Madly in love with someone who loves someone else.

[AnonymousPoster]

I hope you are all well and in good health. Ameen.

Thank you for replying.

I don’t know where to start with my problems. I am very depressed and I just need to speak to someone. I have been depressed almost all my life on and off and it’s come to the point that I feel like I can’t take anymore and I’m going mad. I’m not overly religious, but I do try and pray everyday and on time. I just don’t know what’s wrong with me.

I know this is wrong and against Islam, but I was seeing a Muslim guy for a year and I found out he is seeing somebody else and is serious about her. He is gone now and my depression is much deeper than before. He lied to me and betrayed me. Yet I am the one suffering. I know I did wrong by going out with someone before marriage and now I’m facing the consequences. But I couldn’t help falling in love.

I’ve noticed that I rely on guys for happiness and when they leave me, I’m so lost and lonely and fall deeper into depression. I just wanted to get married and be happy with him and now I’m left all alone and confused.

Even in the past when I have been in a relationship, it always ends up that they leave me and I fall in to depression, it’s never the other way round and I’m always wondering why and if there’s something wrong with me.
Some people move on easily but I end up going insane and losing my senses. Now I feel like I haven’t even got anything to wake up for. Everything I do is such a big effort to me. I cry all the time and in the night I can’t sleep, I just twist and turn thinking about my ex and his girlfriend, it makes me go insane and I don’t know how to stop it.

If this was the first time it happened, then I’d understand and could try to come to terms with it, but it’s hard because this has happened so many times in my life. I’ve tried to stay away from relationships before marriage, but it becomes so difficult especially because I feel so lonely and I want to get married. But I end up falling madly in love and then losing the person to someone else. It’s making me go mad because it keeps happening and I don’t know why.

I don’t know anyone who goes this crazy when they lose someone they love. In the past, when someone has gone and left me, I take ages to move on, I take almost a year or more sometimes. In that time I just try to pray and ask Allah SWT for forgiveness. But it doesn’t help when you feel like your going insane. You need patience in prayer and making duas, but I’m not patient at all, I go insane.

I can’t stop thinking about them two, (my ex and his girlfriend) I always call people who know the couple and try to find out what’s going in they’re relationship. At times I don’t want to know because I know it’s going to hurt me, but then I end up trying to find out anyway and then I get so hurt and mad when I hear about them. I just want to move on and be happy but I don’t know the meaning of happiness anymore because I’ve never really had happiness in my life.

I want to be independent from the need of others, but I always feel like I need a man to make me happy. I can’t get this man out of my head, I love him so much. He is with somebody else now, I want to move on and get on with my life, but I feel like my life is not worth living without him. I feel like calling him but at the same time I don’t want to in case he swears at me, that will make me feel worse but I still want to call him because I miss him so much.

I always look at my phone even in the middle of the night, in the hope that he’s called me or text me. I know he won’t ever call me or text me anymore, but I still look at my phone hoping he will and then I feel worse when my phones are so quiet.

I wish I could take him out of my head and out of my heart. I took 3 weeks off work recently due to depression and when I came back I was still feeling very depressed. I can’t even do simple daily duties like getting up for work, getting ready in the morning, I feel like what’s the point when the man I love has left me, he was my everything and I’m so so lost and lonely without him. I pray everyday to Allah SWT to ease my suffering. I just want to move on and I need help in doing that because I can’t do this on my own.

I want to change and try to find out why it is that everything keeps going wrong for me. I have no support from family and I haven’t got many friends to talk to, so I feel even more isolated. People keep telling me things will get better and to just have patience, but I have lost patience with this suffering. It’s been going on for years. How much more can someone take.

Please someone advice me on what to do with this neverending misery.

 

[Yanal]

Try to find another guy to keep that other guy out. Tell that other guy your past and ask him to tell his. Hope everything turns out right for you Inshallah. May God bless you.

