anonymous
Anonymous User
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This might be kind of long and I'm sorry, but I have nowhere else to go. I really need to just talk and get some advice. I've been trying to be a good muslim, but I have failed. I've been reading the text. I've been posting on this site off and on for sometime. I've tried my best but I've failed everywhere. I've failed in my faith, I've failed in my relationships, and I don't think I can fix anything. I've been with my fiancee since 2007. About a year later I found Islam. Well actually I've always known Islam. I just have never tried to take the proper steps until a couple of years ago. I had every intention on us getting married, but each time we set a date something happens to stop it. She lost her job, I put myself in debt trying to keep a roof over our heads. Then she got pregnant with our first child. She has two from a previous marriage. So I'm really messing up with my faith at the time.
I've never really got along with her family. Mainly her mom. It's just we come from two different backgrounds. My family is very conservative, and we don't really share our feelings. Her family is the exact opposite. They are very close, where mine are not. For the most part I go to all of their family functions except their yearly camping trip. I just don't like to camp. I'm a very clean person so the thought of not taking a daily shower bothers me. Other than that I make it to most of their functions if I'm not working or just not wanting to go which is rare. They have birthday parties for all of their kids which range from 1-17. So I'm there sometimes every other weekend or so. I skipped a few events at the beginning, and they made the comment that I didn't like them. Which wasn't true. I'm just not a social person. I get worn out when I'm around alot of people. I'm a classic introvert. So earlier in the year I got into a huge fight with her mom which has seriously hurt our relationship. I forbid my fiancee's oldest from staying the night on their christmas get together. I only did since at the time he was lying to us, and he skipped school when he was grounded. I thought that by taking that away from him he'd learn his lesson. The boy is only 8 so I thought skipping school at 8 was a definite problem that needed to be taken care of now. Since then I haven't tried to go to family get togethers as much. I've only been to one. Then for the last month her oldest was lying to us again, getting mouthy, stole from us, and finally not doing what we told him to do. So we grounded him. Then he was grounded, and was mouthing off to his mom when I wasn't there. I told him if he screws up again he won't be going to their get together last Sunday. Well Sunday morning came around and he was playing when he wasn't supposed to be. I got him, and so did she after I got on him. So we both said he couldn't go. I stayed home since I was on-call anyways, and well it's her family. They got mad about it, and they just made the excuse that he's being a boy and all of what he's done is normal. While I agree a certain amount of misbehavior will occur, but not to his extent.
Sunday night we got in a huge argument over her family. I got very upset, and told her to leave, but I wanted to keep my son. She wouldn't let me so I tried to grab him from her, and she pulled away. I grabbed her arms and pushed her back so she would let go. I took him away, and she jumped up to grab him from me. I put my right arm out and pushed her a bit. It was more of an arm for her to keep her distance. I didn't try to hurt her, nor would I. I feel horrible about it. I should have never put my hands on her. I wish I had just went outside or just went to bed. I should have, but I didn't.
Her mom and her came by Monday and we talked a bit. They both seem to think I'm wrong for having a stronger bond with my son compared to her son's. It's not that I love him more, I don't. I love the three of them the same. I just have a stronger bond with my son. And her mom thinks I'm too hard on the oldest. I am hard on him, I'll admit it. I don't hit him except spanking, but that's rare these days. And I never left marks. I'm just hard on him, because I want him to be a responsible person growing up. He had several behavioral issues when I first came around. He would throw himself on the ground, crying , and yelling at his mom. He would bite her, hit her, and kick her. He even swore at her. This was all due to her ex-husband being a very bad person. He doesn't do that stuff anymore though. So we've made progress so far. He's a smart kid, and he does well in school. I just want to keep him going down the right path. So I am hard on him since no one else was before me. His father would smack him around, and his mother was too lenient. And her family just didn't do anything about anything.
And one thing that upset me was I found out that she has been telling her family everything I've said about them. I've never said anything to my family about what she has said about them. I just didn't think it was the right thing to do.
I tried talking to her about us getting counseling, and I don't know. Yesterday she seemed like she thought it was a good idea, but then this morning she thought it would be pointless. I don't know if I can fix this.
I've never really got along with her family. Mainly her mom. It's just we come from two different backgrounds. My family is very conservative, and we don't really share our feelings. Her family is the exact opposite. They are very close, where mine are not. For the most part I go to all of their family functions except their yearly camping trip. I just don't like to camp. I'm a very clean person so the thought of not taking a daily shower bothers me. Other than that I make it to most of their functions if I'm not working or just not wanting to go which is rare. They have birthday parties for all of their kids which range from 1-17. So I'm there sometimes every other weekend or so. I skipped a few events at the beginning, and they made the comment that I didn't like them. Which wasn't true. I'm just not a social person. I get worn out when I'm around alot of people. I'm a classic introvert. So earlier in the year I got into a huge fight with her mom which has seriously hurt our relationship. I forbid my fiancee's oldest from staying the night on their christmas get together. I only did since at the time he was lying to us, and he skipped school when he was grounded. I thought that by taking that away from him he'd learn his lesson. The boy is only 8 so I thought skipping school at 8 was a definite problem that needed to be taken care of now. Since then I haven't tried to go to family get togethers as much. I've only been to one. Then for the last month her oldest was lying to us again, getting mouthy, stole from us, and finally not doing what we told him to do. So we grounded him. Then he was grounded, and was mouthing off to his mom when I wasn't there. I told him if he screws up again he won't be going to their get together last Sunday. Well Sunday morning came around and he was playing when he wasn't supposed to be. I got him, and so did she after I got on him. So we both said he couldn't go. I stayed home since I was on-call anyways, and well it's her family. They got mad about it, and they just made the excuse that he's being a boy and all of what he's done is normal. While I agree a certain amount of misbehavior will occur, but not to his extent.
Sunday night we got in a huge argument over her family. I got very upset, and told her to leave, but I wanted to keep my son. She wouldn't let me so I tried to grab him from her, and she pulled away. I grabbed her arms and pushed her back so she would let go. I took him away, and she jumped up to grab him from me. I put my right arm out and pushed her a bit. It was more of an arm for her to keep her distance. I didn't try to hurt her, nor would I. I feel horrible about it. I should have never put my hands on her. I wish I had just went outside or just went to bed. I should have, but I didn't.
Her mom and her came by Monday and we talked a bit. They both seem to think I'm wrong for having a stronger bond with my son compared to her son's. It's not that I love him more, I don't. I love the three of them the same. I just have a stronger bond with my son. And her mom thinks I'm too hard on the oldest. I am hard on him, I'll admit it. I don't hit him except spanking, but that's rare these days. And I never left marks. I'm just hard on him, because I want him to be a responsible person growing up. He had several behavioral issues when I first came around. He would throw himself on the ground, crying , and yelling at his mom. He would bite her, hit her, and kick her. He even swore at her. This was all due to her ex-husband being a very bad person. He doesn't do that stuff anymore though. So we've made progress so far. He's a smart kid, and he does well in school. I just want to keep him going down the right path. So I am hard on him since no one else was before me. His father would smack him around, and his mother was too lenient. And her family just didn't do anything about anything.
And one thing that upset me was I found out that she has been telling her family everything I've said about them. I've never said anything to my family about what she has said about them. I just didn't think it was the right thing to do.
I tried talking to her about us getting counseling, and I don't know. Yesterday she seemed like she thought it was a good idea, but then this morning she thought it would be pointless. I don't know if I can fix this.