Eeman
IB Veteran
- Messages
- 598
- Reaction score
- 78
Salam alaikum brothers and sisters,
i dont know why i'm even writing this cos somehow i know that each and every reply made would be things that i already know. but i guess its the reminder of other people that helps. unfortunately i dont have the privilge of having a praticing family background or friends so hence why i turn to you guys.:smile:
i was always the person that was steadfast in salah, no matter what my salah was my number one priority, i never just prayed 5 times a day but 6, 7 or sometimes even 8 Alhumdullilah.
i had been suffering from depression so my imaan and salah and Allah swt was the only thing that kept me going, life was never great but Alhumdulillah i saw the bright side to it.
but for the past week i have realised that my imaan has become very weak, im starting to feel as though im losing the jihad within me from the rejected shaytaan. i have become mean, my family members cant even talk to me without me biting their heads off, i no longer have the peace that i used to have, i somehow just cannot help myself right afterwards i feel so bad but then it happens again its like i have no control. i just cannot tolerate anyone.
its even come to the point where my own little nieces are giving me the advice i always gave them
i even have found myself in a couple of occasions backbiting and i have always been the one person who absolutely HATES and detests backbiting and slandering. even my sisters hve pointed it out to me, salah has become a chore, and when i do force myself to do salah i get bad thoughts in my head, one things that really freaks me out i have not told this to anyone is that when i think of Allah swt i always get an image of a human in my mind and i try sooooooooooo hard to stop and i pray and ask Allah swt for forgiveness and seek refuge in Him from such thoughts but it constantly happens, i just did my zuhr prayers and the same thing,
its driving me crazy i dont know what to do!!!!!!!!!
i even feel that the sincerety has disappeared from my heart, i feel my heart has turned stone cold and hard. i am really starting to hate myself and its really getting me down.
i dont know why i'm even writing this cos somehow i know that each and every reply made would be things that i already know. but i guess its the reminder of other people that helps. unfortunately i dont have the privilge of having a praticing family background or friends so hence why i turn to you guys.:smile:
i was always the person that was steadfast in salah, no matter what my salah was my number one priority, i never just prayed 5 times a day but 6, 7 or sometimes even 8 Alhumdullilah.
i had been suffering from depression so my imaan and salah and Allah swt was the only thing that kept me going, life was never great but Alhumdulillah i saw the bright side to it.
but for the past week i have realised that my imaan has become very weak, im starting to feel as though im losing the jihad within me from the rejected shaytaan. i have become mean, my family members cant even talk to me without me biting their heads off, i no longer have the peace that i used to have, i somehow just cannot help myself right afterwards i feel so bad but then it happens again its like i have no control. i just cannot tolerate anyone.
its even come to the point where my own little nieces are giving me the advice i always gave them
i even have found myself in a couple of occasions backbiting and i have always been the one person who absolutely HATES and detests backbiting and slandering. even my sisters hve pointed it out to me, salah has become a chore, and when i do force myself to do salah i get bad thoughts in my head, one things that really freaks me out i have not told this to anyone is that when i think of Allah swt i always get an image of a human in my mind and i try sooooooooooo hard to stop and i pray and ask Allah swt for forgiveness and seek refuge in Him from such thoughts but it constantly happens, i just did my zuhr prayers and the same thing,
its driving me crazy i dont know what to do!!!!!!!!!
i even feel that the sincerety has disappeared from my heart, i feel my heart has turned stone cold and hard. i am really starting to hate myself and its really getting me down.
