I can't deal with my mom

[Pinky]

I am 33 still at home with parents and recently they have some more health issues but not too bad. I feel like I given up any life that I should or could have just to keep my mum satisfied. My dads not so intrusive but he always agrees with mum. I am the youngest sister and unmarried but I'm fine with that. Just some back story, my older sister messed up her life a bit and my parents have been put through hell because of her. She has gone away for a while and it is so peaceful now. Anyway, my mum, lost all trust in her which is understandable, but what is upsetting for me is that my mum takes it all out on me. She says horrible things to me which are all untrue, if I say something to defend myself she says that I want to do same things as my sister does. Even things like if I am upstairs for long then my mum says I am up to something and she is 'worried' about me.
Now I am too scared to go where I want around the house let alone outside.

 

[HisServant]

May Allah ease your difficulties and personal affairs. Ameen. We are not allowed to give up our rights and should strive fairly against doing so. At the same time, we do have to give others their rights, especially parents. However, there has to be some type of balance to do justice for yourself and others/parents etc. If you need to get married for instance you should look into to that and find ways so your parents accept that you are independent and responsible. (Not saying you are not, but maybe you need to remind them). Also, I find communication has better results when people are in a good frame of mind and there are some ways to encourage this like being reassuring, making jokes etc. Of course this is not going to work if you are also upset. So, the first step would be to regain calm in emotions and approach (peaceful mind and dialogue). Some ways in Islam is remaining silent, leaving the situation temporarily, focus on other things and returning to the communication/finding the solution.....

Abu Dharr reported: The Messenger of Allah, peace and blessings be upon him, said to us, “If one of you is angry when he is standing, let him sit down so that the anger will leave him. Otherwise, let him lie down.”

Source: Sunan Abī Dāwūd 4782



Other things to be in clean state of wudhu, find a quiet place and performing dhikr, daroods, thinking on Allah's 99 names.

You can look into self-regulation techniques. Emotional Regulation