I need some advice.

A

ArabPrincess

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ok. here it goes.

well...i used 2 b rlly religious as a lil child becoz my parents kinda began teaching me about our religion 4rm a very young age. I used 2 pray since i was 3yrs old and properly aswell. Bt as i grew up it was almost as if i began rebeling against wat i'd been taught because i had been doing it 4rm a young age. N e wayz nw im basically the average western grl whos rejected (nt on purpose) all the muslim norms and values, and now im jus livin for the here and nw 2 honest.

I know it sucks, bt i ry dnt knw where 2 begin turning my life around, thats rly why i joined, 2 get advice.

I hav made several atempts 2 change the way i am, bt im surrrounded by other family members who r just as bad and even worse. The younger generation of my family have all just rejected our religion basically. We all say we're muslim, bt none of us actually pray or do wat is expected of us. My parents have basically given up on tryin 2 change me, n they've jus accepted my behaviour and attitude towards life.
 
the thing i suggess you do is pray to your lord and just ''FEAR'' you r lord! :)

take care
 
ArabPrincess said:
ok. here it goes.

well...i used 2 b rlly religious as a lil child becoz my parents kinda began teaching me about our religion 4rm a very young age. I used 2 pray since i was 3yrs old and properly aswell. Bt as i grew up it was almost as if i began rebeling against wat i'd been taught because i had been doing it 4rm a young age. N e wayz nw im basically the average western grl whos rejected (nt on purpose) all the muslim norms and values, and now im jus livin for the here and nw 2 honest.

I know it sucks, bt i ry dnt knw where 2 begin turning my life around, thats rly why i joined, 2 get advice.

I hav made several atempts 2 change the way i am, bt im surrrounded by other family members who r just as bad and even worse. The younger generation of my family have all just rejected our religion basically. We all say we're muslim, bt none of us actually pray or do wat is expected of us. My parents have basically given up on tryin 2 change me, n they've jus accepted my behaviour and attitude towards life.
Click to expand...
Surely you can harness those rebellious attitudes to become a better Muslim than those around you? :)
 
ArabPrincess said:
ok. here it goes.

well...i used 2 b rlly religious as a lil child becoz my parents kinda began teaching me about our religion 4rm a very young age. I used 2 pray since i was 3yrs old and properly aswell. Bt as i grew up it was almost as if i began rebeling against wat i'd been taught because i had been doing it 4rm a young age. N e wayz nw im basically the average western grl whos rejected (nt on purpose) all the muslim norms and values, and now im jus livin for the here and nw 2 honest.

I know it sucks, bt i ry dnt knw where 2 begin turning my life around, thats rly why i joined, 2 get advice.

I hav made several atempts 2 change the way i am, bt im surrrounded by other family members who r just as bad and even worse. The younger generation of my family have all just rejected our religion basically. We all say we're muslim, bt none of us actually pray or do wat is expected of us. My parents have basically given up on tryin 2 change me, n they've jus accepted my behaviour and attitude towards life.
Click to expand...

sister just making the intention Allah rewards you...fufilling this intention will only give you much greater reward...inshaAllah just dont give up...for Allah wraps every gift from Him in a problem sis....admitting the problem is the first step which you have done...seeking to sort it out is the next...and sister youre on your way just remember Allah for you can be sure He will not forget you...
 
you all talk like its so easy 2 b religious. nt if u live my life its aint. I hav plenty of m8s n nt a single one of them is actuallly religious, the ones who r muslim jus say they're muslim they dnt actually do wat our religion says.

My family dnt help the matters, my parents just let me do wat i want and hav been doin so for some time.
 
ArabPrincess said:
you all talk like its so easy 2 b religious. nt if u live my life its aint. I hav plenty of m8s n nt a single one of them is actuallly religious, the ones who r muslim jus say they're muslim they dnt actually do wat our religion says.

My family dnt help the matters, my parents just let me do wat i want and hav been doin so for some time.
Click to expand...
:sl:​
^ same story with most some people, so you are not alone. Its even harder for reverts as they have to basically face the "whole world".

