[anonymous]

According to islam quran and sahih hadith , it is disobedience to parents1. If i chose to a career in computers,when my parents wanted me to do accounts 2. If I chose a housewife ,when my parents wanted a working woman so that extra cash can help to buy property and let out for rental income ..3. If I Chose to work in south asia where i am happy , when my parents wanted me to work in west to earn the dollarsLastly is it a sin if If i were to marry a woman for beauty when the Prophet (PBUH) said to marry the religious woman"A woman is married for four things, i.e., her wealth, her family status, her beauty and her religion. You should marry the religious woman (otherwise) you will be a loser."

 

[ardianto]

According to islam quran and sahih hadith , it is disobedience to parents1. If i chose to a career in computers,when my parents wanted me to do accounts 2. If I chose a housewife ,when my parents wanted a working woman so that extra cash can help to buy property and let out for rental income ..3. If I Chose to work in south asia where i am happy , when my parents wanted me to work in west to earn the dollars

A sister has made a good post which can answer your question. Here the post:

Salam
Islamic Online University
Parents should realize that their children are
individual human beings with their own goals,
ideas, likes, dislikes and personalities. Children
are not extensions of oneself.
A parent's duty is to guide their child to be
good Muslims, and let them choose their own
path in this world as long as it is Halal.
Forcing one's own goals, desires and
expectations on a child is wrong, and creates
far more problems than it could possibly solve.
[ Abu Muawiyah Ismail Kamdar, Head TA at
Islamic Online University]

http://www.islamicboard.com/family-society/134322711-parents-duty.html

Lastly is it a sin if If i were to marry a woman for beauty when the Prophet (PBUH) said to marry the religious woman"A woman is married for four things, i.e., her wealth, her family status, her beauty and her religion. You should marry the religious woman (otherwise) you will be a loser."

It's not a sin to marry beautiful woman, but if you marry a woman just because her beauty, this is a big mistake that could lead you into a trouble and become a loser.

Do you know? It's not difficult to get a beautiful woman, as long as you are rich. But don't blame anyone if later you realize that you have married the wrong woman.

Okay, not every beautiful woman has bad character. There are many beautiful women who also have beautiful character and personality. But if you marry a woman like this and later she loses her beauty, could you still love her?.

I still remember a beautiful moment which happened in early of 2012. Me and my wife were walking on a recreation park. Suddenly she smile at me and said "I woke up at night, I saw you, and I felt grateful because Allah has given me a husband who loves me not because my beauty"

I smile at her too. Yes, my wife was a beautiful woman who expected by many men. But she rejected them because she expected me to become her husband although she must struggle hard to get me.

Few months later, her health was getting worse and she could not walk again. Cancer had broken her bones and her ability to move freely. She began to lose her beauty too. But she did not lose my love to her.

My wife had lost her beauty totally in the last months of her life, but I still love her. Yes, she's right, I have an ability to love a woman not because beauty. And there's only one cause why I have this ability ......... I was a handsome guy!

That's why when I was young I didn't need to be bother to find a girl who wanted to be my partner, because there's always someone who tried to grab my attention. I was familiar enough with experiences approached by a girl.

I understand if many men want to have a life like my life, but maybe they don't know, if they have a life like this, they would be happy if they could find a woman who like them not because their handsomeness.

I knew I was good looking, but I realize too that there were many other good looking guys. And I also realize that I could lose my handsomeness anytime. I knew what would happen if I was loved just because my beauty.

Alhamdulillah, I married a woman who didn't see me as a handsome man. I lost my handsomeness when I entered my marriage, but my wife didn't mind with it. She still and always loved me until the last time in her life.

Now imagine if you were a woman who married by a man just because your beauty. What would you feel if later your husband getting bored with your beauty and start looking for the new beautiful woman?. Imagine if you lose your beauty and your husband loses his love to you too?

I know that men prefer beautiful women, but they should know too that women prefer handsome men. So, don't be shocked if they were rejected just because they were not handsome enough in the women eyes.

It's okay if you put beauty in your criteria of expected wife, but not on the top. If you have two or more choices which all of them are good in religious level, character, and personality, you can choose the most beautiful among them. If you have two choices which the one is beautiful but bad inside, and the other is not beautiful but good inside, choose the second who is good inside although she is not physically beautiful.

However, that is only if you were in position which you could choose someone. And you were in this position only if you looked special in the women eyes. If you were not in this position, just try to accept someone and be grateful, because at least you can get a wife.

There are many women who are not be chosen by the men just because they are not beautiful outside although actually they are beautiful inside. They would be very grateful if they could get a husband and then they would try to make their husband happy.

