Is this a sign that Allah doesnt love me?

[RisingLight]

I have been a secret muslim for more than 7 years,I pray now in secret and not good prayers,but at least i pray,5 times and tahajjud.When I am alone I pray good prayers (with concentration,slow,etc),I fast,i give sadaqa with what I can,go to the masjid always etc.
What I want to mean with this is that I didnt neglect the religious duties if I could make them,and everytime I had a chance to do more I always did more.

I had hoped and made duaa to fast this ramadhan but one of my parents will need surgery in another state and I am FORCED to go with them and take care of them.That means I wont be able to fast and pray for more than 20 days in ramadhan.I am so devastated that if suicide was halal i would kill myself right now.

Why am I prevented from praying in the layl Qadr when I have prayed night prayer for more than a year everyday? Why from all months it has to happen in ramadhan?
Only Allah can get me out of this situation,I have done everything I could in this world and now the matters are in His hand,but instead of letting me in the same situation until His help comes,He prevents me from ramadhan too.
Am I really so disliked? I love Allah but i think that He doesnt care about me at all.

 

[*charisma*]

I had hoped and made duaa to fast this ramadhan but one of my parents will need surgery in another state and I am FORCED to go with them and take care of them.That means I wont be able to fast and pray for more than 20 days in ramadhan.I am so devastated that if suicide was halal i would kill myself right now.

Why are you not able to fast or pray?
You're an adult. I mean people fast for health reasons so you shouldn't feel deterred, and if you are unable to go to a mosque you can pray anywhere.

 

[RisingLight]

Why are you not able to fast or pray?
You're an adult. I mean people fast for health reasons so you shouldn't feel deterred, and if you are unable to go to a mosque you can pray anywhere.

im secretive muslim living between kaffirs...they are that smart to understand it is ramadhan time and i am fasting cuz of ramadhan and no health reasons....going to mosque is not the issue here,hope you paid more attention reading it but anyways thnx for replying...

 

[Physicist]

I had hoped and made duaa to fast this ramadhan but one of my parents will need surgery in another state and I am FORCED to go with them and take care of them.That means I wont be able to fast and pray for more than 20 days in ramadhan.I am so devastated that if suicide was halal i would kill myself right now.

If you are so determined to fast and pray, that you would suicide if it was halal, how is it possible that they can prevent you from fasting?

Is letting them know that you are muslim is more difficult than to kill yourself?

How can they force you to eat? Some people fasting in the jail in protest of injustice and when government determined to feed prisoner, he is being tied to the bed and administered to infusion. This would be considered as a fasting anyway.

I think there only issue here about your relation with your family. And this is actually the blessing that you are given chance to solve this during the Ramadhan.

 

[Saeeda Shaikh]

Alhamdulilah! Good to hear that you embraced Islam. I can understand as one of my friend faced such situations. But her determination and trust in Allah made everything easy. It's easier said than done. I can sugget you that whenever you get chance you fast and pray. As you will earn a great rewards to look after your parents(even if they are disbelievers), InshaAllah ! When there is will there is a way. So be optimist, maybe the situation will be in your favour. As they are undergoing for surgery so they will busy with treatment. And you can offer your prayers and avoid food in rather to hurt them by disclosing truth. Time is a grear healer, so be patient. Your care, concern and love will soften their hearts. May Allah mske it ease for you, never think of Haraam act (suicide) !

 

[bint e aisha]

I have been a secret muslim for more than 7 years,I pray now in secret and not good prayers,but at least i pray,5 times and tahajjud.When I am alone I pray good prayers (with concentration,slow,etc),I fast,i give sadaqa with what I can,go to the masjid always etc.
What I want to mean with this is that I didnt neglect the religious duties if I could make them,and everytime I had a chance to do more I always did more.

I had hoped and made duaa to fast this ramadhan but one of my parents will need surgery in another state and I am FORCED to go with them and take care of them.That means I wont be able to fast and pray for more than 20 days in ramadhan.I am so devastated that if suicide was halal i would kill myself right now.

Why am I prevented from praying in the layl Qadr when I have prayed night prayer for more than a year everyday? Why from all months it has to happen in ramadhan?
Only Allah can get me out of this situation,I have done everything I could in this world and now the matters are in His hand,but instead of letting me in the same situation until His help comes,He prevents me from ramadhan too.
Am I really so disliked? I love Allah but i think that He doesnt care about me at all.

Assalamu alaikum brother, Allah ta'ala loves you and cares for you that is why He granted you hidayah. It's a great bounty that Allah ta'ala has protected you from the hell fire. You are well aware that people around you have not been given hidayah including your parents so that already proves that Allah ta'ala loves you specifically.

Secondly, it comes in a Hadith that "If Allah intends good for someone, then he afflicts him with trials."

Source: Ṣaḥīḥ al-Bukhārī 5321

Do you believe what Nabi صلى الله عليه وسلم said in this hadith is true? So that is the second proof that Allah ta'ala loves you. He tests different people in different ways to see how much Sabr they have. If we take our life it becomes clear that we do not have patience. We have to remain happy in whatever condition Allah ta'ala puts us in. If you read about the lives of Sahabah, you will realise how much difficulties and pain they had to suffer just for accepting Islam. Read about the lives of Bilal bin Rabah, Khabab ibn al-Aratt رضي الله عنهم. Even Prophets علیهم السلام were tested and they all remained steadfast. They did not despair instead it increased them in faith.

Allah ta'ala has not prevented you from the fasts of Ramadhan, you will have to see if you can fast without revealing to your relatives/parents, you can refuse to eat saying you have already eaten. Best is to contact a Mufti and explain to him about your circumstances and get a specific answer. Try to fast and pray as best as you can and leave the rest to Allah. “Allah does not burden a soul beyond that it can bear…” (Qur'an, 2:286)


Regarding your original question whether Allah ta'ala loves me or not I can totally relate to these feelings as I often get these whispers that Allah ta'ala hates me. But this is only Shaitan that wants us to lose hope in the mercy of Allah. It comes in a hadith that Allah ta'ala loves a person 70 times more than his mother. In the Qur'an it is said that Allah is Wadood. Allah ta'ala loves every creation.

Also please take a look at this muraqabah, it might help you: https://www.muftisays.com/forums/55-members-research-group/10376-muraqabah.html?p=102816#102816

 

[bint e aisha]

More information about Allah's name, al-Wadood.
View attachment al-Wadood.pdf

 

[Ahmed.]

If you're ready to die for Allah ( "if suicide was halal i would kill myself right now") then you should be ready to undergo anything and any form of hardship for Allah, so it's time to not care whether your family find out you're Muslim

Just do the fasts and do your salaahs even if you have to tell them

 

[ZeeshanParvez]

You can pray in a secret room. No one will know (though this is not recommended).

You can fast without anyone knowing.

It is all possible. Hardships are a part of being a Muslim. Do not let people keep you from your obligations to Allaah.