LI Comedy Contest- The Scripts

[Yanal]

Asalam Alaykum
Here is the thread for the Unofficial(joke) Comedy Scripts. So post yours.

Mod Edit - Also, entries only in this thread. Any post that isn't an entry (apart from this one of course), will be removed

 

[Yanal]

Here is my comedy script, Although it is a flop i havent been funny for the last couple of months so please bear with me because i've been abducted by aliens and been forced to post.

Yanal Talking to Woodrow

Yanal: So how long till Guven turns blue?
Woodrow: Why is it that yall talk about Moderators all the time?
Yanal: Runs in my blood and there is nothing to talk about.
Woodrow : Look sonny...
Yanal: Its not sunny its snowy
Woodrow: Yar what evar,listen. Guven is a mod now, so change thar subject!
Yanal: How long till he turns into a SM?
Woodrow: When you BECOME A MOD!
Yanal: When is that?
Woodrow:When Muezzin takes a shower in his own bathroom.
Yanal calls Muezzin
Yanal: :Sl:
Muezzin: *psssshh*
Yanal: Whats that?
Muezzin: The sound of water getting acumulated on my flesh.
Yanal: :?: Oh so something that involves water,that is what you are doing right?
Muezzin: Yeh
Yanal gets excited and puts it on speaker.
Yanal: Taking a shower..
Muezzin: Not even close, im scrubbing aamirsaabs toilet and believe me it stinks of clean odours unlike my bathrooom.
Woodrow starts to faint and goes into hibernation.
Woodrow:Change the channel....
Yanal:
Muezzin:
Woodrow wakes up
Yanal: Arent you curious what happened to me when you left me on the PLANE!
Woodrow: Yeeee nice subject now carry on before i give you detention...
Yanal: I waited a few seconds and started to get scared but then thought you were calling the fire department
Woodrow interrupts : but they dont have that big ladder...
Yanal: I figured that,anyway i started hitting random buttons to land the plane but nothing occured
Woodrow: Then..?
Yanal:I farted and the plane blew up
Woodrow: Eeeww how?
Yanal: In long term..
Woodrow: I want short term
Yanal: As i was saying,in long term.You see the doors of the plane were closed and my fart is known in scientific knowledge as a transverse wave that carried energy that overloaded the systems and boom went the plane.
Woodrow: How on Earth did you survive?
Yanal: Yes i survived on Earth. But before i jumped off i took my pants off and put the remainings of the energy of fart into my pants and jumped as it were a parachute.
Woodrow: I'm sorry but if you still want to be a...
Yanal: A mod,yes i still..
Woodrow: I meant lawyer,i can lend you some spare change for candy
Yanal: Wait how is this related to being a Laywer?
Woodrow: Well chewing gum solidifies the human skull which keeps the brain secure in order for it to function properly and pass the LATS.
Yanal: So wanna phone Muezzin again ?
Woodrow: Whatever do anything you like..?
Yanal phones Muezzin
Yanal: Muezzin can you take a shower ..?
Muezzin: Ask me to be slaved to Aamirsaab but not this not one bit.
Woodrow goes to hibernation mode
Yanal waits and starts searching Woodrows body for a ON button but couldnt find one.
Five days later
Yanal: You slept for Five whole days
Woodrow: Well a man needs his hibernation
Yanal: Thats for animals
Woodrow: Well you're looking at one
Yanal: A kid needs his sleep as well
Woodrow: No ones needs ya,i got Guven
Yanal: Look whos talking about Mods now?
Woodrow: Your jelous ant ya?
Yanal: Why would i be jelous of a Nature maniac who doesnt know how to speak urdu!
Guven comes saying: Infractions.. Infractions,Lets give infractions
Woodrow: Yeah lets call the LI staff and give Yanal infractions
Yanal: For what.."
Woodrow: Old abuse...
Yanal: O ya im calling the TMZ staff
Everyone came but LI outnumbered the new forum TMZ by 100-10
Guven: 100 vs 10
Yanal: Make that 99 vs 10
Guven: Why?
Yanal: Woodys hibernating again..
Guven: So he makes us argue and makes us fight,while he sleeps himself. LETS infract him!
Woodrow wakes up outside LI saying
BANNED​

