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Thread: I feel so Empty, I wish I didnt live.
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I feel this pain in my chest. Like as though the walls are closing in on me. I am a teenager, I am trying to practise. I live in a household where music is being played for amusement 24 hrs in a day. I am one of the youngest who are old enough to voice their opinion, I tried to escape from it I cant. I listen to it, cause they play it loud in the living room. I try to seek refuge in my room, but I still hear it. I have little muslim influence around my area, and being in a household like this is even worse. I keep falling to their trap, so I see myself being called to watch with them, and see "new songs", I try to come out of respect but in my heart I hate. I dont know what to do. I feel like moving out sometimes. My imaan is getting weaker, the Quraan is not part of my life anymore. When I try to read it, they disturb me on purpose. When I try to listen to it they ask me to turn it down. My heart hurts, I am tired of losing my imaan at the expense of respecting those who are older then me. They keep taking advantage of my calmness and my respect for them. I love them, and I respect that they aren't practisng, I never try to push my way on them. Sometimes I wish I died. I feel leeched. I dont want to spend most of my days after school at friends houses cause thats where I feel at peace. My family is very dunya-orienated, and they laugh at those who practise. I feel trapped, imprisoned...I dont cry so easily but I cant stop right now. My heart is torn. I fear that I go to hell. I know that some of u will say after hardship comes ease, I feel like ive been in hardship my entire life. I hoped and prayed that it wud be over but it wont be over. There was a time when I thought that this is temporary and that it will go away, but it wont go away.
 
Mashallah, much respect to you, i see such a difficult position in you, i dont know what advice i can give you, all i can say is you increased my imaan a bit, with you being so young and all, i pray Allah swt rewards you for your patience and finds you a way out
 
you are such an amazing person wallah.... may Allah preserve you till jannah - may Allah unite us there
 
Salam Alaikum,

I believe you are not positioned in such family for nothing/without any purpose. There's wisdom behind everything, and because it is a 'wisdom' you won't necessarily see/feel it to acknowledge it.
Allah will not place a burden on you unless you could shoulder such measure of hardship and difficulty (this is said in the Qur'an)

About those songs, try to make them lower the volume until you could at least take a break from those in the privacy of your own room.

As for your own soul contentment, I think the best advise would be for you to keep observing the 5 daily prayers, because it links you to Allah, and are also your means for communicating with Him. In short, 'Keep in touch' with Allah, don't lose all of your sense from it. Also try to read the Qur'an daily, even if it's half a page a day cuz then there'd be at least one person in your family doing this. if you don't, at least listen to it's recitation. Eventually you will find comfort in it, and it'll fill up your empty heart inshaAllah.. Here's a nice link if you'd like to listen to continuous recitation everytime you come online: http://radio.myquran.org/

The road wouldn't be easy. But you'll make it inshaAllah! We'll keep you in our du'as :thumbs_up Stay strong and don't let dispairment take over you. Btw keep remembering those who are less fortunate+are in situations a lot more worse than our's and let's start counting His blessings that we might have overlooked.

"Lo! those who say: Our Lord is Allah, and afterward are upright, the angels descend upon them, saying: Fear not nor grieve, but hear good tidings of the paradise which ye are promised." (Qur'an 41:30)
 
Assalamu Alaikum

You know what? I had to go through the EXACT same thing.

When I decided I wanted to stop listening to music completely (I was never addicted to it Alhemdulilah, but I did listen to it from time to time, and it was heard almost all the time, I'd even wake up to it because it'd be played in the house often), it was when I couldn't memorize an ayah for Surah Yasin, and I started crying a lot because I found myself in a situation where I could memorize a few songs easily, in a matter of only a few minutes, and here this ONE ayah, I couldn't even fathom! It was so shameful.

The very first thing I did was I told everyone, listen I want to try to memorize Quran, I want to try to get closer to my deen, so don't bother me with Music...I'm through with that. Okkk? And they were like ok. Did it work? No, course not lol, some even tried to justify that there was nothing haram in it, and anyone that thought that way was just an extremist.