 

[Niyya Safya]

Wa Alaykum Essalaam, Sister

Wow... ok. Your number one problem is as you said you depend on men to make you happy. Now, I can go on about asking you why you would want a man that doesn't love you, who doesn't respect you, and how even if you married him he would not treat you right, but I won't

Sister wake up, stop dreaming, and end the nightmare that you let continue during your waking hours. What you feel isn't love: it's dependence just like you said. There is no way someone can fall in love so many times. I strongly believe there is no such thing. Usually, it's two things. One: a person easily lets themselves go because they feel happy someone is in their lives and that someone is making them feel special and they get attached, but can you call that love? Guys can be sleazy and have hidden agendas. Or two: they like the idea of having someone by their side - scumbag or not - so they accept what comes their way. That guy and all the others will not be able to help you when it comes time for your judgment and ultimate fate.

Close that chapter of your life - say to yourself "that's it, it's over, things are going to be different." Do not make those calls; I'm afraid sooner or later you would come off to them as foolish & desperate. Don't listen to music (esp. love songs) if you are listening - believe me that just makes things worse. Start a new life and change your outlook on life. Look for a different approach to finding someone. I totally agree, get married because it gets hard being single. Have different criteria for what you're looking for in a husband. Look for the guy that will help you become better, that will respect you, and take care of you in times of need. And a guy that respects you, a guy that's thinking straight, will not want to be in a haraam relationship beforehand and would not refuse to go to your parents/walli (without good reasons.) Have a third person involved when you meet someone that your parents don't know about yet (your brother, his sister, a married couple you're both friends with... whatever - you know what's right.) And talk to your mom, if you haven't already, about wanting to get married.

You control you so don't let your knees give in. Get your life back into shape. Do not make it harder on yourself. You are a Muslimah, you have the truth that takes people from darkness to light & wwalllaaahi it's so beautiful. Only put your full trust and dependence on Allah(SWT) and no one else. Do all that you are able to and leave the rest to Allah(SWT). Take it from a person who's seen depression first-hand.

 

[AnonymousPoster]

Try to find another guy to keep that other guy out. Tell that other guy your past and ask him to tell his. Hope everything turns out right for you Inshallah.

Anon#1

Don't do this ^

-Anon#2

 

[IbnAbdulHakim]

time will make things better as long as you spend it the right way

 

[Zafran]

salaam

Yeah time will make it better - it heals all wounds sooner or later. - Just be patient

peace.

 

[noorahmad]

Allahumma la sahla illa ma ja'altahu sahlan wa Anta taj'alul hazna idha shi'ta sahlan.(Oh Allah there is no ease other than what You make easy, If You please you make even despondency easy.)
Ibn hibban no 2427, An Nawawi, kitab-ul-Adhkar-pg 106.

Allahumma inni a'udhu bika minal hammi wal hazani, wal 'ajzi, wal kasali, wal bukhli wal jubni, wa dala'id daini wa ghalabatir rijaal.
Oh Allah i seek refuge in you from despondency and sadness, from weakness and from laziness, from miserliness and from cowardice, from perversion of faith and from the domination of others.( bukhari 7/158)

Allahumma Rahmataka arju fala takilni ila nafsi tarfata 'ainin, wa aslih li sha'ni kullahu, la ilaha illa Anta.
Oh Allah, i hope for your mercy. Do not tire me of me even for a moment. place all my affair in order. there is no God but you.(Abu dawud 4/324)

 

[noorahmad]

don't trust boys, most of us, just look for some good time.
Secondly, stay in swalaat, stay with people you are practice Islam, change your way of life

 

[Niyya Safya]

Asalamu Alaykum, Sister

Sorry but I wanted to add this because I didn't want to give you bad advice inshaAllah (at least not intentionally). It might seem petty, but nonetheless, it may be important. When I referring to meeting someone who doesn't know your parents and having a third person - if you do meet a person like that, do not use the 3rd person to open a 3-way phonecall or anything while you talk to the guy. Use it to indirectly get to know him. For example, a friend of mine is working in this match making thing for Muslims - it's a off-line, personal thing, not really like those online matrimonials... well, anyway, it kind of works like this: a brother talks to a brother writes down what he's like and what he's looking for and a sister does the same for a sister, then the few brothers and sisters who did the asking figure something out, try to make a match and if both sides (of the match) agree, then the sister gives her walli's number to the sister to give to the brother to give to the other brother to call the walli
I really am sorry for poorly put excuse for an example, but I wanted to give you a better idea of what I am trying to say.

Get the full barakah inshaAllah for your future marriage inshaAllah; do not displease Allah.

Keep us in the know inshaAllah.

