[AnonymousPoster]

Assalamu Aleikum Brothers and sisters,

I feel comfortable discussing my problems with my brothers here. I found people in this forum very kind and respectful and that encouraged me to seek their advice and support.
I had a quit though life after age of 18 .I went through difficult experiences as i had major social communication problems ,was a shy and naive young man and didn't have enough experience to face the complications of the hard life of the 21st century.
Until now i couldn't be correctly diagnosed and i still don't know what kind of problem is it? is it an illness with biological and genetic causes or is it merely the pressure of the environment in which i grew up?
The contradiction is that i had a very happy childhood. i was a brilliant and intelligent boy although a bit shy. i also was known to be a charming and handsome young boy. I hadn't real difficulties to make friends and was loved and respected by most of my colleagues and family members.
All this beautiful life collapsed starting age 18. I lost all my advantages and started to fail in all my life aspects. I failed to finish my university degree even though i'm a good student. I start feeling rejected by most people around me . my appearance is no more good .my behavior started to become odd and weired..my situation continued to worsen over time.
i was not lucky enough to get a correct help. my father and mother are themselves humble people with little education. my mother was diagnosed to be schizophrenic and my father is also suspected to have a sort of mental retardation. I believe that i have a feeling of insecurity that my parents are incapable to protect me and help me face the experiences of life. and my fears went true as my life turned into a real nightmare between age 20 until 30ies .during these long traumatizing years i had to deal with a schizophrenic mother , an inapt father and selfish brothers and sisters. I couldn't get any help from anybody and start experiencing panic attacks ,deep depression and withdrawal from the world.
I don't feel secure within my family. I feel they want to see me go away. however with the serious psychic disability i have; i'm unable to work or live alone or marry. I remember the years from 2001 to 2005 were really though for me. my parents and family started to treat me harshly. I'm now very certain that my family want to see me away or dead as soon as possible.
starting from year 2004 i began a complete withdrawal from all the world. i live now in a room in my parents house and i don't ever go outside this room. I only go out at night to eat and return back to my room .my only window to the outside world is the INTERNET which by miracle my parents allowed me to install it in my room after refusing longly ..
i'm now trying to minimize the painfull effects of this withrawal from the world. I started to find calm and serenity .I took advantage of this loneliness to pray long hours , read and listen to Koran for long hours .I also read books a lot both on the web and in paper books. I aslo started to earn my life by working from home (it means from my small room in my parents home) .
I start to feel that this withdrawal is now my way of life and i started to accept it. I know it is not a normal way of living but as i said i had no other choice. my life was very hard . i had lots of problems and couldn't find someone warm and kind to keep by my side and help me in these though times. I now don't trust anybody in this world except Allah swt.
I'm now 37 and know there is no hope i can improve..the repetitive failures i experienced during the period from 20 to 37 yeras old convinced me that this is my fate and there is no other solution than accept this fate.
I don't feel sorry for this worldly life. i'm only worried if Allah swt is pleased with me and if after death i will go to paradise. This is now the only subject that cause me worries..i'm trying to do right things but not sure if i'll succeed to finish my life correctly and clean from any major sin.

Is there any advice or comment you could suggest me about this situation?

jazakum Allah keir.

 

[S_87]

I dont know what to say, you sound depressed.
There is help out there, but you need to want the help...staying in your room all day is no life, you must go out and you are only 37, that is still young to change your life around and you can do it inshaAllah. life is a journey, yours hasnt finished and you can make something of yourself, do something more, butyou need to want to do it!

InshaAllah someone else can give you better advice

 

[Ali_008]

Brother, its sad to hear that you've had such a struggle:hmm:. Allah has placed us in different situations and he knows that we can take the pain of those particular situations. Your hard life only tells you that Allah destined you to be and made you STRONG (mentally and emotionally). Allah says in the Qur'an in Surah A'raf verse 42:
No burden do We place on any soul, but that which it can bear

But brother don't feel that you've lost anything. You've been guided by Allah and thats the most precious thing anyone can ever get. Allah gives wordly luxuries to whosoever he wills but he gives deen only to those whom he loves.

The most saddening part is your parents' illness and I can't imagine myself without my parents. May Allah cure their illness and guide them. But first things first, get out of that room and explore this world. If you just stay locked up, you'll hurt yourself even more. Make friends in your local mosque and attend lectures and do all kinds of stuff. I feel terrible when people just give up and compromise with adversities, Allah doesn't want you to oppress yourselves. By your post, it also looked like that you're not married. So if you're not then I think you should get married as soon as possible because like you said, "you're lonely" and so you need a companion.