:w:​
 
Sis i live in the west too. I was kind of the opposite. Although my parents taught me all about Islam from a young age, there was a slight langauge barrier that made me uninterested. I had some islam, like i wore hijab, but I didn't pray... which is weird I know. But I started to read about Islam at the age of 13 on my own after going to 'umra with my mother (may Allah have mercy on her soul) and my brother and I fell in love with it. That is why now I love 'ilm as it is what brought me on to the path. Everyone has a certain reason why they practice Islam. Well since you clearly care, i'm sure Allah cares about you. Make du'a that you will be guided. And repent sis, repent sincerely. Sincerity is the key. I hope i've helped a little bit insha-Allah.
:w:
 
ArabPrincess said:
you all talk like its so easy 2 b religious. nt if u live my life its aint. I hav plenty of m8s n nt a single one of them is actuallly religious, the ones who r muslim jus say they're muslim they dnt actually do wat our religion says.

My family dnt help the matters, my parents just let me do wat i want and hav been doin so for some time.
Click to expand...

God, the Most Merciful says in the Qur'an:
"The day will come when the transgressor will bite his hands (in anguish) and say, "Alas, I wish I had followed the path with the messenger. "Alas, woe to me, I wish I did not take that person as a friend. "He has led me away from the message after it came to me. Indeed, the devil lets down his human victims."[25:27-29] . This shows, how important is choosing our friends. So take heed before the inevitable Day comes and we are reckoned for our acts.

a quote i found about friends...sister look if your friends are true then they will not lead you astray away from your deen...your friends reflect the kind of person you are...my own personal experience of befriending muslims who were not particularly religious saw me moving away from my deen...but now i have found security in knowing that sisters i am friends will, will advice me in doing whats islamically correct and they will make me aware of anything i may be doing, which is not right for me...sister find yourself friends who will be are true to their deen and you will find they will be true friends to you...or if even sister try and get your friends closer to their deen and do it together..for i know without my muslim sisters and i strengthening our deen together i would not be whom i am now...:)
 
ArabPrincess said:
you all talk like its so easy 2 b religious. nt if u live my life its aint. I hav plenty of m8s n nt a single one of them is actuallly religious, the ones who r muslim jus say they're muslim they dnt actually do wat our religion says.

My family dnt help the matters, my parents just let me do wat i want and hav been doin so for some time.
Click to expand...


well sis look am not religious, i just converted 2years ago i don't know alot about izlam as much as you do. but at the end of the day the only thing we all should do even tho if people are christians, hindus, etc etc just fear our lord and pray like i did whereas i still do but not pray like muzlims do cause obviously i don't know how to read that but i'm learning so soon i will :)
but the only thing am saying is if god 'wants' he can and believe me if you just pray and just fear your lord am sure he will lead you to the right path :) like he has done to me :).
whereas it's even hard for me cause my family are christians and they don't wana become an asian wereas me dad is but not me mum but the only thing i do is pray to my lord and fear him!

so i suggess you to not stress your self and just pray to your lord and fear him :)

things will build up by step by step :)

take care
 
Salaam.

I think what you need now is some advice that becomes something practical. Words can be said over and over again, but hopefully I'll help you on to your first step of becoming a changed person.

It's pretty easy actually, get a pen, a pad, and engage your brain. If you can do this properly, than obviosuly you are ready to change.

Make a checklist of all the things that you do that you know are wrong. Then, take each item/act, and go into more detail. Why you do it, who do you do it with, where, when etc. Once you've done all that, you then start at the very begining. Looking at your notes, you shall find a way to stop the and overcome the 'why', or get rid of the 'who with', stop going to the 'where', and do other activities for 'when'.

This obviously can be very easy, or very hard depending on what the act is. So it'll be wiser to start at the easiest to stop. Gradually as you work your way through this checklist, you should keep firm an intention that you are changing for the pleasure of Allah and to be a better Muslim. You know that if only Allah wills, you'll change. So it's a must to keep a firm and true intention throughout.

