Issues with wife...

[Stoic]

Sallam.

So I've been married to my wife for almost a year now and we have couple month year old boy alhumdulillah.

Anyways theres some attributes that has shown up with her I don't like. She's moody a lot. Her patience needs work. And she gets mad over petty things. Happens like at least once or twice a week. I'm so tired of it.

I'm like the complete opposite. I hardly show anger. I believe I'm more patient and also know I have more Islamic knowledge. I'm definitely more kind and nice. And it just makes me kinda mad that she gives me an attitude .

For instance, we'd be in bed getting ready to sleep and then she just face away from me and lays all the way to the edge of the bed. And that's after having a pretty much good day together. I go to her to asks Wuts wrong lets talk and wanting to cuddle. And she just shrugs me off with a mean tone "just go to sleep"

She rather go sleep without resolving the issue she have with me..
Sigh...I don't know wut to do...when she's like this I just turn to Allah

 

[Ümit]

Sallam.

So I've been married to my wife for almost a year now and we have couple month year old boy alhumdulillah.

Anyways theres some attributes that has shown up with her I don't like. She's moody a lot. Her patience needs work. And she gets mad over petty things. Happens like at least once or twice a week. I'm so tired of it.

I'm like the complete opposite. I hardly show anger. I believe I'm more patient and also know I have more Islamic knowledge. I'm definitely more kind and nice. And it just makes me kinda mad that she gives me an attitude .

For instance, we'd be in bed getting ready to sleep and then she just face away from me and lays all the way to the edge of the bed. And that's after having a pretty much good day together. I go to her to asks Wuts wrong lets talk and wanting to cuddle. And she just shrugs me off with a mean tone "just go to sleep"

She rather go sleep without resolving the issue she have with me..
Sigh...I don't know wut to do...when she's like this I just turn to Allah

Aleykum selam,

a few things:
you have a child a couple of months old you say. now a woman right after pregnancy is loaded with hormones...so it is very normal that she is not herself at all...she can be moody, depressive, cry for the smallest things etc...this can take a couple of months untill almost a year...after that she must slowly come down to herself...nothing to worry about...nothing you can do about...just be patient and friendly all the time.

what also could be the case...that her thyroid gland is not functioning normal...the thyroid gland is an organ in your throat which is responsible for releasing various organs into the body. this is very common to women right after the pregnancy that the thyroid gland starts disfunctioning...ths symptoms would be the same...depression...moody...etc. unfortunately, this problem will not go over in time...a disfuncioning thyroid gland is usually permanent. in that case she can take thyroid gland pills to keep her hormones steady. she has to take these every day for the rest of her life.
sounds more serious than it really is...lots of women have that problem.

If I were you, I would be patient a couple of months more...if she then still does not recover from her moodiness then slowly consult a doctor and make bloodtests whether the thyroid gland is functioning properly.

edit: ow and do not forget...within a year, her whole life got upside down...she got married and she has a child...all of a sudden two people in her life...maybe she stopped working after pregnancy...from full time working to full time at home...she has to cook and clean...lots of responsibilities on her shoulders and lots of changes all of a sudden...and with the combination of a cocktail of pregnancy hormones...you get the picture.
just be patient and try to talk to her. try not to find a solution right away...she usually do not want to hear a logical solution...she wants to have a listening ear...make her clear you understand her.

 

[BeTheChange]

Asalamualykum

Definitely show more patience. Know that her moodiness is not towards you but just the internal battle she is having within herself. Always be there for her and ask whether she needs anything, is there anything you can do etc.

Shaytaan makes us focus on the negatives to darken our spirit. Focus on the positive and make more of an effort than you are doing now. Men and women have different characteristics so don't compare yourself to her but read up about the Prophet Muhammad s.a.w life and understand how he dealt with these situations. Insha Allah we can all inspire to be like our Prophet Muhammad s.a.w. It is a struggle but this whole life will be a struggle until our last breath. Also remember Allah swt The Most Kind does not burden a soul with more than he can bear so keep on smiling and showing sabar and Allah swt is with those who are patient. A reminder for myself too.

