[Artimis]

AoA everyone. Some days ago i posted in this group that i dont have feelings for the guy i am getting married to and a lot of people suggested me that i should call it off and i finally told my mom that i dont have feelings for him but my mom told me this happens to everyone in arrange marriage and you will have feelings after marriage. I then talked to 4-5 married people whose marriages were arranges and they all said that they were nervous and they felt exactly the same but how is it possible that a person you are talking to for 7-8 months and you dont feel attracted to him and you will feel it after marriage?

Also please tell me are couples really made in heaven and the one who is written for us we will get him no matter what? I mean lets just say if i even take action and call it off but if couples are already made in heaven then no matter what i do what action i take he is written for me by Allah and i will only get him?

 

[greenhill]

This is a question often asked... I find it very hard to answer because of modern perception brought on by popular culture resulting in people actually believing in it. Like from the songs of the 60's pressing that "all you need is love" and all that jazz. People start believing that you need to have the earth shake and bells ringing type of falling in love feeling to get married.

Although it is 'nice' to have that, I personally do not believe that that is a priority. Mutual respect and belief in islam is a must. The rest is to be built up over the relationship based on the guidelines provided (being patient, being moderate, caring, supporting etc). Too many focus on worldly things and feelings to make practical progress in any relationship.

I have seen so many arranged marriages work and plenty love based relationship fail. I guess the arranged marriage makes the couple work at discovering each other and the love based marriage tend to ignore the signs of trouble due to the blinding feeling of love until it is too late.

Allah alem.


eace:

 

[rozyred]

Salam sister, I understand what u say. I think everything has its own good and bad. When we talk about arranged marriages we shud say most of our parents' marriages were arranged those days and yet some live a good life and some live for the sake of marriage. In the case of love marriages, it's 50/50. The advantage in arranged marriages is that if any problem come between the couples the parents and the family would interfere and try to solve the problem but in the other case, most of the families don't interfere as it is the choice of the couple.

But in today's world is very different, busy life, lack of patience etc... has occupied in everyone. God has given us the knowledge to think and take the best decision as marriage is a life long knot. Don't give more preference to your feelings but think whether he has all the necessary qualities a guy should have to lead a good life, will he take care of you, does he give you the respect a wife should get and etc.,

Think about all of this and take your decision because if he only loves you and doesn't know how to treat you then that will be awaste, you will not be satisfied in that life. In such case, your marriage will be unhappy.
After you take your decision talk to your parents or if you think you can't, it's better you transfer your ideas through someone who can make your parents understand.. Pray to Allah to show you the best path.

Best of Luck!

 

[xa_xa_ft]

I believe marriages are made in heaven. I have tried so many times to marry but it never happened for what ever reason because it was never mine to begin with. You will marry whom Allah wills for you.