37 is a big age. I'm just half of it:embarrass and wonder if my words can help anyway at all or notmg:? Don't forget that Rasoolullah (SallAllahu Alayhi Wasallam) received his mission when he was 40. Your life might have passed good amount of time but still there's lots you can do with whatever time you have so instead of making an average use of it, try and make the best of it.

 

[GuestFellow]

I'm now 37 and know there is no hope i can improve..the repetitive failures i experienced during the period from 20 to 37 yeras old convinced me that this is my fate and there is no other solution than accept this fate.

Aslamu Alkium

Doesn't matter what age you are. You still living and breathing. The only reason you live because Allah has given you chance to live your life according to the Qur'an. Use this time wisely. Learn from your past mistakes. No one is perfect. Maybe your just hard on yourself? Focus on what postives things you done. I'm sure there is some.

I suggest you read this book.

The Spectacle of Death

ISBN 81-7435-193-0

This book opened my eyes. You can buy it from a book store or from the library. This is an Islamic book and it helped me a lot, it made me see the world in a different way.

Oh you can't withdraw from life. You have to face it sooner or later. When you die, that is when you withdraw from life.

BTW if you don't leave your house your going to develop Social Anxiety Disorder. This is one big problem. If I was you, leave the house, go to the shops and get something to eat.

Good luck bro.

 

[Son Of Wisdom]

I dont know what to say, you sound depressed.
There is help out there, but you need to want the help...staying in your room all day is no life, you must go out and you are only 37, that is still young to change your life around and you can do it inshaAllah. life is a journey, yours hasnt finished and you can make something of yourself, do something more, butyou need to want to do it!

InshaAllah someone else can give you better advice

Believe me sister i tried hard to resist during the years of 90ies i refused to give up. I seek help from psychiatrics and continued to go to university although my health was degraded. but after 2001 i was no more able to continue the battle. i felt very tired both physically and mentally. I think if i continued battling through those years i would end up mad or dead.
You will probably think i'm eggagerating but beleive me this is the truth. The psychiatrics i saw during those long years were all seculiar and have no sympathy or care for me. all they care about is to prescribe me drugs and tell me to come back in 2 or 3 months. I also was mistreated by some psychitrics and their stuff. I felt they don't want to have a patient like me.they prefer those boys and girls who want to speak about their love failure problems and the stuff..they don't feel interested by a serious case like mine.probably also because i'm practicing my deen they don't feel sympathy for me as i don't a

 

[Son Of Wisdom]

Believe me sister i tried hard to resist during the years of 90ies i refused to give up. I seek help from psychiatrics and continued to go to university although my health was degraded. but after 2001 i was no more able to continue the battle. i felt very tired both physically and mentally. I think if i continued battling through those years i would end up mad or dead.
You will probably think i'm eggagerating but beleive me this is the truth. The psychiatrics i saw during those long years were all seculiar and have no sympathy or care for me. all they care about is to prescribe me drugs and tell me to come back in 2 or 3 months. I also was mistreated by some psychitrics and their stuff. I felt they don't want to have a patient like me.they prefer those boys and girls who want to speak about their love failure problems and the stuff..they don't feel interested by a serious case like mine.probably also because i'm practicing my deen they don't feel sympathy for me as i don't a

I tried to hide my name using anonymous post..but like the dumb i am i mistakenly posted with my real name :nervous:
sorry i couldn't complete the previous post ..the button "enter" was pressed mistakenly and so was all this mess..
anyway thank you all bros and sisters..don't waste your time with a poor guy like me. i don't think there is any hope for me out there..I'm only waiting for death..i don't know how much it will take.. probably another 15 or 20 years of sufferings and loneliness.

 

[alcurad]

to really overcome this You have to help Yourself, of course you have our support and advice, but this lies with you ultimately.

as you said you have started doing something to address the situation, can you do more? getting out of your comfort zone, ie. meeting new people, forming relationships, exercise, or anything that you might usually not do much of for staying away, this is the goal.

start slowly, take a walk, go to the park, go the the mosque, anywhere you might meet people where it's ok to randomly meet and chat, the mosque is really a good place at that, but so are many places like a gym and so on, depends on where you're most comfortable with as a start.

get to know people in Real life, one or two, then three and four, numbers don't matter, 3 are a group, two are close friends, doesn't matter, don't try to follow a trend or fashion, be yourself within your own means, ie. don't push yourself, to do anything.

