I want more men to follow this advise...

[xboxisdead]

I want more men to follow that rule in the attachment. You have an argument with your wife. She wants to be the boss. She fights for power. Marriage broke because of it. It is not your fault. It's hers. Now that you both broke up, she leaves the house and take the kids. What do you do?

Smile. And move on. Simple. The kids will naturally come back to you and hate their mom for it. She is the one who will lose. Not you. You say to yourself, "But I will miss in their childhood, they influence, etc." Eeeeek. Wrong! What childhood and influence? When you two are married, you spend eight to 10 hours outside the house working to provide for the house anyways. The most important part of the childhood intimacy between child and parent is already being influenced by the mother and not by you. The only difference between this and the other is with this they are in the same roof as your house. That is, it. Whereas the other, the house is empty for new nest. New wife. Maybe better than the old? Maybe more beautiful than the old? Maybe kinder than the old? But what about the children??! - boohoo boohoo boohooo - I will reply to that, "What about them?". Ever thought perhaps that the new children also may be better than the old? Ever crossed your mind. You can make more children anyways. Think of children as .... say pets...or cats. You lost a cat; you get a new one. Same with children. And who knows, maybe you have had it here with children anyways. Maybe you start losing patience with your own children anyways and this is a great stress reliever to your own health. Ever thought of it that way. Ok, so you want kids badly. Fine. Marry again, make news ones. Done. Alright. More men follow this mentality less women would actually separate children from their father and less of these stories will be heard. Women will realize that...well...she will NOT BE ABLE to hurt her men this way anymore or no men or few men will be hurt this way and he will move on? He will get married again. He will he have new children and live happy ever after and me?? Me being single mom? Me getting old? Me surrounded with children and no man will marry me!? What about my happiness? NO WAY I will allow this. NO. I will burden him with his children! Let him have the kids. I want to look pretty and get a new relationship myself.


Here you won. You did nice mind game and won. I will say this works for all women. You will say, "Wait! Not all women are like that. There are some loving mothers. They are women who want their kids more than having another men." The nice, repeated record over and over and over. I will reply to that, "Yes. You are right. But my statement holds true. It holds for all women. All women who use children against their husband who are low trash by nature will do what I said above." Because this only applies to those trash women. Women who really love their children will work 600% to make sure relationship between father and children are protected and she will not interfere between them.

 

[Eric H]

Peace be with you xboxisdead; and I hope you can find peace;

I am sorry, but I disagree with just about everything you have said.

Whereas the other, the house is empty for new nest. New wife. Maybe better than the old? Maybe more beautiful than the old? Maybe kinder than the old? But what about the children??! - boohoo boohoo boohooo - I will reply to that, "What about them?". Ever thought perhaps that the new children also may be better than the old? Ever crossed your mind. You can make more children anyways.

You can't treat a wife like a pair of shoes, a wife should be for life, until death do you part. Having been married 39 years, full of arguments and disagreements, there were so many times I could have walked away, but I didn't. There were times she wanted to leave, but she didn't. When things go wrong, you fix them, rather than walk away. Your wife is more important than your children, you marry your wife not your children. Get things right with your wife first, then it will be far more beneficial to the children.

Put the children first, and the chances are you will mess things up first with your wife, then with the children.

Think of children as .... say pets...or cats. You lost a cat; you get a new one. Same with children.

You are talking more about a sperm doner. A husband and father is a far more demanding role, and takes a huge amount of commitment. Marriage is probably one of toughest things we do in life, nothing prepares us for the turmoil ahead. Rather than expect to be with the best possible wife, strive instead to be the best possible husband. Fight all battles with kindness. Pray that Allah will bless your family, pray for guidance.

May Allah bless you on your journey,
Eric

 

[xboxisdead]

Peace be with you xboxisdead; and I hope you can find peace;

I am sorry, but I disagree with just about everything you have said.



You can't treat a wife like a pair of shoes, a wife should be for life, until death do you part. Having been married 39 years, full of arguments and disagreements, there were so many times I could have walked away, but I didn't. There were times she wanted to leave, but she didn't. When things go wrong, you fix them, rather than walk away. Your wife is more important than your children, you marry your wife not your children. Get things right with your wife first, then it will be far more beneficial to the children.

Put the children first, and the chances are you will mess things up first with your wife, then with the children.



You are talking more about a sperm doner. A husband and father is a far more demanding role, and takes a huge amount of commitment. Marriage is probably one of toughest things we do in life, nothing prepares us for the turmoil ahead. Rather than expect to be with the best possible wife, strive instead to be the best possible husband. Fight all battles with kindness. Pray that Allah will bless your family, pray for guidance.