I even remember a time when I had to pray, I'm the only person in my house that prays, and my sister had the music on loud on the television, and I turned the tv off, and went into my room and was trying to pray (this was when I was learning how to pray as well, so I needed all the concentration I could get), and someone turned it back on! So I messed up in my salaah, went back out and turned it off, and then someone shouts about it getting turned off, and I said that it was too loud and couldn't concentrate, and they were like well shut your bedroom door!..and of course, that didn't help, and I had just given up on learning salaah that day and instead just kept making du'a, as much du'a as I could.

But eventually, I'd only listen to Quran, I'd have it on all the time, even if music was on. I'd put on headfones, I'd turn it up high, anything to drown out the sound of music. I got angry once when someone told me to turn it down and I said we have so many problems in the house because the shayateen are always lurking around from the music. So my love for Quran grew and it started to show, and even started to affect people around me that they'd start noticing that the lifestyle of Islam is bettering me Alhemdulilah.

In one incident, some music was being played in my room, and I was just sitting there, listening to it, and my mom came in and said to me "I thought you quit? You can't just give up, why would you replace your Quran with this?" and I don't know, like I was so happy but shocked. Not only did people around me start to acknowledge the fact that I stopped, but they became my reminder!

I'm sorry if I wrote too much, but I don't want you to give up. If it is in your heart to get closer to the deen, then get closer to it, despite everything occurring around you. I always think even if I were in a situation where I was physically forced to do something haram, I'd want to be reciting Quran... I want to be thinking of Allah...I want my last breath to exhale with His remembrance. You have to do the same, because when you're in the exact middle of a situation of falling into sin or straying, and working towards a good deed or being guided, then you will be judged by which you were striving hardest to work towards, so don't ever give up the intention to better yourself, once you give it up, shaytan controls you. So as long as you don't give in to giving up, by Allah's grace and mercy, it will work in your favor in the end, bi'dinillah!

There's a quote that says something like "If you give your companion a date and he rejects it, then give him a stone."

And it complies with the following ayahs:


If anyone withdraws himself from remembrance of ((Allah)) Most Gracious, We appoint for him an evil one, to be an intimate companion to him.

Such (evil ones) really hinder them from the Path, but they think that they are being guided aright!

At length, when (such a one) comes to Us, he says (to his evil companion): "Would that between me and thee were the distance of East and West!" Ah! evil is the companion (indeed)!

When ye have done wrong, it will avail you nothing, that Day, that ye shall be partners in Punishment! [43:36-39]​

Basically, Allah subhanahu wa ta'ala grants us so many blessings, and often when we lack taqwah, when we give up, we forget. We forget to to thank Allah subhanahu wa ta'ala. I mean even this one tiny, simple thing, dhikr, we get reward for it! Even the most wealthy human beings on this earth, if you say thank you, would they reward you for it? No! But Allah rewards us, He builds our house in Jannah with our deeds and then some! He makes us wealthy while we may might not even have water to drink or make wudhu to purify our bodies in! and all He asks is for us to remind ourselves, to call on him, to work for Him. And the moment we give this thought up, shaytan is appointed for us who will continue to lead us astray that we will make excuses for ourselves, thinking "oh, it's ok, Allah will understand our struggle, Allah will understand how easily tempted we can get", yes of course Allah understands, but that does not free us from the consequence of us not understanding the immense reward there is in not giving up and still working righteously to purify ourselves. In Surah Shams, Allah makes 11 oaths, and then says "Qad aflaha man zakaha!" Whoever works righteously to purify his soul, will surely find success!

SO DON'T GIVE UP! If it's what you want and its for the sake of Allah, nothing will keep you from gaining it, except you. And don't ever think it's impossible, because with Allah, nothing is impossible. And yes you do feel empty inside, but fill your emptiness with Allah...you don't need anyone else. He's always there, He doesn't leave...we're the ones that turn ourselves away, and when we decide to come back, He's still there waiting for us, He will even run towards us when we may only take a step! But you just have to not give up...keep trying. You can't say you've tried unless you've accomplished something, or gained something out of it, even if it wasn't what you were striving towards, because when we keep trying, we gain strength even for the things we haven't started working towards yet or we gain a particular strength to get us closer to the goal.

Again, sorry for the long reply.

I will make du'a for you.

