Isthikara Prayers really need some clarification

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I have recently done isthikara 7 times but kept getting mixed views basically my marriage has not gone well at all from the start till now.. and i wanted to seek guidence to what i should do as i dont think i can continue in it. I asked Allah (swt) if this marriage good for me turn my heart towards it otherwise turn me away from it however i kept getting mixed views when i woke up for salah i kept thinking to my self things that i can do to make it better. Than in the mornings i get different feeling. Some days im fine with my decision than some days i feel scared as the feeling of being alone scares me and society. Plus I also felt what if i get married to some one worse or not get married at all. Or what if i become ill i'll have no one there. sometimes thoughts come in to my head like i got my self into this mess and its too late to fix it so just have to deal with it. Thats when i wake up than i start thinking all this negative thoughts will come into my head. But then again when i think of being with him my world does falls apart tears just automatically roll down and I have this pain in my heart that i feel like I could burst. When I feel like that I dont even feel like getting up or doing anything I cant find the strentgh to do anything even when i try to prey I cant gain my strentgh.

Then I wouldnt think about him and i read up on islam listning to various islamic talks and being praying my salah and making long duas to Allah (swt)and i would feel calm and have this strentgh in me and think to my self if i dont have anyone it wont matter because i will always have Allah (swt). Since than I have been praying more and really focusing on islam which gave me strength to get up in the morning with a hope. But am i feeling good because Allah (swt) is giving me strenth in my decision or am i feeling good because thats the decision i want to take.

What signs am i suppose to take from my negative feelings are they jsut my fears and emotion playing in my head or are they actual signs. Are we suppose to go with the first feeling we get in the morning or is it a feeling that grows over period of time.

Please please help
thankyou
 
Sis I feel the same, dunno your situation but sounds similar to something im going tru.. I have prayed Isthikara too and yet have not got a sign but havefaith in Allah swt he will guide you to the marriage if its good for u or he will pull u away if its going to cause harm. Have faith and patience, leave the rest to Allah swt.
I have good days and bad days, just the way things go I guess.. sometimes I just want out of the marriage completely but then think but what if it can work.. maybe we can be really happy etc, its hope that everyone clings onto. InshAllah your duas will be answered...
 
do we have two persons called anonymusgender?? well anyway

praying istikharah then waiting for a 'dream' or a 'sign' and so on is a bid'a, it has no basis in the sunnah of the prophet or the companions.rather istikharah is prayed after making-or deciding to make- a choice.
 
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Re: Isthikara Prayers really need some clarification marriage problem

alcurad said:
do we have two persons called anonymusgender?? well anyway

praying istikharah then waiting for a 'dream' or a 'sign' and so on is a bid'a, it has no basis in the sunnah of the prophet or the companions.rather istikharah is prayed after making-or deciding to make- a choice.
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So does that mean if you have prayed isthikara than makea decision which you feel in your heart happy with over a period of time.

If this is the case how come in the isthikara guidance it says a person should leave what they were intended to do and once performed isthikara go with the feeling grows in your heart. Do they mean the feeling you get the morning the day or just over a period of time.

Please just really want to know how it works and what thoughts and feelings to base the decision on.
 
from experience I'd say if you don't see anything in isthikara, then go with wutever you feel in your heart when you wake up (in most cases its the gut feeling you get whenever you think of the particular situation you isthikaraed for), if you are neutral do the isthikara again, i think you can do it 3-5 times in a week or something (not sure so check this out), if you still are neutral by the end of the week and havnt seen anything, then leave it up to Allah and have faith... wuts meant to happen will happen...

also from experience, people have followed their isthikaras, only to have to go thru lots of heartache and pain in the coming years, but slowly, things do start to get better and you see that everything happens for a reason... even if you do a isthickara and see something really good, only to have your life turned upside down later because of it, doesn't mean you were wrong, have faith that somewhere down the road, something good waits.. :)
 
londonfog said:
from experience I'd say if you don't see anything in isthikara, then go with wutever you feel in your heart when you wake up (in most cases its the gut feeling you get whenever you think of the particular situation you isthikaraed for), if you are neutral do the isthikara again, i think you can do it 3-5 times in a week or something (not sure so check this out), if you still are neutral by the end of the week and havnt seen anything, then leave it up to Allah and have faith... wuts meant to happen will happen...

also from experience, people have followed their isthikaras, only to have to go thru lots of heartache and pain in the coming years, but slowly, things do start to get better and you see that everything happens for a reason... even if you do a isthickara and see something really good, only to have your life turned upside down later because of it, doesn't mean you were wrong, have faith that somewhere down the road, something good waits.. :)
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Thank you for your reply sister

As i got a scared kind of feeling like if i leave the marriage i was scared as to what was gonna happen next or what was gonna happen to me so would i take that as a gut feeling of something telling me that it may be bad idea to end it or or is that just my fears, shall i give it time and do the isthikara again.

Im jus scared that if i end the marriage I amy not be following the isthikara result and its says in isthikara guidence if you dont follow the result of isthikara there could be bad consequences
 
sister you are having a hard time right now because you've got two possibilities in front of you, one is to leave your husband and marriage, and start life on your own and thats a scary thought for anyone, the other road is to stay with your husband, which also frightens you and only you know how the situation with your husband is so i cant elaborate...can you try to work things out? is there any hope in having a stable and loving home between you two? where does he stand in this? do you guys get along? is there a gap between you two? ask yourself these and see if you can work them out...

