[Flare]

Salam

So I like this girl who is kafr at my school very much. In Islam, how do you approach the kafr girl, make daw'ah to her? I am extremely shy and I never really talked to woman before besides mom, school work, and internet. What makes it even harder is to talk to the girl I like. I get all red and frozen at the spot. There aren't really any muslim in school besides me and some girls that won't wear hijab. I am not sure how I should do this. I do istihkara everyday of what I should be doing, but everyday it seems to go into the direction of liking her more.

Before she ends up bad like many girls in school, I want to at least engage her by the time I graduate. She is 2 years younger than me. What should be the steps to talk daw'ah to a kafr girl? Is it possible to like call for a little dinner somewhere in restaurant to talk? Can I engage then talk about religion? Does she need a guardian if she is kafr during engagement?

My dad does not want to teach me his ways :c

Jazakallahuhkairun

 

[Physicist]

Be yourself. May be try to be as best as you can by being as yourself, but don't pretend to be somebody else to make her like you.
Don't idealize her. Nobody is perfect, but hormons makes people to see only good and ignore bad.
And remember: In Sha Allah. May be she is your future wife or may be she is a test for you, only Allah knows.

 

[Muslim Woman]

:wa:

Salam

..... Is it possible to like call for a little dinner somewhere in restaurant to talk? Can I engage then talk about religion?

Jazakallahuhkairun

no , u must not do it . It's a trap from Satan . It's impossible that a young girl and a young boy will talk only about religion . After talking about religion , Satan will engage u in haram conversation .


Try to concentrate more on prayers , studies . Ask Allah to save u from all kind of haram relationships and bless u with a pious wife at the right time .

 

[Muslim Woman]

just saw a related post : A reminder to us all :




"And do not go near zina. It is indeed a shameful and an evil path."

(Surah Al Isrâ’, Ayah 32)


Allah says don't even go near fornication/adultery, az-zina. Don't even go near it. He doesn't say "laa taazinu", "don't do adultery" or "don't commit adultery". He says don't go near it.

In other words, there is the act itself, and then there is a series of smaller acts that lead to it.

It's got a parameter around it, and you can't even go close to it. One has to understand the language of the Qur'an and the sensitivity in which it deals with this subject to appreciate the wisdom of Allah 'azza wa jal and how He is counseling us in dealing with this problem.

Allah 'azza wa jal is telling us that there are certain things that in and of themselves are not haram. You're not going to be able to pinpoint it and say "it is wrong". But, when you get involved in it, you're going to get sucked into a gravitational field, and it will pull you in slowly, and surely, little by little by little, and eventually, it'll get you. Eventually it will come at you.


(Nouman Ali Khan)

 

[Search]

:bism:



If you sincerely like her, make dua for Allah SWT to open her heart to Islam and give her Quran and Islamic pamphlets to read. Also, if some girls in your school wear hijab, maybe they can give dawa to her, especially if you know someone from the group that would be able to do that?

That said, bro, I too would advise you against personally giving dawa to her, as that might, as others suggest, lead to inappropriate things later on (not saying that is your intention, because of course I know that isn't but just reminding that many a good intention has led people down onto the wrong path). And btw, none of us are immune from having our good intentions become warped by shaitaan's allures; so, this is a reminder for everyone, including myself.

Take care, bro. And be wise in your course of action.

:wa:

 

[Flare]

So, how should I approach her? I have no idea what other ways there are to even come near her. Is it okay to add her on facebook to talk about Islam? It isn't really face to face, wondering if it is still okay. Also restuant is a public place as well, I thought it was okay to talk in the public place? I need help :c

 

[Flare]

:wa:




no , u must not do it . It's a trap from Satan . It's impossible that a young girl and a young boy will talk only about religion . After talking about religion , Satan will engage u in haram conversation .


Try to concentrate more on prayers , studies . Ask Allah to save u from all kind of haram relationships and bless u with a pious wife at the right time .

