I want to commit suicide

[anonymous]

Alsalaam alaikum I will try to make this as brief as possible.

I have been struggling for a couple of days with strong urges of killing myself. I know that despair and losing hope is equal to disbeleiving in Allah but please bear with me and try to consider where I am coming from.

Since I turned 15 yrs old I wanted to become closer to Allah so I tried my best to become a fully practising muslim girl. It was not easy but I did my best. However being so young I was very naive and imexperienced in life and so I had this unrealistic utopian view of society, muslims and the entire world in general. I was extremely enthusiastic and your genric version of what a practising muslim girl looks and acts like. My parents encouraged me in the beggining but it turns out they were insincere because they only approved of me when people outside commented on how 'good' I was. And when they realized that practising muslim girls are unattractive and looked down on in society they did their best in shutting me away from the rest of the world and not have any kind of social contact with other people so I was left behind I took on the role of a passive servant that has no say in even her own personal affairs. I have a background of bullying and unpleasant experiences in my past so I also become withdrawn by my will. I also developed a huge inferiority complex along with unresolved anger issues that are weighing me down.

My older sister has developed a mental disorder as she couldn't deal with the harsh realities that she was facing. I love her with all my heart and soul and everything that I have. But sadly my parents are very cruel to her and this has had a huge knock on effect on me. She has no friends only a little and everyone identifies her as the 'crazy girl' but she wasn't always like this she was and still is to me a beautiful and wonderful girl who has been tested and I beleive that maybe the future holds for her a better promise. At the moment though she still has to deal with all the stereotypical symptoms people who suffer from mental illnesses have to deal with but there is one thing I envy her for and that is her unshaken faith and the fact that she is very keen on her ibadah.

You see I became completely the opposite I failed Allah's test and I think I am going to hell fire. I myself started developing symptoms of an undiagnosed mental disease and I have completely lost my faith in everything. I feel empty and sad inside. The world seemed so hollow that I started experiencong episodes of psychosis I have stopped praying and when ever I try to read the quran I feeel suffocated. But this is not the only bad things that I have done I became an extremely angry person and I started losing faith in Allah. I wanted to avoid religion as much as I could and I did terribly jorrible things like going to horoscope websites and checking birth charts and watching inappropriate anime content. I felt like I have no soul and now I feel possesed I have no one to turn to and no place to go to. My community hates me because someone has been surveilling me and reported to them that I do not pray and now I am officially known as a hypocrite for some reason all this doesn't bother me as much as the thought of being dead and sentenced to hell fire eternally.

I don't know what to do. I think Allah has cursed me and sealed my heart I know I am an evil person this is why I avoid people to not cause them harm or confusion. I became a recluse and I spend most of my time on the internet. I don't want to sound melodramatic but I am not accepted by most people and people warn each other from me.

Please help me. How do I return myself back to life and purge my poisoned soul.

 

[anonymous]

Sorry for using so many Is.

 

[Muslim Woman]

:wa:


pl. remember : Allah burdens not a person beyond his scope ( 2: 286 )


Life is test for hereafter . We must pass the tests to get Jannat . Don't miss any prayer , recite Quran regularly . Pray with patience .

may Allah grants what is best for u .

 

[Muslim Woman]

 

[drac16]

Wa alaykum salam,

I'm sorry to hear about what's happened to you and your sister; I'll keep you and her in my duas, insha Allah. First of all, I would say that no one has the right to tell you what is unattractive (I assume we're talking about physical attractiveness here). What your parents think and what your environment believes is just that-- it's a belief. They're entitled to believe that muslim women are unattractive, but that belief is not the same thing as a fact. Truth be told, I find women who dress modestly more attractive than non-muslim women who don't dress modestly. Whenever I see a sister wearing her hijab or a brother in his thobe and kufi, my heart jumps for joy. I suspect that many of my brothers in Islam feel the same way.

Even so, that is only physical beauty we're talking about-- and physical beauty is only temporary, aside from subjective. Do you want to know what's going to give you more confidence? being beautiful in the eyes of Allah azza wa jal. His standard of beauty, unlike society's standards, never changes. When I wear my thobe, I feel as if I'm the most handsome man in the world, even though I'm not . Knowing that Allah loves it when I dress modestly gives me far more joy than the world's approval ever could.

A mental illness is already difficult to bear, but being misjudged on the basis of having said illness makes it worse. I don't know your sister, but assuming that she's a good person, as you said, then she's certainly not crazy. A person who's legitimately crazy is one who has no self-control and no comprehension of what they're doing. You can know that, in spite of the accusations that your sister is crazy, she is not. It's like if everyone was telling you that two plus two equaled five; would you believe them? no, of course not. You would be confident and comfortable knowing that they're wrong. How can you feel threatened by something you know to be untrue?

