i don't know how to get along with people

[ava cado]

Salam,
I am an only child.I have spent most of my life life alone since childhood. at school. i never developed any social skills. i dont knowhow to keep a conversation going. i dont know how to act infront of the people. i really quiet. i am really depressed. Now i am in my 20s yet i dont have a single friend. I started university but due to coivd it is online. Due to coivd now im spending majority of my time alone at home (with my parents) i dont have anyone to talk to. My parents are really old. m losing my mind. I dont know if i will ever get married as i dont have trouble fitting in . and in my area getting proposal is not a thing. we have to find spouses our selves . i am scared that i will spend my life with no friends or family.

I dont know know what to do. i keep trying to improve my self but i dont know i hate myself.

 

[Al-Ansariyah]

و عليكم السلام ورحمةالله وبركاته
Women in islam should be like that. You dont have to free mix with men. And you dont have to interact with those who can ruin your imaan. Keep good company. I am sure you must know anyone(female) who is religious in ur area. Make friends with them. They wont laugh at you if you make mistakes or make fun of you. You will learn to interact with other people as well if you stay with them in sha Allah. And there's nothing to worry about it. You dont have to go outside repeatedly. You should be an introvert according to islam which you are. Masha Allah. But keep company with those who are practising muslims.

You can ask your father or your brother to find a spouse for you. If they deny, you have other male guardians as well according to shariah.

 

[BeTheChange]

Walaikumasalaam

Trust me all this friend business is so hyped up. It's not all as they make it out. Like the above brother mentioned you need to keep good company. Better to be alone than with bad company.

I hang around with my sisters all the time. I don't have any friends. Just acquaintances and i have been like that most of my life. Alhamdulillah mainly through choice because i like to focus on myself and improve myself. I don't have time for friends. Sounds hards but it's the truth.

If you long friendship or human interaction why don't you attend weekly islamic classes? Tajweed classes? Islamic volunteering etc. You can meet like minded people this way insha Allah.

Utilise your youth and time now whilst your young
Learn surat Kahf as we all need to learn this surat in these testing times. Improve your tajweed. Time and being alone is a blessing. Pick up an islamic book. Iqra! Learn, learn and learn sister.

Finally address your depression. What will make you happy? Do things that make you happy sis. Go for long walks and excercise as this will boost your spirits insha Allah. Also stop worrying about the future. Live in the present insha Allah. If you want to get married speak to your parents. If you are too shy ask someone to speak to your parents on your behalf. Don't fear being alone. Get used to it. Tbh none of us are really alone if we are remembering Allah swt. Once we overcome our fears we can live in peace Alhamdulillah.

Take care

 

[IslamLife00]

I don't have social skills as well, always feel awkward in the crowd. It gets better now because I have come to realization that I often judge myself more than others do, I have been unfair to myself Astaghfirullah
Don't be too hard on yourself. You are your own person, Allah knows you more than you know yourself. The first 'relationship' you need is with Him, don't worry about the rest.
Every time I put Allah first, I am never disappointed. Without Him, I wouldn't have the friends I have now. Don't hate yourself, do something productive with your time such as learn Qur'an, learn new skills that can be useful for your future.

 

[Revert alYunani]

I know it sounds very cliche but,just be yourself.You will fit with the right people.
and know that when Allah loves you he will cause the angels to love you and those on earth to love you,so all you need to do is to be the kind of person that Allah loves.

Tell you parents about your concerns about marriage so they can start searching too,and at the same time make duaa,lots of duaa.

I understand you because i have been in your shoes.I also grew up alone and spent almost all my life alone.Even now i am still living alone.But just know that Allah knows,and this sabr you are making will surely be rewarded in shaa Allah.May Allah make it easy for your sister and give you so much happines here and in akhirah.Ameen

 

[ava cado]

Thank you for the replies,

 

[Shayan'M']

Salam,
I am an only child.I have spent most of my life life alone since childhood. at school. i never developed any social skills. i dont knowhow to keep a conversation going. i dont know how to act infront of the people. i really quiet. i am really depressed. Now i am in my 20s yet i dont have a single friend. I started university but due to coivd it is online. Due to coivd now im spending majority of my time alone at home (with my parents) i dont have anyone to talk to. My parents are really old. m losing my mind. I dont know if i will ever get married as i dont have trouble fitting in . and in my area getting proposal is not a thing. we have to find spouses our selves . i am scared that i will spend my life with no friends or family.

I dont know know what to do. i keep trying to improve my self but i dont know i hate myself.

