offer expiation for it. The expiation is feeding 10 poor people food on the scale of what you would feed your own family. Its obvious the guy that you had a haram relationship with is just stringing you along. If he was serious about it, he would go directly to your parents and ask for your hand as any good man would.

Break off all contact and never inquire about him, all it will do is make your situation worse. Your fiance caught you this time, what would happen to your reputation if your sins were revealed to more people?

There is nothing wrong in making dua to be reconnected to your fiance, but don't expect things to go smoothly if you keep sinning by keeping in touch with the man that you shouldn't be communicating with.

 

[anonymous]

May Allah make a way out for you& bless you with miraculous relief, Aameen

Amin..jazakallah for the dua.

 

[anonymous]

As far as I can tell, if you break an oath, you need to offer expiation for it. The expiation is feeding 10 poor people food on the scale of what you would feed your own family. Its obvious the guy that you had a haram relationship with is just stringing you along. If he was serious about it, he would go directly to your parents and ask for your hand as any good man would.

Break off all contact and never inquire about him, all it will do is make your situation worse. Your fiance caught you this time, what would happen to your reputation if your sins were revealed to more people?

There is nothing wrong in making dua to be reconnected to your fiance, but don't expect things to go smoothly if you keep sinning by keeping in touch with the man that you shouldn't be communicating with.

Salam..i just wonder if it is far fetched. Because he was hurt really bad..he thinks I talked to him as an option and that my heart was still hung up on the other guy.whereas, my mind was stuck on the fact that he put his hand on the quran and said he will marry me i lost a gem cux of my ex.. i didnt even want to talk to him in the first place..he pursued me for more than a year and the worst happened

 

[Avis]

Salam..i just wonder if it is far fetched. Because he was hurt really bad..he thinks I talked to him as an option and that my heart was still hung up on the other guy.whereas, my mind was stuck on the fact that he put his hand on the quran and said he will marry me i lost a gem cux of my ex.. i didnt even want to talk to him in the first place..he pursued me for more than a year and the worst happened

It isn't far fetched, but then again, it's possible things turned out the way they did for a reason. If I were in your shoes, I'd just let the past be the past and move on. You should just get your parents to help you find a new suitor. If you want to give your fiance another attempt, you can, but know that if he doesn't trust you before the marriage, he probably won't trust you after. I really think you should just move on, pray to Allah and beg Him to guide you to the best man for you, just don't make the mistakes of the past and this time, do it properly through your mahram.

 

[anonymous]

It isn't far fetched, but then again, it's possible things turned out the way they did for a reason. If I were in your shoes, I'd just let the past be the past and move on. You should just get your parents to help you find a new suitor. If you want to give your fiance another attempt, you can, but know that if he doesn't trust you before the marriage, he probably won't trust you after. I really think you should just move on, pray to Allah and beg Him to guide you to the best man for you, just don't make the mistakes of the past and this time, do it properly through your mahram.

They have found a new suitor but i dont like him a single bit.. i reallly liked my fiance. And compared to him, the current person is coal. (As i called my fiance a gem earlier)

 

[anonymous]

It isn't far fetched, but then again, it's possible things turned out the way they did for a reason. If I were in your shoes, I'd just let the past be the past and move on. You should just get your parents to help you find a new suitor. If you want to give your fiance another attempt, you can, but know that if he doesn't trust you before the marriage, he probably won't trust you after. I really think you should just move on, pray to Allah and beg Him to guide you to the best man for you, just don't make the mistakes of the past and this time, do it properly through your mahram.

And by far fetched, i mean is it allowed in ISLAM to make such dua ? My life is nothing but pain, and mistakes. He was the only good thing that ever happened to me.and my obssession ruined it

- - - Updated - - -

And a mutual friend said that it is impossible that he might come back.even though he is man with a past. But society demands only women to be pious

 

[Eusra Fhaad inshaAllah]

And by far fetched, i mean is it allowed in ISLAM to make such dua ? My life is nothing but pain, and mistakes. He was the only good thing that ever happened to me.and my obssession ruined it- - - Updated - - -And a mutual friend said that it is impossible that he might come back.even though he is man with a past. But society demands only women to be pious

Allah's mercy be prevailing on us in the hard times we are facing day by day.And His Forgiveness with Love that brings our loved ones back!Aameen