Edit: Oh yeah, sorry, and another thing, when you get tempted to listen to it and can't control yourself, then better to listen to it privately than with a group of people or with friends, because eventually they will get the hint that you want to quit and will eventually stop asking you to listen to them and might even ask you why you stopped (a chance for dawah!), and you will be able to feel more shameful about it considering you're doing it privately and the influence will be stopped and then inshallah you stop completely as well...if that makes sense :\ lol

Fi aman Allah
w'aalaikum asalaam
 
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:sl: Little one............. you are still so very young to be feeling this way. Continue with your zikr, with your salaat, and your duas...... Allah will not turn from you......... It IS true with hardship comes ease you must be patient and continue as you are InshAllah you will feel the change soon.

Use earphones to listen to nasheeds or Quran talawat, shut your bedroom door away from what you don't like and continue and have faith.

May Allah ease your troubles......... Ameen. Really feelfor you.xx:w::-\
 
wa alaykum us-Salaam

i think-with all due respect, wishing for death maybe a little too much.
as long as you try your bet to stay away from it, i wouldn't worry too much..theres only a certain amount we can do.

try kepeing yourself/mind occupied with other things whgile they commit the haram...maybe get yourself an ipod and put some quran/.nasheeds on it, inshallah.

and DO NOT commit sin, for the sake of pleasing ANYone. itll only be thrown in your face!

just be paitent and make dua for ease :thumbs_up
 
SubhanAllah.

This is your test. And I pray you emerge victorious. Ameen!
 
I really feel for your situation sister. I haven't really felt oppressed for practising my faith as I live in an Islamic household at the moment. However most people don't practise very much, and I do sometimes get distracted from my salat and make silly mistakes that I regret, like reading too many/few rakats.

It's very frustrating when I do make these mistakes. Lucky for me I found a way around all this .. I found a quite part of the house where I can pray properly lol .. the sunroom !

Sister where there is a will there most certainly is a way, you will find a way to practise your deen properly, inshallah. In-ear earphones are very good at sound dampening, I can hardly hear anything when I use my cousins (I lost mine a year ago >.< ). As for Salat, try finding a quite part of the house ? Is there a mosque within range of your house or a practising friend nearby ? Try using earplugs (yes it sounds silly!), they can be quite effective.

Mashallah your patience and good heartedness is impressive, I hope you can maintain these qualities, do not let your family 'weather' your good qualities away and make you a short-tempered, intolerent person. You are where and who you are, becuase of your choices .. not theirs. You have done exceedingly well considering your circumstance.

Take Good Care,
Usman
 
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Awww don't say that.
You might not think it now, but you'll feel better.
It's hard when the people in your own household don't support your beliefs. I can relate. Certain family members disregard religion completely & even jest & mock me.
I know it's discomforting but keep trying to seek God despite the disturbing environment. Don't give in to their pestering.
 
:sl:

thanks to you all for reading and advising me. I was literally falling apart, May Allah grant you the highest in al-firdows for lifting away my sorrow by your beautiful posts. Charisma don't apologize for writting that long post, it really made me feel like I am not the only one who suffers, and that you managed to change the way your family think is truly amazing. I don't know if I can ever do that, but I will make dua that Allah helps and protects me ameen. My family is nice, but they can be so wrong, like I am not allowed to say no or ask them to stop things, they will blatantly remind me that its not the islamic way to speak back, that a true muslim endures and tolerates. I am to blame for that, because I have always been down to earth, put them always first. I never thought that being good would bear such negative fruits. I wish they did for me what I do for them. I am outnumbered, and young. That doesn't help. I do have an ipod with audio & video, I know when I say this its going to sound almost unbelievable but they will literally come to me and disturb me.

Sometimes I feel like the shaytan is just reminding me that I will never become the Muslim I want to be. This is why I go to my friends house's which they hate. I will remind myself to be patient, maybe one day My family will change. Zircon, Alhamdulilah thats all I can do in my home, "pray my 5 prayers". Ushae I have the most beautiful friends on earth, I am usually at their homes. Thats where I go after school everyday, on weekends I am not allowed to see them. We have one mosque nearby but it's a turkish mosque, and I dont understand what they say. So I dont go to mosques. What devastates me the most is seeing my Family acting like they know everything, when I try to share a hadeeth or an ayah with them, they will say "we know it already". It breaks my heart...I would normally not wish for death, is because to me the quran brings me peace, and they are taking it away from me and thats why I feel so empty. jezakllah khyr to you all. InshaAllah I will make dua for myself, hopefully Allah will bring me a way out.
 