Wa alaykumu as-salam Warahmatullah Wabarakaatu

Some people above said get married like its happy hour or something / not a big deal

Don't blindly get married just cause you are desperate

Many women suffer from physical and verbal abuse remember that

Across the world even in the muslim societies

some people are just by name a muslim

If you ask your parents and they bring some individual know that person beforehand

knowing the person you are about to marry doesn't always guarantee a happy life

As there are some who are good fakers but its better to know the person somewhat

We live in a world where deception is common

A marriage can't always rescue someone from depression if you are after that

Some people above said if your parents refuse you have other guardians in their view you should approach them

My view is if a parent refuses for marriage of their own girl

They must have a very good reason behind it

parents usually want their daughters to get married as soon as possible

we live in very different age

Where there is rape inside families and uncles sell their own niece

It's better to trust your parents than some other family member

While some people above said attend weekly islamic classes? Tajweed classes? Islamic volunteering classes

Definitely you can interact with other humans if you seek just interaction

but know in these classes there are often people who are just display Muslims

Its more like hang out club gossip a little

A place to pretend to be legendary Muslims just to look good in front of society, many people visit such places

your parents are old on lighter note parents are usually older than you

that's how it works

If Its hard to talk to them still go and talk about life issues

Its pattern of life first we are kids we break things then we are young we are usually confused then we are old we are wiser

stop worrying about their old age too much and just pray / dua for their better health , longevity and after life

you don't know how to act in front of people

you do know you don't have to show them a magical trick or something

just relax they are people mostly angry and hungry

being scared is one thing letting it control you is wrong

Watch something funny to lift to your mood there are lots of decent comedy videos online make a habit to avoid depression.

you worry a lot relax

Hasbunallahu Wa Ni’mal Wakeel remember that

 

[Rooh07]

و عليكم السلام ورحمةالله وبركاته
Women in islam should be like that. You dont have to free mix with men. And you dont have to interact with those who can ruin your imaan. Keep good company. I am sure you must know anyone(female) who is religious in ur area. Make friends with them. They wont laugh at you if you make mistakes or make fun of you. You will learn to interact with other people as well if you stay with them in sha Allah. And there's nothing to worry about it. You dont have to go outside repeatedly. You should be an introvert according to islam which you are. Masha Allah. But keep company with those who are practising muslims.

You can ask your father or your brother to find a spouse for you. If they deny, you have other male guardians as well according to shariah.

Mmmm no. The OP is obviously saying they feel alone and would like to make friends and socialise which is a natural instinct, telling them women in Islam should be like that is laughable. So all women should just sit at home and never interact with other humans? Avoidance isn't the answer.

OP- Go to your local masjid, interact with the sisters there. See if there are any halaqahs happening (might be a long shot considering covid) but for future reference. As others have mentioned, being popular and well liked and known to everyone isn't as cracked up as its made to be and its important to make sure you surround yourself with friends who will remind you of Allah (Oh, woe to me! I wish I had not taken that one as a friend. 25:28)

 

[M.I.A.]

Salam,
I am an only child.I have spent most of my life life alone since childhood. at school. i never developed any social skills. i dont knowhow to keep a conversation going. i dont know how to act infront of the people. i really quiet. i am really depressed. Now i am in my 20s yet i dont have a single friend. I started university but due to coivd it is online. Due to coivd now im spending majority of my time alone at home (with my parents) i dont have anyone to talk to. My parents are really old. m losing my mind. I dont know if i will ever get married as i dont have trouble fitting in . and in my area getting proposal is not a thing. we have to find spouses our selves . i am scared that i will spend my life with no friends or family.

I dont know know what to do. i keep trying to improve my self but i dont know i hate myself.

Most people go through similar feelings and experiences, I actually went to university and can say that even quiet people had friends.

Even the weirdest people had friends!

>Hint< >Hint <

So you should be OK, but remember to not go off the rails when things eventually start to happen for you.

...which will be down to who you are inside really.

You seem to have a lot of freedom which is great, but it requires a lot of responsibility..

So you have to understand that you work towards what you want, a little bit at a time.

If that's progress or destruction only Allah swt knows, but you can only try.

I myself am known as the worst ever, at the first week of university I wandered around alone..

Until a couple of guys saw me walking on the street and asked if I wanted to go tesco with them.

Ended up with a football teams worth of great friends.

All different, all human.

Don't let it get you down, nothing stays the same forever..

It's like when your poor and say you would give more charity if you were a little better off..

Sometimes that effort you don't think you have pays off.

 

[Labayk]

The Prophet (Salalahu 'Alaihi wa Salaam) said:

“Islam started as something strange, and it will go back to being strange. So (Tooba) for the Strangers.” (Muslim)

“Tooba is a tree in Paradise, one hundred years big. The clothes of the people of Paradise are made from its calycs (outer casing of its flowers).” (Sahih Ibn Hibban)

Tbh none of us are really alone if we are remembering Allah swt

Very good and important point. Who can be lonely when they have Allah and His Angels on their side.

