I am torn...

G

georgiabruce

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Hello,

assalamualaikum!

I am a 16 year old female living in east london of a ghanaian (african) background. In 2016, I met a male who became very close to me and introduced me to the truth of islam. Before him, I had no idea what Islam was really about, and over the months leading into 2017 I was considering reverting to Islam and actually almost took my shahada.

However, I didn't want to take any steps without informing my mother and father, whom are both form a Christian household. I was scared. Scared because I had heard numberous stories of parents disowning children for reverting to Islam. I knew my parents were slightly close minded only because they are so hooked on tradition and it would be 'out of the norm' to have a revert in the family, even though my parents are familiar with muslims, especially 25% of Ghana belonging to Muslims.

At the same time, I found myself constantly reminding myself that this is between me and Allah. No one else. So I remained silent, with a plan to reveal my conversion once i'm 18, to my parents, they won't see me as a young child anymore and won't try to change my mind. This is where I became torn. Tomorrow isn't promised, and I prayed Allah would guide me.

Months went on and I found myself in a conversation with my father about what type of man I should marry. He said and I quote, 'Do not bring a man home that practices Islam.'

These words broke my heart. And to be 100% honest, I considered leaving Islam behind, questioning it as a phase. But deep down, I knew where my heart is.

I'm confused. Torn and lost. I don't know who to go to. Can I please get some advice?

Thank you

p.s. I still haven't taken my shahada.
 
za0k-1.png
 
O_0

...why would your parents think you would marry a muslim?
..
..
Clever clever parents.

Seems like you had the right intention to begin with.
..
..
Clever clever women.

Im sure you will do just fine.

Your choices are your own.
 
Last edited:
georgiabruce said:
Thank you so much brother!

Your post really sparked some hope for me. My next concerns are studying Islam.

Where do I begin?
Click to expand...

I can't respond back in PMs because i am a limited member so here is my answer.

Sister, the most important beliefs in Islam are these


  1. Belief in Allah, The Only God (this is Tawheed)
  2. Belief in the Angels
  3. Belief in Holy Books (Taurat (the book of Jews), Gospel/Injeel (which christians know as Bible) and Holy Quran) - We do believe in these books that they were from Allah but they become altered and modified by humans because Allah didn't promise to protect them and they were for a certain period of time/an era until the Last Messenger Mohammad (peace be upon him) came. Holy Quran is a revelation from Allah and Allah has promised its protection since its message is for eternity so it can never be altered and will serve as the last book of guidance.
  4. Belief in the Prophets (this includes Prophet Adam (peace be upon him), Noah, Moses and all the other prophets mentioned in Holy Quran (peace be upon them all) and Prophet Jesus (Peace be upon him), we consider him to be a Prophet and a man. And Prophet Mohammad (peace be upon him) as the last Messenger.
  5. Belief in the Day of Judgement (Afterlife, hell and heaven)
  6. Belief in God's predestination (Fate)

The five pillars of Islam are

Shahada: Faith
Salat : Prayer ( teaching how to do it is beyond the scope of this reply. You should learn this and pray as soon as you are able)
Zakat : Charity (if you're not rich and you're young too so it doesn't apply to you yet)
Swam : Fasting (in month of ramadan which was in June, won't be until next year)
Hajj : Pilgramage to Mecca (if you can afford it, doesn't concern you now )

These are easy enough and i believe you already believe in some of them. The next step that you need and is a guarantee from Allah that you will never be misguided if you do that is reading the Holy Quran with understanding. Allah says in Holy Quran (interpretation of meaning)

And hold firmly to the rope of Allah all together and do not become divided. And remember the favor of Allah upon you - when you were enemies and He brought your hearts together and you became, by His favor, brothers. And you were on the edge of a pit of the Fire, and He saved you from it. Thus does Allah make clear to you His verses that you may be guided.
-Surah Al-Imran - Verse 103

Reciting in Arabic is best and even if you don't understand it, you are still rewarded good deeds just for reciting it. But you can read it in a language you understand, it will never have the same effect if you read its translation or interpretation though because it's done by human. When you read it in Arabic even if you don't understand it, you can feel an effect - i don't know how to describe it - because it's the word of our Lord Allah.

I don't know if you can recite in arabic so it might be challenging so you can begin with reading it in your language while you try to learn arabic reading. But when you do read the translation, make sure you read the Tafsir which gives historical background and context of why and when a particular verse was revealed upon Mohammad (PBUH). Every Ayat (verse) in Holy Quran has so much context and deeper meaning that you can not understand it and can become confused. I recommend this site quran.com - you can choose translations in your language, tafsir etc. if you can not grab a local copy of Holy Quran.

My post is getting lengthy so i will end with the most important message that you should remember. Islam is an easy religion so at any point, things become difficult or you can not do something just remember this. Resort to your Imaan(belief) i.e belief in Allah and Last Messenger Prophet (PBUH) and ask for Allah's forgiveness and help with sincerity. And He will forgive your sins, i am not saying this, it would be a big claim from me and i dare not say anything about Islam from my own opinions but Allah says in Holy Quran about His Mercy and Forgiveness!. InshaAllah, He has guided you this far, the rest of the journey is easier.