So, how should I approach her? I have no idea what other ways there are to even come near her. Is it okay to add her on facebook to talk about Islam? It isn't really face to face, wondering if it is still okay. Also restuant is a public place as well, I thought it was okay to talk in the public place? I need help :c

 

[Flare]

:bism:



If you sincerely like her, make dua for Allah SWT to open her heart to Islam and give her Quran and Islamic pamphlets to read. Also, if some girls in your school wear hijab, maybe they can give dawa to her, especially if you know someone from the group that would be able to do that?

That said, bro, I too would advise you against personally giving dawa to her, as that might, as others suggest, lead to inappropriate things later on (not saying that is your intention, because of course I know that isn't but just reminding that many a good intention has led people down onto the wrong path). And btw, none of us are immune from having our good intentions become warped by shaitaan's allures; so, this is a reminder for everyone, including myself.

Take care, bro. And be wise in your course of action.

:wa:

I will try my best!

 

[Flare]

:wa:




no , u must not do it . It's a trap from Satan . It's impossible that a young girl and a young boy will talk only about religion . After talking about religion , Satan will engage u in haram conversation .


Try to concentrate more on prayers , studies . Ask Allah to save u from all kind of haram relationships and bless u with a pious wife at the right time .

Then how can I even approach a woman who I want to marry? I do not want to do misdeed and commit a horrible sin without realizing. I know it can end up having a haram conversation, but what can be appropiate to talk. Jazakallahuhkairun.

 

[Umm Malik]

make sure .. if allah see your truth in your heart ... he will bring a women to give her dawah and she will be a muslim .. and she may be your wife one day ... but don't forget that the haram is easy between the men and women
so just do your best to be a great muslim .. strive to obey Allah to get his satisfied and when he satisfied he will give you better than you want
allah can make her realize your islam and your good morals to research by herself and be a muslimah just with your morals and your douaa
i have seen a story of a muslim girl that she loved a christian man and allah guide her to repent and she asked allah to guide hime
and subhanallah allah guide hime to islam and she married him subhanallah
make sure allah know the best for you
if he see her good, to be a muslimah .. or good to be the person who guide her ... he will do ... even you don't do any thing except douaa
and if he see her not worthy of islam or of you ... allah will protect you from her and will do the best for you
ask allah and be satisfied for his decree

 

[M.I.A.]

Judging by the thread title OP ain't got a hope in hell.

 

[Flare]

make sure .. if allah see your truth in your heart ... he will bring a women to give her dawah and she will be a muslim .. and she may be your wife one day ... but don't forget that the haram is easy between the men and women
so just do your best to be a great muslim .. strive to obey Allah to get his satisfied and when he satisfied he will give you better than you want
allah can make her realize your islam and your good morals to research by herself and be a muslimah just with your morals and your douaa
i have seen a story of a muslim girl that she loved a christian man and allah guide her to repent and she asked allah to guide hime
and subhanallah allah guide hime to islam and she married him subhanallah
make sure allah know the best for you
if he see her good, to be a muslimah .. or good to be the person who guide her ... he will do ... even you don't do any thing except douaa
and if he see her not worthy of islam or of you ... allah will protect you from her and will do the best for you
ask allah and be satisfied for his decree

Thanks! I will try my best to be good!

 

[Flare]

So, I emailed her. Saying:

"So, I asked you for your hand during the summer and I will ask you again. Can I marry you? Also, would you also consider converting to Islam? I can't marry if you are not Muslim. If you have questions regarding the religion, I would be more than glad to answer it.

It would be best if you can ask me through emailing rather than talking to me in school. My friends are easily excited and can be a bit annoying sometimes.

If you are already Muslim, then that is great! We can discuss things further and perhaps marry before Summer!!! Or at least, engage!"

She never answered me. I couldn't wait for answer. So I messaged her in facebook. Then she answers me:

“Please stop messaging and emailing me. I'm not interested. Thanks.”

However, when this message came, yes my heart was crumbling. But this is to be expected I thought. I cannot just go around asking girls to marry me. She is only 15 years old. I guess I was a bit too fast in asking.