I would say, if you havnt been married too long, give it a little bit more time and pray for the best and strive to make your marriage better, if however, he also feels like getting a divorce or he's implied he wants one, then its best to follow your heart...is there any older figure person you can speak to? perhaps the imam? or family? discussion is always good...


you said you got mixed reviews from isthikara, mayb thats because deep down you know wut the right thing is and you are scared to admit it? sister we all have to make tough decisions in life, some of us make them and come out stronger, while some of us hide from them and never know wut couldve been...

i cannot advice you on wut to do, as i dont know you or your situation, and i wouldnt wanna advice something wrong!

i can just pray for you...you said you r getting stronger in your iman by praying, that u feel at peace when praying, keep that up, hold on to your faith and dont let anyone else make decisions for you....wenever things get bad, talk it out with Allah, it will make you feel better :)

may allah bless you

:w:
 
londonfog said:
sister you are having a hard time right now because you've got two possibilities in front of you, one is to leave your husband and marriage, and start life on your own and thats a scary thought for anyone, the other road is to stay with your husband, which also frightens you and only you know how the situation with your husband is so i cant elaborate...can you try to work things out? is there any hope in having a stable and loving home between you two? where does he stand in this? do you guys get along? is there a gap between you two? ask yourself these and see if you can work them out...

I would say, if you havnt been married too long, give it a little bit more time and pray for the best and strive to make your marriage better, if however, he also feels like getting a divorce or he's implied he wants one, then its best to follow your heart...is there any older figure person you can speak to? perhaps the imam? or family? discussion is always good...


you said you got mixed reviews from isthikara, mayb thats because deep down you know wut the right thing is and you are scared to admit it? sister we all have to make tough decisions in life, some of us make them and come out stronger, while some of us hide from them and never know wut couldve been...

i cannot advice you on wut to do, as i dont know you or your situation, and i wouldnt wanna advice something wrong!

i can just pray for you...you said you r getting stronger in your iman by praying, that u feel at peace when praying, keep that up, hold on to your faith and dont let anyone else make decisions for you....wenever things get bad, talk it out with Allah, it will make you feel better :)

may allah bless you

:w:
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Thank you very much sister really appreciate your views. May Allah grant his mercy upon you.

The thing is i was not ready to get married I only got married to please my parents and every body else. But now i have to live with it. No matter how hard i try I just cant get my self to give this marriage a go any more my world just falls apart when ever I think of staying in this marriage. I feel that what ever has happened has made me a better person and stronger in my faith. But to stay in this marriage and carry on living just for the sake of it with the feeling of depression I just dont know if i could do that.

I know ultimately i would have to make the decision but I'm just scared that if i leave this marriage what if Allah is unhappy with me marriage is such a big thing in islam. I'm just not sure whether those feelings i recieved after isthikara are telling me to stay in the marriage or they just my emotion cause the last thing i want to do is go sgainst Allahs guidence and make it worse for my self.

Thanks
 
I really dont know wut to say sister, because I dont want to say something completely wrong, lol....

Keep making dua'a and inshallah, Allah will make things easier for you. Sometimes we get so sick of the world around us we dont see whats in right in front, keep your head clear and pray and pray. Inshallah, you will find a way to make your life better.

Dont ever give up. Remember, life in this world is temporary, but the akhira is forever. Like my mom always tells me, live this life the way Allah wants, and the akhira will be yours to do as you wish.
 
:sl:

Listen, sister, I don't know what to tell you as far as marriage advice is concerned, but maybe my story can help you about istikhara.

I thought that I wanted to marry this girl, and I was CERTAIN of it. I knew that we would get married.

But there was a certain issue (I wish not to share) which gave me mixed feelings about this girl. I told her about these issues and she told me that the only thing we could do is to pray and ask Allah swt for guidance.

Now this was going on when I was a brand new Muslim and I didn't know how to pray Istikhara but people told me about it. So I made the intention and asked Allah swt to accept my prayers as istikhara because I didn't know how to do it.

I know for a fact that I did not pray it properly; I still don't know how to do it the right way, but it was very clear to me that Allah swt accepted my prayers because it became very obvious that she was not going to be the one for me.

I told her about this, and she received similar signs. We both did not want to believe the signs and we prayed again (not together). I did the SAME thing, made the intention and made two prayers, and I got the SAME sort of sign.

You know I didn't get what I wanted, but it was clearly the guidance of Allah swt, so we stopped talking.

---------------------------------------

I don't know if this helps you any, but I just wish that it gives you some hope. You know Allah swt is listening to you, and istikhara is one of the most powerful tools that He provides for us.

My first intuition is that Allah is showing you the signs, but they are things that you don't want to believe or that you don't want to be true, or are otherwise simply not noticing. This is because even for me, someone who doesn't know how to properly perform the prayers, Allah swt answered simply my intent.

Try again. Really focus. Tell our God that you are desperately seeking His guidance. Inshallah with new focus and a clearer intent, then you will comprehend the guidance He promises.

Bless you. And I wish the best. :cry:
 

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