I don't know where you're at, religiously speaking, but you still don't deserve to be gossiped about. Whoever was spreading information about you of your unfaithfulness, that was cruel of them. Your feeling of being unworthy is from Satan; it has no truth value at all. Allah azza wa jal created you, me and everyone else to worship Him [Qur'an 51:56]. For the first 21 years of my life, I was a kaffir, but it's not like Allah wanted nothing to do with me. He wanted everything to do with me, or else He wouldn't have made me in the first place!

The same is true for you. Even on your worst days, God still has His mind on you; He provides for you, is patient toward you and still invites you to repent to Him. Since you said that you dabbled in astrology, I think it would be best to take your re-take your shahada and start anew. Trust me, one drop of nectar from God's Mercy is sweeter than the whole world and everything in it. No sin is too big, no amount of sinning is too numerous for Him to forgive. It's not like God is sitting in Heaven, saying to Himself "Whoops I got a little carried away! now that person's evil heart is too overpowering for Me!".

I know what it feels like to live every single day as though nobody understands or that nobody cares. With Allah, though, you're never alone. Your worst day as a muslim will be superior to the best days you had as a non-believer. I hope that you will consider what I've said. The world is a better place with you in it.

 

[Muhammad Waqqas]

Alsalaam alaikum I will try to make this as brief as possible.

I have been struggling for a couple of days with strong urges of killing myself. I know that despair and losing hope is equal to disbeleiving in Allah but please bear with me and try to consider where I am coming from.

Since I turned 15 yrs old I wanted to become closer to Allah so I tried my الخ...

Assalam o aalaikum Wr Wb,

The first and the foremost thing is correcting our assumption about Allah (سبحانه و تعالی) its called: احس الظن بالله
i-e have a positive and beautiful opinion about Allah.

Unfortunately alot of us are told from the day we are born about how much we will be punished if we do wrong things, and subsequently our opinions about Allah (سبحانه و تعالی) become such that He (سبحانه و تعالی) is someone who is perhaps going to punish almost everyone of us. That's not at all true. I will advise you to LEARN who Allah is.. trust me.. this is a Muslim's BIGGEST strength. People will come with advises on how to solve problems that might be linked to what "you are suppose to do" or how hard "you" have to work to fix things.

My advise is, do just 1 thing: Know Allah. Learn about him. When we say Allah is all hearing and all seeing.. do we ever think that He is looking RIGHT NOW.. at this point in time when I am pressing the keys of my keyboard and someone is reading this post.. Do we have the feeling of being looked at by our beloved lord, or being heard..

Please read these two pages (its my humble request):
Introduction of Allah (subhanahu wa ta'aala)
Make Taubah.. Today!

If you don't have enough time to read these, please at least read the second link. Its about Taubah.. and its about the misconceptions people have that drive them away from Allah.

May Allah make it easy for you. I ask Allah to solve your problems and the problems of the rest of the Ummah.
Jazakallahu Khair

 

[anonymous]

Thank you Muslim sister, brothers drac and muhammad waqqas.But sadly my mental and spiritual states are deteriorating by the day. I feel horrible and my suicidal urges are getting worse. It is hard I feel worthless and abondoned. I wish I had the strength and patience of a true beleiver. I try to listen and read quran but just qhen I do. I feel like screaming please help give me hope.

 

[introspective]

 

[introspective]

 

[introspective]

 

[introspective]

 

[introspective]

 

[drac16]

Sister, please understand that no part of you was created by God to be able to handle all of that. The first step you need to take is to stop the self-reliance and give up on the self. Every person must give up on their own attempts at being strong enough, to believe enough and to be patient enough. All of that comes from Allah. That's why we always say "Alhamdulillah Rabbil alameen" in our salah, because we don't deserve praise-- He does. Come to the Lord sore and out of breath, just like prophet Jonah [peace be upon him] did in the belly of the fish.

I see you, in essence, saying that you can't do this and that you can't do that. I'm not asking you to end your own problems or to be what society wants you to be. I'm asking you to be who Allah wants you to be and that starts with giving up on your own attempts to cope. You have to cling to Allah azza wa jal and break the shackels of ego that are holding you down. That's the only way you'll rise above the things holding you down. That doesn't mean you'll stop suffering altogether, but Allah is sufficient enough to keep you going, despite anything that comes.