 

[anonymous]

Allah's mercy be prevailing on us in the hard times we are facing day by day.And His Forgiveness with Love that brings our loved ones back!Aameen

Thanku for the dua ..please in these last few nights of Ramadan make special dua for me that i get the guy i like back..i dont wanto marry this guy my parents have chosen and i will be in hell if i end up marrying him..please make dua i get the guy i want.plese

 

[Avis]

And by far fetched, i mean is it allowed in ISLAM to make such dua ? My life is nothing but pain, and mistakes. He was the only good thing that ever happened to me.and my obssession ruined it

- - - Updated - - -

And a mutual friend said that it is impossible that he might come back.even though he is man with a past. But society demands only women to be pious

Nothing is far fetched when it comes to making dua to Allah. As long as you're not asking for anything Haram, you are okay to make any request.

As for any new suitor, don't let the man that got away cloud your perception of any new man. Not saying that you've done that with the new guy that your parents found, just warning you caution because the shaytaan is always at work and will always try to make things difficult. Looks are important, but focus on any new suitors deen and manners and his ability to provide for you above his looks. Looks are important, just remember there is no such thing as perfect.

I recommend you give your ex-fiance one more attempt and have your father speak to him, this is assuming he knows why your ex broke off the engagement.

Finally, don't dwell on your life being pain and mistakes, we all make mistakes, over and over, my own life is a library of mistakes. Even now, I keep wanting to do things I shouldn't, and if I told you my history, it would probably bring you to tears, but I don't dwell on it as much as I used to, I've come to be a little more patient and trust in Allah more than I ever have (though nowhere near enough) and my life has dramatically become much more peaceful. It's not easy, but I don't stress as I used to.

 

[anonymous]

Nothing is far fetched when it comes to making dua to Allah. As long as you're not asking for anything Haram, you are okay to make any request.

As for any new suitor, don't let the man that got away cloud your perception of any new man. Not saying that you've done that with the new guy that your parents found, just warning you caution because the shaytaan is always at work and will always try to make things difficult. Looks are important, but focus on any new suitors deen and manners and his ability to provide for you above his looks. Looks are important, just remember there is no such thing as perfect.

I recommend you give your ex-fiance one more attempt and have your father speak to him, this is assuming he knows why your ex broke off the engagement.

Finally, don't dwell on your life being pain and mistakes, we all make mistakes, over and over, my own life is a library of mistakes. Even now, I keep wanting to do things I shouldn't, and if I told you my history, it would probably bring you to tears, but I don't dwell on it as much as I used to, I've come to be a little more patient and trust in Allah more than I ever have (though nowhere near enough) and my life has dramatically become much more peaceful. It's not easy, but I don't stress as I used to.

In every sense this new suitor is zero.i feel like its a punishment. Looks is the last thing i consider. But he is financially unstable, hardly makes ends meet, according to his mother she needs someone to run the house now to cook to clean so she can rest..i knkw since he is poor they will tell me to work as well. Education is mediocre. Religion wise he isnt great. Missed a couple of fasts because he over slept.. says hasnt even finished quran not even once.. i know i am gonna be unhappy with this guy..utterly unhappy..i said if we could move overseas he said not a chance.

I might be obssessing again. But the thing is, the instant i got my act together it ended. I was jn a horrible state emotionally.. i cant ask my parents to tak to him,cuz they dont know why things ended.

 

[Labayk]

The very best advice that I or anyone on this forum could give with regards to any marriage issues is make istikharah. Pray two rakahs and recite the Dua:

"O Allah, I seek counsel from your knowledge and from your power I seek strength, and I ask you from your immense favor for surely you are able while I am not and surely you know while I do not and you are the knower of all things. O Allah, if in your knowledge (such and such)[In this case..."getting married to so and so"] is good for me in relation to my deen my life and my end then decree and facilitate it for me and bless me with it, and if it is bad for me in my deen, my life and end then keep it away from me and keep me away from it and grant me what is good wherever it may be ameen."

Say this Dua and leave it to Allah. Make the firm intention that if it is good you will definitely go for it and if it isn't you will be happy to stay away from it. Don't worry about possibility with Allah. Allah is capable of all things. Notice how the dua says grant me what is good wherever it is from. This way, if the next suitor is bad for you, Allah will keep him away.