Okay, I will end this post with a message. If we know the meaning of beauty, we would prefer inner beauty rather than outer beauty.

 

[anonymous]

Parents should realize that their children are individual human beings with their own goals, ideas, likes, dislikes and personalities. Children are not extensions of oneself. A parent's duty is to guide their child to be good Muslims, and let them choose their own path in this world as long as it is Halal.Forcing one's own goals, desires andexpectations on a child is wrong, and creates far more problems than it could possibly solve.[ Abu Muawiyah Ismail Kamdar, Head TA at Islamic Online University]

This is a scholar's opinion not Allah or Prophets . My parents will give many scholars who will tell to not to disobey parents as they always want the best for us. Whats your point ?It is mentioned that When we are in doubt about something we need to go back to Allah and his Rasool , so tell me something from the Quran

 

[ardianto]

This is a scholar's opinion not Allah or Prophets . My parents will give many scholars who will tell to not to disobey parents as they always want the best for us. Whats your point ?It is mentioned that When we are in doubt about something we need to go back to Allah and his Rasool , so tell me something from the Quran

In another thread I told a sister to not use ayah or hadith to solve the problem with her husband, but she should clear up the problem from its root. And I will give you same advice. Don't use ayah or hadith to solve your problem.

Try to talk to your parents. Tell them that you have your own choice and you can take responsibility for what you will do. And make du'a, wish Allah open your parents heart.

Bro, what ulama meant with we should go back to Allah is tawakal and make du'a, not use ayah or hadith as justification!

 

[anonymous]

In another thread I told a sister to not use ayah or hadith to solve the problem with her husband, but she should clear up the problem from its root. And I will give you same advice. Don't use ayah or hadith to solve your problem.

I needed evidence from the quran & hadith which allows me disobey parents on the points that i mentioned . I know i can go against my parents in religion (eg :when they ask me to commit shirk)

Try to talk to your parents. Tell them that you have your own choice and you can take responsibility for what you will do. .

I have not come here without doing that and it has gone in vain .Please stick to the topic and give me a verse from quran and sahih hadiths which gives me the license to disobey parents .

 

[Muhammad]

:wasalamex

I needed evidence from the quran & hadith which allows me disobey parents on the points that i mentioned . I know i can go against my parents in religion (eg :when they ask me to commit shirk)

I have not come here without doing that and it has gone in vain .Please stick to the topic and give me a verse from quran and sahih hadiths which gives me the license to disobey parents .

Brother, we are not allowed to form an opinion in our mind and then afterwards find a justification for it from the Qur'an and Sunnah. This is playing with the religion and is what the people of innovation do to justify their false actions. Rather we submit to the revelation and take guidance from it.

O you who have believed, do not put [yourselves] before Allah and His Messenger but fear Allah . Indeed, Allah is Hearing and Knowing. [Al-Hujurat: 1]

You should try to find a solution to your problems that will satisfy your parents as well as yourself. In Islam, we are taught to use wisdom and make decisions with care. We must also understand the Qur'an and Sunnah in their totality rather than misunderstand an isolated evidence.

Lasty, there is no need to be rude to the people who are trying to help you. Please listen to the advice they are giving you.

 

[ardianto]

Can you show me ayah or hadith which mention that parents can forbid their son to choose a halal job?. Can you show me ayah or hadith which mention that parents can force their son wife to work to make money?. Can you show me ayah or hadith that mention that parents can forbid their son to choose to work in place which safe from fitnah?



Young brother, if you have your own will in these matters, it's not considered disobey the parents because your parents reason to force you to follow what they want are not valid.

But if your parents forbid you to sell alcohol, but you do not listen on them, it's disobey. If your parents forbid you to marry a woman who can lead you to kuffur, and you do not listen to them, it's disobey. If your parent forbid you to work in place that full of maksiat like discotheque, and you do not listen to them, it's disobey. Because their reasons are valid.

However, I do not suggest you to fight your parents. You still must honor them. That's why I said you should talk to your parents, to make them understand and will not feel hurt.

 

[anonymous]

Young brother, if you have your own will in these matters, it's not considered disobey the parents because your parents reason to force you to follow what they want are not valid.

The points that i mentioned seem to suggest that my parents are greedy , materialistic , money-minded-cowards . Dont you have anything in the Quran and hadith that criticizes this kind of attitude?

 

[Muhaba]

According to islam quran and sahih hadith , it is disobedience to parents1. If i chose to a career in computers,when my parents wanted me to do accounts

I don't think it's disobedience if your career choice is different from parents. You should choose that which you are interested in. You'll be doing that work for the rest of your life, so choose wisely.

