Intimacy

[live&learn]

Salam walaykum everyone, i would have really liked to post it in women only section by i can't access it.

I and my husband live in a good size house together with my 2 primary school aged children and his 2 sons from previous marriage, one is in his twenties and another one is in his thirties. The younger one just got married a week ago and his wife moved in, they have a bedroom of their own upstairs.

It only happened once, but i am not sure as to what to do if anything if it happens again. When the were intimate i heard a lot of loud noises from his wife and i was downstairs at a time. I felt quite intimidated by it as i wished i never heard it as i feel i interfeared with their privacy without wishing to do so. My children's bedrooms are next to theirs and i am afraid they may wake up and ask me what is going on. Also the eldest son was not here that night but if he was, i won't know where to look. I am not sure what i should do, i feel too embarrassed even asking this online but i have nowhere else to ask, please someone advice. She is a lovely girl and i don't want to intimidate her/make her feel bad either.

 

[live&learn]

anyone? 66 people have read and run

 

[CosmicPathos]

tell your husband and he should talk to his son about it.

Most appropriately, get sound proof rooms.

 

[Cabdullahi]

I don't know how and what to say....maybe someone else has better advice.

 

[Salahudeen]

Why don't you drop subtle hints such as, "the walls are really thin you know we can hear you walking around in your room and talking to each other" then she might think "I should be quiet incase something else is heard etc" and not make so much noise.

 

[Woodrow]

I am just posting here for 2 purposes to keep the thread near the top in anticipation a Sister may read it and to remind any sister that she can use the anonymous account to reply. It is best a sister answer, as us brothers would have a different view and not fully understand why this troubles you.

 

[GuestFellow]

anyone? 66 people have read and run

Some members probably did not know what advice to give. I hope you get some good advice and this problem can be resolved as soon as possible, Inshallah.

 

[live&learn]

well, it has happened more than once now, once in the evening and once in the day time while my children were at school (luckily). The reason why it troubles me is if we have family visiting or guests in the house and it happens again, i won't know where to look or what to say. also if my children as me what is happening i don't even know what to say, while they don't understand at the moment, the memories will stay with them and when they grow up they will realise what it was. I can't talk to my husband as i know he will not want to know details of his son's private life. also it is unfair on his wife i believe as as a woman i would not anyone discussing my private business whatever it can be with another man.

all i can think of is speaking to either one of her sisters or her mum, but then again we are just getting to know each other ass they virtually just got married.

 

[CosmicPathos]

well, it has happened more than once now, once in the evening and once in the day time while my children were at school (luckily). The reason why it troubles me is if we have family visiting or guests in the house and it happens again, i won't know where to look or what to say. also if my children as me what is happening i don't even know what to say, while they don't understand at the moment, the memories will stay with them and when they grow up they will realise what it was. I can't talk to my husband as i know he will not want to know details of his son's private life. also it is unfair on his wife i believe as as a woman i would not anyone discussing my private business whatever it can be with another man.

all i can think of is speaking to either one of her sisters or her mum, but then again we are just getting to know each other ass they virtually just got married.

if you tell her mom or her sister then do you think, by same logic, that her husband would want them to know that he is "super excited" during those intimate moments? I suggest its better that your husband talk to his son and tell him to put a silencer on his wife's mouth during his intimate moments if he is to live in your husband's house. Involving her sister and mother, who do not live in the same house, is a greater breach of privacy than involving your husband who owns the house and lives in the same house and probably would have heard the sounds himself. Her sister and mom do not need to know that their sister yells during intimate moments.

 

[Salahudeen]

if you tell her mom or her sister then do you think, by same logic, that her husband would want them to know that he is "super excited" during those intimate moments? I suggest its better that your husband talk to his son and tell him to put a silencer on his wife's mouth during his intimate moments if he is to live in your husband's house.

I agree with this, if you tell her mum or sister she will just be sooooo embarressed I think, more so than if you told her yourself. And you don't even know how her mum or sister will break the news to her, they could be really blunt and just say "Keep the noise down the whole house can hear you" etc. Then she might think mg: how many people has my mother in law told this.

I think it's best as Mad scientist said, to tell your husband to speak with his son and tell him to keep the noise down, if I was a boy in this situation, I would prefer this method more. Don't try and tell your son yourself cos that would be embarressing. just tell your husband to do it.

 

[live&learn]

i appreciate the above replies, ok, i c and agree actually telling her mum or sister is not a good idea. but still from a woman's point of view, the less people know the better, may be i should just speak to her myself ---- will just have to think of how to word it. my husband has partial hearing in one ear, so i doubt he will hear it unless he passes by their room.

i don't know..........

