RisingLight
BabyYoda
- Messages
- 227
- Reaction score
- 14
- Gender
- Male
- Religion
- Islam
unfortunately i was a muslim for more than 8 years.8 years i went through pain believing in a lie.Where is the justice that we are taught so much in islam? i want proof that there is justice as i am about to leave this religion.I dont want to be anywhere where i am not welcomed.
8 years i went through pain to practice in secret,bla bla im not gonna repeat the same story again as i know nobody cares but it took 8 years and 4 years of constant pain and duaa every duaa to finally be able to leave my country and make hijra.Even that after i couldnt take it anymore and i gave up all my rewards,everything just to be able to get out.All my rewards for 8 years of "sabr" i gave up in exchange to get out.And even that it took me 4 years for a process that usually takes 6 months.And now when i finally could go out for Allah,things dont work,i cant even find as a janitor despite being very qualified,nothing works for me,they dont even invite me for interview,and then coronavirus starts and everything is in quarantine,all business closed,nobody hires anymore,so there is no more hope to get hired.The kaafir family im staying will not keep me for long,just two more weeks,what will i do then? I cant go back home as borders are closed,and even ifff even if i do i will keep staying a hidden muslim and no chance to leave again as i dont have anymore money.And the most beautiful thing is,that i asked all muslims online and offline,everybody i could to help me,and nobody cares,they literally didnt care,except a brother here who offered to give me money,which i obviously cant take,and i asked even the leader of islamic youth etc,all sort of pious people.
Now how im i supposed to feel? after all i have gone through before and after sacrificing a lot for Allah,i am rewarded with this? How is this justice?
Allah says that whoever fears Allah,He will make him a way out,where is my way own? being homeless on the streets in my way out?
Dont say this is a test,prophets went through worst things but they could pray,i cant even pray now,ramadan is coming and i wont be able to fast,is this what i get from making duaa everyday to practice islam in peace and to go to hajj...what i want is to do hajj and then i can die,but look what i get instead
And if this is a punishment,what did i do to be punished so much? i regret all my sins,and i have forgiven everyone,isnt Allah the most merciful? If i can forgive everyone for his sake cant He forgive me after all this time seeing how much i suffer?
Since the first day i became a muslim i know things would get hard,and they got extremely hard,but I kept going as I belived that my God was merciful and would not abandon his creatures.Now I still think the same.Allah is the most merciful,you are all lucky to have Him as your God.I wish i was one of you,I wish he accepted me as a muslim and my wish to die as a muslim.I wish He didnt abandoned me.Allah is how we think of Him right? I have always thought he would help me,that he would be merciful to me too,after all all i want is to be like you,a practicing muslim,thats all i want,to go to hajj to complete my faith,and then I can die,but seems like He doesnt want that..
i just wanted to let this out as this will be my last post.I have lost hope.Allah says we should loose hope but I dont know how i can have hope after trying for years,when other muslims have money,success,all they want,and i cant even have what i want,just to pray in peace.This is not justice.I am not welcomed in Islam so i better leave it,its stupid to try when its so obvious im not welcome.Maybe as a nonmuslim He will help me a bit and then i can try again.
8 years i went through pain to practice in secret,bla bla im not gonna repeat the same story again as i know nobody cares but it took 8 years and 4 years of constant pain and duaa every duaa to finally be able to leave my country and make hijra.Even that after i couldnt take it anymore and i gave up all my rewards,everything just to be able to get out.All my rewards for 8 years of "sabr" i gave up in exchange to get out.And even that it took me 4 years for a process that usually takes 6 months.And now when i finally could go out for Allah,things dont work,i cant even find as a janitor despite being very qualified,nothing works for me,they dont even invite me for interview,and then coronavirus starts and everything is in quarantine,all business closed,nobody hires anymore,so there is no more hope to get hired.The kaafir family im staying will not keep me for long,just two more weeks,what will i do then? I cant go back home as borders are closed,and even ifff even if i do i will keep staying a hidden muslim and no chance to leave again as i dont have anymore money.And the most beautiful thing is,that i asked all muslims online and offline,everybody i could to help me,and nobody cares,they literally didnt care,except a brother here who offered to give me money,which i obviously cant take,and i asked even the leader of islamic youth etc,all sort of pious people.
Now how im i supposed to feel? after all i have gone through before and after sacrificing a lot for Allah,i am rewarded with this? How is this justice?
Allah says that whoever fears Allah,He will make him a way out,where is my way own? being homeless on the streets in my way out?
Dont say this is a test,prophets went through worst things but they could pray,i cant even pray now,ramadan is coming and i wont be able to fast,is this what i get from making duaa everyday to practice islam in peace and to go to hajj...what i want is to do hajj and then i can die,but look what i get instead
And if this is a punishment,what did i do to be punished so much? i regret all my sins,and i have forgiven everyone,isnt Allah the most merciful? If i can forgive everyone for his sake cant He forgive me after all this time seeing how much i suffer?
Since the first day i became a muslim i know things would get hard,and they got extremely hard,but I kept going as I belived that my God was merciful and would not abandon his creatures.Now I still think the same.Allah is the most merciful,you are all lucky to have Him as your God.I wish i was one of you,I wish he accepted me as a muslim and my wish to die as a muslim.I wish He didnt abandoned me.Allah is how we think of Him right? I have always thought he would help me,that he would be merciful to me too,after all all i want is to be like you,a practicing muslim,thats all i want,to go to hajj to complete my faith,and then I can die,but seems like He doesnt want that..
i just wanted to let this out as this will be my last post.I have lost hope.Allah says we should loose hope but I dont know how i can have hope after trying for years,when other muslims have money,success,all they want,and i cant even have what i want,just to pray in peace.This is not justice.I am not welcomed in Islam so i better leave it,its stupid to try when its so obvious im not welcome.Maybe as a nonmuslim He will help me a bit and then i can try again.