I am trying to make my husband happy.

[wifeofamuslim]

My husband and I got married nine years ago it has never been easy.  I at the time of my marriage was inactive in my faith which was a form a Christianity which was not Trinitarian based.   He had taken Shihaddah prior to our marriage and I was actually happy that I would not have to worry about birthdays and Christmas because I really believed they were pagan practices we were so happy the last couple of years.  Then I got pregnant with my son.  He immediately started to be extremely religious.  In the years preceding he forced me to tell my parents that I had premaritial sex with him and as a result I was shunned from my original faith. (This still has a wedge in my relationship with my family.  Remember I kept it a secret he forced me to tell them after we were already married.)  He has tried to have me go back but after that I guess I just have lost faith period.  As he went back I realized he cut out drinking and he began praying by prostration.  I respected his faith.  I even went to the Masjid with him on several occasions for Jumah.  The Majid that he originally went to was kind coed.  He now goes to one where everyone is separate.  Either way I started doing online research some of the the things I liked about Islam but others I have fundamental personal problems with.  I really have heard all sorts of things about Mohammad that really do not sit right with me.  Not that any of the prophets were great but lets just say ignorance is blissful.  We know just enough about Mohammad where my stomach does not turn.  I found my self loving to read about the historical background and the information around the Arabs instead of reading the Quran first, which is a good read.  But by enveloping myself in history the Quran does not seem inspired but just common sense.  I understand Khadijah was a Christian and all the stories I have read are extremely close to the understanding that I had when I read the bible.  Down to spitting out the Jews because of their lukewarm whiny spirit. (I am not anti-semetic but new testament and old testament words)  Here is my question I have a problem reconciling myself to follow Mohammad.  His book is great but that is a fundamental point in Islam to accept him as your prophet and as the perfect example of what a man should be and as a rational human being I have problems with that.  There is no prophet in the bible that commands that exclusivity and exact ability to my knowledge.  Either way here is my first dilemma as a woman who has personal fundamental issues with the prophet and  Ahadith (some stories are deplorable) change perception as him as person so that I will be more inclined to take Shahadiah for my husband because I know that is what he wants.<br>Second thing I went on a Facebook rant because my husband was adding random Muslims he did not know some of which were Muslim females.  One woman said to read surah AlNisa in the Quran my husband is currently attending a Salafi mosque.  She then told me that I need to give my husband his rights.  She told me I need to give him up to 4 wives if he wants them.  I said hold up pump your breaks I am not sharing that is not how we entered into this marriage and not why I plan on leaving it.  As a woman who is married to a muslim man if I do take Shahaddahh do I have to stay if he decides to practice polygamy according to the Quran?  She told me I was sad because I would not let him have more then one. I am just putting this out there I am trying to believe but people are making difficult. <br>

 

[*charisma*]

Hello and welcome to the forums

Firstly, I think it's great that you are trying to learn more about Islam, whether it's for your own personal benefit or so that you can please your husband and save your marriage.

I'm having trouble with the way you're husband is behaving as it's not a way a Muslim should behave, especially with his wife. Of course, this is from your side of the story that I am judging. Maybe there are some things I am over looking and of course there are many things I do not know within the specifics of your marriage.

I don't think your husband should have told your family about you both having premarital sex as that is a sin, and something anyone would feel shameful about, which should be concealed by him and by you. So he's made a mistake on his part by spreading both of your sins to others.

He also should not be mixing freely with other women, nor should he be thinking of having another woman if he is being unjust to you. Perhaps, he feels he needs a partner who will help him practice his religion better, but if that's the case, then he should introduce you to Islam and be kind to you, not harsh.

With that being said, I feel that some of what you know about Islam is a little misconstrued and wrong. I hope you will stay here and learn more about Islam from real Muslims who have been practicing Islam for years and are knowledgeable with the Quran and hadith. I feel that you are interested but some things may not be sitting well with you because they do not seem logical or seem a little disgusting, which is easily understood because there are many sites that bash islam and give the wrong information to make it seem exactly this way. Many Muslims do not follow this religion by blind faith, the ones that do are the ones that are not practicing it correctly, if at all. We actually have knowledge about many religions comparing and contrasting, in order to teach others about our religion and to understand others with different beliefs, as well as doing our own soul searching.

I am really glad you posted, and I do look forward to any questions or misconceptions you might have about islam so that we may teach you our way of life correctly.

I think after you know more about Islam, you need to communicate to your husband that what he is doing is not Islamic. There's no extremism in our religion, anyone who goes below or above what is necessary and recommended according to quran and sunnah, is not considered a true Muslim. He should not abuse your relationship or grant himself self-righteousness and excuse himself to speak to other women whether he is married or not, and it's even worse that he is married because he has no valid reason to do so.

 

[Muslim Woman]

Salaam/ Peace

Welcome here.

feel free to ask about Islam . Also browse the forum pl.
God Willing , ur many misconceptions about the last Prophet pbuh will be removed .

 

[Amat Allah]

Welcome to Islamic board sister as a new precious member of the family...

Our beloved sister Charisma said it well, Alhamdulilah so, no need for me to say more than that but please, ask away honey and shy not and humbly, we will try our best to help ya after Allah, In'shaa Allah.

Just one humble advice before ending this post of mine my darling; when it comes to a way of life then do it out of conviction (self-conviction) not for anyone's sake ever...it is your life honey...

If you really wanna know the right way then return to Him The Exalted (Our Creator) and pray; O God if you are really there hearing me now; guide me and if that prayer would be sincere and true then trust me you won't be disappointed cause you have returned to Him The Most Compassionate The Most Merciful Whom belongs to Him all Might and Majesty...

May Allah lead your way to the path of the endless true happiness Ameeen

Take the best care of yourself sweetie...

Leaving ya under Allah's sight, care and protection...

Humbly and with all respect, your sister :

Amat Allah.