I've had enough

[anonymous]

Salam

Just want some opinions from some impartial individuals regarding a non issue in my point of view but one that keeps rearing it's head too often...

The matter relates to two individuals i have a great deal of respect for for different reasons. One has encountered and dealt admirably with multiple challenges from ill health to caring for a child who has severe learning difficulties. The other is a senior family member who has always looked out for me and my family sow e naturally have a great deal of respect for him. For the purpose of this post the first individual will be referred to as abdullah and the latter ali..

Now both individuals are my neighbours but ali takes issue with abdullah. He accuses abdullah of interfering and snooping on him. This has been mentioned to me on several occasions and i beg to differ. Reason being the "evidence" presented to support ali's accusation is abdullah simply doing day to day chores like placing trash in the bin or walking a matter of metres from his door to his car. Naturally ali may look in abdullahs direction but abdullah feels any such gaze is ill intended. Now i know many are probably assuming I'm making this up but wallahi this has reached a stage where abdullah will patronise me for being naive to not hold his opinion. Indeed I am younger than abdullah but i have worked in several different environments for close to 3 decades so i am nit entirely dumb as the abdullah infers on multiple occasions.

His stick answer is we don't know what he knows.. This usually relates to an incident whereby abdullah from the boundaries of his home overheard a conversation ali was having and naively relayed back the content of the conversation to ali. Now abdullah was in the confines of his house and in my opinion has every right to go to his doorstep for some fresh air. I do the same and i believe this is entirely normal and i and I'm sure many others too have without any intention overheard a conversation. This to me does not give anyone the right to label someone who does such as interfering.

Wallahi the level of hate is so severe at times i don't many hold such contempt for the kufaar. My dilemma is that i respect both but i find ali takes issue with me being on good terms with abdullah. As i mentioned abdullah has endured a traumatic 5 years or so in terms of his family suffering several serious health issues in addition to dealing with their child who requires permanent supervision. If abdullah offers any assistance to me and Ali becomes aware he will accuse him of acting in an ingratiating manner when in all fairness there would be no such meed as we have always maintained cordial relations. Wallahi I genuinely admire abdullah as having to permanently care for a child is a challenge that many would collapse under but he does so despite his own helath being unstable.

I'm sorry for the lengthy post but this has led to me reacting inappropriately to ali as most of our conversations end up with him delivering a sermon on the ills of abdullah. If i dare disagree he will accuse me of licking abdullahs proverbial and naturally i have reacted with some unkind words in return. I find this a slanderous slur as i have never been one to excessively indulge in conversation with individuals. If anything abdullah is loves a natter and will spend hours on end talking to other members of our neighbourhood.

Please help jazakllah

 

[Studentofdeed]

Its their problem. Do not interfere. Tell them...has Abdullah done something to you? Has he done something to Ali specifically? If he has not then senseless suspicious is pointless and dangerous. If ali was harmed then he could be just cautious. But that being said if Abdullah did do something bad then you should be careful from being around wrongdoer. It is a sin. But do not get involved into a fight unless they ask your opinion or involve you. Stay neutral and try to reconcile both parties by inviting them both to hang out or saying so and so said good things about you. This will help. But if one party is guilty for sure, then stay away and if both are then just stay away from both. Life is complicated enough without other drama into yours

 

[anonymous]

Maybe I've not been clear enough.. I do not in any way interfere but I feel I am put in a position by Ali whereby I have to agree with him. It's a you're either with me or them situation pretty much. He is all too aware of my links to Abdullah but inssts on forcing his ills down my throat. Thsi is always done in a condescending manner implying that I am oblivious of Abdullah being an evil person. Wallahi I cannot highlight the degree of hate that exists over a non issue. Abdullah has personal health problems and as I have mentioned has an ill son to take care of. I understand not everybody gets and that we all see people differently. Everyone is entitled to an opinion but I feel it puts me in a very difficult position when I am constantly being preached at. This is no exaggeration its like being mocked by a televangelist for not believing in teh trinity. Yes it is that severe.

 

[Supernova]

Asalaamualaykum - The details you have given was somewhat irrelevant. Bottom line is you stuck between two Muslim good neighbours who like everyone else has flaws.

Simply tell each person you not going to get involved in backbiting or entertaining listening to it. Secondly its your Islamic duty to keep good relations with both of them, and you staying out of any disagreements.

You stand for what is right, Allah SWT will take care of the rest.

 

[anonymous]

The whole point of me giving the bacjground is to highlight I'm entirely impartial but i ma pretty much being forced to pick sides and this is what i have a problem with. I reiterate to my knowledge abdullah is a family man doing his best in trying circumstances. Yet ali appears to be on a mission to malign him and if anyone differs he'll accuse them of defending abdullah. I only beg to differ when i feel I'm beibg cornered to agree with ali. Wallahi i have maintained a neutral stance but this isn't good enough for ali as he believes he's been severely wronged by abdullah. Again it's quite laughable but this is a nasty situation that i find myself having been caught up in and has been ongoing for the last 3 summers...