So what should I do now? I never talked to her in person. We only had eye contact and such. But, I ignored her every time when she tried to help me so that I can stay away from haram. But when I like her, she goes soo far. What can I do now? I do istihkara everyday and I still think she will be my woman. The time did not come yet.

Istihkara is a prayer asking god for making the best choice. I feel comfortable with her and still consider her perfect in my eyes even after my prayer. What is this a sign of?

I will admit I was too fast. I was losing my patience. God may have taught me patience from her! xD. God sure is the most merciful and kind.

Also, she when I broke my leg, she tried to help me, but I ran from her. For I am very shy. But, you know, I overcame my shyness to propose her. How can I talk to her at all? In what ways is it halal for me to talk to her? If I see her in the hallway, am i allowed to talk to her or am I not?

I need help. I am still super confused. My heart was broken. Perhaps, I have to continue being patient. I haven't had any girlfriend or even talked to one face to face unless it is project or work. I pray everyday, I made a mosque at my school in which everyday I make athan and pray alone.

I am alone and praying everyday asking god to make her my wife. I am scared if she won't become one. I don't think any woman can make me more satisfied than her...

Confused, I am. And depressed. I do not know what to do. I am doing in the way of god as much as I can. I am a senior at highschool now. I work together with people and make the best out of things.

How can I approach a kafir woman if I am looking to marry her? It seems impossible in this society where everyone gets early relationship as boyfriend and girlfriend system. I have also rejected many proposal of woman.

This kafir woman was the first woman I proposed in my life. Help.

 

[Search]

:bism:



I sympathize with you, little bro, and I think you were very brave; I'm sorry to hear of your situation, but please do not be depressed or confused. See, you also have to see things from her point of view. She's 15, and she doesn't know you and you propose to her. She might think you are either funning her or weird. I am not saying you are non-serious with her or weird, but she wouldn't know that. Moreover, at the age of 15, she might find marrying a huge responsibility as the definition of childhood historically changed to include people under the age of 18. Islamically, under shari (legal) definition, she is not too young to marry; however, in real world, wherein culture dictates understanding of maturity, she is young.

As far as talking to her, brother, you can talk to her with the purpose of perhaps giving dawa, but at this point in time, I'd advise you instead to concentrate on your studies. Since she has said no to you, at this moment in time, you should give her the space that she desires and instead show the best of character. Also, keep praying to Allah SWT saying, "O Allah, please open her heart to Islam and bring her in marriage to me as a wife that will prove the coolness of my eyes." Keep praying that prayer and do not doubt on Allah and instead have trust that Allah SWT has the perfect timing in answering all prayers.

Brother, my sheikh (Islamic teacher) used to emphasize patience so much and used to teach us that patience must be to the end, that is, even to the last breath we would take in our lives. So, adopt patience, brother, because if you are not willing to be patient, life itself will unfold circumstances to teach you patience; therefore, better that you yourself keep to patience rather than have life teach you that important lesson.

Like you, I'd liked an individual as we'd been in the process of halal marital talk with parental involvement; however, the man had to work overseas, and it didn't pan out. It really broke my heart. However, I've survived, little brother; and I have learned that you have to depend on yourself as you cannot come to depend on anyone else. Allah SWT is always there, and we have to turn to Allah SWT with our heartbreaks and any other issues that we face in life.

Take one day at a time, little brother; I know sometimes you may think that this issue not panning out in the way you thought is the end of the world, but it is not. You'll find that you're stronger than this, and I want you to trust Allah SWT no matter what happens. For your sake, I do hope you're right and In-sha-Allah (God-willing) she does become your wife; however, little brother, this life is very long, and I don't want you to close your heart. Keep your heart open and maybe Allah SWT will then either enable her to become your wife if she is written in your qadr (destiny) or give you an even better wife who'll be absolutely perfect for you and whom you'll learn to see as the best gift of your life.

Right now, though, I want you to concentrate on your studies, your life, and also on developing self-confidence. Maybe, little brother, you can do things like joining Toastmasters club which enables people to develop public speaking skills and also you can find activities that will enable you to maintain a healthy focus on life such as joining a gym and making yourself into a stronger man physically.

