i dont know what to do

[AnonymousPoster]

i hope to reach you all in the heighst of Imaan and the best of health InshAllah

i want to start off my saying that im a student who looks foward to her future and her studies.i come from a large family and with relgious parents Alhamdulilah

my three older sibings have moved out after graduating from high school.two of them attend a college 1 hour and half away and moved right when school started for them.my other sister moved 2 years after and is now staying with my cousin 45 minutes away since hr college is much closer to her house.

now,its my turn to graduate from high school and i think its only fair for me to get the same privalage they got after graduating form high school.i havnt been the best daughtert heyve had ,actually im by far the most troubled child theyve had but i come with my positive aspects as well.

they school i want to attend is not in the country im living with and they have disagreed to let me attend,so my next option is the college my sister is going to at the moment.i applied for summer classes,therefore i can get ahead InshAllah.

my parents dont want me to move there at all.they actually wont even let me go there or spend the night at my cousins house.you might think this isnt a big deal but my cousins house is our second home.my father doenst like us spending the night at anyones house and i understand but its liek we are stuck here.theres nothing to do and all our freinds live in the same area as my cousin,as well as all the Masjids we attend and all the family we basically have live in that area,therefore i find it very hard and fraustrating that we have to stay at home all the time

dont get my wrong,my Parnets have worked soooooo hard for us to have our own house,excess cloths and they never say no to us when we ask for thing and i dont want to hurt them at all.,i want to respect them at all times buts its getting more diffcult as my garduation day arrives

i just dont think they understand me at all.i want to have some freedom,

its not like im trying to move in with some of my teenage friends.and recently some boy who happens to be my younger brothers "friend" ask my bro for my number and my Mother found out.i think thats the reason they dont want me to move there since he lives in the same building but they havnt made it obvious at all.

everytime i bring it up,my Mothers says thats y these boys want to talk to you an dall because theyve seen you over there ect...what make it even worse is that im not that kind of person at all.i dont even enjoy talking to boys or even thinking about those kind o fthings.im trying to get closer to Allah (Swt) and teh last thing i would do is put myslef in a position where boys would notice me

i dont dress up at all.i ware abayas all the time and when i do were skirts i make sure they are not tight and i always have a jacket on.therefore i find it hard to believe that im the reason why this boy asked for my number

anyway the point is i dont know what to do anymore.i dont wnat this little stunt to ruin my chances of moving in with my cousin.im a relgious person and my Parents do see that but they constantly say taht im just acting relgious and i dont even no ho wto respect my parents

ever since they said that ive been trying my best to be pateint and obey my Parnets.when ever i argue or yell back at them or disobey them i feel extremely guity to the point that i do actually cry (keep in mind that im not a emotional person at all) and i ask Allah (SWA) for forgiveness but then i find myslef in teh same postion over and over again

i want some freedom.is that a bad thing?

i want to obey my Parents at all times,i realy sincerly do but they just dont want to meet me half way.i feel like they aremaking it extremly difficult for me to obey them.
i dont find it fair that they always say that my sister worked hard for her school and thats why the allowed her to move into a dorm.

just a little while ago i got into it with my Mom.i truly love my mother and i would do everything and anything for her but i want to live my life and at teh same time i want them to be happy with my decision

what can i do?
is it wrong for me to want to move out?
do i have a right or say when it comes to this?
how much of a sin is this?

 

[Ummu Sufyaan]

wa alaykum us-salaam.

now,its my turn to graduate from high school and i think its only fair for me to get the same privalage they got after graduating form high school.i havnt been the best daughtert heyve had ,actually im by far the most troubled child theyve had but i come with my positive aspects as well.

they school i want to attend is not in the country im living with and they have disagreed to let me attend,so my next option is the college my sister is going to at the moment.i applied for summer classes,therefore i can get ahead InshAllah.

i understand you wanting to get what your siblings got-totally-but sis if your parents don't want you to, then really, its cos they care. trust me, you may not see it now, but over time when you become a parent your self inshallah, then you probz would make the same decisions with your own kid.