It would have been easier to explain this in real life so if you can find some Muslim, that will be best but if you can't, i'll try my best to explain.

@M.I.A. Brother, be kind to her. She is a new muslim and as she explained her situation, she must be going through a difficult time so we must help her. At age 16, i was a confused teen, SubhanAllah, she is seeking truth and is so smart at a young age than i have been, i can't imagine how difficult her situation must be - to be a new muslim at such a young age. So convey the message of Allah in a way that He has guided us to.
 
georgiabruce said:
Hello,

assalamualaikum!

I am a 16 year old female living in east london of a ghanaian (african) background. In 2016, I met a male who became very close to me and introduced me to the truth of islam. Before him, I had no idea what Islam was really about, and over the months leading into 2017 I was considering reverting to Islam and actually almost took my shahada.

However, I didn't want to take any steps without informing my mother and father, whom are both form a Christian household. I was scared. Scared because I had heard numberous stories of parents disowning children for reverting to Islam. I knew my parents were slightly close minded only because they are so hooked on tradition and it would be 'out of the norm' to have a revert in the family, even though my parents are familiar with muslims, especially 25% of Ghana belonging to Muslims.

At the same time, I found myself constantly reminding myself that this is between me and Allah. No one else. So I remained silent, with a plan to reveal my conversion once i'm 18, to my parents, they won't see me as a young child anymore and won't try to change my mind. This is where I became torn. Tomorrow isn't promised, and I prayed Allah would guide me.

Months went on and I found myself in a conversation with my father about what type of man I should marry. He said and I quote, 'Do not bring a man home that practices Islam.'

These words broke my heart. And to be 100% honest, I considered leaving Islam behind, questioning it as a phase. But deep down, I knew where my heart is.

I'm confused. Torn and lost. I don't know who to go to. Can I please get some advice?

Thank you

p.s. I still haven't taken my shahada.
Click to expand...
I will give you this Hadith as advice my sister.
"Whoever sought the pleasure of Allah by incurring the wrath of the people,Allah will suffice him and protect him from the people,but whosoever pleases the people by displeasing Allah,Allah will leave him to the people."
Tirmidhi -2414
 
Brother [MENTION=41470]STN[/MENTION], jazakallah khair for your answer and putting so much effort into replying, alhamdulillah.

And welcome to the forum.
 
Thank you all for the support. I will continue to learn Inshallah and if I have any concerns I will voice them
 
georgiabruce said:
Hello,

assalamualaikum!

I am a 16 year old female living in east london of a ghanaian (african) background. In 2016, I met a male who became very close to me and introduced me to the truth of islam. Before him, I had no idea what Islam was really about, and over the months leading into 2017 I was considering reverting to Islam and actually almost took my shahada.

However, I didn't want to take any steps without informing my mother and father, whom are both form a Christian household. I was scared. Scared because I had heard numberous stories of parents disowning children for reverting to Islam. I knew my parents were slightly close minded only because they are so hooked on tradition and it would be 'out of the norm' to have a revert in the family, even though my parents are familiar with muslims, especially 25% of Ghana belonging to Muslims.

At the same time, I found myself constantly reminding myself that this is between me and Allah. No one else. So I remained silent, with a plan to reveal my conversion once i'm 18, to my parents, they won't see me as a young child anymore and won't try to change my mind. This is where I became torn. Tomorrow isn't promised, and I prayed Allah would guide me.

Months went on and I found myself in a conversation with my father about what type of man I should marry. He said and I quote, 'Do not bring a man home that practices Islam.'

These words broke my heart. And to be 100% honest, I considered leaving Islam behind, questioning it as a phase. But deep down, I knew where my heart is.

I'm confused. Torn and lost. I don't know who to go to. Can I please get some advice?

Thank you

p.s. I still haven't taken my shahada.
Click to expand...

I suggest warming your parents up to the idea of Muslims and Islam. You don't have to tell them you're converting yet, but you can at least see why they feel the way they feel and have open discussions about Muslims. Whether you convert today or next year may not make a huge difference in how they will react, but at least they may understand where you're coming from because you discussed it with them from before. You will always be their daughter and they will always be your parents, and they may get angry or be confused, but they will come around inshallah. You also do not have to tell them about your conversion right away until you feel comfortable and strong enough to do so. You already feel Muslim in your heart so you can just make your shahada inshallah. Don't think too far ahead about marriage and these things. You first have to get through this and establish yourself before having to think about the next challenge with your parents lol.
 
