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Thread: I need help
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Narwand

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Assallamualaikum

I am a new member on this forum and i need help from my educatd brother ans sisters in Islam. I will try and keep itshort. Basically I like a boy on facebook, he is muslim and from the same cultural background as me. The problem is I like him just for marriege purpose and dont know how to go about it. Could you all help me find the halal way to get things started as I really cant think of anyone else but him for marriege and of course dont want to do things in haraam way without knowing. So please suggest me anything that wont make ALLAH angry with me and I also get to marry this man. Jazakallah khair.
 
Wa alaykum salam,

Possibly approach your parents or a brother to ask him if he is interested in marriage. If not, then leave the matter. I'd be careful though. Your parents might not be so keen cos you don't know him in real life.
 
I agree with the brother.

You must tell your parents who can take matters further if they wish. Having told them you need to stop communicating with him via facebook or any other private means i.e. email, text message.
 
Thank you both brother and sister for your time to read my post and reply. I can understand what you both trying to tell me. I just want to clarify that I am not in touch with him on any means, I have only send him a msg once and he replied but that wasnt something haraam and after that i havent been in touch with him. I have heard nice things about him from other people and from his photo he seems like one also. The problem in telling my parents is that the way their minds are they will never go asking for this man because it has never happened in our culture before. If i tell them about it they will probabley get a heart attack especially this is someone I dont know personally...but whats my fault in all this?? I just want things in halal way. Even before i had liked someone and just when i didnt initiate anything, thinking my parents wouldnt like it, nothing happened and the boy who was a relative went on and got married to someone else. So I think our ALLAH and religion has given right to all of us to get married to the person we like but of course without doing haraam, so just because of my culture (which i respect to some extend) and strickness of my parents and society I will keep everything i feel inside me and then either dont get married for the rest of my life or end up marrying someone I dont like.

Why I have come to this forum to ask advice in the light of Quran and hadees on this matter, i mean if there are any special prayers i can do to make it happen or there is any ayah i can read to get married to this specific man inshallah in a pure halal way???? I really need help because I cant think of marriege anymore if it didnt work out with this man this time and of course dont want to face the consequences of living the rest of my life with that thought.
 
Salaam Sis,

[Edited]

Anyway , now u can offer Istekhara salat . If have any good sign , then u may ask the boy directly if he
is interested in marriage ( to my knowledge , it's allowed for women to send marriage proposal ).

may Allah grants what is best for u.
 
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:salamext:


sister, do the Istikharah prayer;



‘O Allaah, I seek Your counsel by Your knowledge and by Your power I seek strength and I ask You from Your immense favour, for verily You are able while I am not and verily You know while I do not and You are the Knower of the unseen. O Allaah, if You know this affair -and here he mentions his need- to be good for me in relation to my religion, my life, and end, then decree and facilitate it for me, and bless me with it, and if You know this affair to be ill for me towards my religion, my life, and end, then remove it from me and remove me from it , and decree for me what is good wherever it be and make me satisfied with such.’


also see;
http://www.islamicboard.com/advice-...ing-allaah-subhaanahu-wa-taaala-guidance.html
 
well by ur msg u seems to be mature. so in my opinion (ALLAH SWT forgive me if i am wrong) rather approaching ur parent, u directly told that boy that if he is interested in marriage (thats can only be a halal relation btw two non-mehram) He can send proposal for u to ur parents. i think sometime ppl feel bit shyness in this matters esp girls but personally in my opinion there is nothing bad in it. as a human our needs are inter related to each other and none of us is "independent" from other humans.

2ndly must do istahra b4 as suggested above. and also note facebook or these site, ppl dont shows/mentioned there shortcomming but its something like advertisement of a product, where seller always shows the +ives of the product. so facebook is like advertising ur personality where ppl mentioned only those things in their personality that attracts others. that can be photo if some one is cute like me lol, some put other things so think b4 well b4 the descion.
 
Thank you all soo much for making an effort in responding to my post, very helpful...may ALLAH help you all.

Yes i know about isthikara prayer and did perform it before trying to contact this man on fb....and after doing it i sent him a message and he replied and plus i saw him in my dream too. So does that mean he is good for me and ALLAH is happy with me thinking about marriege with this man??? Another question i performed isthikara following what was said on this other website which says "First pray Two Cycles (raka') of ritual Prayer (nafil) such that in the first raka' after Surah Fatiha (Allhamd…) recite Surah al-Kafirun (Chapter 109) and in the second raka' after Fatiha (Allhamd…) recite Surah al-Ikhlas (Chapter 112). After finishing prayer recite this (supplication/dua'): Dua in Arabic Text above." So did i do it the right way??????