Computers might be better than accounts because accounts does involve interest and interest is haram. Many people who do accounting end up working in banks with interest. Even if you work in a private company, it's possible that you'll deal with interest when recording various payments (interest) and when reconciling bank statements. So computers might be a more halal choice.

you can discuss this with your parents and talk to them in a reasonable manner, explaining why you reached that decision. hopefully they'll understand.

2. If I chose a housewife ,when my parents wanted a working woman so that extra cash can help to buy property and let out for rental income ..

Here your parents are totally in the wrong. 1. Your wife's income is her property so it's wrong for your parents (or you) to take it from her unless she absolutely herself gives it to you without any pressure.
2. A housewife might be the better option because she'll be able to give full attention to the house and children. It's unjust to expect a woman to take care of the house and children and also earn money. That's double work and stressful to her. Furthermore, children and the house will be neglected to a degree because there's only so much that a woman can do.

3. If I Chose to work in south asia where i am happy , when my parents wanted me to work in west to earn the dollars

You can choose a muslim country to live in because it's better for your and your children's iman. But at the same time, your parents have a right on you to accompany them in old age. So you'll have to consider that too when reaching a decision.

Lastly is it a sin if If i were to marry a woman for beauty when the Prophet (PBUH) said to marry the religious woman"A woman is married for four things, i.e., her wealth, her family status, her beauty and her religion. You should marry the religious woman (otherwise) you will be a loser."

You can choose a beautiful woman who's also religious. Don't marry just for physical looks.

 

[Ahmad H]

If you choose a different degree than what you parents say, then consider if they are more knowledgeable than you or not. If they are not, then choose something better if you know better, if not, then choose what they tell you since it is more probable for you to go into something that will benefit you. But always consider how happy you are with doing a degree. I don't think your parents want you to be miserable.

As for a wife, always choose the one which is more religious. You get married so your iman increases, not for investment purposes. In this matter, you know better than your parents. Always follow the Holy Prophet (saw), even if what he says disagrees with your parents. Your love for the Holy Prophet (saw) is always supposed to be more than the love for your parents. You do not truly love him if you do not have love him more than your parents and all of mankind.

 

[ardianto]

The points that i mentioned seem to suggest that my parents are greedy , materialistic , money-minded-cowards .

I didn't say your parents are greedy. But if I said your parents reason are not valid, it's because it's based on selfishness, especially in points about your job and where to work.

I myself a father. I know, there are parents who have 'hidden ambition' to see their children become like what they want, although actually it's not good for their children. Yes, it's based on selfishness. I am sorry if I must say it.

About working woman as wife. Your parent forget that responsibility to fullfill family needs is on the husband's shoulder. Wife can work to make money if the husband permit her.

Dont you have anything in the Quran and hadith that criticizes this kind of attitude?

I can 'twist' one or few ayah or hadith to support you, like other people 'twist' ayah or hadith to support opinion that children must obey parent selfishness. But I will not do it.

One bad habit of jahil Muslims is make the opinion first, and then try to find evidence from Qur'an and hadith although these ayah and hadith are not 'matched' with situation. Read again post from brother Muhammad.

Bro, if I told you to not use ayah or hadith, it's because I feel you have been influenced by this bad habit.

Wasalam

 

[anonymous]

Here your parents are totally in the wrong. 1. Your wife's income is her property so it's wrong for your parents (or you) to take it from her unless she absolutely herself gives it to you without any pressure.
2. A housewife might be the better option because she'll be able to give full attention to the house and children. It's unjust to expect a woman to take care of the house and children and also earn money. That's double work and stressful to her. Furthermore, children and the house will be neglected to a degree because there's only so much that a woman can do.

The major reason cited by them is the cost of living these days, which will be difficult to meet with just one person's income. They want my wife to be able to survive if something happens to us and don't want the archetypal wife who cooks and cleans and waits for me with coffee when I get back from work and that they would be happier if she is independent and can take care of herself and our child even if I'm not there,


They just dont want my wife to be sitting at home and gossiping with some neighbours, who were also jobless. However qualified the wife is , the way my society treats her will be different if she doesn't have a job and that our own children won't value her after a point.


They say with a With a working wife , I will better prepared to face a difficult situation if I get unemployed
And Only a working woman will realise the stress and demands of a corporate job, Housewife will spend at home all day and will expect me to take her out even when I come home tired after a hectic day.


How can I counter all this ? They have a very strong case

You can choose a muslim country to live in because it's better for your and your children's iman. But at the same time, your parents have a right on you to accompany them in old age. So you'll have to consider that too when reaching a decision.