The advices on here have been good. As some have said already try to associate with sisters who are religious and interested in the Deen. Try to connect through something good like learning Islam and the like, like what many here have already advised. I know it's not the same as live interaction but you can always come on here and connect with us, listen to lectures, read books and above all, connect with the Quran. This will connect you with those whom you want to associate with.

The Prophet (salalahu 'alaihi wa salaam) said:

"Souls are like conscripted soldiers; those whom they recognize, they get along with, and those whom they do not recognize, they will not get along with." (Bukhari)

It's not that difficult or complicated to make friends who are of the same wavelength. One is naturally inclined towards those of the same nature. If you run into someone who is like-minded, you will click and if in the meantime you are repelled by those who aren't, that's fine.

Mmmm no. The OP is obviously saying they feel alone and would like to make friends and socialise which is a natural instinct, telling them women in Islam should be like that is laughable. So all women should just sit at home and never interact with other humans? Avoidance isn't the answer.

Because corruption is widespread especially in our times, it is not a bad thing and, in fact healthy to be withdrawn. It says in Surah al-Kahf:

[The youths said to one another], "And when you have withdrawn from them and that which they worship other than Allah, retreat to the cave. Your Lord will spread out for you of His mercy and will prepare for you from your affair facility." (al-Kahf: 16)

"And I will withdraw from you (aa'tazilukum) and those you invoke other than Allah and will invoke my Lord. I expect that I will not be in invocation to my Lord unhappy [i.e., disappointed]." So when he had withdrawn from them (aa'taziluhum) and those they worshipped other than Allah, We gave him Isaac and Jacob, and each [of them] We made a prophet. And We gave them of Our mercy, and We made for them a mention [i.e., reputation] of high honor." (Maryam: 48-50)

In each of these ayat Allah mentions that after the people of the cave and also after Ibrahim ('Alayhis Salaam) withdrew from their people, Allah bestowed His Rahmah on them. In the case of the people of the Cave, then we know the story of how He made them sleep. When they woke up they came to another people who were not like their previous people. In the case of Ibrahim ('Alaihis Salaam) Allah Granted both Isaac and Yacub: Two of Allah's noble Messengers. In both cases, Allah compensated their temporary loneliness with much better company. Good people who were not pagans in the case of Ahl-Kahf and the best of companions and offspring in the case of Ibrahim ('Alaihis Salaam).

Now, even the people of the cave had each other, so it is important to associate with good people, even if they are very few and to stick with them. But if one cannot find this, then they should follow the example of Ibrahim ('Alaihis Salaam) who was just himself and his family and if one cannot find this even, then we have the example of Lut 'Alaihis Salaam.

Remember that in the end, which is not far off at all, the Prophet (Salalahu 'Alaihi wa Salaam) told us that the people of Jannah will all be as one heart: complete unity with no conflict of interests of any sort. And above all, they will be in the eternal presence of their Lord well-pleased and pleasing to the eyes of the Believers. The best company reserved for those who avoided the worst company.

May Allah make us of the Strangers.

 

[Eusra Fhaad inshaAllah]

Wa alaykumu as-salam Warahmatullah Wabarakaatu

Some people above said get married like its happy hour or something / not a big deal

Don't blindly get married just cause you are desperate

Many women suffer from physical and verbal abuse remember that

Across the world even in the muslim societies

some people are just by name a muslim

If you ask your parents and they bring some individual know that person beforehand

knowing the person you are about to marry doesn't always guarantee a happy life

As there are some who are good fakers but its better to know the person somewhat

We live in a world where deception is common

A marriage can't always rescue someone from depression if you are after that

Some people above said if your parents refuse you have other guardians in their view you should approach them

My view is if a parent refuses for marriage of their own girl

They must have a very good reason behind it

parents usually want their daughters to get married as soon as possible

we live in very different age

Where there is rape inside families and uncles sell their own niece

It's better to trust your parents than some other family member

While some people above said attend weekly islamic classes? Tajweed classes? Islamic volunteering classes

Definitely you can interact with other humans if you seek just interaction

but know in these classes there are often people who are just display Muslims

Its more like hang out club gossip a little

A place to pretend to be legendary Muslims just to look good in front of society, many people visit such places

your parents are old on lighter note parents are usually older than you

that's how it works

If Its hard to talk to them still go and talk about life issues

Its pattern of life first we are kids we break things then we are young we are usually confused then we are old we are wiser

stop worrying about their old age too much and just pray / dua for their better health , longevity and after life

you don't know how to act in front of people

you do know you don't have to show them a magical trick or something

just relax they are people mostly angry and hungry

being scared is one thing letting it control you is wrong

Watch something funny to lift to your mood there are lots of decent comedy videos online make a habit to avoid depression.

you worry a lot relax

Hasbunallahu Wa Ni’mal Wakeel remember that

What a beautiful post!MashaAllah

 

[Eusra Fhaad inshaAllah]

It's ok to be social& it's ok to have no social skills

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