I'm having recurring thoughts of suicide, what do I do about these thoughts?

[SintoDinto]

I keep having thoughts of suicide. My mother is very controlling and doesnt want an embarrassment and demands I don't get help except during therapy sessions. I keep calling people because the thoughts keep happening and I keep feeling depressed. She even says, "go ahead and do what you want," even once as I was leaning over the ledge of the second story. She's angry at me now, because I hollered at her and my brother due to my irritability from quitting masturbation for yet another time, which is having neurological and physical side effects thus affecting my mental health. I want to die. Someone please help me. My brother is staying here and he's acting whiny. He keeps complaining about me in the most despicable way because when he hit me months ago I called the police. They bailed him out. Now him and my mom bully me by sending me upstairs when he wants something.

 

[Dianah]

Assalamualaikum brother,
Im not a scholar so I cant help you in terms of fatwa or deep religious advise. You may even find my advise insufficient. But I hope I can at least give words to strengthen your resolve. I cannot feel your pain but I can try to understand it. I know your situation is causing you emotional stress and feelings of being trapped, especially with your family. You feel like the only way of escape is to die. But brother, the one who knows your pain most is Allah, The Lord of the worlds. Always remember that. Because no being knows more about you than the creator. Ask for him to ease your burden, to guide you and help you. That is the first thing you should do. Next, try to relearn the religion again in order to understand the value of your life, the pain and hardship that you go through in this world whether big or small. Try to remember the purpose of why youre here in the first place and appreciate that reasoning. You have to understand you cannot change the people around you but you can change is yourself and how you want to live your life. Be strong brother. If you feel that your family is toxic, perhaps its time to move out of the house. But please dont break your relationship with them. Maybe theyre not perfect but they are still your family. I hope this helps evem a little.

Dont lose hope brother. May Allah guide you and help you in your time of need.

 

[IslamLife00]

May Allah make it easy for you. Suicide won't solve your problems, so try ignore these thoughts.
Is there a muslim community where you live? if yes, try reach out to them, maybe there is something they can help you with.
Where I live there is a small community but we always help each other. InshaAllah you will get the help you need.