Yes i want to accompany them in old age and thats why I have chosen to work in my home town.How they dont want me to do that and say Allah will look after them and they want me to chase dollars abroad and secure finances for retirement as they are concerned about my future.

I didn't say your parents are greedy. But if I said your parents reason are not valid, it's because it's based on selfishness, especially in points about your job and where to work.
I myself a father. I know, there are parents who have 'hidden ambition' to see their children become like what they want, although actually it's not good for their children. Yes, it's based on selfishness. I am sorry if I must say it.

And how you can say it is based on selfishness,They always want the best for us. Which father will not want his son not be a billionaire and be financially stable and secured for his future especially for the grey years .They basically want me and my wife to work very hard in kuffaar countries for those dollars ,so that I can buy big properties in my home country which will give me rental income and so that i can enjoy after I return . I am sure you can understand this traditional habit of asians gold digging abroad.

Wife can work to make money if the husband permit her.

Where does it say in the quran that it is husband who has the authority to permit and not her inlaws .Is that your own opinion ?
Like i said earlier , i need this answer from the From Allah and Prophets sayings.

I can 'twist' one or few ayah or hadith to support you, like other people 'twist' ayah or hadith to support opinion that children must obey parent selfishness. But I will not do it.
One bad habit of jahil Muslims is make the opinion first, and then try to find evidence from Qur'an and hadith although these ayah and hadith are not 'matched' with situation. Read again post from brother Muhammad.
Bro, if I told you to not use ayah or hadith, it's because I feel you have been influenced by this bad habit.

There is no need to actually to "twist" anything, the evidence is all there is quran and sahih hadith for everyone to see that disobedience to parents is one of the biggest major sin.
I only wanted to know if there was any evidence in quran which exempts my disbedience from being a sin . Sadly you have provide none .

 

[Muhaba]

How can I counter all this ? They have a very strong case

It is not your wife's responsibility to take care of such problems. How about having trust in Allah? You should also save wisely and not waste money, so you can always have something to fall back on in such unfortunate situations. You can also set aside money for your wife and children's future that they can use in case of death. Some people do "Islamic life insurance" but I don't know how lawful that is islamically.

 

[ardianto]

And how you can say it is based on selfishness,They always want the best for us. Which father will not want his son not be a billionaire and be financially stable and secured for his future especially for the grey years .They basically want me and my wife to work very hard in kuffaar countries for those dollars ,so that I can buy big properties in my home country which will give me rental income and so that i can enjoy after I return . I am sure you can understand this traditional habit of asians gold digging abroad.

Every father want his son to be success, but the wise father will let his son to choose the way to success which the best by the son himself, as long as halal. If the son has interest to become engineer, the father should not force him to become doctor. If only give advice to his son that it's better he choose to be a doctor, it's okay. Give advice to children is one duty of parents.

Many men who I know chose career which suggested by their parents. But they were not forced by their parents.

I myself a father, and I live among parents. There are parents who have ambition "My son should become ........" although their sons want to choose other career. Yes, this is selfishness of parents.

Where does it say in the quran that it is husband who has the authority to permit and not her inlaws .Is that your own opinion ?
Like i said earlier , i need this answer from the From Allah and Prophets sayings.


Like they say we need it from the horse's mouth

You must be have know there are ayah and hadith about the wife obedience to the husband, you must be have know too about position of husband as Imam in the family.

But is there ayah or hadith which mention wife should obey the inlaws, or inlaws is Imam of the family?.

Bro, what I have said about husband authority was not my opinion, but statement from Ulama.

There is no need to actually to "twist" anything, the evidence is all there is quran and sahih hadith for everyone to see that disobedience to parents is one of the biggest major sin.
I only wanted to know if there was any evidence in quran which exempts my disbedience from being a sin . Sadly you have provide none .

If you can convince your parents to let you choose what the best by yourself, they will understand and will not feel hurt. That's why I told you to talk to your parents, although I know it's very hard.

Remember, I do not suggest you to fight your parents. I suggest you to make them understand with good manner.

Wasalam (I am serious with "Wasalam", I leave this thread now)

 

[anonymous]

It is not your wife's responsibility to take care of such problems. How about having trust in Allah? You should also save wisely and not waste money, so you can always have something to fall back on in such unfortunate situations. You can also set aside money for your wife and children's future that they can use in case of death. Some people do "Islamic life insurance" but I don't know how lawful that is islamically.

They say there is no saving money with the high inflation and its is unmanageable without the wife also working
Anyway ,can you atleast say if is it counts as disobedience if I refuse their advice to work in foreign country.

 

[anonymous]

^^If you dont have any answers to these difficult questions , fine. why dont you atleast direct me to an islamic scholar who deals with these kind of problem