its doesnt matter what your siblings get and you dont, at the end of the day you have to please your parents, so have patience and don't loose sight of that, cos its the most important good things come to those who wait :thumbs_up<---also keep that in mind

my parents dont want me to move there at all.they actually wont even let me go there or spend the night at my cousins house. you might think this isnt a big deal but my cousins house is our second home.my father doenst like us spending the night at anyones house and i understand but its liek we are stuck here.theres nothing to do and all our freinds live in the same area as my cousin,as well as all the Masjids we attend and all the family we basically have live in that area,therefore i find it very hard and fraustrating that we have to stay at home all the time

we live almost the exact same way as you, only without the cousins. my parents are exactly the same (even if there are no boys around)...call it over protective :statisfie

its not like im trying to move in with some of my teenage friends.and recently some boy who happens to be my younger brothers "friend" ask my bro for my number and my Mother found out.i think thats the reason they dont want me to move there since he lives in the same building but they havnt made it obvious at all.

everytime i bring it up,my Mothers says thats y these boys want to talk to you an dall because theyve seen you over there ect...what make it even worse is that im not that kind of person at all.i dont even enjoy talking to boys or even thinking about those kind o fthings.

flip if some guy tried getting my daughters no. flip i'd gun him down your mother let him go way too easily. she every right to fear for you.

you know sis, even when parents trust you-and im sure your parents trust you heaps-there is still gna be cautious about those who you hang out with.

for example with me, i was never allowed to see non-Muslim friends out of school hours. my mum knew i wasn't like that, but she still refused because she didnt trust them.

and the same with some Muslim friends of ours. we have a friend here whom my mum known for ages so yeah she pretty such loves her. but unfortunately her daughters don't observe hijab. my mum knows we wouldn't do anything crazy, but again, she fears their influence on us...

so your mum probs just fears of the influence of those around you...as every mother does.

you wanna know what your prob is? it is that you see moving out and living with your cousin as something fun and freedom gaining which im sure it is but because your parents dont agree, you seem to think that its a restriction of your freedom, right?

so what you need to do, is change that and see the world from their eyes for a sec...
they see it that you're young, and that your gna move out with your cousin and that means alot of fun for you so much so that you may loose mind of what you should be doing there and since there are no adults around-in this case themselves-than your iman may slide down a bit. (every parent thinks like this!)

when you see the world from thier eyes, you will realise that there are not trying to burden you, when in reality all their doing is taking care of you :statisfie

you want to be set free and do things your way from an early age, but your parents ideas conflict that of your own, and this is why you are seeing your parents as unfair <---you need to be much more patient with them and respect and trust that they have your best interests at heart.

that aside, the world is really scary without your parents anyway :exhausted stay with your parents

anyway the point is i dont know what to do anymore.i dont wnat this little stunt to ruin my chances of moving in with my cousin.im a relgious person and my Parents do see that but they constantly say taht im just acting relgious and i dont even no ho wto respect my parents

maybe you do know how to, but you dont realise it.

ever since they said that ive been trying my best to be pateint and obey my Parnets.when ever i argue or yell back at them or disobey them i feel extremely guity to the point that i do actually cry (keep in mind that im not a emotional person at all) and i ask Allah (SWA) for forgiveness but then i find myslef in teh same postion over and over again

alhamdulillah! you need to avoid getting angry at them tho<--- deeeeeead important! keep in mind the same way you treat your parents, is the same way your kids will treat you

i want some freedom.is that a bad thing?

i just don't think they understand me at all.i want to have some freedom,

getting away from your parents does not mean freedom! you can be free without moving out of home. no offense intended, but your idea of freedom is extremely narrow here.

i want to obey my Parents at all times,i realy sincerly do but they just dont want to meet me half way.i feel like they aremaking it extremly difficult for me to obey them.

or perhaps you need to exercise more patience?

what can i do?

do what they say

is it wrong for me to want to move out?

no, but if they dont want you to, then yes it is...

do i have a right or say when it comes to this?

at the end of the day, no. but you could try to compromise, etc get someone else to talk to them...

 

[Yanal]

You wear skirts,sometimes disobey parents and Allah knows what else ,sister I think moving out is better then doing all these sins but before you do tell your parents.