You will find a way out.
Perhaps you could look into local Muslim youth groups where your views would be more appreciated and you could share amongst like-minded people.
Just remember none of it is your fault, you shouldn't be oppressed in this way, I'm sorry your family isn't more understanding.
 
Assalamu Alaikum

You're not responsible for changing your family. Just worry about making the change in yourself and always know that if you don't have someone praising you for knowing something and for doing something right, Allah is rewarding you every step of the way, with IMMENSE rewards, heavy rewards inshallah because you are struggling, this is YOUR jihad. Be an example, let them learn from you, with no expectations in return, and whatever Allah wills to enter their hearts, it is from His Guidance. You just be a straight arrow, and Allah will direct its point and puncture their hearts with iman. We don't know if we have the ability to affect someone else unless we continue to be the change we want to see in others, right? I know its hard, but its not impossible...don't quit. Even if you have to seclude yourself to make them realize that you want to change and better yourself, then do it, and let them know why.

My family would talk at first too, like for example, I stopped going to relatives houses because all you'd hear was backbiting and gossip when they grouped together. So I just stopped going and I'd even stay at home alone sometimes. My mom asked my why I stopped going out, and I told her how its like they're basically pouring gas on each other and just waiting for the ignition of hellfire and that I'd rather sit at home doing nothing than to sit in the company of people who will be dragging me with them into hell fire.
Afterwards, they noticed how I didn't like to be around I guess they got the news about how I hated gossip to that extent, so then when I'd go over they'd feel ashamed to speak about anyone else, or at least they'd wait till I left. I could tell because theyd want to say something, and theyd start out with "Did you see what..." and then theyd look at me and be like ":-[ never mind..." it's kind of funny when I think about it...but at least when your presence can do that to someone, you serve as a reminder, and even if they did backbite after you left, the important thing is that they felt some burden on their hearts to do so. It's not as harsh as it sounds, I hope, but its worse to sit bad company like that where you know that its ripping your conscience apart, so its best to do something about it and try to stop it or lessen it. You have to be strong before trying to help strengthen someone else. Afterwards, it got to the point with some of my relatives, instead of backbiting about a particular person, they'd vent to me and ask for advice, rather than backbite around people who gossip...which is a bad mixing of basically publicized sins.

And believe it or not, whether you think they listen to you or not, they are. My grampa would always dye his hair black before going to hajj, I told him I wanted to see his head shaved and i don't want him dying it anymore..and he laughed and asked me why, I said because Allah loves to see His slave with his white hair, and I want Allah to love you...and I told him to grow out his beard because I missed it haha, I visited him again and his hair was starting to grow in, then the visit afterwards, subhanallah, I seen him with his beard and white hair, and I gave him the biggest hug ever because I truly do love to see him like that, and I asked his wife why he had decided to grow out his white hair, and I was surprised when she said.."Because of what you told him that one day and thats what he tells people when they ask," I looked at him and I was just like allahu akbar...its an amazing feeling to expect the unexpected, and you have no idea how much my grampa loved to dye his hair, and he'd dye it black! So seriously...you need to find some boldness, and do it for the sake of allah, because I've been in your shoes, and believe me, I'm very passive..very very very passive. I put others happiness before my own as well, but many times people need to realize that their type of happiness is the type that will bring them regretful tears in the end...and you need to help them, especially if you are able to see what they cannot.

These are just my personal experiences, and honestly these are VERY small compared to how much more improvement could be made, but it's a start...and these changes don't happen over night..some take months..but always know whatever you say, it will always linger behind their mind, even if they don't take it into consideration right away. Talk to your relatives one-on-one, even if it means argument...I had to argue to wear my hijab, and alhemdulilah i wore it despite people trying to talk me out of it, and people saying how there's just no way I could do it because of how hard it would be.. i honestly did feel so alone...like come on this is my family...they should've been the the ones encouraging me to do this stuff. But i did it and proved them wrong, but best of all i stuck with it and i started getting hijaabs as gifts out of support later on lol...

