I felt an urge to commit suicide

[ardianto]

Assalamualaikum.

Few hours ago I visited online newspaper site, like I do everyday. And I saw an article title about depression, with photo of American band vocalist who committed suicide two weeks ago. I understood why his photo is used for article about depression. I looked at his photo and said to myself "Yeah, I am depressed too". But suddenly I felt an urge that I've never felt before. I felt I should commit suicide. I felt it for few moments until I 'awoke'. "No!, no!, I should not do it" I told myself.

Yes, there is something that happen to me after my beloved wife passed away in 2013. Sometime I feel 'drop' which suddenly I am very sad. I feel I am alone, and no longer have spirit to live. It can be happen anytime and suddenly, although previously I was happy. Yesterday I was happy and had big spirit for live. Even I made many plans, not only for my job, but also for my hobby. But today suddenly my mood dropped and I felt this sadness again although no one knew because I tried to hide it, I tried to behave normally. Even few times I laugh when talked with people around me.

No, I don't want to commit suicide. Not only because it's sin, but also because I have many responsibilities toward my children and toward people around me. But now after I felt this urge I begin to worry, if my mental drop again might be I will lose control on myself.

 

[anatolian]

Thats something not to be taken lightly. Look for what you need to be happy again.

 

[Umm♥Layth]

Assalamualaikum.

Few hours ago I visited online newspaper site, like I do everyday. And I saw an article title about depression, with photo of American band vocalist who committed suicide two weeks ago. I understood why his photo is used for article about depression. I looked at his photo and said to myself "Yeah, I am depressed too". But suddenly I felt an urge that I've never felt before. I felt I should commit suicide. I felt it for few moments until I 'awoke'. "No!, no!, I should not do it" I told myself.

Yes, there is something that happen to me after my beloved wife passed away in 2013. Sometime I feel 'drop' which suddenly I am very sad. I feel I am alone, and no longer have spirit to live. It can be happen anytime and suddenly, although previously I was happy. Yesterday I was happy and had big spirit for live. Even I made many plans, not only for my job, but also for my hobby. But today suddenly my mood dropped and I felt this sadness again although no one knew because I tried to hide it, I tried to behave normally. Even few times I laugh when talked with people around me.

No, I don't want to commit suicide. Not only because it's sin, but also because I have many responsibilities toward my children and toward people around me. But now after I felt this urge I begin to worry, if my mental drop again might be I will lose control on myself.

Waleikum Asalaam,

Many people have these thoughts, you would be surprised. Just the other day I was listening to a lecture by Nouman Ali Khan (recent khutba) where he talks about Maryum mother of Isa and how she wished death in her situation. Trust me, it isn't uncommon and I don't think you would lose grip of reality this way.

Suicidal thoughts are demonized by some and when people have them, they begin to question their sanity.

Anyway, it isn't uncommon for people to have this thought periodically, especially upon facing something very painful, disturbing or traumatic. It doesn't make a person insane. Wanting quick relief is human (just look at all the pain numbers we have available).
We just have to stop and think why we are feeling that we want an easy way out, even for a moment... what is actually going on that is causing this level of resistance (which translates to pain)?

You know, when I was a teen and my parents were divorcing, I found my dad in his apartment on the floor passed out. He left the gas stove on with the intention of killing himself. It was a terrible feeling and sometimes I get angry with him for even trying to do that because life isn't meant to be easy you know? His issues are still unresolved so many years later and it makes me sad. I wish he would look for a solution (like building a relationship with God for instance).

I hope you feel better soon, I know it can be scary when those thoughts come to mind, but like I said. Think of the underlying issues. Have you truly healed from your wife's passing? Are you somehow blaming yourself, are you angry that she was taken so soon? Are you 100% at peace with her leaving?

Continue to focus on the things that make you feel hope. Start a gratitude journal and write down different things you are grateful for each and every day. Get up for tahajood. Those things really get me out of the dumps

 

[Mustafa16]

Assalamualaikum.

Few hours ago I visited online newspaper site, like I do everyday. And I saw an article title about depression, with photo of American band vocalist who committed suicide two weeks ago. I understood why his photo is used for article about depression. I looked at his photo and said to myself "Yeah, I am depressed too". But suddenly I felt an urge that I've never felt before. I felt I should commit suicide. I felt it for few moments until I 'awoke'. "No!, no!, I should not do it" I told myself.