:wa:

my dear sister you are old enough not to be swayed by arguments against Islam when ALlah has opened your heart to it and deep down you know it is the Truth from your maker, therefore just tell your dad that your muslim but if you fear disownment than wait till your 18 and you dont have to talk about marriage to him till then
 
عليكم السلام ورحمة اللّه وبركاته..

dear sister, i think you should introduce islam to your parents as your friends introduced you to islam. though it will be tough if your parents are slightly close minded, though. maybe theyll get mad, but when they see you happy, i think theyll be happy too. they are tight, but they are your parents.

you are stronger than me. i am 27 and dont think i could do the same (converting, or thinking about converting) if i were in your situation because i born in muslim family. and if you pass this hardship, youre the strongest. pleas dont stop, or everything you did will just fade..

may allah ease your pain and grant you the strength to get through hardships you going through..
 
georgiabruce said:
Hello,

assalamualaikum!

I am a 16 year old female living in east london of a ghanaian (african) background. In 2016, I met a male who became very close to me and introduced me to the truth of islam. Before him, I had no idea what Islam was really about, and over the months leading into 2017 I was considering reverting to Islam and actually almost took my shahada.

However, I didn't want to take any steps without informing my mother and father, whom are both form a Christian household. I was scared. Scared because I had heard numberous stories of parents disowning children for reverting to Islam. I knew my parents were slightly close minded only because they are so hooked on tradition and it would be 'out of the norm' to have a revert in the family, even though my parents are familiar with muslims, especially 25% of Ghana belonging to Muslims.

At the same time, I found myself constantly reminding myself that this is between me and Allah. No one else. So I remained silent, with a plan to reveal my conversion once i'm 18, to my parents, they won't see me as a young child anymore and won't try to change my mind. This is where I became torn. Tomorrow isn't promised, and I prayed Allah would guide me.

Months went on and I found myself in a conversation with my father about what type of man I should marry. He said and I quote, 'Do not bring a man home that practices Islam.'

These words broke my heart. And to be 100% honest, I considered leaving Islam behind, questioning it as a phase. But deep down, I knew where my heart is.

I'm confused. Torn and lost. I don't know who to go to. Can I please get some advice?

Thank you

p.s. I still haven't taken my shahada.
Click to expand...

Welcome my dear sister. Alhamdulillah (All praise is to Allah) that he is guiding you towards complete submission unto him out of so many other people in the world. If Allah wanted then he can guide the whole of mankind but many reject his guidance out of pure ignorance and arrogance. But Allah has inclined your heart towards the truth. No doubt our enemy satan will try to put many obstacles in our paths to either delay or prevent us from affirming the proclamation of faith such as "What will your family say? What will your friends and peers say? What will others think?

But my sister if we acknowledge the truth in that we accept and believe in Allah and the fact that he has no partners and is one. That we accept all the Messengers and Prophets and the revelations and scriptures that were given to them up to the last Prophet of mankind Prophet Muhammad (Peace and blessings of Allah be upon him). That we believe in the Angels whom were created to serve and worship Allah. That we believe in the Hereafter and that we will be gathered together on the Day of Judgement. That we believe in Predestination in that only Allah has the knowledge of all that will happen.

Then my sister we already believe! What matters is what we believe in our hearts. Then nothing should stop us from proclaiming the truth with our tongue in the form of the Shahada. No obstacle can stop us from this. Remember that satan the deceiver wants us to delay it until we die or he manages to prevent us in one way or another until death over takes us. Therefore the truth must never be allowed to be delayed just over trivial matters. It maybe that your parents never accept you becoming a Muslim or it may take a prolonged period before they accept you becoming a Muslim.

Therefore what matters most is that you accept the shahada then deal with how you will tell your family whether it is a phased approach or totally upfront. But remember they may react very badly but you should realise it can be natural for some parents especially if they never expected such a thing to happen. So do not delay your shahada just because of what your families reaction should be. Accept the shahada because you believe in Islam in your heart and then ask of Allah to help you break it to your family in the best way and manner possible. But as I mentioned before this is something that may take a while. Therefore it and nothing else should stop you from proclaiming what you feel in yuor heart as you are just proclaiming it with the tongue.

If you have any questions or need any help or advice with anything at all then please do not hesitate to ask.

I hope you find the following thread useful:

Very useful Islamic information and resources for reverts:

Very useful Islamic Information for Reverts
 
Assalamu alaikum wa rahmatullah wa barakatuh. I will advice to keep your faith in Allah, trust him and he will guide you, take your shahada and in shaa Allah it will all be fine. Stay strong.
 
My dear assalamu alaikum.
You dont worry on anything and till you find a way to be free from that pressure you are allowed to keep your revert to islam as a secret. So you do not reveal it with people if you are fear of happening something bad. And islam we learn that we should respect our parents but dnt worship idols or marry who is not a muslim.
So I suggest you to try posepon your marriage by other reasons such as studies graduation etc. Then you have to ask Allah(swt) to change the mind of your family.
And slowly and with friendly smile try to speak about islam with them. But if they dnt like to speak about that stop it and speak another day.
So,you should try to do it by making them happy with gifts and love. Psycologically and mentally you should try to impress them.
That is the only one way you can do. And suddenly you cannot do anything without thinking. Your efforts should be very effective.
All the best friend. Salams.
 

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