 

[InToTheRain]

Sister,

Indeed, Allah will not change the condition of a people until they change what is in themselves...(13:11)

In this Ayat Allah Most High is referring to the Heart/Soul which should be turned towards Him before He can change your condition. There is no one better to rely on and to put your trust No matter how bleak your life may seem to you Allah Most High can change your situation in ways you cannot imagine.

Never lose hope in Allah Most High and the fact that you are actively seeking help is a great sign that you haven't given up and indeed so long as you live there will always be ways to attain closer relations with Allah Most High; The Most Merciful. Allah Most High Loves it when we repent and the link below gives a little more detail on this:

Repent, For Allah is Merciful

Sister the Heart/Soul is a clear water which becomes polluted as our senses and cognition engage in what Allah Most High prohibits. You mentioned you become angry often and unfortunately in this state it becomes increasingly easy for shaytan to manipulate you which has led to your current predicament. I would advise you do Whudu or splash yourself with water if you become angry or even lie down if possible.

A saying if my Sheikh is "if your Salat/Prayer is Beautiful then Allah Most High will make your life Beautiful"... I can attest to the truth of those words so please Sister at least perform the 5 prayers to the best of your ability.

I also urge you to watch the youtube video series regarding the purification of the Hear:
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=rNfQxnRoPHo

Its also available in amazon as a book.

Sincerely hope your troubles are allayed soon Insha'Allah

 

[Alpha Dude]

"We narrate all these stories of the Ambiyaa (Nooh, Hood, Saalih, Ibraheem, Loot, Shuaib and Musa - alayhimus salaam) to you so that We strengthen your heart." 11:120.

Read about the lives of the Prophets, upon them be peace, per the above (you must have read on their backgrounds already but spend some time again all the same). May Allah strengthen you. Aameen.

 

[anonymous]

I am useless, worthless, a failure, I should die. I don't feel like I exist anymore. Nothing I ever do is good enough, I don't know why I am so abnormal. I am not like other people, I don't belong anywhere. Why can't you tell that God will forgive me if I kill myself. I am completely paralyzed and disabled. I am thrown into a bottomless pitt. I want to burn myself, cut myself, choke myself, Iam despicable. I live alone and I 2ill die alone. There is no place for me in this world I am completely crushed and at my wits end I can't face anyone anymore. Maybe people like me are just nit supposed to live. Please please tell me He will forgive me if I kill myself. I am full of shame I can't go on like this anymore. I try to be positive but nothing ever changes. Nothing. It won't change please tell me that people who are miserabke as this might get granted some mercy. Please. PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE. I HAD ENOUGH THIS IS WAY TOO MUCH TO BEAR. I DON'T FEEL LIKE I HAVE A BODY ANYMORE I FEEL LIKE I AM FLOATING IN EMPTY SPACE PLEASE.

 

[MuslimInshallah]

Beloved,


Are you the same young woman who posted 3 weeks ago?


It is hard to talk with you if I don't know more about you. You can private message me if you like. Because I sense that there are things you are shy to talk about. And that you need to talk about.


Don't be shy to talk to me. I know something about the darker sides of families.


But one thing is for sure: you are loved, my dear. Please don't deprive the world of your Beauty. Yes! Beauty! Allah made you, so there MUST be something beautiful inside of you. I know what that hollowness and despair is like. And I also know that out of the lifeless ashes of lava-burned land, come the most juicy and delicious fruits.


Talk to me, my dear. Hugs.

 

[Muhaba]

I am useless, worthless, a failure, I should die. I don't feel like I exist anymore. Nothing I ever do is good enough, I don't know why I am so abnormal. I am not like other people, I don't belong anywhere. Why can't you tell that God will forgive me if I kill myself. I am completely paralyzed and disabled. I am thrown into a bottomless pitt. I want to burn myself, cut myself, choke myself, Iam despicable. I live alone and I 2ill die alone. There is no place for me in this world I am completely crushed and at my wits end I can't face anyone anymore. Maybe people like me are just nit supposed to live. Please please tell me He will forgive me if I kill myself. I am full of shame I can't go on like this anymore. I try to be positive but nothing ever changes. Nothing. It won't change please tell me that people who are miserabke as this might get granted some mercy. Please. PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE. I HAD ENOUGH THIS IS WAY TOO MUCH TO BEAR. I DON'T FEEL LIKE I HAVE A BODY ANYMORE I FEEL LIKE I AM FLOATING IN EMPTY SPACE PLEASE.

Do you know that Allah loves you, as He loves all His creation? He becomes happier when a sinner repents than the person who finds his lost camel in the desert. But He will be to you as you expect Him to be.

