I'm in love with a Muslim man.....

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Koshluv

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I am head over heels in love with a non practicing muslim man. He's kind, loving, sweet natured, gentle & affectionate. But.... He's married.
Please don't judge me...I know it's wrong and I didn't want it to happen.

But after months and months....it has. He told me he will not lay down his wife- so I know he will not leave her. But he also told me he does not want to lose me. I asked him, should I move on..? He says no... He wants me and asked me not to forget him. We only see each other once a week now because he moved...he makes the effort to call me and see me when he can. I don't even have a real question I guess... But I have never dated a muslim man- so I don't know what my point is here.... I guess I thought if I convert to muslim.... (& yes I would be willing to convert if it means I could be with him. I'd be willing to share him too.)
..... then he could marry me too. He already refers to me as his second wife. But when we really talk about it....he says you do not want to be married to me. He has confused me more than I can explain.
 
Hi ,


where do u live ? the law permits married men to take another wife ?

Just for the sake of marriage , u must not accept Islam . A Muslim man is allowed to marry chaste Jewish and Chirstian lady .

Better if u stay away from illegal affairs . It will make u more confused and unhappy . Specially if u become pregnant , u will be in more trouble.
 
Koshluv said:
I am head over heels in love with a non practicing muslim man. He's kind, loving, sweet natured, gentle & affectionate. But.... He's married.
Please don't judge me...I know it's wrong and I didn't want it to happen.

But after months and months....it has. He told me he will not lay down his wife- so I know he will not leave her. But he also told me he does not want to lose me. I asked him, should I move on..? He says no... He wants me and asked me not to forget him. We only see each other once a week now because he moved...he makes the effort to call me and see me when he can. I don't even have a real question I guess... But I have never dated a muslim man- so I don't know what my point is here.... I guess I thought if I convert to muslim.... (& yes I would be willing to convert if it means I could be with him. I'd be willing to share him too.)
..... then he could marry me too. He already refers to me as his second wife. But when we really talk about it....he says you do not want to be married to me. He has confused me more than I can explain.
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Dear Koshluv,

I appeal to you, to step aside from your emotions, just for a short while - and think about your actions, using your mind; not your heart.

You do not need to be a religious person to realise that NO good can come from an affair with a married man.

Consider the following:

1. This 'kind, loving, sweet natured, gentle & affectionate' personality that you are seeing is simply because he wishes to lure you into his games.
I can assure you that such a persons charms are not exclusive to you....or his wife.
As a muslim, he is fully aware of the severity of his crimes, but still he persists.
This is only due to the over-powering nature of his carnal self/ lusts, and the whispers of the devil - who truly loves to see marriages dissolve.

2. A man who can betray his spouse, and more importantly, His Creator, is one who can surely do the same to you.
Even if he had to agree to marry you, would you consider yourself immune to a similiar type of fate befalling you?
How do you trust the one who can cheat and deceive those who are closest to him, and show no remorse for his actions?
If your beauty and charms were to disappear (God forbid, e.g through severe illness or trauma), do you think he will still be interested?
Or would you be forgotten like the broken toy which holds no delight anymore?

3. Place yourself in the shoes of this mans poor wife.
How do you feel?
Overwhelming pain, betrayed, broken hearted.....a marriage ruined?
He may be the one with the ring on his finger, but do realise that you take an equal share in destroying a home.
Would you like to be the wife, betrayed by her husband in a similiar way?
Then how do you justify breaking anothers heart in this manner??

4. And if nothing else, then fear God.
Fear the One who has created you - and to whom you will be returning to, to account for all your actions.
And realise that EVERY action in this life has an equal, if not more severe REACTION.
Some people may call this 'karma' - but most definitely justice will be served if not in this life, than in the next life.

Your God, and our God is one and the same - and He is aware of all that occurs.
If He so desired, He could unleash His justice at the very moment of adultery, when His commands are being ignored and transgressed.
The time that He is giving you, does not stem from His pleasure with this relationship.....but the desire that you see the error in your ways and return to Him in belief and repentance, before the life that has been allocated is over.


