I need help and guidance.

[thisismyusernam]

As salam Alikum brothers and sisters. I come here with a very serious issue of mine. I have been brought up in a "Muslim" household and have grown up with "Muslim" friends and teachers. I'll get to why I put the word Muslim in quotations. I am 19 years old and will turn 20 in January. After several bouts with depression, anxiety and having more existential crises than I care to mention; I feel like I can finally get my life back into order. I will firstly address my life as a "Muslim".

I pray five times a day, I am not a Hafiz but I do know several surahs, long and short by heart. My parents and I listen to Islamic lectures from time to time. I have refrained from swearing and any sort of inappropriate talk with my friends, which means limiting talking and hanging out with them to quite an extent. I lower my gaze and that also has limited my interactions with my friends to quite an extent. I will admit, I have slipped up several times but constantly return to upholding these principles time and time again. I have been fasting all the days in Ramadan since I was 12 along with praying Taraweeh. I do not consider these things enough nor anything special as these things, in my opinion do not make me a Muslim.


I have committed several sins and have continued to do so. Even though I have lowered my gaze in real life, it is a completely different story on the internet (I will leave that to your interpretation). I have lied too many times and my relationship with my parents has not been the best. There are several other things as well, which will make this post too long so I'll cut it short. What I meant to say when I wrote I do not consider myself a Muslim was that I haven't adopted all Islamic principles i.e Islam is a way of life, it is total submission to religion. I have deliberately ignored most of my obligations and continue to do so. The people around me do the same or are worse. A lot of my friends do not pray, they do not fast; their friends do not pray or fast or read the Quran. Heck! Their parents don't either. My parents watch movies, they browse facebook freely, looking at whatever passes their eyes. My father refuses to go to the Masjid despite the fact that he is idle all day. My mother backbites on the phone. We have cable TV and watch shows on it. We don't have good relations with one of our neighbors. My father continues to idle talk and be cynical despite all that the Quran says. All he does is play candy crush all day and rant about politics. My mother wears Hijab most of the time, occasionally however, she does not. The people around us are worse. They actually promote acts that are against Islam and justify them. But I digress. What I am trying to say is everyone around me including myself is sort of a 'Half Muslim', if you will.


I have gotten into Medical school. My mental illness (depression) is at bay. Mind you, the depression was real and I had to get medical attention. Now I feel like I have a second chance at life. Like a rebirth, where I can make things right. Get with the right company and improve myself as a person. But, the biggest problem is the doubts that I have about Islam. Nobody around me is a true Muslim. Of course no one can be perfect but no one seems to be completely devoted to Islam. These people stay the same year in and year out. If they were Muslim, if I was Muslim we'd be better followers of Islam over time, rather than become worse.


So I am teetering on a fence here. I have a choice to completely let go of my religion or dive into it and become the best Muslim I can and help others as well. My doubts stem from a lack of knowledge. Despite the daily recitation of Quran in my house and the lectures and reading books on Islamic history, I admit I do not know this religion. It is very deep, very vast. It is not just a religion where there is spirituality and prayer only. It is away of life where your every step must be in accordance with Islam. I come here as a person that is addled by the beliefs of his friends, of his parents and of social media etc. I do not know what to believe. I do not know where to go. I am lost as to how I must live my life. Who I must choose to associate with and how I am to serve humanity.


I beg of you my brothers and sisters. Please help me in my time of confusion. In this time that every question I get asked I say; "I don't know".


Btw I am sorry for any grammar mistakes and such in this post. I've written it in an emotionally heightened state and I am sure that it might seem quite confusing and all over the place. But I hope I was able to reach out to at least someone that can help me.

 

[strivingobserver98]

:wa:

Sorry to hear about your situation.

May Allah ease your difficulties and help you fight depression.

I recommend you watch this video and read the link :ia:, hope it helps:

https://islamgreatreligion.wordpress.com/2009/03/09/10-tips-to-fight-depression/

 

[thisismyusernam]

Jazak Allah brother. I got some help from some other practicing Muslim brothers as well. But, your advice looked at things from a different perspective. That article and video was extremely helpful and resonated with me. Thank you so much. It's true that if a Muslim looks for the straight path, Allah helps him and that's what happened today. So many brothers helped me in different ways and now this post completed the whole picture. Alhumdulillah! I feel like I have been set on the straight path and can now work towards bettering myself.

May Allah bless you and grant you success in all your endeavors!

 

[greenhill]

Firstly, welcome to the forum.

Your username gives me the impression that you won't be here long. That's just my impression.

What you are saying is the reality of the world for islam. You have hit the nail on the head.

In short, do you believe? But we also know that ultimately, what will BE will BE in spite of our beliefs. To give up is to allow yourself to be delusional knowing the final destination that awaits.

Remember tests are never easy.

There's porn, free mingling, drinking, gambling, and a whole host of other things as you have mentioned, back biting, showing off, boasting, blah x 100. Can we subdue everything? We can only try. That is why we are human.

Nobody's perfect. But we must keep striving. It's an uphill climb.

Wishing you a great stay.

eace:

 

[thisismyusernam]

Firstly, welcome to the forum.

Your username gives me the impression that you won't be here long. That's just my impression.

What you are saying is the reality of the world for islam. You have hit the nail on the head.

In short, do you believe? But we also know that ultimately, what will BE will BE in spite of our beliefs. To give up is to allow yourself to be delusional knowing the final destination that awaits.

Remember tests are never easy.

There's porn, free mingling, drinking, gambling, and a whole host of other things as you have mentioned, back biting, showing off, boasting, blah x 100. Can we subdue everything? We can only try. That is why we are human.

Nobody's perfect. But we must keep striving. It's an uphill climb.

Wishing you a great stay.

eace:

Thank you so much for your reply. It is great to hear different perspectives. Also, you are right, I originally didn't plan on staying too long on this forum. The reason being, my classes are starting in December and it's kind of hard keeping track of multiple forums. I'm on a medical forum, another Islamic forum etc. But, seeing how supportive and active the community is here, I will stay for a long time to come, In Sha Allah.

You are right. One shouldn't try to do a big thing in a big way. Rather, take smaller steps that will result in something bigger. Working towards a little improvement everyday will result in remarkable change overtime. I understand now. Jazak Allah! Brother. May Allah bless you.