go to a restaurant, a bookstore, a playground, anywhere is fine, but it has to be with friends, people you're comfortable with, relax, be laid back, don't force yourself to be funny or not funny, serious is good, but so is it's opposite, timing is most important.

feeling awkward and at a loss at what to say? words not forming? said something embarrassing? it's ok, everyone is like that, maybe some have more practice so they say cool things, or whatever, but just remember, you're out with friends, and it's supposed to be fun, don't make a fuss over things that make you uncomfortable, and tell others that if they make a fuss over something that makes you feel uncomfortable.

other than friends, find something you can do, a craft, hobby, or join a study group, or anything that might help you advance professionally, doesn't need to be a college education, although that won't hurt, ie. a few credits won't. just don't go into something that's too hard too quickly. remember timing.

getting up and moving on are the most important things, anyone can have the best advice,and then not follow it, most people don't follow good advice, we want to fail, so we can excuse ourselves; we say we could have done that, or achieved this, if only we had given in time and effort,,, but that is only not true, unless you can take things as they are and accept that you might fail, but trying and giving your all regardless, not much will be achieved, give 110& and receive 90%, an arbitrary statement, all the more true though.

37 is a number, it either adds up to 10, or subtracts to -4, it's up to you to decide which.

success is a process, you do things and things work out, you stop doing them and things don't work out, very simple, don't stop after reaching a peak, keep doing the same things but aim for a higher one.

 

[Grace Seeker]

You already realize that you are dealing with a number of major issues in your life. The depression and withdrawal into your self-imposed isolation is obviously just a sympton of a much bigger underlying issue that no one here is likely to be able to help you with it much. But I wouldn't be so quick to give up on the pyschiatrists. This is a case where if at first you don't suceed, then try, try again.

It is important that you understand yourself to be a valuable human being. You were created by God, and that alone is sufficient to mean that you are a person of value, because (if you'll excuse the venacular) God don't make no junk. Don't focus on whether other people recognize this or not -- some people think Paris Hilton is a celebrity worthy of being idolized, so what do they know anyway? But God knew what he was doing when he made you and therefore you need to either develop or renew your confidence in God who knows each one of us better than we are able even to know ourselves.

I would also encourage you to utilize this portal you have found for yourself into the outside world. But don't depend on it exclusively. This is afterall a virtual world and is not an adequate substitute for face-to-face interaction with flesh and blood human beings. That isn't to say that I don't realize the sense of safety and security you might feel from being a little more in control of your connections with people here. I get that. Going outside is risky. Not everyone in the outside world is kind. You've probably already encountered that. But not everyone in the outside world is unkind either. And if you haven't encountered that yet, you need to give yourself the chance to do so.

It is work, hard work, to make your way in this world sometimes. But the rewards are well worth it. I know only a very little bit about you here, but even from it I can tell that you are a warm and sensitive person. Those traits are very much appreciated by many in this world. That sometimes also make us fragile. So, take it easy. Don't expect too much of others. But maybe just venture outside to the front stoop of your home were you might sit as an observer of the world again. Depending on the type of internet connection you have and the climate in which you live you might be able to sit out there and enjoy this virtual world. And thus slowly you can work you way back into a life that interacts with others and in this way, by observation you might learn who are and who are not safe to trust with revealing a little more of yourself to. And they likewise might have chance to become aquainted with you. This will not in and of itself be a solution to that which you struggle with, but it give the potential for a start. And, whether it be the road to recovery or a new found path in life, a start is the most important step in any journey. Praying that you will remember that no matter how slow or difficult that God whom we worship will walk with you as you allow him to be with you.

 

[Son Of Wisdom]

There is one simple question I'm willing to find an answer to:
Does this self- imposed isolation i live in considered wrong? is it considered to be a Sin that deserves punishment from Allah? If i keep enduring the pain of this loneliness will i be rewarded for it in the hereafter?
There are more important Ideas i'm willing to discuss . but let's first see what are your answers for questions and issues i raised above.

 

[Snowflake]

First of all, please dont feel embarrased abt the anon. mistake. The Ummah is one body and if one part is suffering, it should affect the rest. And it did, greatly. So, I don't really know what to say right now, except that I will make dua for you and your parents inshaAllah and if I am able to, I will try to offer some advice later. ShifakAllah. Ameen.

