[Samiun]

okay this might sound foolish but here it goes... I never liked any girl in my class when I was in high school. There was a few moments that I would want a girlfriend but no I thought that it wouldn't workout because first it is haram and they have bad manners. Anyways, I've finally found a girl that I may have feelings for in a class I have to attend every week. She's a special Muslimah, judging from outside appearance she looks like a very good Muslimah. Talks really well, perform salat and have good manners. It's like a dream for me but I think it's a little early for me to judge, plus there's like a hundred Million more Muslimahs to find and again this could be shaytaan's whisper again so let's just put it aside right? Wrong. Every time I talk to her, well let's just say I get nervous. I know that it is haram to have a relationship with a non-mahram but I want to know the way to you know, the correct way to love a person. I mean if I get into this situation again in the future I can at least handle it inshaAllah. The only thing I know, the only Islamic thing I know in order for a guy to get a girl, or a girl to get a guy is by requesting to get married at the masjid so people would take notice and the non-mahram can sit down with a mahram and ask about he/she personal information.. So what should I do??

 

[Muhaba]

Tell your parents (or other relative or even a friend) to speak to the girl's family about you marrying her. You could do it yourself but i think it's better if someone else (pref. a family member) did it on your behalf.

 

[Samiun]

Nah it wouldn't work I'm still a teenager , I don't have a job, no degree and I've only seen her..

 

[Periwinkle18]

Talk to ur parents akhi they're the only ones who can help u.

The only thing u cn do is either get married to her or forget abt her.

 

[Muhaba]

Nah it wouldn't work I'm still a teenager , I don't have a job, no degree and I've only seen her..

Then what was this post about??? You don't want to marry her because you're too young then what do you want? You shouldn't be thinking of her if you don't even have the intention to marry her.

What did you mean by "but I want to know the way to you know, the correct way to love a person. I mean if I get into this situation again in the future I can at least handle it inshaAllah."

When you asked "what should i do" what sort of answer were you expecting. Seriously if you consider yourself to be too young for marriage then avoid this girl altogether and don't ruin her life by giving her false hopes which you will do if you start experimenting with friendship.

 

[*charisma*]

Assalamu Alaikum

Nah it wouldn't work I'm still a teenager , I don't have a job, no degree and I've only seen her..

Then lower your gaze and move on.


Don't mean to be so blunt, but if you can't handle marriage right now, then don't start so early with fantasizing about being with someone or putting yourself in a situation where you are growing fondly of someone you don't even know.

fi aman Allah
w'salaam

 

[Iceee]

Nah it wouldn't work I'm still a teenager , I don't have a job, no degree and I've only seen her..

Salaam.

I'm 18 - a teenager as well so I can relate somewhat. I work two jobs however, I'm in my final year at high school and University starts next year Inshallah.

The best advise I can give you from a teenager to another teenager; lower your gaze, don't look at her and avoid talking to her when possible. (It will help you in the future)

Do you want to marry her or no?
If yes, talk to your parents and let them know.
If not, then listen to my advise above.

Are you mentally and physically ready for marriage? I know my parents want me to get married as soon as possible, but I don't feel like I'm ready. Decide if you are ready for such responsibilities.

 

[Hulk]

I once went to this talk by a scholar and he said something about these sort of "feelings" etc, he said "YOU DONT LOVE HER, YOU LUST HER". Well he said it in a joking way but I'm sure he's right. I think we won't understand what this real love is until we are married.. When your husband/wife sees you on your bad days, ugly days, etc and still choose to be with you. I think that's amazing. Sorry for not really answering your question bro..

 

[Cabdullahi]

You can be an Einstein, only if you have no room for girls in your mind.
so please do not be so blind, but rather take your time
- and focus on worship, studies - and being around religious buddies.
Properly designate brain resources towards things of more value
do not denigrate yourself when hit with the sledgehammer because you had no value
- in the eyes of someone outwardly so special.
go and be an Einstein, clear your mind because you are special.

 

[Indian Bro]

As-salamu alaykum,

I want to know the way to you know, the correct way to love a person. I mean if I get into this situation again in the future I can at least handle it inshaAllah.

If I correctly interpret what you have said then continue reading otherwise ignore :embarrass

Are you implying that you want to gain some experience in dealing with the opposite gender by getting into a relationship with her, so inshAllah when you do get married you'll have a much better idea and be in a better position to deal with your future wife.