Ok it says every where that after performing isthikara salat do what your heart feels most positive about, so if i go by my heart ofcourse i would want to get married to this person and my mind even supports me to some extend but then the minute i get a thought about my family...my mind tells me to forget it as its not suitable, what will my family or relative think about me, that what kind of a girl i am and etc etc...but again thats not the solution. So im really confused....
 
:salamext:


If it is good for you, Allah will make it all easy for you. If it isn't good for you - Allah will prevent it.


Now, the main thing for you to do is - maybe privately talk to your mum only. And tell her what you feel (about wanting to marry because you're older now) etc. Then maybe you can be close to her for a while before telling her who you want to get married to.

Gradually, your mum might talk to your dad about it and over some time - they might agree to it. And through that time, keep on asking Allah to help you if it is good for you.
 
^ i should not recomend this direct discussion with parent. bcz one u are not aware he will be willing or not ...2ndly many parents take this issue as their ego.
 
tigerkhan said:
^ i should not recomend this direct discussion with parent. bcz one u are not aware he will be willing or not ...2ndly many parents take this issue as their ego.
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:sl:

I think that speaking with your own parents and family about this type of issue is the best way. No one should try to take it in their own hands and try to approach the boy themselves. Rather then that occuring, the best way would be indeed to talk with your own parents first. Try not to imply the direct impression that the brother is ready to take on the idea regarding marriage itself but try a simple light approach with your parents,also you shouldn't feel bad if he chooses not to marry you, if he does great! So if things don't affect you and your parents alot if the purposal is rejected.

Insha'Allaah Allaah will guide you and your family,along with all of us to the right path, ameen.
 
The problem in telling my parents as the brother said is their ego and this is something they never experienced or heard before not just in my family but not even within our far community. So telling my parents is close to imporssible....that of course doesnt mean i dont want them to get involve...in fact without their permission i wont get married to anyone, but there has to be something else done in this case before they find out as much as i know them. So this is where i need help, me proposing directly to him will be i dont know how and plus i dont know if thats a good way to start.
 
Do u know this guy personally? Or do you just like him from Facebook?
 
He is quite popular and i know him mainly from facebook but to some extend personally too. Hope thats what you wanted to know.
 
Salaam

why he is popular ? Does any of ur friends know him personally ? Sometimes friends mom , your
aunt can help as a matchmaker.

Do u have any common person whom ur parent and his parent know / have a good relationship?
 
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No sister, we dont have any family links, I just know a brother who is one of his close freinds but of course i dont have the confidence to tell that brother about this whole issue. So i am really confused where to get the whole marriege proposal thing started.
 
Narwand said:
The problem in telling my parents as the brother said is their ego and this is something they never experienced or heard before not just in my family but not even within our far community. So telling my parents is close to imporssible....that of course doesnt mean i dont want them to get involve...in fact without their permission i wont get married to anyone, but there has to be something else done in this case before they find out as much as i know them. So this is where i need help, me proposing directly to him will be i dont know how and plus i dont know if thats a good way to start.
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:sl: dear sis,

I also agree with Bedouin's suggestion. Do you have a sister? If you do, I suggest you tell her first as to practice how to talk to your parents about it. If not, just tell your mom little and little. Perhaps you can first mention the guy generally without relating him to you. This'll need courage, but our parents only want what's best for us. I personally know this sister, she had never expected her mom to be so understanding. As for your dad, your mom can talk to him. Your parents have also been young at some point of their life, you can't know for sure how your parents will react before you try. Also make plenty of du'aa.

May Allah grant you what is best for you.
 
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Salaam Sis,

how old is he ? Does he have a job ? Is he thinking of getting married ?

Without chatting with him alone , can u collect these info ? Who introduced u with him ? Sorry , I did not read all posts .
 
Thank you both sisters for responding to my post. Yes i do have a sister but my problem is first of all as i mentioned before its close to impossible to tell my family something like this at this stage at least because as i have already said it has never happened in our culture before and even if they get to know some other girl has dne something like that they start saying the girl must have been a sinner...God knows from how long she was meeting that man n bla bla. So If i tell them anything like this at this stage they will probably start accusing me of things that i haven't done and i won't be able to take it. I want something to be one so the guy gets to know what i am thinking of marriege with him and also my family doesn't take it the wrong way and of course everything halal.

Muslim woman, you asked about the guy, he is around same age as me, he has a job but i dont know if he is thinking of marriege or not because i am not in touch with him. I know a brother who is a close freind of his and i have indirectly asked him about this guy and he seems to be like the person i would want to get married to.