I feel like doing nothing.

[Xeriel]

I need help. I am depressed and desperate. I go to work but I am exhausted, I pray to Allah but I feel discouraged. I obey my parents but I don't love them. I listen to what people are saying but I am still unhappy, what do I do? I have given up on life I am so tired and sometimes in pain from the tiredness. I don't want to live anymore. If I don't work or go to school I'd get in trouble. I'm new to the Muslim faith and yet I don't trust the words of Allah (God) in the Quran. I wish I was white (white skin, blue eyes, and long hair) this is my desire but I don't believe it will come true in Jannah. I also lose faith in Allah because I don't think I'll be happy in paradise, heaven or Jannah. In fact I believe I will be in hell again after this life. I want to be white and pray that in Jannah my desire will be fulfilled and real. But I lose hope of that happening everyday it is hard to wake up and be happy. In fact, in my life I have never been happy, ever. I feel like Allah cursed me and destroyed my soul. What do I do?

 

[keiv]

I need help. I don't trust the words of Allah (God) in the Quran

Sounds like you have little to no faith in Islam or just a lack of understanding of the religion. What is it that brought you to Islam? Reason I ask because in Islam, a persons skin color does not make a person more beautiful or ugly nor does it increase them in rank above anyone else.

What should I do?

I think you should reevaluate your priorities in life, and to also lose your obsession for white people.

 

[Dianah]

Assalamualaikum sister.

Concerning your struggling problem with faith and trust in Allah, I am also in the opinion that you have to re-educate yourself on who Allah, The Creator actually is. Look into His attributes. I think some of us have at one point or another been in your shoes in some level. We feel lost and don't know what to do. We feel empty inside even. Everything we do is like on auto mode whether its prayer, work or any activity and they all feel mundane. Perhaps in your case, as a new Muslim, you are burn out. However, to remedy this, retrace your step. Equip yourself with knowledge. Do the fact checking. Try to find easy digestible books to rediscover God and ask him for help. Surely He will help and guide you. Because He says:

"I am as My servant thinks (expects) I am. I am with him when he mentions Me.If he mentions Me to himself, I mention him to Myself;and if he mentions Me in an assembly, I mention him in an assembly greater than it.If he draws near to Me a hand’s length, I draw near to him an arm’s length.And if he comes to Me walking, I go to him at speed.”
(Sahih Bukhari)

About your desire for white skin, I think your main problem is Envy. And we all know this particular sin can be quite a problem whether from the perspective of Christianity, Judaism or Islam. If you think being white will fulfill your wishes then I am going to say that you are wrong, my dear sister. Because once you're white then you will desire that you be black. I see this a lot with white people. Why else would they tan themselves at an unhealthy amount that even cause cancer to some of them. Black, brown or etc. people are does not mean low status or ugly. We only think that because it was indoctrinate in our minds from colonialism. Humans will never be satisfied with something. This is in our very nature. And Envy causes you to endlessly self destruct. Once you have something, you desire another. It will never end. That is why Allah decided for you. He knows the wisdom of which He decrees. I once had the same problem as you but I taught myself to see it from a different angle. Widen your perspective, sister. Be thankful for what you have and you will be happy. Instead of saying why am I not white and etc. Ask yourself this, "Why do I have that I should be thankful today?" It will make a lot of difference.

I hope I could help you and I hope that I don't offend you in any way.