 

[Studentofdeed]

Did you ask what he did? Look if Abdullah can't come with a valid reason and his hatred is pointless, then stay away from him. Say salaams and not boycott him but keep your distance. Do not support someone who is out on an anger mission just to oppress others

 

[anonymous]

Salam

As i have stated in my original post the reason for the hate os that abdullah once overheard a conversation and ali thinks he's being snooped on on.

 

[Studentofdeed]

Tell him if there is actually dire need and something to be suspicious of then he can be woried. But if they are neighbors , its purely accidental. Tell them both relax and that in Islam spying and eavesdropping is haram. Tell Abudulla that you are both Muslim and he should give his brother an excuse. Give them benefit of doubt UNLESS he proves himself guilty

 

[Alpha Dude]

Wa alaykum salam,

Sounds like Ali is being unreasonable, based on what you have described.

If it has festered for 3 summers then it is quite unlikely that you will be able to convince him. At least, not easily at all.

I think it is best that you make it clear that you will not indulge in any negative conversation about Abdullah. If it happens, simply ignore or move away. Hopefully if you do that often enough, he will get he hint and at least not talk negatively about him to you.

This is just a thought and I don't know if it is a good idea - judge it for yourself - but you could also have a word with Abdullah and advise him to seek forgiveness from Ali for inadvertently listening in and mentioning what he heard.

Make dua for their reconciliation too.

 

[anonymous]

I also believe Ali is being very unreasonable but if I dare utter thsi he accuses me of siding with Abdullah. I have made it clear in the last few weeks do not mention anything to with Abdullah to me as we will end up falling out over a matter that to is a non issue. Wallhi in Ramadan he made a negative comment re Abdullah and I raised my voice and told him how this issue is practically making living in teh street untenable for me. He stops my children from playing Abdullah despite our family having no issue with Abdullah.

If anything Abdullah is someone we rightly have a lot of sympatyhy for due to his circumstances. I have tried everything to convince Ali this is a minor matter taht is being needlessly eating away at him and creating discord in teh neighbourhood yet he simply will not entertain thsi and insists Abdullah is evil. The irony is there is an individual whose sharr is common knowledge ( I won't go into teh details but the individual is a verified con artist ) yet Ali gets on fine with him. This despite Ali being told this individual made a very unpleasant remark to a 3rd party abt Ali and I have no reason to disbelive what the 3rd party alleges!!

 

[anonymous]

Sorry to bump the thread but its's been over a week and I feel uneasy at this matter being unresolved especially as we should not be angered with a fellow muslim for more than 3 days. However, I know that if I was to meet Ali it would be the usual spiel ie him qualifying his action as though he's in criminal court acting on behalf of a defendant. Been down this road too often and it's not in my nature to cut ties and I deteste the thought of people cutting ties over trivial matters. However I know ALi too well and cannot face being lectured on the wrongs of everyone else but him. Unfortunately he clings on to things and while most will mentally delete things he seeks to justify his stance...

 

[Hamza Asadullah]

Sorry to bump the thread but its's been over a week and I feel uneasy at this matter being unresolved especially as we should not be angered with a fellow muslim for more than 3 days. However, I know that if I was to meet Ali it would be the usual spiel ie him qualifying his action as though he's in criminal court acting on behalf of a defendant. Been down this road too often and it's not in my nature to cut ties and I deteste the thought of people cutting ties over trivial matters. However I know ALi too well and cannot face being lectured on the wrongs of everyone else but him. Unfortunately he clings on to things and while most will mentally delete things he seeks to justify his stance...

Assalaamu Alaikum,

It's clear that shaythan is stirring up tension and has caused hatred and enmity in Ali's heart for another Muslim brother and neighbour. Firstly you must be firm with Ali that you do not want to listen to anymore of what he has to say about Abdullah regardless of his reasons because backbiting and slander is totally forbidden for the one who utters it and hears it. So you are getting a sin everytime you listen to any of what he complains to you about constantly.

Therefore you need to get your priorities right in that are you going to continue to appease Ali by constantly listening to him backbiting and slandering Abdullah or are you going to take the step to cut it off completely? If after giving him much advice he still persists then it is far better for you to stay away from such people who backbite and slander and spew hatred about other Muslims unjustifiably.

So you have to be absolutely firm with him from now onwards that you refuse to listen to anymore backbiting or slander if you are to continue talking to him. Is it really worth constantly getting a great deal of sin for having to listen to his persistent backbiting and slander?

Therefore if after you advised him and reminded him about the harms of backbiting and slandering and he still insists in continuing to backbite and slander then you must stop talking to him so as to make it clear to him that you do not approve of such an approach and behaviour until he changes and corrects himself. Regardless of how difficult it maybe it's down to you to take this step as protecting your imaan and your relationship with Allah is far more important than anyone or anything else.

You should also make it clear to him that you are not siding with anyone but that you do not want to displease Allah by constantly listening to backbiting and slander. Where would you rather appease? Ali or Almighty Allah? .

