I need help about my husband, a divorce?

[433147]

salam brothers and sisters. I am in a difficult situation and would appreciate some advise. I met a man 2.5 years ago, mashallah a very good man who taught me a lot about islam. We fell in love and performed nikah at a mosque (after 2 months) in secrecy, because we were young and were waiting a few years for our parents to officially speak about marriage. We did not want to sin by being in love and being unmarried. We were happily married for 2 yearsand we have both put in great efforts towards islam.

My husband has always been extremely loving and the most wonderful person- i have always felt extremely lucky to be his wife. He has a strong iman and is always encouraging me to improve and educating me with love and patience, and mashallah i feel myself changing so much everyday. However, very recently he went overseas to his parents and after speaking to a pious Alem (may Allah bless him) he informed me that our marriage was invalid. The nikah took place with 2 muslim male witnesses and imam, with proposal & acceptance. I do not dare to question the Alems knowledge, however I am heartbroken and do not understand the reason behind this, may Allah guide me.

Now, my (ex?) husband will be performing istikhara to determine whether our marriage would be right. I am terrified, although I have faith that Allah swt will do what's best and guide us, it's killing me that the man I love so deeply and purely may no longer be mine. He has become distant and although he is still caring, he seems to have changed a lot. He is waiting for a dream in istekhara and I have advised that a dream is not neccesary. I don't know what to do, I have no option except to pray and to wait until he has made a decision. I love him with the most purest intentions- most of all this man helped me get closer to Allah. I am terrified and absolutely shattered that in the course of 2months my marriage has fallen apart. I am suffering from severe depression and am terrified of losing him and really hurt by the way he has become so cold in a way. What can I do?

 

[------]

:salamext:

*BUMP

Someone help her Inshaa Allaah

 

[Ummu Sufyaan]

Now, my (ex?) husband will be performing istikhara to determine whether our marriage would be right. I am terrified, although I have faith that Allah swt will do what's best and guide us, it's killing me that the man I love so deeply and purely may no longer be mine. He has become distant and although he is still caring, he seems to have changed a lot. He is waiting for a dream in istekhara and I have advised that a dream is not neccesary. I don't know what to do, I have no option except to pray and to wait until he has made a decision. I love him with the most purest intentions- most of all this man helped me get closer to Allah. I am terrified and absolutely shattered that in the course of 2months my marriage has fallen apart. I am suffering from severe depression and am terrified of losing him and really hurt by the way he has become so cold in a way. What can I do?

ermm..no offence sis, im not so sure what your worried about :? why dont you two just redo your nikah in the legal way? :sunny: i dont get that. no offence intended :hiding:

 

[IbnAbdulHakim]

Assalamu Alaikum

there have been sahabiyaat who have gone through similar sister... minus the invalid marriage (sorry it had to be said). Remember the sahabiyaat who lost her husband to apostacy,only to end up with the prophet sallallahi alaihi wasallaam.

Do not love something over your loyalty and obedience to Allaah, and remember you may hate something though Allaah knows it to be good for you.


I hope you get this man as a valid husband, or get a better husband in return inshaAllaah.


Dont worry, Allaah is the best of planners, worrying isnt necessary, just find ways to fill up your life with obedience to Allaah and sabr....


Assalamu Alaikum

 

[mohsen1985]

The marriage seems fine to me. I don't think there's anything wrong with it.

About your husband becoming "cold" you're going to have to find the real reason behind it. There are millions of possibilities. Maybe his parents have a problem with what he did, or maybe he might have met up with his first love (no one can ever forget their first love), or something else . . .

What I've learned about love and falling in love (being hurt once myself) is that you'll have to keep a balance between love and becoming attached. Always love the person, at the same time don't become so attached that you'll have a problem seperating.

Anyway, try to speak with him and find out what he really thinks. Keep us up to date with what happens and hopefully everything will workout for the best.

 

[krypton6]

If your husband loves you then you dont have to worry because he wont leave you and if he does you should know that he will come back, and if he doesn't love you anymore then there's no point of being together with him.

You will get back together.

 

[al_islam]

I think you need to speak to a shairah council to get advice and get a fatwa. Although this Alim may well be learned he needs to officially give you islamic ruling on it which is accepted by other Alims.

No one her, I dont think can give you this islamic ruling so inshallah try your case at a shariah council.

 

[Ummu Sufyaan]

true said.^^^

 

[Abu Thabit]

w'salam

I think this is why the 'Aalim said the Nikah is invalid, check this link:

http://islamqa.com/index.php?ref=7989&ln=eng&txt=نكاح ولي

and please brothers and sisters, this sort of question is like a Fatwa, none of us here (I think) has the knowledge or authority and jump to answer, yes I know your emotionally moved by the situation, so was I, but when it comes to rulings leave it for the Scholars to answer, and the answer that I found might help you sister insha-Allah

and may Allah guide us all to whats best for us

 

[true believer]

salam, sister
i truly feel for u
i understand it must be hard on u
ur marriage might be invalid and ur husband
is giving u da cold shoulder.
hang in der sis, just be patient
and just talk 2 him and tell HIM how u feel
u're just bottling everythin up
and dat cant be healthy [esp. wiz ur depression n all, no offence]
if u dont, dis is just gonna build up
and u're gona end up resenting him OR
lash out and take it out on him.
dis is isnt fair on neither of u but
all u can do is unite and stick together as husband
and wife.

