Thank you so much. I have felt really weird all day. I´m trying to find a way to talk to God but somehow I feel like a liar because I love someone I´m not even married to right now. I will go against my parents wish. Does not Islam say that you always have to listen to your mother. I am confused. What she wants, I don´t want. I find myself wishing I would be born in another country, another culture, into a family that are muslims. Guess I am in some kind of prosess.
Greeting sister,
Surely God is guiding you to the right path and this is why you are feeling yourself drawn to Islam. This is a true blessing as there is nothing better than having true untainted faith in the oneness of God and of the finality and seal of his Prophets and Messengers - the Prophet Muhammad (Peace & blessings be upon him). He does not guide everyone only those whom he chooses. He says in the Qur'an that if he wanted he can guide the whole of mankind and even forcibly incline their hearts to Islam. However that goes against the purpose of life in that we are given freewill and are being tested and there are many who know deep down that Islam is the truth but other factors prevent them from accepting like you mentioned regarding what will others think and say. This is nothing but doubts that satan whispers into the ears so divert a person from accepting the truth. However many others are prevented due to arrogance in their hearts.
There is no doubt there will always be many challenge's for those who are considering reverting to Islam. These are different from challenges born Muslims go through. However know that there are rewards without measure for those Muslims who overcome trials, hurdles and hardships.
Allah tells us in the Qur'an that we will not just be left on the Earth to say "we accept faith" and that we will just be left alone. The purpose of this life is that we are meant to go through many types of trials and hardships but those who patiently persevere will be rewarded without measure. Remember also that a person who accepts Islam then all of their previous sins are forgiven and wiped out as if they were a new born baby.
Family are of course very important and Islam gives a lot of importance to parents, siblings and family especially in terms of maintaining ties of kinship and honourable treatment of parents. However know that there is no obedience to parents or family if they order you to do something that goes against Islam. Your parents will always have the right over you for you to honour and respect them regardless of their objections against your reversion but you do not have to obey them if they prevent you from practicing your faith or marrying an upright Muslim.
It can be very difficult for parents and family to accept reversion to a faith that is alien to them. A faith whose image has been completely tarnished by media lies and propoganda. Do the majority of people are ignorant to what Islam is truly about. They only know about it from what the media portrays in relation to terrorism, barbarism, archaic ways etc. However those who do look into Islam are completely shocked when they realise that in reality Islam is nothing like what they thought it was and that it is actually a beautiful way of life which makes complete sense. Muslims can also give a wrong and bad impression of Islam but we must realise that Muslims are just people with the same flaws and weaknesses as everyone else. So we must not judge Islam based purely on the behaviour of certain "ignorant Muslims".
So be patient with your family as they may react badly at first as it will come as a shock to them but this time s completely normal. When they see a change in your for the better they will eventually accept that Islam has changed you for the better and they will eventually come around inshaAllah. Also many reverts have eventually managed to convince certain family members to accept Islam especially when they see the positive effect it has upon them. So give them time to come around. Friends, colleagues etc will also similarly be shocked but again when they see the positive changes within you then this is the best Dawah (Inviting to Islam) to non Muslims.
Also know that your parents being non Muslims do not have the same status as a Muslim parent when it comes to gaining permission from them in order for you to marry a Muslim with regards to the requirement of a Wali (Male Guardian) from amongst the Male members of your immediate family.
So you do not need their permission in order to marry a Muslim man. However consult with them and try to get them to accept it but if they don't then it is irrelevant as you can still marry a Muslim man via a Wali being appointed for you in the form of an Islamic Judge (Qadhi), if not then Imaam or at least a knowledgeable and pious person at your local Islamic centre or Mosque. The only other requirement is to have two sane Male witnesses. This is something they can also arrange or they can be from your husband's side.
