Just a Question!

[Ğħαrєєвαħ]

As-Salaamu Alaaykum

Did Khadija (ra) ask the Prophet Muhammad Sallaahu Alaayhi Wa Salam herself for marriage, or through individuals? How did she enquire about the prophet (saw)? did she have parents to enquire through? Khadija (ra) was interested in the prophet (saw) and due to what reasons? The Prophet accepted the proposal due to what reasons? I mean is there any information about what reasons they accepted each other by.

If the parents consider somebody as a good person, but the son/daughter does not feel the same regardless of knowing the person is good i.e in deen etc, but even knowing this they do not want to go ahead maybe no attraction or any other reasons one has, what should the son/daughter do, should he/she still go ahead incase parents are displeased? what about if the son/daughter is not happy?

sorry for so many questions, if you can recommend something that would be good also.

jazakallaahu Khaayr..

 

[Ğħαrєєвαħ]

bump!........

 

[Salahudeen]

Why would the son/daughter go ahead with the marriage if he's not happy unless his parents were forcing him.

 

[Ğħαrєєвαħ]

Why would the son/daughter go ahead with the marriage if he's not happy unless his parents were forcing him.

As-Salaamu Alaaykum

The parents didnt force him/her but rather became angry or not happy with him/her for not accepting their decision because they thought the person was good for their son/daughter, then is this not like displeasing them (parents)? Then the son/daughter is forced to go ahead in order to please parents, is this allowed? so in the end, the son/daughter isnt happy but parents are. What does Islaam say regarding this, i guess its what I want to know.

 

[ardianto]

As-Salaamu Alaaykum

Did Khadija (ra) ask the Prophet Muhammad Sallaahu Alaayhi Wa Salam herself for marriage, or through individuals? How did she enquire about the prophet (saw)? did she have parents to enquire through? Khadija (ra) was interested in the prophet (saw) and due to what reasons? The Prophet accepted the proposal due to what reasons? I mean is there any information about what reasons they accepted each other by.

Wa' alaykumsalam.

Khadija (ra) was known as rich widow who had a trading company that sold commodities to some places in Middle East. She's also known as beautiful woman, many men wanted to marry her, but she refused them because she had found a gentleman who worked for her as expedition leader who carried her commodities to buyers in other places. His name is Muhammad ibn Abdullah.

Khadija (ra) attracted to him because Muhammad is handsome, smart, honest, or in short word he's an ideal man. They married when Khadija (ra) was 40 and Muhammad was 25. 15 years before Muhammad ibn Abdullah became Rasulullah Shalallahu Alayhi Wa Sallam.

 

[Ğħαrєєвαħ]

Wa' alaykumsalam.

Khadija (ra) was known as rich widow who had a trading company that sold commodities to some places in Middle East. She's also known as beautiful woman, many men wanted to marry her, but she refused them because she had found a gentleman who worked for her as expedition leader who carried her commodities to buyers in other places. His name is Muhammad ibn Abdullah.

Khadija (ra) attracted to him because Muhammad is handsome, smart, honest, or in short word he's an ideal man. They married when Khadija (ra) was 40 and Muhammad was 25. 15 years before Muhammad ibn Abdullah became Rasulullah Shalallahu Alayhi Wa Sallam.

As'Salaamu Alaaykum

Jazakallaahu Khaayr akhee.. masha'Allaah.. Sallaahu 'Alaayhi Wa Salam.

So Khadija (ra) admired the Prophet (SAW) for his character and beauty, masha'Allaah..

Do you know if Khadija's (RA) parents were alive when she wanted to marry?

 

[tigerkhan]

asalamolikum
the whole story is written in hayat-u-suhaba (by Molana Yousaf Kandhelvi RA) and as i remember it was as below.
hudija RA was a rich and pious women and ppl used to call him "Tahira". she use to do business and she hire the services of diffrent ppl for this. these ppl take her luggage and mostly do business in syria. once prophet PBUH also took her luggage for business trip to syria. in this journey her slave (i think his name was Maysera) was with Prophet PBUH and he was much inspired by honesty and good akhlaq of prophet PBUH and he told all this to Hudija RA when they came back. in this journey Hudija RA got much profit and she also got impressed. Prophet PBUH was 25 that time and she was 40. She was (i think) a widow and she need an honest man. so she send her proposal to Prophet PBUH through a woman. Prophet PBUH accept this after discussion with his uncle abu Talib.
Now the story as i remember, Hudija RA was much rich and pious and many ppl want to marry her. Prophet PBUH was not much rich that time and also he SAW was raised a orphan. so it was sure, the father (or brother) of Hudija RA was not agreed for this marriage. so she (as i remember, and there is akhtilaf too in this) give excessive drink to his father and he lost senses and then in front of all ppl he was asked whether he is agreed for this nikkah/marriage. he said Yes, so nikkah was done. later when he came to senses he bcm so unhappy that what i had done, but ppl say that time u said yes in front of all ppl and now nikkah is done and nothing else is possible. so they got married.
that was very nice story and in this umma i think the most Highest rank woman is Hazrat Hudijja RA bcz Maryam As, Asiya RA were b4 this umma. i love her as she used to help and support prophet PBUH in early times of nabuwat. may her soul rest in peace. ameen.