 

[wth1257]

I hope you are all well and in good health. Ameen.

Thank you for replying.

I don’t know where to start with my problems. I am very depressed and I just need to speak to someone. I have been depressed almost all my life on and off and it’s come to the point that I feel like I can’t take anymore and I’m going mad. I’m not overly religious, but I do try and pray everyday and on time. I just don’t know what’s wrong with me.

I know this is wrong and against Islam, but I was seeing a Muslim guy for a year and I found out he is seeing somebody else and is serious about her. He is gone now and my depression is much deeper than before. He lied to me and betrayed me. Yet I am the one suffering. I know I did wrong by going out with someone before marriage and now I’m facing the consequences. But I couldn’t help falling in love.

I’ve noticed that I rely on guys for happiness and when they leave me, I’m so lost and lonely and fall deeper into depression. I just wanted to get married and be happy with him and now I’m left all alone and confused.

Even in the past when I have been in a relationship, it always ends up that they leave me and I fall in to depression, it’s never the other way round and I’m always wondering why and if there’s something wrong with me.
Some people move on easily but I end up going insane and losing my senses. Now I feel like I haven’t even got anything to wake up for. Everything I do is such a big effort to me. I cry all the time and in the night I can’t sleep, I just twist and turn thinking about my ex and his girlfriend, it makes me go insane and I don’t know how to stop it.

If this was the first time it happened, then I’d understand and could try to come to terms with it, but it’s hard because this has happened so many times in my life. I’ve tried to stay away from relationships before marriage, but it becomes so difficult especially because I feel so lonely and I want to get married. But I end up falling madly in love and then losing the person to someone else. It’s making me go mad because it keeps happening and I don’t know why.

I don’t know anyone who goes this crazy when they lose someone they love. In the past, when someone has gone and left me, I take ages to move on, I take almost a year or more sometimes. In that time I just try to pray and ask Allah SWT for forgiveness. But it doesn’t help when you feel like your going insane. You need patience in prayer and making duas, but I’m not patient at all, I go insane.

I can’t stop thinking about them two, (my ex and his girlfriend) I always call people who know the couple and try to find out what’s going in they’re relationship. At times I don’t want to know because I know it’s going to hurt me, but then I end up trying to find out anyway and then I get so hurt and mad when I hear about them. I just want to move on and be happy but I don’t know the meaning of happiness anymore because I’ve never really had happiness in my life.

I want to be independent from the need of others, but I always feel like I need a man to make me happy. I can’t get this man out of my head, I love him so much. He is with somebody else now, I want to move on and get on with my life, but I feel like my life is not worth living without him. I feel like calling him but at the same time I don’t want to in case he swears at me, that will make me feel worse but I still want to call him because I miss him so much.

I always look at my phone even in the middle of the night, in the hope that he’s called me or text me. I know he won’t ever call me or text me anymore, but I still look at my phone hoping he will and then I feel worse when my phones are so quiet.

I wish I could take him out of my head and out of my heart. I took 3 weeks off work recently due to depression and when I came back I was still feeling very depressed. I can’t even do simple daily duties like getting up for work, getting ready in the morning, I feel like what’s the point when the man I love has left me, he was my everything and I’m so so lost and lonely without him. I pray everyday to Allah SWT to ease my suffering. I just want to move on and I need help in doing that because I can’t do this on my own.

I want to change and try to find out why it is that everything keeps going wrong for me. I have no support from family and I haven’t got many friends to talk to, so I feel even more isolated. People keep telling me things will get better and to just have patience, but I have lost patience with this suffering. It’s been going on for years. How much more can someone take.

Please someone advice me on what to do with this neverending misery.

If he was seeing someone on the side then I don't know how great a guy he was. I mean it sounds like he betrayed your trust and love and you must see that you deserve better than that. It's tough but you have gotten over this before, right? I would guess each time it seemed like you would never get over it, but each time you did. So just remember, "this too shall pass". It may not seem like it but youll get over this guy. Try to meet a guy who won't see someone on the side, who you can trust.

You'll get through this

 

[Ansariyah]

Alī Ibn Abī Tālib (ra) said:

Your cure is within you, but you do not know,
Your illness is from you, but you do not see.
You are the “Clarifying Book”
Through whose letters becomes manifest the hidden.
You suppose that you’re a small body
But the greatest world unfolds within you.
You would not need what is outside yourself
If you would reflect on ’self’, but you do not reflect.