Once you have noticed a change in routine and daily life, it'll be good to make another list of to do's. In here could be Salaah, Quraan time, time to look up Islamic knowledge etc. If you can sync between the two, that'll be ultimate.

Work your way through the lists, seeking sincere repentence and asking for will power to stop your current ways and to change for the better each time. Insha Allah may you soon be a better Muslim. And I hope this helps in your effort to become a changed person, and to change those around you too.
 
Assalamu alaikum

Yes, i agree. If you really want to change you will being it upon yourself to change things. If your circle of friends aren't helping you, then look for better company. Prophet Muhammed(peace be upon him) warned us about who we take as friends as the ones whos company you spend time will be whos traits you adopt. You don't have to stop talking to your friends or shun them or anything.. just distance yourself from non-religious activities and influences which are hindering your religious development.

I can understand when you say it isn't easy, especially when you are not surrounded with good influences, but that shouldn't serve as your excuse for rebelling.

Your fate is in your hands. Heaven and hell are both beckoning. The choice is yours.

May Allah be with you,

Ma'assalama
 
:salamext:


Theres alot of people that have experienced the same thing as you. Like, you start off really young practisin wit your family, buh as time goez by - you get older, get new mates and you think to yourself, why do i have to go through all this islamic stuff, its na getin me nowhere and 'i can do it when i'm older.'

This is a big mistake alot of the muslims, and even non muslims fall into - most people think they gna live forever, but shaytan distracts the person and makes them think that they 'can do it tomorrow.' But what if we don't be alive by then?

And could you but see when the guilty shall hang down their heads before their Lord (on al qiyamah): Our Lord! we have seen and we have heard, therefore send us back, we will do good; surely (now) we are certain. (Qur'an 32:12)



So first of all, you need to change your intention to make yourself believe that you wna have a new start. So - make a clean intention that you wna make a new start, buh if your afraid of that (because its a total change) - just make a simple intention that you wna learn more about islam, so you can get a better understanding of it, with an open heart:

O ye who believe! Enter into Islam whole-heartedly; and follow not the footsteps of the evil one; for he is to you an avowed enemy. (2:208)


Some people are brought up learnin alot about islam, buh they don't experience the proper joy of it because once their older - they wna experience the same things ery1 else is experiencing. And when you're a kid, you don't really have that freedom, and your parents are your only role-models, thats the only reason you wna follow them.


So, this time - make your intention that you wna get a better understandin of islam, you know the basics already - but u wna find out why you gota recite the qur'an, instead of telling yourself that its a sin if you don't read it [like parents might have said]. But instead focus on the more deeper side to it, tell yourself that its a way to get guidance Allaah subhanahu wa ta'aala wen u need help, and you're doing it for your own soul, which can lead a person to jannah insha'Allaah ta'aala.


1. So your first step is your niyyah (intention) to get a better understanding of islam.

2. Your doing it out of your own freewill; no-ones forcing you, but you want to study islam, a sign that Allaah azawajal wants to guide you to the straight path again (because He knows theres something good inside of you.)

(Qur'an 2:256) There is no compulsion in religion, for the right way is clearly from the wrong way. Whoever therefore rejects the forces of evil and believes in God, he has taken hold of a support most unfailing, which shall never give way, for God is All Hearing and Knowing.


3. When you were young; you may have heard stories from the Qur'an and Sunnah, but you never experienced reading/understanding them first hand.

So this time, you going to focus on trying to understand by directly reading from the Qur'an and Sunnah, instead of someone else paraphrasing it for you. This way, you'll get a more better understanding of islam (through your personal perspective) and if you ever be unsure of anything, then you can easily ask off this forum and we'll try our best to find you answers with daleel (evidence.) insha'Allaah.


---

Family is gna play a big part in what happens in your life, and your friends will too.


