Istikhara and marriage

[Khan123]

Aoa,i am in a relationship with a boy for three years,we're classmates, he takes good care of me all the time,he never leaves me alone. Whenever something bad happens with me or i am in paon i dont know how does he gets it he directly calls me or texts me are u fine is there something? Recently we've both been struggling to make our relationship halal,his parents family is willing to do our marriage but the problem is from my side. My parents say they're not according to our standard and stuff like that,honestly telling he has my heart,we're both very sincere and honest to eachother. I did istikhara thrice,first i saw two white cats like i hold one then i put it down and a little child is feeding the other cat along with them i saw a brown cat. Then when i did istikhara again after fajr prayer i saw a complicated dream a i am capturing a couples picture and with them nearby a truck passes ,i just look at the truck and a baby is in it thats the baby of the couple and i hold her,she laughs at me, Then the third time i saw my teacher in black dress,an injured lady taking to the hospital, my uncle telling me that the guy u want to marry is a good guy. When he did istikhara he saw me in a white dupatta once and second time he saw white flour. Now i am very confused about my istikhara. We still want to get together please guide me please tell me what should i do?

 

[eesa the kiwi]

Asalamu alaikum wa rahmatullahi wa barakatu

No where it says you must see a dream for istikhara to be valid. You may see a dream or you may not. Seeing a dream is not a condition of istikhara.

Sounds like you really like this guy may Allah help you. End of the day you're the person who has to marry him not your family so your opinion in this has weight.

How firm against him are your family? Could you get a local imam to talk to them as it sounds like their objections are cultural not Islamic

 

[Khan123]

Yes,they're basically cultural and societal objections,there is nothing bad with the guy he respects me alot. My family just fears about the society, that you want to marry someone who is not of your cast not of your status. They're not looking for my happiness yes they're worried about me that how i'd live with him but alhumdulillah he is one of the toppers of the class, he is sharp minded and has many future plans. I am very depressed i cant neither see my parents like this nor him. May ALLAH help me ameen.

 

[wealthbuilder]

Yes,they're basically cultural and societal objections,there is nothing bad with the guy he respects me alot. My family just fears about the society, that you want to marry someone who is not of your cast not of your status. They're not looking for my happiness yes they're worried about me that how i'd live with him but alhumdulillah he is one of the toppers of the class, he is sharp minded and has many future plans. I am very depressed i cant neither see my parents like this nor him. May ALLAH help me ameen.

Assalamualaikum

Well, Islam doesn't recommend looking caste or status. Prophet Mohammed (pbuh) said, “There is nothing like marriage, for two who love". It means marriage is the best thing for them.

However Islam also recommends kufu in marriage i.e compatibility. If there is no compatibility, then problems may arise later on in life. Please understand that compatibility is not love. It's a practical approach to life.

For example, you are from a well to do family. And he may be from lower income family. The way of their thinking, behavior and standard may be less compared to that of yours. After marriage, when you really start to live with your in-laws. You maybe living according to your standard. But for them, it could be showoff, arrogance of ego. Because, your standard of living might seem high end to them.

Further, this may develop inferiority complex in your husband. And jealousy in your in-laws. And the problem starts, he will try to show that what ever you are doing is worthless. And your in-laws may do such acts which may show you of no value. This will hurt your feelings and you will start to dislike your decision. It may lead to fights and further to divorce.

If you have planned all these things. And if you still think, he is a good match for you. Then your parents can't force you to marry others. You need to convince them about all the aspects which are related to kufu to your parents (I gave just one example, there are many). You can raise all these points with your boy friend and discuss what he feels about all these matters. See this link : https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=VdeI-1H_LAU

Islam is easy, if everyone follows them with balance.

 

[Khan123]

Jazakallah khair for the response,
Yes i have thought over all aspects,alhumdulillah he is a struggling guy,his mother is an alima ,father is engineer retired, like his family is not this low but what my parents are thinking that currently he is studying ,no idea what will he do in future. Yes they're right because they dont know him.
Everything over one side he is loyal and sincere to me and this is what matters the most to me.
You're point is valid but there's not even a guarantee that i'd be happy in Prince castle,i've seen so many cases in my own family, they're married to billionaires but ended up divorcing,why?
Because they didn't have that understanding that love between them.
In todays world what matters the most is that there's love and affection and honesty, understanding between the couple.
Rest i have did tawakul on ALLAH ,inshallah he will do what is better for us amen.