I’m a sister-but want advice from a brother’s perspective

[anonymous]

Salams

There is a brother who works in a store. I have seen him a few times and he has seen me as well when I go to buy things there. I see him go to the masjid and he seems practicing.

He doesn’t know me. But I’ve been seeing him at the store for a few months and I feel interested in him. I’m considering to get my wali involved to speak to him about marriage.

But I’m very hesitant. A month ago I had to go to buy something urgently from a grocery shop before it closes by 5pm. I was rushed in a hurry so my hijab looked messy and wasn’t fixed, I wore a wrinkled abaya that needed ironing, different coloured socks and my shoelaces were untied. I looked very messy and untidy.

After I finished, I walked past the store the brother works in and to my surprise he was standing outside looking like he was waiting for someone. He saw me and looked at me. I wanted to die. He saw how messy and disorganised I was.

I keep remembering this incident and feeling very embarrassed. I was interested in him and still want my wali to approach him. But I’m very nervous to how he now views me. Would he be turned off by how I looked and consider this a dealbreaker?

This has been causing me lots of worries. I want to know from a brothers perspective how you would feel if you saw a sister dressed very untidy and messily, would you consider her for marriage? Would that incident I described of my clothes looking messy be a turnoff or dealbreaker? Please reply honestly. Thank you

 

[eesa the kiwi]

Asalamu alaikum rahmatullah wa barakatu

Personally this wouldn't phase me too much we all have bad days

Try not to worry about it

 

[anonymous]

Thank you brother. I was expecting more replies...

I’m trying to get over what’s happened. What do I do now to fix how that brother perceived me? Do I bring it up and tell him I was in a hurry, but even then, it’s no excuse for me to look that messy. I don’t want him to have a bad idea about me.

 

[BeTheChange]

Stop over thinking. Women think too much!

It has happened no what if's, Could have, should have etc. Done and dusted. Express your interest the halaal way and take it from there. If he is interested great it is written. If not Alhamdulilah, Allah swt will have someone special waiting for you. Enjoy life woman!! Life is too short.

 

[Futuwwa]

I'm pretty sure he didn't even pay any attention to you being messy. Or if he did, he has probably forgotten about it. I think your feelings over him just make you over-anxious about every little possible thing.

We want many things from prospective wives, but I have a hard time imagining any brother making an actual issue out of something like that.

 

[Studentofdeed]

Sister I would not worry about it. Guys usually dont pay attention to the detail of you hijab. But if he is practicing, the thing he should look is at the content of your deen and how you practice. That what a true muslim man should do. Not pay attention necessarily to make up, and clothes, and the perfumes women wear.