Please contemplate on all of this, and then ask yourself if it is still worth it?

I sincerely encourage you to read about the religion of Islam. We have many beneficial threads to assist you with this.

And if you have any questions regarding this beautiful way of life, that only offers you peace, love and the mercy of your Creator, please do not hesitate to ask us.


God Bless
 
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Hi Koshluv,

I will not judge you just because you fall in love with a man who already has a wife. I know what the women feel when they fall in love. Yeah, although basically they never want to share the men who they love, in fact, there's always women who can tolerate it and still love someone who already has a partner, and want to be with him. I know it from my experience.

There was a girl who ever fell in love with me although she knew that I already have a wife. But I did not respond her because I did not want to cheat my wife and did not want to play with that girl feeling. I know what the women feel if they were given a hope but later they know that this hope is false.

Unfortunately, not every man has attitude like me. There are men who see this 'luck' as an opportunity to having fun. Yeah, be loved by a woman is a pleasant experience. And there are men who do not want to lose this pleasure although actually they do not want to marry the women who love them. So they hold these women to always in their hands, but when these women ask about commitment, these men give many reason to avoid the commitment.

This is what that man do to you.

I'm really sorry if what I say offend you. But like people said, tell the truth although it's bitter. I just don't want you become a victim of a man who see women as a game.

What you should do now is out from your room, and look around. You will see that there are many men in the world. In Sha Allah (God willing), one of them can be a husband who will love you with true love.

Leave him before he leave you because he's getting bored with you. And find someone new who has a true love in his heart.

Good luck, Koshluv. :)
 
Thank you all for your replies.

It's so easy to say I'm wrong and I know that I made mistakes by choosing to get involved.... But the heart cannot just remove itself from the feelings. I love him. I am wrong- I know. I think about not answering his calls or ignoring his texts and I do not want to hurt him.
I don't know if I am strong enough to walk away. I hurt so badly. I feel horrible. I hate that I am betraying his wife. I hate that we sneak to be together. :(
 
he is a cheater. since u r in love with him so at that time u r only see his good things but suppose u in place of his wife. will u tolerate this ? even if u accept Islam for him and become his 2nd wife but remember a person who cheat her wife for u, can cheat u for someone else.
better to get lesson, every thing happen to u bcz of a reason. learn more about Islam and i am sure there are much more beautiful Muslim than him.
 
It's over... I am broken hearted ..... & I guess I was just a fling for him. I'm completely crushed. I don't even know what to say at this point. I truly thought he was different....lesson learned.
 
care to share? whAt did the scumbag do in the end? i hate him deeply with good reason
 
IbnAbdulHakim said:
care to share? whAt did the scumbag do in the end? i hate him deeply with good reason
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We don't know what happened, but for now, how do you know he didn't fear Allah(swt), didn't want to hurt his wife, repented and then broke all contact with the lady in question?

Too many people in this man's situation would've continued in committing major sin and ended up hurting their wives.
 
He said bc he moved too far away that it would not work between us. He was just here Friday night and we spent the night together. He told me that night that he did not want to hurt me....I guess I knew it was coming.

I know he is non practicing and I'm not sure why he ended it?

I should have seen it coming. I am kicking myself!

Thank you for the private message/ as you know, I cannot respond.... But I appreciate the support I have been given so far.
 
Perseveranze said:
We don't know what happened, but for now, how do you know he didn't fear Allah(swt), didn't want to hurt his wife, repented and then broke all contact with the lady in question?

Too many people in this man's situation would've continued in committing major sin and ended up hurting their wives.
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sorry bro. i have sisters you see and to think of her being this mans wife burns me up
 
Koshluv said:
He said bc he moved too far away that it would not work between us. He was just here Friday night and we spent the night together. He told me that night that he did not want to hurt me....I guess I knew it was coming.