 

[Eric H]

Greetings and peace be with you Stoic;

I was best man at my son's wedding, and as part of the best man's speech I gave them three anniversary cards. The first year is the realization that marriage is an imperfect man, marrying an imperfect woman, having imperfect children and living in an imperfect world. You need a lot of love and strength to work through all this imperfection.

The second was a twenty fifth wedding anniversary, I said the first twenty five years are the hardest, then it gets harder. Hopefully, they will still be in love and open the fiftieth anniversary card together, by this time they might have a small understanding of what love is all about.

Fight all battles with loving kindness, the object is not to win, but to try and see that neither of you loose. You have to be incredibly strong to stay married, and strength comes from being able to change yourself, and live with the others faults, in the hope that they might also live with your faults.

Don't become one of the horrible marriage statistics in the UK. About half of all fifteen year old children are not living with both their biological parents. Some of the most depressed people I have ever met in my life are, men who have split up from their wives and children.

We are given marriage for life for a reason, pray for your self, your wife and child.

May you be a blessing to your family and be blessed by them

Eric

 

[Stoic]

I'm just giving her the silent treatment right now...

I feel like I was more joking, smiley, laughing, and happy when I was single.

Now that I'm married I get mad more often hardly joke and smile anymore. The reason for that is my relationship with my wife. The first 2 weeks it was good then she started showing her true colors.

Sometimes I can't believe she is my wife...like how can she be my wife..not really bringing out the good in me..don't even get me started on driving when I drive with her on passenger seat she gets mad ALL the time yelling at how I turn and do this and that. So I have her drive like all the time when we go out together to avoid that..

 

[Eric H]

Greetings and peace be with you Stoic;

I'm just giving her the silent treatment right now...

In order to find happiness for yourself, you first have to make those around you happy - easy

Sometimes I can't believe she is my wife...like how can she be my wife..not really bringing out the good in me..

How can she bring out the good in you, when you can't bring out the good in her. Trust me, the pair of you are wonderful people, you will never look into the eyes of anyone who does not matter to Allah. You cannot changer her, you can only change yourself.

Blessings
Eric

 

[xboxisdead]

Greetings and peace be with you Stoic;

Some of the most depressed people I have ever met in my life are, men who have split up from their wives and children.

Eric

That is because your laws are anti-male laws. Duh! :heated::heated: She can divorce him at well, take all his wealth, take his children and prevent him from accessing his children and she can brain wash the children to hate their fathers and then she can have him arrested for false rape, and false allegation and then he have to pay child support until the child is like 24 years old and he have to pay alimony and in USA if it is over 10 years he have to pay her until he is dead or she is dead.

Duuuuuuuuuuuuuh!! Give the men full custody of the children and have her pay child support and you will find 99.99% of men will not be only happy they got divorced he will initiate the divorce before her in a heart beat if she is a <censor> at him. Trust you me! He is not unhappy because he does not have his wife anymore. Your religion laws are designed to have gender reversal role of power where the wife is the dominant sex and she is the head of the household and she have power and authority over her husband. Man made law and man made religion such as Christianity and Jewish is a failure and nothing more than oppression. Your religion breed Atheism. I tell you if I was a Christian (Al-hamdilillah I am not) I would have being Atheist a loooong time and toke advantage of this world to satisfy my needs and desires and heck with everyone. I will take feminism mantra of self pleasure and self fulfillment and self centered to my advantage and step at everyone to get my needs and wants. Any other religion beside Islam is a failure before it even began. Al-hamdilllah,Al-hamdilllah,Al-hamdilllah,Al-hamdilllah I am Muslim!!! It really is the greatest gift that Allah (Subhanahu Wa Talaa) have given me and I am not going to lose it ever!!

