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Thread: I'm married but I'm finding this other girl I see at the masjid attractive...help
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Stoic

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Sallam.

I'm just drawn to her can't help how I feel. She helps out at the masjid a lot. How do I deal? I can't just think I'm NOT attracted to her but I am.

I feel so wrong...
 
Either she stops "helping out at the masjid" or you go to a different masjid. This one of the wisdoms why women should pray at home... opposites attract.
 
Stoic said:
Sallam.

I'm just drawn to her can't help how I feel. She helps out at the masjid a lot. How do I deal? I can't just think I'm NOT attracted to her but I am.

I feel so wrong...
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As a man, of course, I attracted to women. And when my wife still alive, honestly, sometime I attracted to another woman who interacted with me.

But, I always thinking long about the trouble that would occur if I could not control my desire and then tried to approach this woman. Alhamdulillah, it made me could control myself because I didn't want to get a trouble.

So, thinking long, bro. Thinking long.
 
Walaikumasalaam,

If you can't control your thoughts in a masjid how easy will it be for the shaytaan to entrap you outside the masjid...

Take this as a wake up call. Renew your intentions. Make urgent and drastic changes to your life and emaan.

Plead to Allah swt and whatever you do you MUST never return to that masjid again. Go to a masjid with segregated areas. Do this for your akhira and dunya. Please. The world is already a mess. Don't add any more negativity or depression to anyone's life.

May Allah help us all Ameen.
 
Stoic said:
Sallam.

I'm just drawn to her can't help how I feel. She helps out at the masjid a lot. How do I deal? I can't just think I'm NOT attracted to her but I am.

I feel so wrong...
Click to expand...
:wa:

You are 'weak' in controlling your gaze so change your masjid for praying salah.
 
Stoic said:
Sallam.

I'm just drawn to her can't help how I feel. She helps out at the masjid a lot. How do I deal? I can't just think I'm NOT attracted to her but I am.

I feel so wrong...
Click to expand...

Asalamu Alaikum

Three options:

1. Resist your urges

2. Go to a different Masjid.

3. Practice polygamy.
 
Hehehe. You wouldnt be called a man if you didnt get those feelings from time to time. Dont worry, these feelings dont mean that your inherently bad or evil. It just means your human ... a male human
However, what you would do as a muslim man, is to avoid feeding these feelings your getting towards a non-mahram woman. You are right to assume that those feelings are wrong as they are against Islam.

The best way to inhibit these feelings and thoughts is to reduce your contact with that woman to the max. That means zero contact! Because these moments when you expose your awareness to her, you inevitable fuel your emotions and thoughts about her which makes you want her and feel attracted towards her. So your best bet (i believe) would be to stop anything that would make you even think about her. That includes seeing her, hearing about her, or even being in the same place that she used to be, just as a safe measure. Do what u feel capable of doing (without causing discomfort to your life) to not think about her and inshallah you wont get those feelings any more.

Dont make it as big of a deal as you think, often times these feelings go as fast as they come into your life. So if you learn to ignore them long enough, you might not even have noticed that they were there in the first place.
 
I'm going to shamelessly just straight up lay down this quote that I just took from another Brother on this thread:

Ibnul Qayyim RA says, Allah has made the eyes the mirror of the heart. When a servant lowers his gaze, the heart lowers its desires. And when a servant lets loose his eyes, the heart lets loose its desires.​
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Jabir reported that Allah's Messenger (may peace be upon him) saw a woman, and so he came to his wife, Zainab, as she was tanning a leather and had sexual intercourse with her. He then went to his Companions and told them: The woman advances and retires in the shape of a devil, so when one of you sees a woman, he should come to his wife, for that will repel what he feels in his heart. (Muslim)

Break out the candles and incense Akhi.
 
If the girl is married -beware of commiting dhulm, if she's not - then openly and humanly tell your wife your feelings honestly so that it doesn't go out of control, then she'll trust you, and either assist you in bringing her home lawfully-if she'll come -or assist you in avoiding her.

It's happened to me twice in the past in Islamic settings - the purity and Islamic zeal is an indescribable attraction that isn't found in animalistic settings so i wouldn't say that your situation is bad just because it's a pure setting.
Now that i'm out of contact with them both and yet almost two thirds through my divorce iddah with nothing i know of in the pipeline - i sometimes wonder why i didn't take the opportunity when it was easy - but hopefully your wife is decent - and Allah swt knows best.

I was totally frank when confronted both times though - she was willing to accept when she saw my nonchalance but the others wouldn't, so i just blundered on for another 6-7 years of God knows what.
 
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