And if you want to teach someone something about Islam and not get the "yeh, I already know..." the best people to teach are KIDS or like teenagers who would know very little about Islam...and it doesn't have to be complicated either, it could just simply be like "Did you know in jannah there will be rivers made out of milk oh:" Or you could go to the adults and ask them questions about the deen, even if you already know the answer...just so that they could contemplate and think about it themselves, or ask them to teach you something that they already know.

There’s a lot of things to keep yourself busy with and involve other people too, without them even realizing, just don’t give up, cuz then no one gets benefit out of it. Also, always count on benefiting others, don’t expect to get praises or for them to benefit you, cuz then that makes things harder on you. If you expect to get praised or want to get praised for something, then you’ll be doing it for the wrong reasons, so just keep doing what you want and do it for the sake of Allah despite everyone around.

Sorry again for the huge reply..

fi aman allah
w’salaam
 
jezakllah khyr liberty I already feel alot better, thanks.

jezakllah khyr charisma, thanks for taking your time to write that again. May ALlah reward you for it ameen. You seem to have this amazing effect on everyone in your life, u seem really nice mashaAllah. I think I am not good enough to effect them and the fault lies with me.

And if you want to teach someone something about Islam and not get the "yeh, I already know..."
Click to expand...

Truth is that they don't actually know, they're just saying that because they don't like to hear it. Which makes me so sad. There is so many of them around me, but yet I feel so lonely when it comes to Islam. I know Allah should be sufficient for me, but I love them and want them to support/help me, and not become the reason I fail in my deen. There's already enough pressure outside of home calling me towards all types of evil.

One positive thing I would like to share is that my Family will come up to me when there is an argument and ask me to bring the peace. They will even wake me up from sleep. I don't like it though when they call me "the sufi" behind my back to make fun of me. I don't know why they do that, all I know is that I am a Muslim/sunni.

Inshllah i will do my best and will not quit. You boost my imaan, May Allah build you a home in jannah ameen. I really benefited from all this. Sorry if I have burdened you.
Ma'salaama.
 
:sl:

Sorry to here what you are going through, Please have sabar, i no its easier on the tongue, I no how you feel. Just dont loose hope and may be good friendship can help. Alhumdullilah it does for me
 
Assalamu Alaikum

OMG NOOO, you're no burden at all!!! no don't even let that pass your mind once!

Mashallah, I'm so proud of you already. I get called stuff too :mmokay: and people try to provoke me to test my iman or something. Allahu a'lem. You just have to stick through it, and believe me...it was hard for me too, especially when I used to be a certain way and then all of a sudden I change, I'd get called a hypocrite a lot and get reminded of my old mistakes if I try to correct someone sometimes, even if I do it nicely...and that's the worst thing to get called when you're trying to better yourself.

As for having an effect on people, WELLLLL ..those were just a few miracles by the will and mercy of Allah subhanahu wa ta'ala, perhaps signs to let me know I should keep going and not to give up because I can make a difference, even if its a little one, cuz even the little differences sometimes seem impossible. Otherwise, honestly, I'm a very quiet person...I'm not one to be like oh: THATS HARAAAM! I actually get shy to correct someone and embarassed, because I don't want them to think I'm degrading them or something, and I have a problem upsetting people, like I hate knowing someone is upset at me for something..even if it's for the right thing, so when I do try to correct someone or help them, I do it in a very tedious manner :X so I don't screw it up, plus I don't want to get called a hypocrite or actually be a victim of hypocrisy and try to correct them while I'm in that state. But you're doing great mashallah...don't feel alone. Every time you bow your head to the ground, always remember that there are millions who are bowing their heads down with you to the same Allah subhanahu wa ta'ala, and going through almost the same exact thing, and if He can turn His attention to EVERYONE...allahu akbar!! think of what happens when He answers their calls! Either He answers it for you in paradise and multiplies it, or He answers it for you in this world and relieves you with it.

May Allah reward you immensely for your efforts and grant you so much mercy on your path to guidance and always and forever guide you upon siratul mustaqeem Ameen!

fi aman allah
wa'alaikum asalaam