I need advice..seriously

D

Darth Ultor

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Lately I'm having these horrible thoughts about my mother. Let's just say, our relationship is complicated but we are still close. Here's the thing, she doesn't know how to really make people feel better if they're in a bad situation that they got themselves into rather than an external force. She goes into a sort of lecture when what you really need is for her to be supportive. I sometimes get these thoughts of what she'll say and I think of myself responding in a very disrespectful manner. Also, she has this ridiculous notion that just because I'm disabled and just because I faced bullying and rejection in my life, I am incapable of taking care of myself when she herself has displayed reckless behavior even in her adult life that would make many of us go "What the hell". How do I get these thoughts of unleashing anger at her out of my mind?
 
Darth Ultor said:
Lately I'm having these horrible thoughts about my mother. Let's just say, our relationship is complicated but we are still close. Here's the thing, she doesn't know how to really make people feel better if they're in a bad situation that they got themselves into rather than an external force. She goes into a sort of lecture when what you really need is for her to be supportive. I sometimes get these thoughts of what she'll say and I think of myself responding in a very disrespectful manner. Also, she has this ridiculous notion that just because I'm disabled and just because I faced bullying and rejection in my life, I am incapable of taking care of myself when she herself has displayed reckless behavior even in her adult life that would make many of us go "What the hell". How do I get these thoughts of unleashing anger at her out of my mind?
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Greetings,

Although family are a wonderful thing they can also be the greatest test for a person. Sometimes we are so happy that we have been blessed with family whereas when things go wrong we sometimes wish we did not have any. That is why the most important attribute a person can have is to be patient. It is easy to say but it is essential to be patient with family in particular because they are the ones we interact with the most in our daily lives. So tolerance and patience is the most important attribute we must learn. It will not happen overnight but if we start now then we will eventually be much more patient and tolerant with our families and those around us.

We should look at our parents as people. People make mistakes to. It maybe that your mother went through a lot in her childhood and throughout her life for her to be like the way she is today. Maybe she did not have it so easy and events that unfolded in her life has made her the way she is today. Therefore consider this in your mind that your mother has gone through many difficulties but no matter what she has gone through she still loves and cares for you more than anything. Don't try to change her just look at her with love and just think that is the way she is and that is how she approaches things and that we are all different in the way we approach certain matters. There is not always one best way of going about a matter.

So just try to see the positives about your mother and try not to take what she says or does to you to frustrate you to seriously. Just smile at her and know she will not be here for long. She will depart soon as will all of our parents and loved ones. So make the best of the time she is here and think that she has gone through so much for her to be like this and that she really does love and care for you more than anything. So in conclusion:

Look at her with love, compassion and honour her for there is no one like her. Once she is gone then you will appreciate her more so just appreciate her now as much as you can regardless of how she is towards you. Just think of her as harmless and just smile when she does something to frustrate you knowing that your mother is unique and thats just her. So accept it and see it as her unique characteristics. Be the best towards her and be patient and tolerant knowing how much she has done for you and continues to do for you in her own way.
 
Greeting, Darth Ultor

Mothers are people who birth us. Of course, we must always love, respect and honor them. But mothers are human, they can angry and can make us angry too.

Do you angry to your mother?. I understand, you cannot avoid situation that made you angry to your mother. But don't keep anger in your heart because it could makes you hate her. You must always love your mother and do not ever hate her.

My advice, when you angry to your mother, try to avoid her for a while. Go to the park, or do an activity. And also make du'a according to your belief. InshaAllah, it could relieve your anger. After your anger has subsided, you can back to your mother.
 
Imagine her utter helpnessless whilst walking along a crowded street and suddenly being beaten to within an inch of her life by a group of thugs.

Imagine the fear on her face as she falls to cement from a 20 storey building.

Imagine her screaming as she burns in her own kitchen.

Etc.

The above are all nightmare scenarios and if you were to witness any of those things in reality, you would completely forget any animosity you feel toward her and would only think of wanting to comfort her. You'd see how fragile she is.

The thought of losing her or her being hurt bad might help you control and prevent you from unleashing your anger and give you reason to appreciate her more.
 
Old thread, but I should mention that I live alone and I'm 25. At my age I should be taking care of myself, working, studying and a parent should encourage their children to take responsibility. After all, when we raise children, we make sure that they learn to be responsible adults. Still doesn't excuse the thoughts I sometimes I have.
 
I liked bro Hamza's post, I re-read that through about 5 times ;D was that good ;D.

I think that at those times when you feel anger towards her, you should turn to God and ask HIM to give you patience. Also, a little self humility can go a long way bro... though I think you already know that anyway, so no need to mention it.

I pray you find a solution soon.

Bro Scimi
 

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