Unfortunately many people have a very destructive habit of backbiting, slandering and having unsubstantiated suspicions against others. They are in the habit of just complaining about others rather than looking at themselves in the mirror. If it's not about one person then it will be about another.

So remind Ali about the harms of suspicion, backbiting and slander and particularly of the rights of neighbors and how we should have good relations and be patient and not allow shaythan to create enmity into the hearts of two Muslim neighbors. If he continues then it is down to you to back off from him due to his insistence on sinning.

Finally the only way to resolve this issue between both parties is to firstly establish whether they both want to resolve it in the first place and then secondly to meditate between them. It is better to get an elder, respected and knowledgeable person to do this, whom you think both parties would listen to in order to mediate the issues between them.

May Allah enable us all all to rid our hearts of suspicion, enmity and hatred from our hearts and join us all in love peace and harmony. Ameen.

 

[anonymous]

I appreciate your input and advice Hamza. I would love to mediate but unfortunately this is simple not going to happen. Ali is beyond ceratin in his mind and will simply entertain no discussion. On the flip side Abdullah has so much to deal with in his personal life that I do not wish to unduly burden with more stress. He is aware of the situation but does not entertain teh matter as he simply has for more important and immediate concerns to deal with. Ali is a very much "all or nothing " personality and I've been teh direct victim of thsi trait on many on occasion.

Wallai I've tried my best on many a time to accomodate Ali and do what I can in my capacuty to assist him but it's all thrown out of teh window if I merely express a different opinion. I have watched many debates online and wallahi I've yet to witness anyone being so aggressive to anyone who disagrees as Ali. Unfortunately I think its a matter taht is beyonf mediation by family members. I am at a loss as to how thsi will be resloved. Liek I said he's fallen out with me for over 3 weeks and I concede I said soem incorrect things but purely in response to commenst he made to me. I have not even looked hsi way as when he falls out with people he becomes very threatening with physical altercations taking place in teh last 2 summers involving him. A few summers ago he pushed me out of his mothers house. Allah have mercy on us

 

[Hamza Asadullah]

I appreciate your input and advice Hamza. I would love to mediate but unfortunately this is simple not going to happen. Ali is beyond ceratin in his mind and will simply entertain no discussion. On the flip side Abdullah has so much to deal with in his personal life that I do not wish to unduly burden with more stress. He is aware of the situation but does not entertain teh matter as he simply has for more important and immediate concerns to deal with. Ali is a very much "all or nothing " personality and I've been teh direct victim of thsi trait on many on occasion.

Wallai I've tried my best on many a time to accomodate Ali and do what I can in my capacuty to assist him but it's all thrown out of teh window if I merely express a different opinion. I have watched many debates online and wallahi I've yet to witness anyone being so aggressive to anyone who disagrees as Ali. Unfortunately I think its a matter taht is beyonf mediation by family members. I am at a loss as to how thsi will be resloved. Liek I said he's fallen out with me for over 3 weeks and I concede I said soem incorrect things but purely in response to commenst he made to me. I have not even looked hsi way as when he falls out with people he becomes very threatening with physical altercations taking place in teh last 2 summers involving him. A few summers ago he pushed me out of his mothers house. Allah have mercy on us

Brother then it is incumbent upon you to stay away from people like that and ignore him totally due to him displaying such behaviour. This is solely down to you now not Ali or Abdullah. You complain about his character but you continue to have friendly rely with him. Surely it is our choice with whom we choose to keep company with and whom we befriend and have friendly relations with.

Therefore It is incumbent upon us to stay away from people who persistently display such a treacherous and vile characteristics that is unbecoming of the way a Muslim should behave. For everytime you listen to such negativity and backbiting then surely it will only have detrimental effects upon you.

You've even admitted that he pushes people away with his behaviour, gets aggressive when arguing his view and sees no other view as his own as being correct. This is nothing but pure arrogance and signs of hypocrisy. People like that are toxic and to have friendly relations with them will only result in such toxicity having a bad effect upon you.

So please blame no one else but yourself now if you do not stay away from him and ignore him in protest of his negative characteristics and behaviour until he changes his ways. Stay away from him and if he confronts you then be firm that you do not approve of his behaviour and will not converse with him until he changes. Make much Dua for him that he realises the wrongs if his ways a d behaviour and that he changes his ways for the better.

 

[anonymous]

Hamza once again jazakallah for your input. I understand exactly where you are coming from nut ali is more than just a neighbour to me as our families have been very close from the day i opened my eyes. I genuinely believe ali has an underlying condition that leads him ro the way he does. I have just read fajr and it's 3 am in the uk but this is just eating away at me. Moreso because our latest rift was not entirely ali's fault. The problem is when he falls out with people there's a more bitter consequence and as we're neighbours it's difficult to avoid each other and id were ro cross paths no doubt he would most probably make an unpleasant remark. Despitw this I fear for hos wellbeing. I makw dua allah purifies all our intentions and grants us all the taufiq a balanced approach to our daily affairs.