 

[Salahudeen]

i appreciate the above replies, ok, i c and agree actually telling her mum or sister is not a good idea. but still from a woman's point of view, the less people know the better, may be i should just speak to her myself ---- will just have to think of how to word it. my husband has partial hearing in one ear, so i doubt he will hear it unless he passes by their room.

i don't know..........

Even if he does not hear it, that doesn't mean he can't speak to his son about keeping the noise down right? I mean can't you explain the situation to him and just ask him to have a word with your son. And if you do go for this approach, make sure he also tells his son to not let his wife know that you can all hear her. Her husband could just tell her to be quiet incase people hear them. and that way she never finds out that you heard her.

 

[live&learn]

Even if he does not hear it, that doesn't mean he can't speak to his son about keeping the noise down right? I mean can't you explain the situation to him and just ask him to have a word with your son. And if you do go for this approach, make sure he also tells his son to not let his wife know that you can all hear her. Her husband could just tell her to be quiet incase people hear them. and that way she never finds out that you heard her.

yes, it makes sense to me now, i am just not sure that her noise is something the son can control, however i don't think there's much more i can do. i am grateful for all input, no matter how small.:embarrass

 

[Maryan0]

Why don't you drop subtle hints such as, "the walls are really thin you know we can hear you walking around in your room and talking to each other" then she might think "I should be quiet incase something else is heard etc" and not make so much noise.

I think this is the best way to go about it. It's not only awkward for you it's also embarrassing for them if they don't know they are being heard so it's best to let them know right away.
Salam

 

[CosmicPathos]

yes, it makes sense to me now, i am just not sure that her noise is something the son can control, however i don't think there's much more i can do. i am grateful for all input, no matter how small.:embarrass

well its not upto you to determine whether her son can control her voice or not. maybe he can. Do you know her better or does her husband know her better? I am sure her husband does.

 

[live&learn]

thank you all, will update if things improve and how we went about it. it was good to hear some ideas as there isn't anyone i could discuss it with face to face due to sensitivity of the issue. eace:

 

[Hamza Asadullah]

Asalaamu alaikum, this is a very sensative issue. You should certainly not involve the mother and sister as the mother will most likely get defensive and turn against you as mothers are very protective over their sons and sisters would never want to even think of their brothers in such a way let alone discuss such matters with them. So they are ruled out of the equation.

Your only real option is to tell your husband and not his sons wife. I think you should talk to your husband so that he may have a quite word with his son maybe about possibly relocating their room to the loft or even sound proofing it because it can be near impossible to expect the wife not to make any noise during arousal especially as she would be in a trance like state at the time. So it maybe that she is completly unaware that she is even making such noise.

I think you will find that your husband would care especially because of your younger children and the fact that it may cause some very awkward moments if they were to make such sounds when guests are around. You will find your husband to be very supportive and understanding in this matter and you can suggest to him that the best course of action is room relocation preferrably to the loft which can easily be sound proofed.

I think because the wife is so new to the house and because of the sensative nature of women for her to find out that she was so loud during arousal may devastate her and cause her extreme embarresment and the son would not take it as bad so your husband should tell his son in a way that he does not tell his wife that others heard her make loud noises during arousal but rather he should indirectly hint at both quitening down during relations at least until they are relocated to another room like the loft or until their room is sound proofed because obviously things cannot remain as they are and action will have to be taken accordingly to ensure that everyone is saved from such extreme and awkward embaresment.

You will also find that the son will be very glad to know so that he can try and quiten down things because he would obviously not want the children asking questions or others hearing him and his wifes intimate moments. So the sooner you tell your husband the better for all. Open the doors of communication between you and your husband and never hesitate to tell him anything as it would hurt him if he found out you hid this from him.

Hope your situation is resolved in the best way possible. Ameen

And Allah knows best in all matters

 

[جوري]

I think the most obvious answer here and I don't know if it has been posted or not is for them to move out into a small studio..

I don't find it OK to talk with them about this even through someone else or drop a hint.. this is a NO TALK ZONE..
the only way I'd bring up the topic is by way of where are you moving out

 

[Dagless]

As most people have said; you only have 2 options. Either tell your husband or tell them yourself. I think you have to look at it relatively. For me, casually saying "I can hear you being intimate, please be more careful/considerate" is far less embarrassing than having it happen in front of guests or other members of your family (and it WILL happen because it's happened to you twice already so it's only a matter of time).