In case of a bad spouse, it is better for a man to be single and divorced than to be a person who is nothing more than a burden to himself and his soul. You breed excuse of bad character. When a woman knows no matter how nasty she is..a man will have trillion excuses and reasons given him, including guilting him to accept her bad character why should a woman ever...ever...ever change for the better? In fact, it is incentive for her to push it even more and more and more and more and more and more..and the more she pushes it the more a man have to tolerate this abuse the more she will push it. Future generation of women will be worse than the previous and worse than the previous and the end even if man accept that his wife skins him alive as he screams in pain, she cut his <censor> off and torture him like that horror of movie and society beat the husband down to accept the abuse because she have hormones, she is going through so much hardship, she she she she..in the end you are not helping her. In the end, Allah (Subahana Wa Talaa) will ask her how she treated her husband and when she show Allah (Subhanahu Wa Talaa) how she treated her husband do you think Allah will appraise her? Nope. Jahanam she goes. So in the end we are pushing our women to go to Jahanam instead of paradise. I am not saying this is the case here...but I am also saying don't jump always to blaming the husband 100% and he have to accept all the dirt of his wife as this is what a man get to do. While he tolerate this abuse very well you are not helping her in the afterlife at all.

 

[Eric H]

Greetings and peace be with you xboxisdead;

Your religion laws are designed to have gender reversal role of power where the wife is the dominant sex and she is the head of the household and she have power and authority over her husband.

Not so......


Ephesians 5:22

Wives, submit yourselves to your own husbands as you do to the Lord.


Ephesians 5:24

Now as the church submits to Christ, so also wives should submit to their husbands in everything.


Colossians 3:18

[ Instructions for Christian Households ] Wives, submit yourselves to your husbands, as is fitting in the Lord.


1 Peter 3:1

Wives, in the same way submit yourselves to your own husbands so that, if any of them do not believe the word, they may be won over without words by the behavior of their wives,

Blessings

Eric

 

[xboxisdead]

Greetings and peace be with you xboxisdead;



Not so......


Ephesians 5:22

Wives, submit yourselves to your own husbands as you do to the Lord.


Ephesians 5:24

Now as the church submits to Christ, so also wives should submit to their husbands in everything.


Colossians 3:18

[ Instructions for Christian Households ] Wives, submit yourselves to your husbands, as is fitting in the Lord.


1 Peter 3:1

Wives, in the same way submit yourselves to your own husbands so that, if any of them do not believe the word, they may be won over without words by the behavior of their wives,

Blessings

Eric

Your religion is false. It have some of the little what is left truth from the Islam in itself but your religion is man made. You have trillion versions of bibles and it contradicts itself in so many ways it is not even funny. Some versions of your bibles are designed to suit special interest groups or people's desires and whims and you have that annoying church bell rings that will turn the heads into an explosive bombs. Nothing about your religion comes to the heart and your bible is so confusing you need to decipher things left and right to figure out half what is said. Sorry to say...but your religion is false. In addition you only go to church ones a week? Meaning you only pray ones a week? Islam is perfect. You pray five times a day, Monday through Sunday until you are dead! BEAUTIFUL! Your constantly reminded, there is constant worship in your life...the soul crave it. Soul the needs it. Your heart is so closed to see the truth. When you listen to the Qura'an your heart melts..it talks about things 1,400 years ago that only scientists are discovering it now we Muslims know it 1,400 years ago. There is only one Qura'an and it have not changed for over 1,400 and it will never change. You will never find a single contradiction on the Qura'an even if you got the smartest scholars on Earth and they try to find contradictions they will not find it. Impossible. Just impossible. The prophet peace be upon him was illiterate in purpose so people can't use the excuse the prophet is scholar and writer...that everything he says is revelation and comes from Allah (Subhanahu Wa Talaa). Even the disbelievers at that time knew he is a prophet and he spoke the truth but did not believe in him for either arrogance, power and wordily affairs or tribe purposes and mostly jealousy. Come to Islam before it is too late for you. Ones you die and you see the angel rip your soul to shreds because you died a disbeliever it is too late for you then to ask to return back and repent. There is no second chances.