Little brother, sometimes, things happen in our life which we do not understand, but we should not strive to understand the reasons as they might not make sense to us and are only speculation; whenever things don't go the way you want, say to Allah SWT "I submit" and adopt patience and keep making duas as duas change qadr and also are a means of us attaining closeness to Allah SWT. Remember, little brother, Allah SWT loves you very, very much; and please do not disappoint Allah SWT and instead seek Allah SWT and His SWT pleasure so that you can feel at peace and in bliss.

:wa:

So, I emailed her. Saying:

"So, I asked you for your hand during the summer and I will ask you again. Can I marry you? Also, would you also consider converting to Islam? I can't marry if you are not Muslim. If you have questions regarding the religion, I would be more than glad to answer it.

It would be best if you can ask me through emailing rather than talking to me in school. My friends are easily excited and can be a bit annoying sometimes.

If you are already Muslim, then that is great! We can discuss things further and perhaps marry before Summer!!! Or at least, engage!"

She never answered me. I couldn't wait for answer. So I messaged her in facebook. Then she answers me:

“Please stop messaging and emailing me. I'm not interested. Thanks.”

However, when this message came, yes my heart was crumbling. But this is to be expected I thought. I cannot just go around asking girls to marry me. She is only 15 years old. I guess I was a bit too fast in asking.

So what should I do now? I never talked to her in person. We only had eye contact and such. But, I ignored her every time when she tried to help me so that I can stay away from haram. But when I like her, she goes soo far. What can I do now? I do istihkara everyday and I still think she will be my woman. The time did not come yet.

Istihkara is a prayer asking god for making the best choice. I feel comfortable with her and still consider her perfect in my eyes even after my prayer. What is this a sign of?

I will admit I was too fast. I was losing my patience. God may have taught me patience from her! xD. God sure is the most merciful and kind.

Also, she when I broke my leg, she tried to help me, but I ran from her. For I am very shy. But, you know, I overcame my shyness to propose her. How can I talk to her at all? In what ways is it halal for me to talk to her? If I see her in the hallway, am i allowed to talk to her or am I not?

I need help. I am still super confused. My heart was broken. Perhaps, I have to continue being patient. I haven't had any girlfriend or even talked to one face to face unless it is project or work. I pray everyday, I made a mosque at my school in which everyday I make athan and pray alone.

I am alone and praying everyday asking god to make her my wife. I am scared if she won't become one. I don't think any woman can make me more satisfied than her...

Confused, I am. And depressed. I do not know what to do. I am doing in the way of god as much as I can. I am a senior at highschool now. I work together with people and make the best out of things.

How can I approach a kafir woman if I am looking to marry her? It seems impossible in this society where everyone gets early relationship as boyfriend and girlfriend system. I have also rejected many proposal of woman.

This kafir woman was the first woman I proposed in my life. Help.

 

[Flare]

:bism:



I sympathize with you, little bro, and I think you were very brave; I'm sorry to hear of your situation, but please do not be depressed or confused. See, you also have to see things from her point of view. She's 15, and she doesn't know you and you propose to her. She might think you are either funning her or weird. I am not saying you are non-serious with her or weird, but she wouldn't know that. Moreover, at the age of 15, she might find marrying a huge responsibility as the definition of childhood historically changed to include people under the age of 18. Islamically, under shari (legal) definition, she is not too young to marry; however, in real world, wherein culture dictates understanding of maturity, she is young.

As far as talking to her, brother, you can talk to her with the purpose of perhaps giving dawa, but at this point in time, I'd advise you instead to concentrate on your studies. Since she has said no to you, at this moment in time, you should give her the space that she desires and instead show the best of character. Also, keep praying to Allah SWT saying, "O Allah, please open her heart to Islam and bring her in marriage to me as a wife that will prove the coolness of my eyes." Keep praying that prayer and do not doubt on Allah and instead have trust that Allah SWT has the perfect timing in answering all prayers.

