Muslimah410
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As-Salaamu Alaikum wa Rahmatullahi wa Barakatuh. I’m a 21-year-old convert to Islam living in the United States. I began to feel Taqwa in a different way and became interested in Islam when I was fifteen, after I’d had a near-death experience. I’d learned of Islam through independent study, and did not personally know any Muslims. My faith has always seemed to have a spiritual rather than a social basis.
Over the past three or four years, however, I’ve been trying to observe Muslims online in order to get a realistic sense of the Ummah (I also briefly tried attending a masjid in my area, then decided that a better spiritual decision for me would be to practice Islam at home). What I’ve seen has caused me to feel deeply disillusioned, and like I’d rather strive to submit to Allah (SWT) completely alone and withdraw from all people except for my closest (non-Muslim) family members than to become involved with a group of people calling themselves “Muslims” like those I’ve encountered. My hope for becoming a part of a Muslim community has been smashed due to my experience of Muslims my age—they are irreverent and disobedient toward the Injunctions contained in the Qur’an, rebellious and averse to following the Sunnah, and oppressive toward those who show Iman and commitment to Islam rather than popular culture, liberalism or other political constructions/solidarities, or generally their desires. They have seemed to me to be no different from non-Muslims on any level other than an extremely superficial and provisional one, to be honest. I have not wanted to let go of my hope for the Ummah—losing hope for it has been so painful--but I feel that I have been losing hope.
I guess I’ve been wondering if there’s someone else out there who feels as I do. I feel there’s something wrong when all you’re trying to do is to be a true Muslim and follow and cherish the Qur’an and Sunnah and other “Muslims,” because of your commitment, feel like oppressors and enemies to you. It seems almost as though many “Muslims” in college or young adulthood identify Islam as a backward cultural phenomenon having more to do with their parents and families than with Allah (SWT), something that they just want to rebel against and break free of, and view someone who’s “chosen Islam for themselves” (in a manner of speaking), who doesn’t see Islam as a culture and takes it very seriously, as some kind of a threat to their sovereignty and freedom to pursue their desires regardless of the consequences. Personally, I feel that not only is oppression coming from non-Muslims, but from “Muslims” as well (and in some cases seemingly more severe oppression). Sometimes I feel no hope at all for humanity.
Over the past three or four years, however, I’ve been trying to observe Muslims online in order to get a realistic sense of the Ummah (I also briefly tried attending a masjid in my area, then decided that a better spiritual decision for me would be to practice Islam at home). What I’ve seen has caused me to feel deeply disillusioned, and like I’d rather strive to submit to Allah (SWT) completely alone and withdraw from all people except for my closest (non-Muslim) family members than to become involved with a group of people calling themselves “Muslims” like those I’ve encountered. My hope for becoming a part of a Muslim community has been smashed due to my experience of Muslims my age—they are irreverent and disobedient toward the Injunctions contained in the Qur’an, rebellious and averse to following the Sunnah, and oppressive toward those who show Iman and commitment to Islam rather than popular culture, liberalism or other political constructions/solidarities, or generally their desires. They have seemed to me to be no different from non-Muslims on any level other than an extremely superficial and provisional one, to be honest. I have not wanted to let go of my hope for the Ummah—losing hope for it has been so painful--but I feel that I have been losing hope.
I guess I’ve been wondering if there’s someone else out there who feels as I do. I feel there’s something wrong when all you’re trying to do is to be a true Muslim and follow and cherish the Qur’an and Sunnah and other “Muslims,” because of your commitment, feel like oppressors and enemies to you. It seems almost as though many “Muslims” in college or young adulthood identify Islam as a backward cultural phenomenon having more to do with their parents and families than with Allah (SWT), something that they just want to rebel against and break free of, and view someone who’s “chosen Islam for themselves” (in a manner of speaking), who doesn’t see Islam as a culture and takes it very seriously, as some kind of a threat to their sovereignty and freedom to pursue their desires regardless of the consequences. Personally, I feel that not only is oppression coming from non-Muslims, but from “Muslims” as well (and in some cases seemingly more severe oppression). Sometimes I feel no hope at all for humanity.
sis.