Yes, there is something that happen to me after my beloved wife passed away in 2013. Sometime I feel 'drop' which suddenly I am very sad. I feel I am alone, and no longer have spirit to live. It can be happen anytime and suddenly, although previously I was happy. Yesterday I was happy and had big spirit for live. Even I made many plans, not only for my job, but also for my hobby. But today suddenly my mood dropped and I felt this sadness again although no one knew because I tried to hide it, I tried to behave normally. Even few times I laugh when talked with people around me.

No, I don't want to commit suicide. Not only because it's sin, but also because I have many responsibilities toward my children and toward people around me. But now after I felt this urge I begin to worry, if my mental drop again might be I will lose control on myself.

you should consult a therapist, they would be able to help you, and trust me, there's nothing wrong with seeking help, we all need help in some way

 

[sister herb]

Have you any trusted friend you could talk about your sadness and loneliness? Talking with other person may many times help to remove sad feelings from your mind.

 

[ahmedahmed]

make istighfar your best friend and you will feel allahs mercy showered on you inshalah.

 

[STN]

Assalamualaikum.

Few hours ago I visited online newspaper site, like I do everyday. And I saw an article title about depression, with photo of American band vocalist who committed suicide two weeks ago. I understood why his photo is used for article about depression. I looked at his photo and said to myself "Yeah, I am depressed too". But suddenly I felt an urge that I've never felt before. I felt I should commit suicide. I felt it for few moments until I 'awoke'. "No!, no!, I should not do it" I told myself.

Yes, there is something that happen to me after my beloved wife passed away in 2013. Sometime I feel 'drop' which suddenly I am very sad. I feel I am alone, and no longer have spirit to live. It can be happen anytime and suddenly, although previously I was happy. Yesterday I was happy and had big spirit for live. Even I made many plans, not only for my job, but also for my hobby. But today suddenly my mood dropped and I felt this sadness again although no one knew because I tried to hide it, I tried to behave normally. Even few times I laugh when talked with people around me.

No, I don't want to commit suicide. Not only because it's sin, but also because I have many responsibilities toward my children and toward people around me. But now after I felt this urge I begin to worry, if my mental drop again might be I will lose control on myself.

I know the feeling. I have been depressed and you do get that feeling of complete loss, of no meaning to life but it gets better. And remember suicide is a major sin

It was narrated from Abu Hurayrah (may Allaah be pleased with him) that the Prophet (blessings and peace of Allaah be upon him) said: “Whoever throws himself down from a mountain and kills himself will be throwing himself down in the Fire of Hell for ever and ever. Whoever drinks poison and kills himself will be sipping it in the Fire of Hell for ever and ever. Whoever kills himself with a piece of iron will have that iron in his hand, thrusting it into his belly in the Fire of Hell for ever and ever.” Narrated by al-Bukhaari (5442) and Muslim (109),


It was narrated from Thaabit ibn Dahhaak (may Allaah be pleased with him) that the Messenger of Allaah (blessings and peace of Allaah be upon him) said: “Whoever kills himself with something will be punished with it on the Day of Resurrection.” Narrated by al-Bukhaari (5700) and Muslim (110).


It was narrated that Jundub ibn ‘Abd-Allaah (may Allaah be pleased with him) said: The Messenger of Allaah (blessings and peace of Allaah be upon him) said: “A man among those who came before you was wounded. He panicked and took a knife and cut his hand, and the bleeding did not stop until he died. Allaah, may He be glorified and exalted, said: ‘My slave hastened his death; I have forbidden Paradise to him.” Narrated by al-Bukhaari (3276) and Muslim (113).

If you suicide that means you have given up hope on Allah and how can someone who believes in Allah do that?.

If you're just thinking out loud then i understand. I don't think it's that much of a concern if someone thinks about suicide, thinking about doing it is another matter and it's not just you who you will harm for eternity but people who might depend on you.