 

[Ümit]

@xbox
Please let us be respectfull with each other. İ know Eric as a very respectfull person against İslam and us...even though he is not a Muslim himself. Why can't we do at least the same back? We Muslims should be most tolerant respectfull and peacefull of all the people.
How wpuld you feel if someone attacked ypu with "ypur religion is false?"
That is not nice...besides...it has no purpose except hurting and insulting...you think you can convince him about the correctness of with that attitude?
So please don't do that.

Second, let us discuss the differences of religion in a different thread...here it is off topic.

 

[ardianto]

...........

I know mister Eric H as a Catholic believer who greatly respect other religions, including Islam. So please, do not provoke him, okay?.

 

[xboxisdead]

@xbox
Please let us be respectfull with each other. İ know Eric as a very respectfull person against İslam and us...even though he is not a Muslim himself. Why can't we do at least the same back? We Muslims should be most tolerant respectfull and peacefull of all the people.

I do not mean it as disrespect but I am more than trying to give the guy a nice beautiful tough love. Sometimes a person need to be slapped on the back of his head to wake up and realize he is headed to destruction. Please do not under estimate the horror of the punishment of the afterlife. Just so you know the hottest fire on this world is quivering in fear about the fire of Jahannam. Even Jahannam itself is scared to disobey Allah (Subhanahu Wa Talaa) not to be punished itself. Someone need to ponder on this for a second. I have said my peace and he cannot come at me in the afterlife and say I did not warn him or inform or anything.

- - - Updated - - -

I know mister Eric H as a Catholic believer who greatly respect other religions, including Islam. So please, do not provoke him, okay?.

I will not and I will say nothing more on this. In the end, only Allah (Subhanahu Wa talaa) guides and only he misguides. I am not going to say anything on this affair.

 

[Ümit]

That is true xbox...i also have had conversations with him...but we can only advise. İt is up to him to decide. To attacl him is not suddenly going to make him realise which path is right or wrong. We can just pray.
May Allah give him hidayah.

 

[Eric H]

Greetings and peace be with you ardianto and umie;

Thank you both for your kind words. I am sure our friend xbox means well.

Blessings
Eric

 

[eesa the kiwi]

Maybe it's time for you to be grateful to Allah for what you have rather than complaining about the few things that aren't going right

 

[xboxisdead]

Maybe it's time for you to be grateful to Allah for what you have rather than complaining about the few things that aren't going right

I am always grateful to Allah (Subhanahu Wa Talaa) for everything he have given me ;D But I also refuse to be quiet when oppression is rampant and is destroying us SO I will always be me! :shade:

 

[eesa the kiwi]

I am always grateful to Allah (Subhanahu Wa Talaa) for everything he have given me ;D But I also refuse to be quiet when oppression is rampant and is destroying us SO I will always be me! :shade:

I was talking to op

 

[ardianto]

Okay, lets we back to the topic.

I'm just giving her the silent treatment right now...

Silent treatment is not the right way to face your wife. She is not a little child who will seek apologize if you ignore her. But she is an adult who will think "Oh, my husband ignore me?. Okay, I will ignore him too". It's potentialy will break your relationship with her.

Do you know, bro?. One thing that expected by every wife, but unfortunately often not given by the husband is the husband willingness to listen to what the wife want to say from her heart. Indeed, there are many husband who tell their wives "If you want to talk, just talk". But those husbands tell it not with sincere attitude, and before the wife finish her talks, the husband suddenly argue her.

Learn how to be the good listener, try to improve your patience. Give her a sign that if she want to talk, you will be willing to listen to her.

 

[Eric H]

Greetings and peace be with you ardianto;

I was deeply touched by the relationship you had with your wife, we can all learn from you.

May you be blessed and be a blessing to your children;

Eric