Islam is growing in the West. People will always be ignorant towards minorities but again this is the test of this life. Allah wants to see which of his servants choose him and priorities wanting to solely please him over anyone else. Look we can spend our entire lives trying to please family, friends, society just so that we can feel "accepted" but we will never be pleased or satisfied because the reality is that humans will always let us down. However our creator will never let us down. He loves us 70 times more than our own Mother's love us. We cannot comprehend his love for us. He wants to guide us and for us to be successful in this life and the next. It will not benefit him for he does not need us but we need him and out of his love for us he wants us to be closer to him and for his to devote ourselves fully for him and to remember and glorify him abundantly - that is where the secret to contentment of the heart comes from. The hearts devoid of his remembrance will always feel a void.
I understand that these will be nervous times for you especially knowing how your family, friends, colleagues and the community may react to your reversion but know that nothing else is more important than the one who created us and has given us everything we have and is continuing to provide and sustain us. Whose happiness is then more important to us? Those who are lost and are then guidance are truly blessed. Allah chose you out of so many others to incline your heart towards him. What can be better than this? So do not allow anything or anyone to stop you from accepting the truth. Take each day as it comes. Satan is the enemy of mankind and he will continue to try and mess with your mind and to give you all sorts of doubts but you must be strong and ignore him. Open your heart to Allah by raising your hands and ask of him for guidance as he listens to all prayers.
I would also suggest that you contact your local Mosque's/Islamic centres or those in your region to request if there are any Muslim sisters you can get in touch with whom can help you. There are sisters circles especially for new reverts set up by many Mosques and Islamic centres in the west so call around and God willing you will find one because it is very important to have a network of support especially from those who have already been through or are also currently going through what you will go through soon rather than going through all this on your own.
Please be aware that there is a number of people who call themselves "Ahmediyya" Muslims in Norway and they also have a few Mosque's but it is unanimously agreed upon that they are NOT Muslim's due to their deviant beliefs. I did not want to go into this before you even reverted but it is very important to highlight this incase you get misled by any of these deviants. They have two known buildings of worship:
1. Noor Mosque in Oslo
2. Baitun Nasr Mosque also in Oslo.
They may have a few other Mosques around. Also stay away from Shia Mosques. Again they are a deviant sect. There's two in Oslo Tauheed Mosque and Islamic Centre Oslo.
Stick to Islamic cultural Centre Norway:
https://www.islamic.no/
Regarding your reversion then please look at this thread:
Never Delay Reverting to Islam!
Finally regarding your partner then please urge him that if he is serious about wanting to be with you then he will inform his family immediately so you can arrange your Nikah as soon as possible. There is no blessing in continuing a relationship outside of marriage especially if you have already established that you want to be together for the rest of your lives. It is a sin upon him as he is Muslim and pre marital relationships are not allowed in Islam and for good reasons too especially to protect women from predatory men who prey upon their emotional side and give them dreams and hopes of a wonderful life together only for those women to be torn apart when they realise it was all an act and that they had been used, abused and discarded. This can truly tear apart and scar a woman. Islam wants to protect them from this because unfortunately once one becomes blinded by "love" then one easily ignores the signs and then it becomes difficult to leave even though that person may not be good for them. So a sign for how serious a man is about you is to confront them about pursuing marriage as soon as possible if they are serious about you. If they come up with all sorts of excuses and keep trying to delay it then that is a clear sign they are not serious about you.
So please do the right thing in this regard and you will find blessings in it. But do not allow him or any man to unnecessarily delay marriage with you as that is a sign that they are not serious about wanting to be with you and that they just want to fulfill their desires and use you. It doesn't necessarily mean you will end up with him as many revert sisters don't in the end that all depends upon destiny as it maybe that it is better for you both that you do not end up together as you may have a destructive marriage and when children get involved then it becomes far more difficult. So pray to Allah that he does what is best for you in this regard and whether he is the right person for you to marry and spend your life with.
I hope that helped inshaAllah. Please let us know if you need any further help, advice or resources.