If the parents consider somebody as a good person, but the son/daughter does not feel the same regardless of knowing the person is good i.e in deen etc, but even knowing this they do not want to go ahead maybe no attraction or any other reasons one has, what should the son/daughter do, should he/she still go ahead incase parents are displeased? what about if the son/daughter is not happy?

i think this is sensitive issue and its bcm deadly sensitive if parents are asian or south asian origon. so one must consult some scholar in that matter.
my personal opinion is, if a son/daugghter is mature and he/she has some valid reason to accept or deny someone, parents should repect his/her opinion but mostly ppl dont.

 

[ardianto]

As'Salaamu Alaaykum

Jazakallaahu Khaayr akhee.. masha'Allaah.. Sallaahu 'Alaayhi Wa Salam.

So Khadija (ra) admired the Prophet (SAW) for his character and beauty, masha'Allaah..

Do you know if Khadija's (RA) parents were alive when she wanted to marry?

Wa' alaykumsalam.

I don't know about Khadija (ra) parent, but from what I know, Khadija (ra) big family didn't approve her marriage with Muhammad (saw) , but they could not prevent her. Actually, in Makah during that time was uncommon if a woman propose a marriage to a man. So, Khadija (ra) requested Nafisah bint Munyah to talk with Abu Thalib, and then Abu Thalib tell about Khadija (ra) marriage proposal to his nephew, Muhammad (saw).

 

[Ğħαrєєвαħ]

Wa' alaykumsalam.

I don't know about Khadija (ra) parent, but from what I know, Khadija (ra) big family didn't approve her marriage with Muhammad (saw) , but they could not prevent her. Actually, in Makah during that time was uncommon if a woman propose a marriage to a man. So, Khadija (ra) requested Nafisah bint Munyah to talk with Abu Thalib, and then Abu Thalib tell about Khadija (ra) marriage proposal to his nephew, Muhammad (saw).

As'Salaamu Alaaykum

wow, masha'Allaah!

Btw akhi, do you have reference to that? I need to read up more on the marriage of Muhammad Sallaahu 'Alaayhi Wa Salam and Khadija (RA), I know very well that they loved each other very much, masha'Allaah..

Jazakallaahu Khaayr akhi..

 

[Perseveranze]

Asalaamu Alaikum,

This is from the book, "Muhammad; Based on the Earliest Sources - By Martin Lings" (I think this is accurate, but be sure to double check) -

Now Muhammad had come to be known throughout Mecca as al-Arnin, the Reliable, the Trustworthy, the Honest, and this was initially owing to the reports of those who had entrusted their merchandise to him on various occasions. Khadijah had also heard much good of him from family sources; and one day she sent word to him, asking him to take some of her merchandise to Syria. His fee would be the double of the highest she had ever paid to a man of Quraysh; and she offered him, for the journey, the services of a lad of hers named Maysarah. He accepted what she proposed and accompanied by the lad he set off with her goods for the north.

On reaching Mecca they went to Khadijah's house with the goods they had bought in the markets of Syria for the price of what they had sold. Khadijah sat listening to Muhammad as he described the journey and told her of the transactions he had made. These proved to be very profitable, for she was able to sell her newly acquired assets for almost the double of what had been paid for them. But such considerations were far from her thoughts, for all her attention was concentrated on the speaker himself. Muhammad was twenty-five years old. He was of medium stature, inclined to slimness, with a large head, broad shoulders and the rest of his body perfectly proportioned.

Khadijah knew that she herself was still beautiful, but she was fifteen years his elder. Would he none the less be prepared to marry her?
As soon as he had gone, she consulted a woman friend of hers named Nufaysah, who offered to approach him on her behalf and, if possible, to arrange a marriage between them.

Meanwhile Nufaysah came to Muhammad and asked him why he did not marry. "I have not the means to marry," he answered. "But if thou wert given the means," she said, "and if thou wert bidden to an alliance where there is beauty and property and nobility and abundance, wouldst thou not consent?" "Who is she?" he said. "Khadijah," said Nufaysah. "And how could such a marriage be mine?" he said. "Leave that to me!" was her answer. "For my part," he said, "I am willing."? Nufaysah returned with these tidings to Khadijah, who then sent word to Muhammad asking him to come to her; and when he came she said to him: "Son of mine uncle, I love thee for thy kinship with me, and for that thou art ever in the centre, not being a partisan amongst the people for this or for that; and I love thee for thy trustworthiness and for the beauty of thy character and the truth of thy speech."? Then she offered herself in marriage to him.