Our beloved Prophet Muhammad (peace and blessings be upon him and his beloved family) really emphasised on how your friends affect what kind of person you are:

“The example of a good companion and a bad one is the bearer of musk and the worker on the bellows. A bearer of musk would give you some, you might buy some from him, or you might enjoy the fragrance of his musk. The worker on the bellows, on the other hand, might spoil your clothes with sparks from his bellows, or you get a bad smell from him.”
​

(Reported by Al-Bukhari and Muslim, this version being Muslim’s)you can read the explanation of the above hadith from the following link insha Allaah:

http://www.islamonline.net/English/HadithAndItsSciences/ThisHadith/2005/03/01.shtml


so to simplify the hadith (saying of our beloved Prophet sal Allaahu alayhi
waSalam) up; is to say that the people a person hangs out with; affects that person.

the example used is of a musk seller and a furnace blower. so by being with the musk seller, he may give you some musk so you may smell nice and people will like you for that.

whereas if you be with the furnace blower - he may even burn your clothes or you may get a bad smell from him. so you may get hurt while hanging out with the wrong crowd and you may get a bad reputation due to the acts of the bad people you hang around with.


Once you start making more muslimah (female muslims) your friends - you'll realise they'll have a better influence to you insha Allaah, because they will have the same aim as you - to become a better muslim, and will try to commit as less sins insha Allaah.

Even if you cant make alot of mates, maybe because of where you live - its important you stay in a more islamic environment, so maybe even the forum could be that environment insha Allaah. (God willing.)


If you start focusing more on wanting to become a really good muslimah - Allaah the Most Merciful will know your intention - that you do want to do good, and practice islam in your life (because islam is a way of life) and Allaah the Most Beneficial will help you through that insha Allaah.


--

Obviously, you gna feel guilty of what has happened. How you changed from being good, to bad, and you might feel that you can't focus on islam again - because you need that spark to start it off.

So start with the niyyah, then try to focus on an area that interests you the most and relate it to islam (see the islamic perspective to it.) And gradually, this topic will lead to other subjects which may interest you.
For example; if you don't agree with something that may be haraam, then check the reason for why it is haraam. Allaah azawajal doesn't want to put pressure on us to make things sin, but that thing may harm us, and that is the reason for them being haraam, makruh etc. Theres wisdom behind everything in islam, so look for the reason behind it, but most importantly: remember to keep your heart open to it, and if you get confused - ask, insha'Allaah.



You probably still feel really guilty, but its really important to remember that Allaah the Most Merciful's forgiveness is so great, greater than you can imagine..

Our beloved Prophet Muhammad (peace and blessings be upon him and his beloved family) narrated that Allaah the Most Merciful said:



O son (or daughter) of Adam, so long as you call upon Me and ask of Me, I shall forgive you for what you have done, and I shall not mind. O son (or daughter) of Adam, were your sins to reach the clouds of the sky and were you then to ask forgiveness of Me, I would forgive you. O son (or daughter) of Adam, were you to come to Me with sins nearly as great as the earth and were you then to face Me, ascribing no partner to Me, I would bring you forgiveness nearly as great at it.

(Hadith Qudsi - 34)​


Now do you see how Merciful our Lord is? you have to remember that as long as you are living, you still have time to ask for forgiveness and to repent, but you also have to keep in mind that you dont know how long your going to live - so make sure you do repent fast and make it sincere so you dont try to commit that sin no more.

After you've asked for this forgiveness sincerely.. our Most Merciful Lord tells us:


...Allaah will change the evil of such persons into good, and God is Oft-Forgiving, Most Merciful. (25:70)​


Now how lucky is that! :eek:



..and Allaah is the Source of All Strength.


:wasalamex
 
Sister, what I can tell you is that, you have taken the first step. You have got your priorities sorted in your head. You want to put Allah first, before anything else - which is really how it should be. So what if your friends are not religious? Once you have started changing yourself, they will also be influenced by the change they see in you. By taking this first step - you are on the road to success inshallah.

Keep strong and have faith. We'll be praying for you.

Peace
 

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