The End
By Yanal Latif

 

[IbnAbdulHakim]

Heres my entry.

thought of it in like 1 minute so judge nicely :-[

A Trio's Calamity
​

*Our characters for this little sketch will be, A Chicken, A Turtle and a Deer*

*A chicken, a turtle and a deer stand at the beginning of a road crossing as they contemplate whether or not to pursue the hazardous journey across*

Chicken:Its time boys. Its time...

Deer: Time for what?

Turtle: To cross this road of course! And i think i'll make history by being the first turtle ever to accomplish this feat *puts on shades as he prepares to cross the road*

Chicken: So what about you Deer, you considering it?

Deer: well, i wouldnt mind, except what if i see that beam of death again.

Chicken: Beam of death?

Deer: Two huge circle beams of light which get brighter with every millisecond. So powerful that it paralyses the movement of any deer which happens to come across it.

Chicken: Good GOD ! oh:

Deer: No deer has ever lived to tell the tale of the horrors after an encounter with the beams.

Chicken: That really does sound quite dangerous, turtle what do you think?

*By this point in time (3 minutes to be exact) turtle had moved exactly half a feet*

Turtle: What do i think of what?

Chicken: Of this horrific beam that appears on this crossing!

Turtle: No turtle i know has ever encountered such a thing, must be a deer thing.

Deer: No no turtle its quite true, a beam appears at a horrific speed bringing agonising torment with it.

Turtle: *gets frightened* Agonising torment you say? *he asks in a shaky voice*

Deer: Yes, why just last week a poor deer had gotten lost, without realising he stepped on this crossing which you have passed 2 feet of at the moment, only to be dazzled by the beams... we later found its body dismembered and sprawled all over the road. The horror is unimaginable...

Chicken: Good GOD man !

Turtle: :uuh:

Chicken: Turtle i applaud your courage, it is not everyday one see's a turtle so brave.

Turtle: :uuh:

Deer: Why yes, i hope and pray for your victory brave turtle.

Turtle: :uuh:....

*fear struck the turtle begins to turn around.... slowly.... very slowly...

Chicken: It seems as though Turtle is making his way back?

Deer: Why yes it does, i do hope our story didnt scare him too much.

Chicken: Well i would guess it has by that horrific expression in his face. and since when do turtles sweat so much?

Deer: Well what about you chicken? Are you considering the crossing?

Chicken: I would except i know my motives would be questioned, interrogated, and down right abused.

Deer: What ever do you mean?

Chicken: Well, see, i know a chicken who crossed the road for a spec of corn before, i know a chicken who crossed the road for another chicken, i know a chicken who crossed the road because he simply felt like it, BUT WHY MUST WE ALWAYS BE QUESTIONED?

Deer: Your right, i do feel your pain, it must be troubling to not be able to go about ones business without being under such a microscope.

Chicken: WELL IT IS OK! ITS PRESSURISING!... especially... because....

Deer: Chicken are you ok? your jumping about in a bit of a funny manner...

Chicken:... see i have to go... :-[ and the toilets in the other side


Deer: Good GOD man !

Turtle: *pauses his fear to spend a few minutes giggling*

Chicken: thats horrid! i do hope the beams come get you!!

Turtle: *his fears return as he doubles up his speed at 0.1 miles per hour !*

Deer: Well i guess none of us will be crossing the road today.

Chicken: It indeed seems that way doesnt it.

*And so the three never crossed the road*

THE END
​

 

[Woodrow]

In respect for the people suffering in Gaza, this is not an appropriate time for us to be indulging in comedy.

The contest is now closing until further notice.