 

[Ali_008]

^ Well, isolation is detested in Islam. On the day of Judgment, the deeds that will be the most heavy in reward will be that of Aadaab and those rewards can only be achieved if you behave well and kind with people. By ostracizing yourslef, you are neglecting your family and friends and those people do have a right over you. In fact when you are alone and not doing anything at all, you're actually wasting time.

Abu Barzah al-Aslami (RadhiAllahu Anhu) said: the Messenger of Allaah (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him) said: “A person will not be let go on the Day of Resurrection until he has been asked about his life and how he spent it, his knowledge and what he did with it, his wealth and from where he earned it and where he spent it, and his body and how he used it.” [Tirmidhi]

Every second of your life will be recounted on the day of Judgment and by being with your family, you can at least earn some reward for being with them in good terms. Again, if you're not married get married because not marrying is a sin.

Prophet Muhammad :saws: said, "A person who posses the means to marry (i.e. he is able to work etc. to support a wife and children) and does not marry then he is not from amongst us (i.e. the believers)."

Your biggest problem is your loneliness. Get out of the bubble you're living in.

 

[jameelash]

salam,u look widrawn.living alone away from people will not solve the problem.it may only increase .just getout.wat,s ur parents doing?who is looking after them.y don,t u take the responsibility of looking after them?it will help you to release your depression.they need you don,t they.wake up young man.start the day with them.goto the mosque topray.u may be able to meet good friends gradually.consult a good doc for depression and take the prescribed medicine.it may help u better.mind you.idlemind is the devil,s workshop.don,t fall for it.concentrate on ur earning.Allah will help those who help themselves.may allah help you.

 

[Muhaba]

Brother, you are not alone, there are many that have problems worse than you, just be happy and thankful to Allah that you haven't lost your mind.

It's better that you posted with your real name, it's just a user name and you can always get a new username, but when you post with your username instead of anonymous, it's like we're talkin to a real person. I just feel differently talkin to you when you posted with your username than with anonymous, so may be this is good for you. Allah made it happen. don't think it is your fault. and lots of ppl have made the same mistake, it's only human to make such mistakes.

As far as psychiatrists are concerned, sometimes they cause more harm than good especially if they are nonmuslim or don't know deen well. they'll just give you tranquilizers that'll drive you more mad. and they really don't know the feelings of patients so they can be unsympathetic. i've seen ppl who have been going to psychiatrists for years but have gotten no help. this is because medication alone isn't the solution. if a person's problems aren't fixed, medication will not help much.

the first step for you is to believe in yourself and in Allah. you have to believe that Allah will help you. Thinking that you will only fail will make you continue to fail because you just won't try as hard. a little setback will make you think that it's not going to work and that you are bound to fail. But you need to get out of that mindset. You need to believe that Allah is controlling everything and that He will help you. And that while you may fail a few times, eventually with Allah's Help you will succeed!

Already you have succeeded in so much. you wrote that you earn money through home-based work. Masha-Allah that is really great and shows how successful you can be. Staying inside your room, you are able to earn money, then imagine what will happen if went outside! i think your business would boom!

So just go out a bit, maybe to the masjid at least for prayer, and talk to some ppl there. Insha-Allah that you meet sympathetic ppl who will help you get solve your problems.

May Allah help you. Do let us know how things go.

PS. I just recalled, your's is a case of learned helplessness. In learned helplessness, repeated failures make a person think that they can never succeed. The solution is small successes which erase that feeling from the person's mind.

What you need to do is to try some things and trust Allah because Allah will never let you down. Maybe do a small course, even an online one. you wrote that you didn't complete your education. maybe you can do a dploma course with www.pennfoster.edu . the good thing about their diploma courses is that you study at home and take exams online. the exams are open-book, so shouldn't be very hard.

 

[syilla]

:salamext: akhee...

Alhamdulillah you still have a house to live in.

Just take one step at a time and don't be too ambitious.

Be proud of anykind of achievement you get, do not care what others said... at least you're trying your best to survive.

Remember theres alot of homeless people that can still succeed. Try reading their stories.