God does not hate anyone but you need to open your heart to Him and have faith in Him. Believe that He loves you, cares about you, and will forgive everything you may have done or said. He forgives all sins and He does not mind it in the least.

The one who is giving you all these negative thoughts is the Shaytan, who is the enemy of all mankind. Shaytan wants you to lose hope and commit suicide so you go to hell forever. And yes, the one who commits suicide will go to hell. No one has the right to take a life and whoever wrongly takes a life will go to hell forever, including the one who takes his own life.

You need to have hope in God and pray and cry to God to open your heart. You need to start reading the Quran and pray regularly. And you need to do everything to change your life. Remaining alone is only going to make you miserable, so you need to go out and meet people. Go to the mosque and meet sisters there. if you can't go to your local mosque for any reason, then go to a different mosque. And don't worry about people hating you. People are very forgiving and will in fact be happy if you change for the better. They won't think of your past wrongdoings. Buy a new hijab, wear it and go to the mosque. Put a happy smile on your face, greet the sisters, and let them know you've become a changed person.

Smiling helps a lot, so make sure you smile even when you don't feel like it. Smiling will actually make you feel better. Go out in the sun, to the park or for a walk. A walk in nature will make you feel a thousand times better.

Stay away from negative people. And make sure you don't listen to any music. Because music will only make you feel sad and hopeless and give you suicidal thoughts. Listen to the Quran instead.

Also, tell yourself that you won't commit suicide ever and pray to Allah to protect you from making a wrong move. With every breath tell yourself you are a good person, you love Allah and He loves you, and there is nothing you've done that He won't forgive.

If there are things you want to achieve in life, write them down and make a plan on how to get them.

 

[ardianto]

I am useless, worthless, a failure, I should die. I don't feel like I exist anymore. Nothing I ever do is good enough, I don't know why I am so abnormal. I am not like other people, I don't belong anywhere. Why can't you tell that God will forgive me if I kill myself. I am completely paralyzed and disabled. I am thrown into a bottomless pitt. I want to burn myself, cut myself, choke myself, Iam despicable. I live alone and I 2ill die alone. There is no place for me in this world I am completely crushed and at my wits end I can't face anyone anymore. Maybe people like me are just nit supposed to live. Please please tell me He will forgive me if I kill myself. I am full of shame I can't go on like this anymore. I try to be positive but nothing ever changes. Nothing. It won't change please tell me that people who are miserabke as this might get granted some mercy. Please. PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE. I HAD ENOUGH THIS IS WAY TOO MUCH TO BEAR. I DON'T FEEL LIKE I HAVE A BODY ANYMORE I FEEL LIKE I AM FLOATING IN EMPTY SPACE PLEASE.

I was born in family that considered wealthy. It's because my father was success in his job. But he passed away when I was 20.

Few years later I started my career as businessman, but then I made big mistake that made me lost huge amount of money, including house and cars. It made felt 'down' because I failed, not success like my father. I tried to rise again, but failed and failed again. Finally it made me felt I was not worth and useless. And I lost my spirit to do an effort again to make my life better.

One day in that time. I was walking, and I saw an old man stood beside the street. He want to cross the street, but afraid. I helped him to cross the street. Arrived in the opposite side, he smile at me and said "May Allah reward you, young man". And suddenly I felt my life spirit came again. I began to realize that I was still worth and not useless. I began to have a courage to start my career again. So, few days later I started to work as freelance salesman. I rode motorbike or walk, traveling around the city, offer some stuff. Now, Alhamdulillah, I have my own business, I can fulfill my family needs and can give job to job seekers.

Do you know, sister?. There are many people who need your help. You can help them. Try to leave your room and go around. Give little help to anyone when you see someone need help, like cross the street. Or maybe you are interested to work voluntary to help people?. My mother worked voluntary to read books for the blinds after my father passed away. In Shaa Allah, help the other will make you realize that you are not useless, and still worth for the world.

 

[Snow]

Thank you Muslim sister, brothers drac and muhammad waqqas.But sadly my mental and spiritual states are deteriorating by the day. I feel horrible and my suicidal urges are getting worse. It is hard I feel worthless and abondoned. I wish I had the strength and patience of a true beleiver. I try to listen and read quran but just qhen I do. I feel like screaming please help give me hope.

You should wait for a while. The feelings will pass.
Look at it from the exact opposite. Does being happy last forever?
Not at all. You are going through a really bad time but fighting through it will make the rest of your life even happier.

Who would enjoy good times if they have not faced adversity?
Also, it is never a good idea to make serious decisions in a very emotional state.