Make istikharah for any marriage decision. In fact, make istikharah for every decision. I honestly have no idea how people walk around on this planet without istikharah. I have never made a decision based on istikharah that I later regretted and the situation always works out eventually. I've made plenty of decisions without istikharah that I definitely did regret

 

[anonymous]

The very best advice that I or anyone on this forum could give with regards to any marriage issues is make istikharah. Pray two rakahs and recite the Dua:

"O Allah, I seek counsel from your knowledge and from your power I seek strength, and I ask you from your immense favor for surely you are able while I am not and surely you know while I do not and you are the knower of all things. O Allah, if in your knowledge (such and such)[In this case..."getting married to so and so"] is good for me in relation to my deen my life and my end then decree and facilitate it for me and bless me with it, and if it is bad for me in my deen, my life and end then keep it away from me and keep me away from it and grant me what is good wherever it may be ameen."

Say this Dua and leave it to Allah. Make the firm intention that if it is good you will definitely go for it and if it isn't you will be happy to stay away from it. Don't worry about possibility with Allah. Allah is capable of all things. Notice how the dua says grant me what is good wherever it is from. This way, if the next suitor is bad for you, Allah will keep him away.

Make istikharah for any marriage decision. In fact, make istikharah for every decision. I honestly have no idea how people walk around on this planet without istikharah. I have never made a decision based on istikharah that I later regretted and the situation always works out eventually. I've made plenty of decisions without istikharah that I definitely did regret

I had prayed and made istikhara when the 2nd proposal came. But i dont know the answer yet..how do i know?

 

[MazharShafiq]

Wertuyuy

 

[Revert alYunani]

what answers were you looking for? You were about to be engaged,you said you moved on,yet you were chatting looking for answers about what??

in my opinion leave the guy go.He deserves better.Ask Allah to forgive you and to help you not be like this again.

 

[anonymous]

what answers were you looking for? You were about to be engaged,you said you moved on,yet you were chatting looking for answers about what??

in my opinion leave the guy go.He deserves better.Ask Allah to forgive you and to help you not be like this again.

Answers to the fact that someone can actually put their hand on the quran and make a false oath. It was overwhelming because i had never talked to a boy before him. He knew my mental status, my attachment with the Quran and used it for his own benefit..how can anyone do that? And the guy you say deserves better is no saint either.. issue is, i dont have a problem with his past and present.. i knew he went out with other girls and perhaps some gf, but i trusted him enough. Be kind brother.

 

[Revert alYunani]

Answers to the fact that someone can actually put their hand on the quran and make a false oath. It was overwhelming because i had never talked to a boy before him. He knew my mental status, my attachment with the Quran and used it for his own benefit..how can anyone do that? And the guy you say deserves better is no saint either.. issue is, i dont have a problem with his past and present.. i knew he went out with other girls and perhaps some gf, but i trusted him enough. Be kind brother.

But still this was already over so you shouldnt have agreed to engage the other guy if you still didnt get your answers or had feelings for the first one. I know its not easy, i have had feelings for girls before and i have been cheated too but i would never drag it into my engagment in shaa Allah. Because when you are settled with a person you dedicate everything to him/her.If he goes out with girls or perhaps gf then its you who deserves better and you shouldnt settle with such people.

 

[anonymous]

But still this was already over so you shouldnt have agreed to engage the other guy if you still didnt get your answers or had feelings for the first one. I know its not easy, i have had feelings for girls before and i have been cheated too but i would never drag it into my engagment in shaa Allah. Because when you are settled with a person you dedicate everything to him/her.If he goes out with girls or perhaps gf then its you who deserves better and you shouldnt settle with such people.

You are right. But if your gf left u hanging in the middle of the road without explanation, it might bother u aswell. I had never bothered with people leaving me. I moved on from friendships in a jiffy. But this thing bothered me to an extent that i started to inflict self harm..i thought something was wrong with me no one could be so evil to put their hand on the quran and then flee like that. In my opinion it was wrong of me to think of the ex while i was getting engaged to anothr guy. So i wanted to close the chapter for good. My only aim to meet him ws to cut the cord so that i could give my 100 pc to my fiance. I used to cry whenever i talked to my fiance..i didnt want that..