Can you heal your Iman? Of course you can akhi, Allah SWT guides whom he wills, So make dua to your Lord for guidance:
لَّقَدْ أَنزَلْنَا آيَاتٍ مُّبَيِّنَاتٍ ۚ وَاللَّهُ يَهْدِي مَن يَشَاءُ إِلَىٰ صِرَاطٍ مُّسْتَقِيمٍ
"We have certainly sent down distinct verses.
And Allah guides whom He wills to a straight path."
[Surah An-Nur Verse 46]
He SWT the most merciful and will forgive whom he wills, So repent before your Lord sincerely:
لِّلَّهِ مَا فِي السَّمَاوَاتِ وَمَا فِي الْأَرْضِ ۗ وَإِن تُبْدُوا مَا فِي أَنفُسِكُمْ أَوْ تُخْفُوهُ يُحَاسِبْكُم بِهِ اللَّهُ ۖ فَيَغْفِرُ لِمَن يَشَاءُ وَيُعَذِّبُ مَن يَشَاءُ ۗ وَاللَّهُ عَلَىٰ كُلِّ شَيْءٍ قَدِيرٌ
"To Allah belongs whatever is in the heavens and whatever is in the earth. Whether you show what is within yourselves or conceal it, Allah will bring you to account for it.
Then He will forgive whom He wills and punish whom He wills, and Allah is over all things competent."
[Surah Al-Baqarah Verse 284]
وَلِلَّهِ مُلْكُ السَّمَاوَاتِ وَالْأَرْضِ ۚ يَغْفِرُ لِمَن يَشَاءُ وَيُعَذِّبُ مَن يَشَاءُ ۚ وَكَانَ اللَّهُ غَفُورًا رَّحِيمًا
"And to Allah belongs the dominion of the heavens and the earth. He forgives whom He wills and punishes whom He wills. And ever is Allah Forgiving and Merciful."
[Surah Al-Fath Verse 14]
It's good that you have the desire to fear Allah and to love him. This is a sign that you want to change which should be encouraging.
The first piece of advice that I can give to you, is to repent to Allah SWT. His mercy prevails over his anger, So if you ask for forgiveness sincerely He SWT will forgive you Insha'Allah.
Abu Huraira reported that Allah's Messenger (ﷺ) said:
"When Allah created the creation as He was upon the Throne, He put down in His Book:
Verily, My mercy predominates My wrath."
[Sahih Muslim 2751 a]
I could share countless hadith which clearly showcases Allah SWT's mercy towards his creation, However I will share just this one hadith with you Insha'Allah:
On the authority of Anas (may Allah be pleased with him), who said:
I heard the Messenger of Allah (ﷺ) say:
"Allah the Almighty said: O son of Adam, so long as you call upon Me and ask of Me, I shall forgive you for what you have done, and I shall not mind. O son of Adam, were your sins to reach the clouds of the sky and were you then to ask forgiveness of Me, I would forgive you. O son of Adam, were you to come to Me with sins nearly as great as the earth and were you then to face Me, ascribing no partner to Me, I would bring you forgiveness nearly as great as it."
[It was related by at-Tirmidhi (also by Ahmad ibn Hanbal). Its chain of authorities is sound.]
SubhanAllah, this is your Lord, the most merciful! So the point is, ask Allah SWT for forgiveness, He SWT will forgive you regardless of the amount of sins you've done in the past (If Allah wills).
My second piece of advice to you is that you take a step back and look at what you do with your time. If there is something which does not benefit you in terms of Islam, then leave it and replace this with something which will. Say you watch YouTube videos in your spare time which aren't related to Islam, instead you could be doing istighfar, dhikr or reading the Quran and reflecting on its verses. This way you are being more productive as a Muslim whilst accumulating good deeds which will certainly help you in the hereafter Insha'Allah.
Thirdly, try and get yourself into the habit of reading the Quran daily. 4 pages after each salat are enough for you to complete the Quran within 30 days, But if you are going to read the Quran then
reflect on it's verses, whether it be in your own language or Arabic (Whatever one you understand). So you could read 4 pages in Arabic and the same 4 pages in English if you never understood Arabic and then
RELFECT:
كِتَابٌ أَنزَلْنَاهُ إِلَيْكَ مُبَارَكٌ لِّيَدَّبَّرُوا آيَاتِهِ وَلِيَتَذَكَّرَ أُولُو الْأَلْبَابِ
"[This is] a blessed Book which We have revealed to you, [O Muhammad],
that they might reflect upon its verses and that those of understanding would be reminded."
[Quran 38:29]
Maintain your daily prayers and NEVER neglect them and do not pray them hastily or lazily, as it serves as a means of differentiating us between the Kuffar:
Jabir (radiallahu anh) reported: The Messenger of Allah (salallahu alayhi wa salam) said, "
Between a man and kufr (disbelief and paganism) is the abandonment of Salat (prayer).''
[Muslim].
Salat being an important obligation comes with it's rewards as well for those who fulfil this duty:
Ibn Mas`ud (radiallahu anh) reported: I asked the Messenger of Allah (salallahu alayhi wasalam): "
Which act is the best?'' He (SAW) said, "
As-Salat at their fixed times.'' I asked, "What next?'' He (SAW) said, "Being dutiful to parents.'' I asked, "What next?'' He (SAW) said, "Striving (Jihad) in the way of Allah.''
[Al-Bukhari and Muslim].
If you want to get close to Allah SWT then perform the Nafil (supererogatory) acts.
“Verily Allah (Glorified may he be) has said: ‘Whosoever shows enmity to a wali (friend) of Mine, then I have declared war against him. And My servant does not draw near to Me with anything more beloved to Me than the religious duties I have obligated upon him.
And My servant continues to draw near to me with nafil (supererogatory) deeds until I Love him. When I Love him, I become his hearing with which he hears, and his sight with which he sees, and his hand with which he strikes, and his foot with which he walks. Were he to ask [something] of Me, I would surely give it to him; and were he to seek refuge with Me, I would surely grant him refuge.’ ”
[Reported by Bukhari]
I'd like to end by saying that you are not alone when it comes to this. We have ALL experienced a lack of iman at some point in our lives. Iman fluctuates, But you should never despair. Keep striving for the best (Islamically) and never lose hope.
May Allah SWT strengthen and increase your iman, and may He SWT keep us all on the straight path, Ameen.
im going to try again in sha allah and keep trying. Its so hard to stay focused on prayers and allah- i cnt even quit music sigh