Lost in a land of confusion..

[AnonymousPoster]

Salam to all the brothers and sisters out there & Ramadan Mubarak!
I don't know what has come over me lately. I've been feeling lonely and I always feel as if I need to get married. I have been feeling that I am capable of a serious relationship or better yet even marriage. I recently split up from a man that I was seeing. Now due to that I don't want to waste time with haram relationships but when I find my partner for life I want him to be compatible for me. But for some reason I think it will be very hard to find someone that was my match like the person I was seeing previously. I know marriage is no joke, and is a very big, important matter, But I cant help how I feel. He and I were in a serious relationship but he had done something to lose my trust. We then tried to make it work again but it wasn't hard to see it wasn't the same. The damage was done, but at the same time now that we are apart. I totally feel helpless as if I will never find anyone that treated me as he did. Also, I dont see my self physically being attracted to anyone else. When I think of my future husband... he comes to mind.
What should I do?
Am I setting my standards too high?
Perhaps I am not ready for a marriage but I only think I am?
How do I know when I am ready for marriage?

 

[AnonymousPoster]

Sister, I think that you are focusing your energy and worry in places where it is unnecessary, and this is causing you to feel down.

One good test to determine where you are at is to ask yourself if you possess the character and qualities of the mother you want to be for your children. Remember, marriage is not just about finding your soul mate/lover; instead, there are many other purposes to marriage.

Marriages and relationships fail because circumstances are always changing. When we fall for someone, we typically do not account for the fact that both of us will be changing. But believers have a way out of this devastating pitfall... God has told us exactly what we need to do as husband/father and wife/mother, and has told us what we should look for in another person.

Start here. Research your role as a Muslim woman. Learn what God wants you to do to be a wife, and begin to learn what you must do as a mother. Are you that person now? Or what do you need to work on to become that person? No matter how much you differ from the best Muslim woman, there is always room for improvement. Even if you are just trying your best, you are striving in the path of Allah.

We all know that this struggle is a deed for which we are rewarded in this life and the Hereafter. And you might see years go by before you find your husband, or, you might find that the moment you begin this study and strive to become the perfect Muslim wife, you cannot keep suitors away from you. This is entirely up to Allah.

Do not feel as though there is no hope for you. Just keep learning from Allah swt and Rasulullah saws and trying to emulate what you have learned. When you do this, you are among the most irresistible women on the planet; particularly to the good Muslim men, among whom is the man of your dreams.

If you view this whole trial and the search for love as a chance to strive in the path of Allah swt, you'll earn your reward, inshAllah. Take care of yourself first and do what you have to do, and Allah swt will take care of the rest. He has created good men you don't even know about! :statisfie

 

[Tanya Khan]

I find myself in the same position.

I'm 30 next year and I still can't find the 'right' person. I too feel like I won't be physically attracted to anyone else.

I am in a haram relationship at the moment, and I know I won't find anyone like him. I want to marry him but he tries to avoid the subject whenever I bring it up. I want to leave him because I know he will never marry me, he's not mature enough to be married yet.

I find it so hard to let go. If I leave him I'll feel so lonely without him and the fact that nobody is in my life anymore. Why can't I be strong? Why is it so difficult to let go of someone you know you haven't got a future with?
What is the point of them coming into your life if you can't be with them?

People, family and friends are always talking about me saying and probably thinking horrible things about me, "she's nearly 30 and still not married, could something be wrong with her?". I feel extreme pressure on me. Everyone I know is married and have kids. I feel humiliated that I'm not married yet.

 

[IbnAbdulHakim]

the best advice is , stop worrying over nothing. I mean it too, if i analyse both situations above the only problem is a feeling of "What if"... what if you never find that someone?


stop living with what-if's!! concentrate on the here and now, when the time for a nice halal marriage comes you'll find it

Tanya dont lose hope, CHANGE YOUR LIFE, meet some good muslimah's and they can help you find a nice husband so you wont feel alone

Assalamu Alaikuma