Just few days ago i was pretty concerned and depressed (you remember my thread) but SubhanAllah, something happened(i don't know what) and i feel content now. These feelings of ups and down are pretty common, we all have some terrible days but things get better. How old are you ? You can get married again, it's not something weird and your kids can understand. If they don't, who cares =)

And i watched a video when Chester committed suicide and i think it explains the reason perfectly!
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=t_o_nWfH2Gw

 

[Eric H]

Greetings and peace be with you ardianto my friend,

You have endured so much over the last few years, I believe this has made you a very kind, caring and compassionate person. I sincerely believe that Allah has given you the strength to overcome these demons.

May you continue to be a blessing to those you love and care for.

Eric

 

[Zafran]

salaam

You should talk to someone - Your Kids need you and you have a lot to give to the world.

Everybody has moments of darkness - the aim is stay moving and living for God.
peace.

 

[*charisma*]

Walaikum Assalam

I think you are still grieving the loss of your wife. Perhaps because you are a father you often find yourself having to put your sadness aside, and therefore when you're alone and you remember her, you begin to feel extremely lonely without her.

Having to cope with the death of a loved one is not easy. However, I hope you can remember that our life is already very temporary and alhemdulilah you are a Muslim. So inshallah you will be reunited with your wife in jannah soon enough. Don't let shaytan fool you into feeling depressed for worldly and selfish reasons. Our souls belong to Allah alone and that is to whom your wife returned. If you truly love your wife, you can do so much for her what she cannot do for herself anymore like making du'a, giving charity on her behalf, taking care of your children, etc. I think that if you do good deeds whenever you remember her, it will make shaytan run away from you and you will never have these thoughts. I also don't think she'd ever want you to feel so depressed about her death.

May Allah make it easy for you ameen.

 

[Bhabha]

I was watching this really cool Korean soap opera about a goblin and the bride of the goblin and a grim reaper. In Korean culture, grim reapers commit the greatest of sins in their past lives and are therefore bound to do the work of greeting the dead and erasing their memories before they move on. The grim reaper in the show had committed a lot of sins, such as having his wife (the queen) killed and the brother of his wife killed because he believed they were traitors and the families. However, the greatest of sins was choosing to end his life after remorse sunk in years following the murder of his wife's family. This was the greatest sin and this is why he was sentenced to be a grim reaper, without a name, without past memories that would tell him who he was.

I cannot imagine what calamities one must be going through to loose all hope and end the life Allah gave them, but that they do not have faith in the situations they've been put in.

 

[Simple_Person]

Wa alaikum salam wa rahmatullah,

I have thought about this issue and many issues like it and so far my conclusion is this.

Happiness, sadness, being angry, emotions in general and decisions also, must be looked through certain perspective. What perspective am i talking about? The perspective of Allah. WHATEVER you do, you think, you say, you not say etc. etc. must first be "judged" according to Islamic standards. I am not sure if what i am saying is the "ihsaan"-level, but to be happy in life also happiness should NOT be depended on creation. Because what has been created will also come to its end. So if it is no longer there, you will feel this emptiness.

We Muslims know much, but we understand very little of what we know. Also about this issue. To make it less abstract.

"I love my house" -->This is wordily view, it will leave you depressed if you have such perspective. Because Allah can take it away.
"I love my house, because Allah has given it me" --> This is the spiritual view, because when Allah takes it away from you, you will say for sure it was either bad for me (alhamdulillah for Allah taking it away from me) OR it is a test for me (alhamdulillah that i have enjoyed it) OR Allah will give something BETTER in return (alhamdulillah as i will get something even better). In other words patience..and thus satisfaction.

"Indeed, Abraham was a [comprehensive] leader, devoutly obedient to Allah, inclining toward truth, and he was not of those who associate others with Allah ." Qur'an 16:120
"[He was] grateful for His favors. Allah chose him and guided him to a straight path." Qur'an 16:121
"And We gave him good in this world, and indeed, in the Hereafter he will be among the righteous." Qur'an 16:122

When we look at the life of Ibrahim(as), much was taken away from him and other things were given to him. However his path of decision making was rather through the perspective of Allah. Sacrifice my son? Allah has said so and i submit to His will, as His will is where my happiness comes from.