Take care of your imaan and taqwa and Allah swt will take care of you all the way... Help yourself and Allah swt will help you too. InshaAllah... Ameen

 

[Son Of Wisdom]

Brother Ali, Thank you for the reply which i consider somewhat rude but it is just and very logical .but let me here explain you (and to all other bros and sisters) some important points:
-First i'm not wasting time. even though i didn't finished my engineering degree but most people consider me an Engineer and tried offering me work in companies in my country.However because of the social anxiety i suffer i was unable to adapt to the work environment in companies and such. I also failed many Job interviews as the interviewers always detect the emotional problems i have and then refuse me. I remember i've been refused for about 8 job interviews. i tried hard but it was no good. So i decided to withdraw because the battle against the social anxiety makes me loose lot of my energy and i can't concentrate either on my deen or other worldly issues like work and daily life duties.
but Alhamdullilah , Allah swt helped me find some freelance work in the software engineering field and this kind of work i can do it completely online from home and without being obliged to work onsite.
So don't misunderstand me brother. i spend about 10 hours working a day and i earn my life now decently. i also started to give lots of my earned money to my mother,father and sisters..i noticed that their treatment toward me changed a lot when they saw i succeeded to earn my life despite being disabled and ill. Also they start acting kind and nice toward me because i give them much of the money i earn. I hoped they would have shown me this respect and warmness even when i was in hard times without work and unable to integrate social life. but anyway Alhamdulillah. I'm fine. i only want them to be happy .i don't need anything from them but instead i'm now starting giving them even though my health is no good. so don't blame me for wasting time as i don't think i'm like that. I didn't wanted to talk about that but i found it necessary to explain.
-For other points : Yes i'm very lonely . i have no friends . i wish if i have one good friend to take me company , encourage me to go out to mosque, come to visit me in my room etc.. but unfortunately people in my town are very distant , rude and empathic..i feel people in this town don't like me much and i don't like them much. I remember in early months of 2000 i was trying to go out alone to mosque and other public areas..but this didn't much helped me. i was still feeling alone and didn't see what would be the difference between going outside or staying in my room. Also i was facing rude and uncomfortable situations outside as there are many bad people who don't respect you and the like..
Also as i explained before i wasn't treated well by members of my family and felt i was betrayed by them and by all society around me. This gave me a feeling of disappointment and hate toward people who didn't recognize all the sacrifice you did for them through the way..and Yes i humbly claim i did many sacrifice for all my family and i'm till doing it by the small means i have ..
as i said my mother is ill (with schizophrenia). She caused me deep trauma .probably she doesn't realize this and i don't blame here. I was always scared when she start having those schizophrenic symptoms and those were very terrible days for all the family..she was responsible for my failure to finish my univ degree. In my last semester at univ , my sister called me in phone and told me that mother is in very degraded situation and that they don't know how to deal with her..i stayed depressed and sad for about 2 weeks and couldn't concentrate on the study, courses etc..and thus i decided to quit the univ and went back to home trying to calm down my mother and deal with her illness..All my brothers and sisters left the home to make their own lives and i was the only one who stayed with my parents trying to bare all their mental disorder and trying to find solutions how to calm them and help them to heal. They don't realize all this sacrifice and they never showed any gratitude to me..but that's fine as i don't blame them..they were doing lot of shirk things like going to soothsayers and charlatans praying to saints graves and all this stuff practiced by ignorant people..but alhamdulillah I tried to educate them slowly and patiently..They are now improving and they look much calm and better. They are still mentally inapt as you can't engage a logical discussion with them .so that's why i keep quite all time in my room and try not to go much in contact with them so to not trigger any unexpected irrational behavior from them. My parents still don't realize that i'm the only child who is looking after them although i'm myself sick and taking medicines ; while all my other brothers and sisters left away to make their own lives.

Sorry i was obliged to write all these details to explain well the situation and eliminate any misunderstanding..
brother Ali i'm not a lazy man nor i prefer comfort over hard work..I love much going to mosque and the mosque is the most place i love much..but all these traumatizing experiences i went through made me fear people and i'm not feeling secure outside as i consider all people like my mother and they would probably cause me harm and problems so i prefer to stay away..
But as i said things started to calm down from year 2005 till now..the most though years were between 2000 and 2004 and also the 90ies years ..they were terribly traumatizing and i developed through them deep social anxiety , depression and fear from other people.

I think a good solution to my problem would be a warm and good friend/companion who can take me by hand and go slowly with me until i get rid of all these fears and the traumas of the past..However as i said i still couldn't find such a friend or companion..
anyway I think i'll not give up. may be Allah swt will help me in someway in future. i'm still fearful to make any step forward as i fear failure and traumas that are still haunting me from time to time..

