love marriages-your thoughts

AsSalamOAlaikum WaRehmatuAllah WaBarkatuhu

Marry the one you love if not.....

.....then love the one you marry
​

FiAmaaniAllah
 
arabianprincess said:
well arrange marriage is the islamic way of getting married. i cant believe people will associate it with forced marriages or so called culture thing. lets define wat arrange marriage is really about. its basically a guy comes n ask for a gurl for her hand . n then her parents checks him out . and if they do end up liking him n seeing him a suitable potential husband for there doughtier they bring it up to her . then after him seeing her once and vise verse . she will do the prayer n allah will guide her * estakhra prayers* because she have faith in him... like the prophet said he only got one look . n obviously god had a reason behind it ... he obviously didnt say go n talk to her nor walk to the park like some other people said .. n get to know her n etc n then decide to marry her. cuz if he did.. he would have said it. we are muslims here... we cant just change the rules to suit us ... but if u really think that i hope u can sleep at nite.

now thats outta the way...... love marriages... if ur talkin about dating then obviously thats haram. but do u honestly believe that love comes before marriage like with out living with the person n knowing how he/ her is. i mean wat do u love about them... i think people r confusing it with being in love .or u can like a person.. now thats a different story .... ....... anywayz some people might use the excuse oh i met him at work n we talked etc then once they start liking each other more than a friend then thats when they should stop talking because we all know that its gonna lead to the haram ways .. u might say oh im strong... u could but people get sucked in .... i dont remember wat how the hadith is said but i will give u the meaning of when two ppl r sitting together obviously the third person its the shytan.

i just wanna say some people here believe that arrange marriages = Forced marriages.. which is not true.. yes we hear some situations that r forced but at the end its not arranged marriages .... and if some people do that we shouldnt say that its arranged or associate it with arranged when it isnt... i believe many people have the wrong idea about it. because in arranged marriages you can pick your future husband . all im saying if it worked in the past during the prophet dayz then it will work now .. the religion is for all times n places.. i think ppl r liking the idea of the western way of getting married .. but all im saying if u wanna do it that way dont try to bring or look down on arrange marriages to make ur self feel better when you know its the right way or justify wat ur doing. salamz
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:sl:

I'd just like to say that is not the definition of an arranged marriage but in fact it is that of a type of marriage arrangement known as courting (Courtship). And yes, the Islamic means of finding potential spouse fundamentally is via courting.

To the best of my knowledge consent of one or both parties is negligible in arranged marriages and so in a few too many cases it is indeed a 'forced' affair. However, there are Islamic ways of going about it.
 
:sl:

Hope your all in gud health by the grace of Almighty Allah SWT, i knw this is a old thread but i was jst luking thru olders threads and found this one quite intresting n jst wnated to give my thoughts on this.

Alhumdolilah its gna be 3 years this June for my marriage, i am gna b open n honest with u guys, befre marrige i did knw my husband n yes we did meet up etc etc... i am not proud of it and im not boasting about it, as i sed im gna b open n homest about this, lets just say i knew my husbnd for a gud few yers if not mre, the first year we jst talked over the phne/txtd mesages.

Wen i tld my parnts dey dint like it but soon came round by the will of Allah SWT, whilst my parents wer cmng round to the idea i prayed to Allah SWT that i will pray 2 rakat nafil salah evryday for him if i can get maaried to this guy (nw my husbnd), up until this day i still do, i thank Allah SWT n ask hims to give barakat in my marrige n to give me n my husbnd hidayat to do good deeds and for me to be with my husband in this life and the next. Alhumdollilah i feel that my n my husband are more stronger in our faith and trying to do more good deeds.

As i sed im not proud of my past n nor hve i got a big head, i know we did wrong n may Allah SWT forgive our past, present and future sins, what im trying to say is that not all love marrige or whteva u wnt to call it fail, you have to work on your marrige whtere love or arranged, Allah SWT provides for evry persn n evry marrige, jst cuz u have arranged marrige does not mean its going to b hunky dory throughout ( i have nothing against arranged marriges). I just dont like the idea of marriges being labelled, we all have to srtive to do our best.

Love marriges can work out and with evrything in lifge you have to pry to Allah SWT to keep you on the rite pth n keep repenting for your sins.

I hope i have not offended any1 out there, if i have please forgive me for any wrongdoing i di not mean to cause offence.

