Is this a legitimate reason for refusing marriage?

[anonymous]

Salam Alaykum

I'm a Muslim woman born and raised in the west and approaching my late twenties. The main reason I'm not yet married, or in other words, refusing marriage is because most men I've come across don't want to leave the west.

I am fearful of raising my children in the west due to the environment and fear they might leave Islam, and if they don't, maybe their children or the future generations.

I don't feel compatible with the men back home either nor do I want to bring them to the west. Most will want to come to the west anyway.

If I have no choice but to marry and remain in the west, is it permissible to use birth controls to not have children for fear of them leaving Islam or should I wait to get married in my 40s so there's no chance of me having children?

I might sound crazy but I'm really worried about my children's future and don't want to carry sins for affecting the deen of my children/ future generations when I could migrate to a Muslim country and raise them there. What is the best solution in a situation like this?

 

[anatolian]

Is there a guarantee for your future children will be perfect Muslims if you move to the east? There is a lot of fitna in the so called Muslim countries too. It will be only their responsibilty not yours if they leave Islam. Every one is responsible of his own faith.

 

[Zzz_]

wa'alaikum as'salaam,

While most Muslims do want to stay in the west where life is comfortable and others want to come here, however, that is not always the case. There are also Muslims who want to leave the west and go back to resettle there.

Your fear of your children become kuffar is a legitimate one and we do see that happening in our communities, especially when the parents have neglected to teach them anything about Islam. When you have cultural Muslims then the kids will adopt the culture they are raised in, not their parents.

It would not be permissible to use birth control and deprive your husband of the right to have children as it is the islamic right of both spouses and one cannot deny the other from it. It's also not advisable to wait till 40s to marry for a few reasons. First and foremost is it will be very difficult to find any one willing to marry someone of that age group. Secondly, people used to kill their young ones for fear of poverty and Allah revealed the verses not to kill your kids for it is Allah who will provide for them. This case is similar in that you can not have kids for fear of them leaving Islam, our duty is to raise them islamically as best as we can and pray to Allah to guide them and keep them on the right path. If they have good strong foundation then inshallah they will do fine regardless of which environment they are in, otherwise you see Muslims leaving in Islam in the Muslim lands too.

Lastly, there are men who want to settle back home but hard to find a wife who would leave her family to go back home. For example, I would like to migrate back home but how willing would the future misses be?

Likewise, there are men who do go back home, having their wives convincing them of migrating back home. Example here is of a family friend of a relative, he married someone from back home and she came to live here with him but seeing that owning convenient mart stores that sell haram (poke, alcohol), she was able to convinced him to go back home.

People may be more rigid on this matter before marriage but may soften up on it after marriage through lot of communication between the spouses. Also, it is something you can also put on the table for interested parties, in that they would be open to migrating back home in the future. Some may not be honest, others will be.

 

[noraina]

Wa alaykum assalam,

First and foremost, there are many pious Muslims who have been brought up in the West. I mean, many of the brothers and sisters here on this forum have lived their whole lives in non-Muslim countries. While it may be a little more difficult because you don't have an Islamic environment around you all the time, as long as parents give their children good tarbiyah and teach them about Islam, and guide them to be good Muslims, then in'sha'Allah they wouldn't leave the deen.

And it works vice versa. I know so many people who have been born and bred in Muslim countries, and yet their actions and beliefs are so far from Islam, it's shocking, seriously.

But if it's a preference that you want to live in a Muslim country after marriage, then I suppose you could always talk it through with any proposals, even if they might not agree straight away, the thought may be on their minds if you were to bring the topic up again later.

I'm getting married to someone from 'back home', and I'll be going to live with him, so, if you find the right person, you can marry a man from a Muslim country and move there to be with him.

That said, if you were to get married and stay on in a Western country, then remember that marriage is half your deen, and a huge blessing of marriage is children. You wouldn't want to willingly deprive yourself, or your husband, of this. And, as the brother above said, our duty is to raise our children according to Islam. I know many practising Muslims who have been brought up here ma'sha'Allah, who value their religion, because of the upbringing their parents gave them.​

 

[Misbah-Abd]

Get married and have children. Raise them to the best of your ability and teach them Islam. It was already predetermined if they will be blessed or wretched. No point in making drastic life decisions. Do your best and put your trust in Allah.

 

[Zzz_]

I'm getting married to someone from 'back home', and I'll be going to live with him, so, if you find the right person, you can marry a man from a Muslim country and move there to be with him.

​

Mashallah, mubarak on this good news
Will you be going back to kashmir then or pakistan?
I knew of a palestinian sister in canada who decided to marry her cousin living in refugee camps of jordon and go there to live with them and she was only 16.

 

[noraina]

Mashallah, mubarak on this good news
Will you be going back to kashmir then or pakistan?
I knew of a palestinian sister in canada who decided to marry her cousin living in refugee camps of jordon and go there to live with them and she was only 16.

JazakAllah khayr. It'll be Pakistan in'sha'Allah,

And yh, I think as long as you find someone who has deen and good character, and is compatible with you, then you can live anywhere with them and be happy.

 

[Zzz_]

JazakAllah khayr. It'll be Pakistan in'sha'Allah,

And yh, I think as long as you find someone who has deen and good character, and is compatible with you, then you can live anywhere with them and be happy.

Lucky (or rather blessed) bro to have a religious and intelligent sister travel half away across the world to be his wife. may Allah bless it inshallah, all the best to you!

p.s. i may inquire later on about your experience and adjusting to the life over there.

 

[Umm♥Layth]

I was born and raised in the west and I was raised a catholic, yet, I have been Muslim 13 years Alhamdullilah. Allah guides who he wills and no matter where you raise your children there's a chance they will leave Islam and there's a chance they will grow up to be pious. If a person seeks God, they will find him and that is what you should instill in your children.

There isn't a day that goes by that I am not fearful for my children's future and that fear would be there regardless of where I live and raise them. The east is just as corrupt as the west. The problem is within ourselves and the best thing to do is to lead by example. I always remind my children that I wasn't a Muslim growing up and that every person born into Islam or not, has to grow and nurture their relationship with their creator. Everyone has a unique journey to finding their Lord.

 

[anatolian]

Lucky (or rather blessed) bro to have a religious and intelligent sister travel half away across the world to be his wife. may Allah bless it inshallah, all the best to you!

p.s. i may inquire later on about your experience and adjusting to the life over there.

Salam
Are you aaj the member we had last year disappeared suddenly?