When your wife died, one has to also have certain mentality, because you do not love your wife more than Allah. if that is the case, then you are in BIG trouble. Allah is your eyes, Allah is your tongue, Allah is your legs, Allah is your ears, Allah is your thoughts, Allah is your heart. When you lose something, you say indeed it never belonged to me, rather it has gone to its owner (Allah). This mentality is the right mentality, as you will never hit rock bottom, rather only be elevated in imaan.

Again i am not sure if this is part of ihsaan, if so, then for sure it is the truth so far pondering about it. As i have looked from all kind of perspectives but it is rock solid perspective. As NOTHING can break you as long as you have Allah. I remember a hadith when somebody asked Rasullah(saws) when the hardest time was in his life, he replying about that village that he went to do da'wah but everybody not listening to him and even throwing rocks at him. Later on crying and doing dua asking Allah something like if Allah is mad at him or something. When he got the reply of Allah not being mad at him he being satisfied and at ease. This being a important lesson to us that indeed everything we do and think..etc. goes through Allah.

 

[AbdurRahman.]

Walaikum Assalam

look upon your wife's passing away for what it is, her time being up and Allah taking her; coming to terms with this is part of imaan so you musnt let this get you very sad; time for mourning is 3 days? after one's death and then we have to carry on with our lives again!

it may be a deeper problem then just your wifes passing if your mood can suddenly drop from good to a urge to commit suicide so if i was you i would take a pre-emptive precaution, which is always remain in a state of zikr which should keep your spirits uplifted and safe from waswas!

 

[ardianto]

JazakAllah Khayran, thank you very much for your response, everyone.

I am sorry if I cannot talk much for this time. But, Alhamdulillah, I feel better now. Something happened, and it made me realize that I should not thinking bad on Allah.

In Shaa Allah, I'll be back later. And for this time I just want to remind you. ... Whatever happen to your life, ...... do not ever lose your faith.

 

[Arfa]

Assalamualaikum brother,

Please be hopeful though I know very well what's it like to feel depressed as I have gone through depression myself. It hurts to be lonely and companionship is your right! Brother after your wife died im sure you couldn't cope with being alone and it gets you again and again. Your children who are indeed a blessing for you need you, they need your love and support. As for you don't bear this alone! Please talk to someone a friend a trusted therapist! Read Quran for I have always found peace in reading it when I felt shattered by the world. I turned my heart towards Quran and it healed me from inside. Brother sometimes we have gone through so much pain and lonliness that even talking to someone doesn't help its just some change we need inside ourselves or in our environment that makes all the difference. So don't feel alone you are a Muslim alhamdulillAh and you can share your thoughts on IB support. May Allah bless you with a pious and sincere companion and make it easy for you Ameen.

 

[LaSorcia]

Prayers for you, Adrianto.

 

[Hamza Asadullah]

Assalamualaikum.

Few hours ago I visited online newspaper site, like I do everyday. And I saw an article title about depression, with photo of American band vocalist who committed suicide two weeks ago. I understood why his photo is used for article about depression. I looked at his photo and said to myself "Yeah, I am depressed too". But suddenly I felt an urge that I've never felt before. I felt I should commit suicide. I felt it for few moments until I 'awoke'. "No!, no!, I should not do it" I told myself.

Yes, there is something that happen to me after my beloved wife passed away in 2013. Sometime I feel 'drop' which suddenly I am very sad. I feel I am alone, and no longer have spirit to live. It can be happen anytime and suddenly, although previously I was happy. Yesterday I was happy and had big spirit for live. Even I made many plans, not only for my job, but also for my hobby. But today suddenly my mood dropped and I felt this sadness again although no one knew because I tried to hide it, I tried to behave normally. Even few times I laugh when talked with people around me.

No, I don't want to commit suicide. Not only because it's sin, but also because I have many responsibilities toward my children and toward people around me. But now after I felt this urge I begin to worry, if my mental drop again might be I will lose control on myself.

My brother none of us will ever be able to put ourselves into your shoes but know that whatever pain, anguish and struggles you are going through then it will not go without great reward from Allah for he is fully aware of what you are going through and he is there for you and wants you to be closer to him.

My brother whatever time you have left in this life then live in hope, spending your life in pursuit of the pleasure of Allah so that you may join your wife in Paradise in the Hereafter inshaAllah.