:wa:
 
Ummu Sufyaan said:
:sl:
i am of the opinion (as are alot of other people) that if a guy/girl have a love-marriage (i.e talk, laugh, flirt and all that other nauseating stuff that isn't allowed for non-mahrams to do before marriage) , then the chances are that later on down the marriage (if they do end up getting married) one is going to cheat on the other, simply because there is not fear of allah there in the first place. i.e if they he/she didnt fear Allah the first time round, then there isnt really going to be anything to stop them from committing the same sin twice, right? (i mean if they dont repent and fix their ways, etc)

your thoughts?
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I have a 'love marriage' We met and fell in love.... right from the start we knew we would get married, at the time i wasnt Muslim so to me being alone together before marriage was the norm..... my husband however agonised over the fact that we spent time alone together especially if i slept over. We tried to keep apart but couldnt, we tried having people there when we were together but sometimes it wasnt possible..... we agreed on no more sleepovers and it didnt work. In the end the solution was simple ...we wanted to spend all our time together and loved each other so much we decided to bring the marriage forward and get married without delay. The result... both of us much happier and relaxed, my husband no longer beside himself because of our relationship and me loads happier as my husband was happier :) But because of this I dont think it is more likely that either one of us would cheat. For me its something ive never done and would never do. For my husband, i saw how he was by being with me..... I would say i am 100% certain he wouldnt put himself in that position again but saying that he was truly sorry about everything, if he hadnt been than i maybe wouldnt be so confident about it
 
Salaam sis, I'm sure it can work as long as both parties know it's going to be a marriage in which they grow together in their deen insh'allah and they know they will have to keep working at it. I think it's amazing if you discover if someone reflects you in certain characterists and you find this person and Allah leads you to them and you happen to fall in love and it leads to marriage. Then Allah knows best I know their is a sura in the Qu'ran 4:1 * Surah An-Nisaa (The Women) which I hope I have cited correctly about being made in pairs.
 
I personally wouldn't risk it because if it doesn't work out then it affects you for the rest of your life, leaves you scarred, it's very dangerous loving someone who is not your wife/husband cos there is all ways the possiblity you will never get married and then you're hurt for life over it. But if you have a marriage without all of that stuff before then you can start to love that person safely knowing they're your wife/husband and won't leave you.
 
Ummu sufyan made a mega thread about marriage??....i cant believe ive missed it

hahahahaha
 
i fall in love too fast - starts to cry
 
I understand your reasoning, but that's really not true; many people who have arranged marriages cheat on their spouses. I believe cheating, flirting, etc., depends on a person's character. Personally, I believe courting can be done with respect which ultimately leads to a healthy marriage. I respect both, love and arrange marriages: Different strokes for different folks!
 
Salahudeen said:
That is not good, people who are like this tend to get hurt alot. Try not to do this untill you're married and its safe to love the person.
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it is my nature but alhamdullillah i am quite strong.
 
Unless you freemix, how can you even have a "love" marriage? I understand that most people have no choice but to work with the opposite sex, but that doesn't mean to "rub elbows" with them and chit chat.
 
^ I dont know why a love marriage has to equal haram or free-mixing?

Feeling as though you like somebody and would like to consider them for marriage is not wrong, the right or wrong is in what takes place after that realisation, in the steps you take after that, do you go down the halal route and take steps to acquire that person? Or do you hang out with them, get to know them a little more and basically 'go out' with them. I'd still call the former a love marriage, and I wouldnt call it wrong or haram.

It totally depends on your idea of a love marriage, if you think a person can only have a 'love marriage' after extensive free mixing with a person than what a sad world we live in. These feelings are put into our hearts for a reason, and I see them as a test, to see what you'll do with the feeling, if you'll pursue it in a halal manner or not.
 
...FLaWeD... said:
^ I dont know why a love marriage has to equal haram or free-mixing?

Feeling as though you like somebody and would like to consider them for marriage is not wrong, the right or wrong is in what takes place after that realisation, in the steps you take after that, do you go down the halal route and take steps to acquire that person? Or do you hang out with them, get to know them a little more and basically 'go out' with them. I'd still call the former a love marriage, and I wouldnt call it wrong or haram.

It totally depends on your idea of a love marriage, if you think a person can only have a 'love marriage' after extensive free mixing with a person than what a sad world we live in. These feelings are put into our hearts for a reason, and I see them as a test, to see what you'll do with the feeling, if you'll pursue it in a halal manner or not.
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Asalam alaykum,

You made a lot of good points Ukhti, but doesn't real love begin after the marriage? In my opinion, I can understand feeling infatuated, but you can't really know a person and thus really love them unles you've spent alone time with them - either in a halal marriage or a haram relationship. Allahu Alam, but that's just how I feel.
 
Wa'alaykum as-salam

I feel people have really narrow views when it comes to defining love and love marriages, a condition of love is not having spent time alone with a person...a mother can love her unborn child, I can love my aunt who I have only ever met once, people claim to love celebrities every single day and people accept that! And even though one may say that it's not love, its infatuation, its a silly craze, if that person calls it love, who is anybdy to say that it isnt? No person can really ever understand how another feels so if I said I felt as though I loved somebody after having heard about their awesome qualities and characteristics, and spent some time in their presence with the company of mahrams, who is anybody to say what I feel is not really love?

And if you wouldnt call it a love marriage what would you call it, a 'like' marriage? What if what felt like like to you felt like love to me?

This isnt directed at you sister, I'm just sayin
 
Salaam, for me life is short if you meet someone and they come to know each other and wish to marry and conduct themselves in the right manner then I don't see why not.
 

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