This is nothing but a whisper of the Shaytan. A lot of my friends used to bring this up when I was in high-school, "How will you deal with your wife if you've NEVER been with a girl before" and sometimes I used to think they were right but Allah (s.w.t.) guided me and kept me away from this sin. You see, it's totally natural that you have been attracted to this girl and might have developed some feelings for her, it's because you're a man. But these "feelings" can be dealt with easily, just stop thinking about her. The moment you start developing feelings for a non-mehram you cannot marry, you treat it as a warning that you must stop thinking about them. Seek refuge in Allah (s.w.t.) and I promise you that you'll eventually forget about her.

Now about the experience thing, I've never been in a relationship with an opposite gender my entire life alhamdulillah, but that doesn't mean I wont know how to handle the relationship with my future wife. If you AND your future wife follow Qur'an and the sunnah of the Prophet (PBUH) then inshAllah you both will not have any problems in your marriage. The more mature you get in life the easier things become for you to understand, even marriage. Right now you claim you are too young to get married, so I suggest you forget about matters related to the opposite gender and focus on your deen and your education and when you feel you are ready then make the big step with the help of Allah (s.w.t.).

And Allah Almighty knows best and may He guide us all to the straight path.

Salam 3laikum

 

[ardianto]

I want to know the way to you know, the correct way to love a person. I mean if I get into this situation again in the future I can at least handle it inshaAllah.

"Do not love someone who is not yours because it will make you broken heart. But have someone, then love her with all your heart".

Frankly, when I was young I had a principle, it's better if I marry someone who love me than marry someone who I love. It's because I believe, it's easier to love someone who love me than make someone who make me fall in love to love me too. So, I developed my ability to control my feeling when I attracted to someone, and also I developed ability to love someone who can love me.

This is why I could solve problem like yours easily. When I attracted to someone I told myself "why should I love someone who is not mine? it will only make me broken heart". So, I could remove my feeling easily.

And this is why, when later I started to serious with my future I could get a wife easily, because I didn't fell in love to someone first, then tried to make her accept me. What I did just notice the girls who 'open the door' for me, consider, chose one, then love her with all my heart.

 

[Samiun]

Then what was this post about??? You don't want to marry her because you're too young then what do you want? You shouldn't be thinking of her if you don't even have the intention to marry her.

What did you mean by "but I want to know the way to you know, the correct way to love a person. I mean if I get into this situation again in the future I can at least handle it inshaAllah."

When you asked "what should i do" what sort of answer were you expecting. Seriously if you consider yourself to be too young for marriage then avoid this girl altogether and don't ruin her life by giving her false hopes which you will do if you start experimenting with friendship.

This post was about how do I deal with my own feeling, I just need someone to tell me what I shouldn't do because I've rarely come across such situations this thing is like new for me so I'm asking for an advice. I think I know the answer, but I'm not sure if I'm right or wrong.

When you asked "what should i do" what sort of answer were you expecting.

I want to know how do I get rid of such 'feelings' for her in class that's all, it's not like I'm hoping to get married with her soon.. and your final sentence was the answer I'm looking for

Honestly speaking, aside from getting answers out of my situation right now, I just wanted to know that my beliefs about marriage is correct and I'm not at the wrong path. When someone asks me how do I get married I just tell me that I will be looking for a person at the Mosque then he/she just laughs. I am confused, am I in the right or wrong path? Our Muslim community here doesn't really guide us on the correct way to get married the Islamic way, you have to find for the answers alone. Having that said, most of my uncles/aunties before they get married used to send love letter back in the old days and that could lead me to think that I should do the same too. But now I know it isn't right and not the Islamic way of having a relationship with another girl.

Thanks for the other posts guys, this should help me next time I come across these situations again..

 

[ardianto]

When someone asks me how do I get married I just tell me that I will be looking for a person at the Mosque then he/she just laughs. I am confused, am I in the right or wrong path? Our Muslim community here doesn't really guide us on the correct way to get married the Islamic way, you have to find for the answers alone.

Of course people laugh, you forget that you are living in Muslim majority country where you can find Muslim women everywhere. In non-Muslim countries some masjid have matrimonial service, but not in Muslim majority countries.

I know situation in your place. But don't worry, there is halal way to get a wife. When you have ready to get married you can tell an ustadz (or religious brother) in your place that you are looking for a wife. Ustadz has wife/wives, he must be can get information about a girl who is looking for a husband. Then Pak Ustadz can connect you with that girl and accompany you in halal meeting.