Brother, my sheikh (Islamic teacher) used to emphasize patience so much and used to teach us that patience must be to the end, that is, even to the last breath we would take in our lives. So, adopt patience, brother, because if you are not willing to be patient, life itself will unfold circumstances to teach you patience; therefore, better that you yourself keep to patience rather than have life teach you that important lesson.

Like you, I'd liked an individual as we'd been in the process of halal marital talk with parental involvement; however, the man had to work overseas, and it didn't pan out. It really broke my heart. However, I've survived, little brother; and I have learned that you have to depend on yourself as you cannot come to depend on anyone else. Allah SWT is always there, and we have to turn to Allah SWT with our heartbreaks and any other issues that we face in life.

Take one day at a time, little brother; I know sometimes you may think that this issue not panning out in the way you thought is the end of the world, but it is not. You'll find that you're stronger than this, and I want you to trust Allah SWT no matter what happens. For your sake, I do hope you're right and In-sha-Allah (God-willing) she does become your wife; however, little brother, this life is very long, and I don't want you to close your heart. Keep your heart open and maybe Allah SWT will then either enable her to become your wife if she is written in your qadr (destiny) or give you an even better wife who'll be absolutely perfect for you and whom you'll learn to see as the best gift of your life.

Right now, though, I want you to concentrate on your studies, your life, and also on developing self-confidence. Maybe, little brother, you can do things like joining Toastmasters club which enables people to develop public speaking skills and also you can find activities that will enable you to maintain a healthy focus on life such as joining a gym and making yourself into a stronger man physically.

Little brother, sometimes, things happen in our life which we do not understand, but we should not strive to understand the reasons as they might not make sense to us and are only speculation; whenever things don't go the way you want, say to Allah SWT "I submit" and adopt patience and keep making duas as duas change qadr and also are a means of us attaining closeness to Allah SWT. Remember, little brother, Allah SWT loves you very, very much; and please do not disappoint Allah SWT and instead seek Allah SWT and His SWT pleasure so that you can feel at peace and in bliss.

:wa:

Jazakallahukhariun. This helped me smile . I just had an interview with a man who married 3 weeks ago. I asked him tips, and said I should be patient. He was a non-believing man. He helped open my eyes. I was the impatient one. I had to be patient. I decided I will wait. It could be in a few years in the future in which I will marry her or some other girl that is much better than her. God is the most merciful and the most kind. If I overcome this situation, god will reward me greatly.

Thankyou sister for reaching out. I will take things one at a time. I have trained and still training my public speaking by speaking to everyone at my school during school assembly. I do speeches loud and clear and spread my knowledge to everyone.

I used to do karate. Stopped to study for college and because of many injuries I received from it. This girl I like, she tried to help me. When my leg was busted and I had crouches, she took the same train to get to school to help me. I ignored her. I felt really bad, but it was to protect myself and her from any relationship.

Again thankyou so much! I forget and easily controlled by emotions. I will be strong and be patient. For god loves those who are patient.

Jazakallahuhkairan!

 

[Zafran]

salaam

I think proposing marriage to someone at 15 is young, You also need to understand that you cant just ask people to change there religion like that? How would you feel if someone said that to you? Furthermore your allowed to marry a pious christian and a Jew. If you want to give dawah show that your good Muslim and help people.

peace

 

[~ Sabr ~]

:salamext:

You have had your answer. I think it's time you concentrate on your education more than anything.

 

[Serinity]

It isn't allowed to love a kafir AFAIK.

 

[anatolian]

It is allowed to a muslim man to marry a christian or jew woman.

 

[~ Sabr ~]

:salamext:

It is allowed to a muslim man to marry a christian or jew woman.

SubhaanAllaah. OK. Before we go around handing out fatwas, it is essential that we ask a scholar and look into this ruling?

This means the Christians and Jews who believe in ONE God and that God has no sons, partners, wives, (Naoodhubilah) etc. NOT the Christians of today who believe that Jesus is the Son of God, and Jews who believe the Uzair is the Son of God.