May Allah bless you on your journey,
Eric

First of all, I am not going to read the part about the wife because I am not talking about that. Second of all, so many men think like you have committed suicide because their wives have left them and to me those men are idiots. By the way, wives are like shoes, they can be replaced with new ones. Same with the husband. We are all replaceable. No one should be placed in a pedestal or put in a divine level like so many men who put their wives under worship or divine level. Never said you abuse your wife, or mistreat her, or be verbally abusive to her. All I said if relationship is over, much like shoes, get a new wife if you cannot live alone then move on. Like everything in this world moves on, even the crust of the Earth is replaced with new ones. The tree leaves fall off, much like shoes, and be replaced with new ones. Your body cell every day dies and replaced with new cells. Wives and husbands are replaceable. Each partner work hard to treat each correctly and give each their rights, but much like anything in this life, the other will either die from disease, old age, or break up, and be replaced. What are you going to do? Weep and rock back and forth? Of course not. You move on. By the way, women do this better than men in moving on. They can easily move on and find a new partner even if they have lived with that man for 30 years. It is the man that cannot move on so easily. The man is the one who drinks to wash his pain and get depression or blast his head off. Not women. Your idea that a father should fight tooth and nail to see his kids is the very reason why this cycle will never finish. Men like you is why women are able to do what they do. Men like you is the very reason why this disease will never stop. If more men just fluff the dust out of their shirts and move on and get married again and raise new homes and move on as easily as women, then more women will think twice about this tactic and more men will be able to see their kids. The more you are too attached to the kids the more it is used to manipulate you, the more it is used to hurt you and the more this sick disease will remain if not become stronger.


You said, "A husband and father is a far more demanding role and takes a huge amount of commitment. " And who said those roles are gone after divorce. You still have responsibility to financially support the children and you still have to raise them, even if it is through digital skype. However, if the obstacle is your ex-wife, then she is the one who is harming the children not you. You are not responsible for those evil acts and when the children grow up they will hate the mother and not you. What are you going to do in the meantime? Sit in the dark room, with no lights coming from the sun, have your beard grow to the ground, with flies buzzing above your head, never showered for twenty years in hopes your kids will knock the door, and come hugging you and screaming "Daaaaddddyyy"? This is why this sick disease will never finish. Men are equally contributor to this as women and law is. MOVE ON. Teach your children that no one should be able to terrorize you. You should live your life to the fullest. Show them what real men is.

 

[Eric H]

Peace be with you xboxisdead;

I am guessing you have had a bad experience in a relationship, and I am sorry if this is the case. But ask yourself this, a number of sisters may have read your posts, do you think you would be the sort of man they would want to marry?

It is in our power to change ourselves, we have little influence in how we can change anyone else. My only other comment would be, to search for a greater understanding of marriage through Islam.

May Allah bless you on your journey,
Eric

 

[xboxisdead]

Peace be with you xboxisdead;

I am guessing you have had a bad experience in a relationship, and I am sorry if this is the case. But ask yourself this, a number of sisters may have read your posts, do you think you would be the sort of man they would want to marry?

It is in our power to change ourselves, we have little influence in how we can change anyone else. My only other comment would be, to search for a greater understanding of marriage through Islam.

May Allah bless you on your journey,
Eric

What are you talking about? You are just spouting classical records, and tired one at that. Your reply is equivalent to someone saying, "Your red and I am blue." or better yet, "Hamana hamana hamana."

 

[Eric H]

What are you talking about? You are just spouting classical records, and tired one at that.

I have been married for 39 years, I know how much effort, perseverance, resilience, forgiveness and kindness it takes to make a relationship work. I know it is worth every struggle to fix all problems and disasters as they happen. I feel much stronger and happier through all the heartaches we have been through Together. I would not change my wife for any other, we have been through so much, it is now until death do we part, God willing. I say that, because there is always the possibility of one of us ending up in a care home, because we become to frail to support each other.

May Allah bless you on your journey,
Eric

 

[xboxisdead]

I have been married for 39 years, I know how much effort, perseverance, resilience, forgiveness and kindness it takes to make a relationship work. I know it is worth every struggle to fix all problems and disasters as they happen. I feel much stronger and happier through all the heartaches we have been through Together. I would not change my wife for any other, we have been through so much, it is now until death do we part, God willing. I say that, because there is always the possibility of one of us ending up in a care home, because we become to frail to support each other.

May Allah bless you on your journey,
Eric

I am talking about evil people who look at nothing but materialistic gain and power and dictatorship. Alright. I am talking about men who are in this situation right now. I am talking about leaving an example for future evil people to stop them in their track. If you do this, this will be the consequence. This way they think twice before doing it. You are being a large eyed anime character with flowers dancing in pink background as you are wearing oven gloves holding a roasted Turkey in a tray while babies suckling from your body as a symbol of perfect husband is not the topic here nor the solution either. I am talking about a man who is good pious who followed the ways of the prophet (peace be upon him) in treating his wife and that wife is evil. She thinks of nothing but materialistic gain, uses the powers on her hands and abuses them...he is in a predicament now. When he is here that is where my advice should be considered. Trust me at this, moving on and raising new children WILL make the first wife resent you for it (that is a win on your pocket) and she will force the children on you, instead of you going for the children then for sure she will make sure you will not see them.