 

[Salahudeen]

As-Salaamu Alaaykum

The parents didnt force him/her but rather became angry or not happy with him/her for not accepting their decision because they thought the person was good for their son/daughter, then is this not like displeasing them (parents)? Then the son/daughter is forced to go ahead in order to please parents, is this allowed? so in the end, the son/daughter isnt happy but parents are. What does Islaam say regarding this, i guess its what I want to know.

It is understandable they have a preference for a certain person but at the end of the day the decision stops at your door not theirs, if you don't believe this person is right for you and your marriage will end in fail then why go through all that? Wouldn't it just be easier to say no now instead of being in a unhappy marriage that could possibly end in failure.

They can recommend people to you and advise you but if you don't feel it's right and you won't be happy then why put yourself through that? forsaking your own happiness for someone else's eventually makes you bitter and sometimes fills you with regret. So be sure of your decision. You have to do it cos you want to, not because somebody else is telling you.

 

[SFatima]

I think one should keep doing the nafal -e istikhara dua, after the nafal salah that we may do at any time of the day ( except fajar and asar) , It really helps to clear the mind, and helps tilt our hearts towards the right choice, and Allah swt makes it easier for us to accept it, if it indeed is the right option for us.

Do read the meaning of the dua, it has a beautiful meaning. You can offer 2 rakah nafal after you esha prayers and after them, read the ayahs and suras praising Allah swt, then durud sharif, and then the dua-e istikhara, it is usually there in all prayer pamphlets and salah books. and you can go to sleep while praying the durud sharif. you can do it as long as you like and as long as you are getting potential proposals. May Allah swt ease your difficulties, ameen

 

[Kabeer]

Salaam Pearl of Wisdom,

Ofc one should earnestly consider what their parents say, but if you truly dont like it, then it is your own choice 100% and no parent is allowed to force (emotional blackmail is force too).
See these articles:
http://qa.sunnipath.com/issue_view.asp?HD=1&ID=527&CATE=10
http://muslim-responses.com/Forced_Marriages/Forced_Marriages_

Aa'ishah reported that a girl came to her and said, "My father married me to his brother's son in order to raise his social standing, and I did not want this marriage [I was forced into it]." ?Aa'ishah said, "Sit here until the Prophet (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him) comes. The Messenger of Allaah (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him) came and she told him about the girl. The Prophet (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him) sent for her father, then he gave the girl the choice of what to do. She said, "O Messenger of Allaah, I have accepted what my father did, but I wanted to prove something to other women." (Reported by al-Nisaa'i, 3217).

Narrated Khansa bint Khidam Al-Ansariya(RA):

That her father gave her in marriage when she was a matron and she disliked that marriage. So she went to Allah’s Apostle(pbuh) and he(pbuh) declared that marriage invalid. Volume 7, Book 62, Number 69: Sahih Bukhari

Peace

 

[ardianto]

As-Salaamu Alaaykum

The parents didnt force him/her but rather became angry or not happy with him/her for not accepting their decision because they thought the person was good for their son/daughter, then is this not like displeasing them (parents)? Then the son/daughter is forced to go ahead in order to please parents, is this allowed? so in the end, the son/daughter isnt happy but parents are. What does Islaam say regarding this, i guess its what I want to know.

Assalamu' alaikum

In a hadith Rasulullah (saw) said, parents should ask their daughter willingness to marry a man that chosen by them. And the sign of daughter willingness is silence. It's means women have a right to refuse (or to accept) to marry men that chosen by the parents.

That's about women. And how about men ?

Sis, Ulama in my place said, a woman brought by her wali to nikah, but a man brings himself to nikah, alone. Woman need wali in nikah, but man doesn't. And men have absolute right to decide with who they would marry.

 

[Kabeer]

Asalaamu Alaikum,

This is from the book, "Muhammad; Based on the Earliest Sources - By Martin Lings" (I think this is accurate, but be sure to double check) -

Salaam,
Does anyone have the direct source of it? ie the Hadith?
Like Pearl of Wisdom id be interested to see it too.


Thanks

 

[Endymion]

Assalam Alekum

Just to add a few things.Khadija RA was not only known for her beauty and money but for her piety,at that time of Jahiliyah,she was called "Tahira means Pure and virtuous".Her Father died but her Uncle Umro bin Asad was alive.Even then,Khadija RA asked her friend to take her proposal because at that time in Arab,women were allowed to make decicions about their wedding their self.Abu Talib RA said the Khutba of Nikah and 500 gold coins was Mahr.

All that information taken from Seerat An-Nabi SAW by Mulana Shibli Noumani and He collect them from Ibn-e-Hisham,Saad,Tibri and Zarqani.

And i think the Ahadith and opinions posted above answer the second question

 

[Ğħαrєєвαħ]

As'Salaamu Alaaykum

Jazakallaahu Khaayr everyone for your replies, much appreciated
btw it was just a Question. : D