My brother your children need you to be there for them so continue to give your children the best upbringing in accordance with Islamic values so that they may grow up to be the greatest benefit to their communities and mankind.

My bother know that you have so much that you can give to give to your own community and mankind, so never doubt yourself or your abilities nor put yourself down for our enemy shaythan wants nothing less than for us to be down and depressed so that we withdraw within ourselves and waste our lives, potential and abilities to be people of great impact.

My brother we are a part of a cycle of life and death and no doubt many of our loved ones will pass away before us but we must realise that our time is very short. We only get one chance at this life so we must make it count. We must make it last. We must make it worth every heartbreak, every smile, every tear, every memory.
This is our one life, our destiny, our fate, our only chance to make a real difference in this world, when we are gone, our life is over., our one chance is gone forever and there are no more opportunities to come back and try again. So this life is the main event, the main show and youre the star. So shine my brother and do not let your enemies take you down!

 

[SeekersElite]

Many people get depressed at one point or another throughout life. Whether it’s caused by the death of a family member, environmental stress, or mental illness, feelings of depression can become difficult for many people. Unfortunately, some people get so depressed as a result of their mental illness or life circumstances, that they consider suicide as an option to escape from their emotional pain.

Suicide is never the solution. so;

“When you feel like giving up, just remember the reason why you held on for so long.”

“Suicide doesn’t end the chances of life getting worse, it eliminates the possibility of it ever getting any better.”

“If you are looking for a sign not to kill yourself, this is it.”

“Anyone desperate enough for suicide should be desperate enough to go to creative extremes to solve problems"

“Place your hand over your heart, can you feel it? That is called purpose. You’re alive for a reason so don’t ever give up.”

“The person who completes suicide dies once. Those left behind die a thousand deaths, trying to relive those terrible moments and understand … Why?”

Never never never give up! Never commit suicide. It shall be better one day Insha Allah

 

[ardianto]

How old are you ?

I am in late of age 49. My sons are 19 and 13.

- - - Updated - - -

I will honest about what made me angry at life in the last time I felt loneliness.

Like I’ve ever said in an old thread that one thing that makes me grateful is easiness to get someone who is willing to be with me. Yes, not so long after my wife passed away few women started to glance at me, or tried to grab my attention. Few people started try to match me with someone. But I always refused because in that time I haven’t think of remarry, although I sometime felt lonely. However, my mind began to change after someone from the past came again after she divorced from her husband. And, ... she still loves me like in the past.

I began to close with her with intention to marry her. And began to believe that Allah sent her for me to heal my loneliness. But my children still not ready to accept ‘the new mother’. It made me hard to marry her, and I fell into loneliness again. But different than previous loneliness, in the last loneliness I began to angry because I felt an irony. Out there, there are people who hard to get someone although they want to get married. While me ?. I am easily can get someone, but I can’t go to marriage. So I still must live in loneliness. I felt it as an irony. And finally I began to questioning “Is life a joke ?”. And I began to angry.

Yes, this is what actually happen. But don't be worry, I feel better now. And I believe, everything will be better.

 

[Eric H]

Greetings and peace be with you ardianto my friend,

You are a kind and caring person, you have chosen to hold off marrying this women, so as not to harm your children, you keep putting others first. I truthfully believe that Allah has created each and everyone of us to be kind and caring, but this is not always possible. Life throws so many obstacles in our way.

I have met two people in the process of committing suicide, they both had similar stories to you, a mixture of love, loss and anger.
After hearing the first lady's story, I said to her that I do not see death as the problem, we all die. I had known her for a few years as a customer, and like you, I saw in her a kindness and compassion.

I said to her, she is a kind and caring person, and it is not in her nature to die an angry bitter and twisted person. Even if you continue to do what you are doing to end your life, find a way to forgive this person, you do not want o leave this life angry and bitter.

When everything had been said by her and me, I said it was pointless coming back next month, but she said come back. When I called back, she had redecorated her kitchen and was planning a holiday.

I have now come to understand that I have left her with a huge burden, she can never forget what happened to her, but each day she would have to let her feelings of anger subside, and to try and find peace. This happened about twenty years ago, and I often think of this lady.

In the spirit of praying to a just and merciful God.

Eric