 

[Ali_008]

Brother, there were no hard feelings in my posts, trust me. I agree the last line in my previous post wasn't so sweet so I'm really sorry brother if I offended you. The fact remains that one's pain is one's own and nobody else can possibly understand it from all the dimensions. So I'm very very sorry for my mistake.
Actually brother, this latest post of yours is like fresh air. REALLY. All this while, you we were kind of sympathising with you but now I'd say that I truly appreciate the things you've done and the sacrifices you've made. Brother, not just me but everyone who must have read your last post will agree that you don't sound like a guy who'd be withdrawing from life. Rather, you just gave a feat of your struggle and its a commendable effort.

“Success is not final, failure is not fatal: it is the courage to continue that counts.”

I don't understand now where all this withdrawal problem came from??? :? You are a fighter so keep fighting and now that Allah has guided you, the struggle will be easier InshAllah. If you want friends, get to chatting in some local online chat rooms of your area, may be you'll find someone InshAllah.

I really wait for your next post

 

[Alphadude]

brother E.othman i tought i was the only one that had same problem as you were having after posting about my problem in here every 1 in LI helped me and no one i the whole world helped me like this before and showed me the better way.
wanna know a secret a year i ago i was in the same situation as your i have locked my self in a room and never came out of the room stayed in the room all and and come out in night time to eat something and go back inside lock my self up.why? when i was a kid my mom died from heart attack and after some time my dad got maried and he changed he never cared about me he cared more for my litle brother then me so my step mom never liked us me and my litle brother she always made my life a hell when my dad was going to work then she would start swearing saying bad words when my step brother and step sister came home from school she would tell them to go and tell me to go out of our home and this is not your home i dont belong here and while im in the room they were banging the door make noise u name it and they were doing it to me they wont even let me take a shower brother just look for my other post in this same section you will see i tryed to commite suicide and asked for help here and here im alive and well and still my life is not well but its getting better and im felling better,
go to the musque find some good friends there dont lock your self in the room all day trust me i know how you feel brother.

 

[Son Of Wisdom]

to Grace Seeker


to "Grace Seeker",
I received your PM.however i'm not a full member and not allowed to send PM.Is there a way i could reply to your message in private?
i can also post my reply publicly here if appropriate.

 

[Son Of Wisdom]

Thank you all bros and sisters for caring for my case. i appreciate it a lot.
I don't know if it is wise to speak openly about my personal issues in public forums? sometimes i feel this is wrong from my part and that i shouldn't write these personal issues publicly. However i tell myself that these writings are a technique i follow to analyze the real nature of my problem and then try finding my way to an eventual solution.
Sometimes i have the conviction that in my sub-consciousness i'm loving and enjoying my Isolation. I remember when i was younger, i feel very comfortable when alone and always feel embarrassed and uncomfortable in crowdy areas. I have the feeling that my personality doesn't bare crowdy environments and tends sub-consciously to isolation and retreat. I'm beginning to believe that in fact this isolation give me energy , make my mind work more correctly and efficiently and prevent me from Hard and painful social conflicts and problems.
But i know a human being will never be able to retreat completely from life and live alone. this is contrary to nature and that's why sometimes i feel very depressed and the need to write to express the pain of this loneliness..
I think i'm unable to adapt anymore to the society i'm living in. i feel disappointed from the very spread of ignorance and all the economic,political and social problems that most third world countries live in. I grew a deep hate toward my society over years..if i wasn't ill with this disabling social anxiety, i think i would have left to some other foreign country..However in the after 2001 i'm noticing the world is gradually becoming a dangerous place. People are becoming more distant , empathetic and aggressive ..that's the main stream but i know there are some exceptions..however i'm really an unlucky man and my hard luck always put me with bad people with all their arrogance,ignorance and rudeness of character..I think in my sub-conscience i'm refusing to live this world and trying to build my own world to live in. I think i have good reasons to refuse and withdraw from this troubled world full of wars , violence, corruption and human Sins...
Currently I'm using the "waiting strategy". when i see all these troubles in the world i tell myself that currently the best strategy is to "Wait" and see what future could bring. I don't know really what the future is hiding: it will either be better or worse than the present. If the world becomes a better place then i think it's worth to try integrate it again..however if it remains like it is now or go worse ,i don't think i'll be willing to live in such ugly world..
those are some thoughts i wanted to share..as i said before, writing about my personal life is merely a technique i use to analyze and reflect about my life .it's like speaking loudly to myself..but i'm not sure if it is wise to do so..maybe it's wiser to keep these thoughts inside my own mind?

 

[index123]

your in my dua's my allah give you paradise and the good things in this world. I have had Obsessive compulsive disorder, anxiety, and OCD but have not experienced close to what you have. I hope you feel better.