 

[qrays]

First of all, sister there is absolutely no problems with your marriage! It's totally lawful and legal marriage in Islam.

Please ignore answers post at http//islamqa, as their approach is not correct in this case. Accorging to Abu Hanifa, if you are in your maturity, then you don't have to ask permission of your guardian. If you forgot to mention Mehr, then you can do offer it later. Two men witnesses are enough to have legal marriage in Islam.

Secondly, if your husband still persist in his way getting out, then as a brother mentioned, just re-do your nikah according to Sharia. "Istekhara" is totally irrelevant to this issue. We, muslims, are commanded to follow rules of Sharia, not the visions of our dreams, as they can be simply illusions.

Thirdly, this is your test from Allah. Be patient, make dua; undoubtedly He will guide you.

 

[anonymous]

First of all, sister there is absolutely no problems with your marriage! It's totally lawful and legal marriage in Islam.

if there is no wali, than no, it is not valid

Two men witnesses are enough to have legal marriage in Islam.

no they are not. :sunny:for a marriage to be legal, the following must be fulfilled.

"The Esstential elements of marriage.
For the validilty of a marriage, it is necessary that four essential elements are present:

Legal guardian.
The Legal gurdian is the father of the wife, or his designated representitive, or her closest male relative, or a man of understanding from her family, or the (Islamic) ruler. This is due to th messenger of Allahs statement: laa nikaa7a illa bi walli...There is no marriage wihtout a legal guardian...(the sunan compilers, and it was graded Shahih by al-Hakim and Ibn Hibban)"

Taken from: Minhaj al-Muslim by Abu Bakr Jabir Al-Jazairy

please do not disregard the opinions of the scholars, as they are much more advanced in knowledge than we are...

Accorging to Abu Hanifa, if you are in your maturity, then you don't have to ask permission of your guardian.

perhaps the opinion of imam abu hanifah (rahimahullah) is not the predominate one in this case :sunny:

 

[Malaikah]

People - you all missed the most important point, she married without her parents knowing!

She said:

We fell in love and performed nikah at a mosque (after 2 months) in secrecy, because we were young and were waiting a few years for our parents to officially speak about marriage.

I'm assuming this means your parents don't know you are married, sister? If that is the case, then you must have your walis (guardian - typically the father) permission to marry!

My advice - get your husband to ask the shaykh who told him his marriage is invalid to explain why and suggest a favourable solution.

Please ignore answers post at http//islamqa, as their approach is not correct in this case. Accorging to Abu Hanifa, if you are in your maturity, then you don't have to ask permission of your guardian. If you forgot to mention Mehr, then you can do offer it later. Two men witnesses are enough to have legal marriage in Islam.

Brother the majority of scholars have said:

It is not permissible for a man to marry a woman without the permission of her guardian, whether she is a virgin or previously-married. This is the view of the majority of scholars, including al-Shaafa’i, Maalik and Ahmad.

"Istekhara" is totally irrelevant to this issue. We, muslims, are commanded to follow rules of Sharia, not the visions of our dreams, as they can be simply illusions.

Exactly, you can only do istikhara to choose between two halal alternatives...

 

[Snowflake]

asalam alaikum sister,

I remember hearing about a similar situation before. The couple sought fatwa, which was that if they had known at the time of marriage that it would be invalid without a wali, then the nikah is invalid. However, if they were ignorant of this, then the nikah is valid inshaAllah, as you are not accountable for that which is done out of ignorance.

Allah knows best.


wa alaikum aslam.

 

[dream gurl]

yaa it hurts.but ALLAH knws da best and da future for both of ya guyz..it really hurts when da person you love might be the person you will ntt end up wid..but i dont see nting wrong wid it..o else redo da nikaah..and mashallah you have a bless husband..and if he loves you he will return.jus make him understand his probably in a stress position now..and see why his bein cold..derz alwayz reason to dat.
may allah help both of you guyz..and take ya to the staright path..AMEEn..and dont forget to PRAY for allah..'allah answers prayers'

 

[Tania]

I agreed completely with the above replies and if its not legal, if he wish to continue the marriage will do another nikah.
But what i could not understand how can a "very good man who taught me a lot about islam" don't know a basic thing like: nikah :?
How can a man deliberatly take an inocent woman into sin :?

 

[dream gurl]

nd one more thing sis, even if it was INVALID doesnt stp him frm leaving you..allah is most forgiving most importantly, jus do the nikah again and get on wid ya life..