I know he is non practicing and I'm not sure why he ended it?

I should have seen it coming. I am kicking myself!

Thank you for the private message/ as you know, I cannot respond.... But I appreciate the support I have been given so far.
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why not stick around the forum and see if you actually like the religion now? :-)
 
I will!
I've been looking around but it seems kinda overwhelming. The language is a barrier for me! There's stuff I don't understand.
 
Koshluv said:
I will!
I've been looking around but it seems kinda overwhelming. The language is a barrier for me! There's stuff I don't understand.
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Questions and Queries with sincerity and honesty don't need many words or the difficult words,Try it we will do our best to make you understand in most easiest manner.
 
I can't help but miss him like crazy! Why does the heart betray us like this?
 
Koshluv said:
I can't help but miss him like crazy! Why does the heart betray us like this?
Click to expand...
Time will relieve your heart, and new love will cure your hurt.

I know this is very painful, but you have to accept the fact that he is not yours, but belongs to someone else. So, instead of you still miss someone who is not yours, you'd better re-arrange your life, look to the future and prepare your heart for someone who will come up with a sincere love.

Go to church and pray, wish God give you a life mate who will love you till the end of life.
 
Greetings Koshluv,

I hope that (the translation of) the following verse can give you some form of peace and relief, as it has for many of us:


But perhaps you hate a thing and it is good for you;

and perhaps you love a thing and it is bad for you.

And Allah (God) Knows,
while you know not.
(Quraan: Surat Al Baqarah -216)

​






Try to look at this, from the perspective that even though you may be hurting as much - in the long run, it is only for the best.

I once heard a beautiful analogy in a lecture:
When God puts us through some form of pain, we often question why He allows this to happen, even though He LOVES His creation.
Its because He knows that the temporary pain that we feel now.....is well worth the great benefits that lie in store for us, as a result of it.

Take for example, a child that is born with a severe physical defect, e.g. a heart abnormality, which requires surgery.
The parents love their child, and would never want to see that child in any form of pain.
But, they realise that for their child to survive and live a healthy life - he needs to go through the (temporary) pain of surgery and all that goes with it.
So, allowing their child to undergo such an ordeal, only stems from their LOVE.

In the same way, our Creator loves us, and He dearly wants the best for all of His creation.

So, consider how much better it is for this relationship to end now, rather than after many years - and then only to discover that this mans intentions were never true to begin with.

We all make mistakes in life.
These mistakes may cost you your time, honour, feelings and much more.

We cant go back and change the past - whats done is done.
But we can use these episodes in our life to learn valuable lessons as well as to introspect within our own lives.

And thereafter to look forward to the future, and ask ourselves where exactly are we heading?
What changes do we need to make to our lives?
What is God trying to reveal to us by placing us in these situations?

For, you should realise that everything in life, happens for a reason.
Irrespective of the experience, God only wants us to RETURN to HIM.

I think there is a reason that you happened to join this forum, at the time of this relationship coming to a close.
Perhaps it is meant to be a means for you to open your doors to something brand new and exciting, God willingly.

So, do not despair from all that has transpired.
Pick yourself up, and whenever your thoughts trail back towards your feelings for this man - remind yourself, of all the reasons why this is for the BEST.

As mentioned, I do hope that you spend more time reading through the forum. It will help you take your mind of things as well. Perhaps you can start here: http://www.islamicboard.com/discover-islam/

And as you can see, our members are more than happy to help you/ answer any questions that may arise : )


God Bless,
 
Thank you kindly.
I appreciate not being chastised- ridiculed or made fun of for my indiscretions. I know it was wrong and I feel awful- maybe that's why it feels so shameful/hurt/disgusted? Idk. I have asked God for my forgiveness & when I think of this man; I visit this forum to give me peace of mind. So thank you for your support. I will definitely stick around....& pray...and look inward of my life.

I'm sad but I know that will fade with time.
 

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