 

[Abdullah4ever]

I am sorry about your depression sister. For me the best way to get rid of these kind of things is by praying and sometimes I read quran for hours and hours and it sort of heals me, i really cant explain to you what it does but it makes me feel better. Insha'allah try reading quran and begging Allah (swt) for forgivness on your past sins and he will guide you to the straight path.

 

[Ummu Sufyaan]

wa alykum us-Salaam..

I know this is wrong and against Islam, but I was seeing a Muslim guy for a year and I found out he is seeing somebody else and is serious about her. He is gone now and my depression is much deeper than before. He lied to me and betrayed me. Yet I am the one suffering. I know I did wrong by going out with someone before marriage and now I’m facing the consequences. But I couldn’t help falling in love.

ukhtee, i think the best thing this guys done for you is actually leave you for the reason that his true colors have shown... i mean the fact that he sees you in the haram is the first thing wrong with him. if he was serious he would speak to your wali...again the fact that he sees you in the haram way means he'll do it to some other girl...a person who isnt loyal to allah-so to speak- isnt going to be loyal to His servant either, innit

and dont forget what goes around, comes around...god knows, some girl may do the same thing to him...and if not, how he treated you, he'll treat someone else...he sounds like a loose character anyway :$

i mean i get that your're hurting and all, but just look past that for a sec and realize this persons character and that you could do better without someone like that imo...

I’ve noticed that I rely on guys for happiness and when they leave me, I’m so lost and lonely and fall deeper into depression. I just wanted to get married and be happy with him and now I’m left all alone and confused.

Even in the past when I have been in a relationship, it always ends up that they leave me and I fall in to depression, it’s never the other way round and I’m always wondering why and if there’s something wrong with me.

i dunno if theres anything wrong with you...but you should deffo stop chasing after relationships like this and should stop thinking that happiness comes in a haram way...it doesn't ...not with anything...

Some people move on easily but I end up going insane and losing my senses. Now I feel like I haven’t even got anything to wake up for.

you have everything to wake up for!!! the day he left you for someone else should have been the happiest day of your life!!!-->as they say its better to lose a love than to love a loser ..as i said, what he did do youth, he'll only do to someone else too...

If this was the first time it happened, then I’d understand and could try to come to terms with it, but it’s hard because this has happened so many times in my life. I’ve tried to stay away from relationships before marriage, but it becomes so difficult especially because I feel so lonely and I want to get married.
But I end up falling madly in love and then losing the person to someone else. It’s making me go mad because it keeps happening and I don’t know why.

why don't you just look for happiness in a halal way, i.e marriage :?

I want to be independent from the need of others, but I always feel like I need a man to make me happy. I can’t get this man out of my head, I love him so much. He is with somebody else now, I want to move on and get on with my life, but I feel like my life is not worth living without him.

yes it is!!! a person that betrays you...i couldn't think of life being better without them!!!

I always look at my phone even in the middle of the night, in the hope that he’s called me or text me. I know he won’t ever call me or text me anymore, but I still look at my phone hoping he will and then I feel worse when my phones are so quiet.

so, just don't look at your phone, seriously...that way your hopes don't crashed

I want to change and try to find out why it is that everything keeps going wrong for me. I have no support from family and I haven’t got many friends to talk to, so I feel even more isolated. People keep telling me things will get better and to just have patience, but I have lost patience with this suffering.

well if you've lost patience, then i cant seriously see life getting any better...it'll only get worse. patience is a must :thumbs_up

Please someone advice me on what to do with this neverending misery.

You need to start by figuring out what the prob is by digging deep within yourself and pulling it out by its roots :-[
by your post i can tell that you should stop trying to find happiness in a haram way (im not necessarily talking about relationships here...ANYthing in general), because you'll only cause grief to yourself...anything that doesnt happen for the sake of allah and within Islamic law, is bound to fray and "fall short"....its like a house-->if a houses foundations are weak, then it doesn't stand a chance of standing up innit...

imo what you need to do is find your independence from people...you have to know that you can be happy without people...you dont necessarily need people around you to make you happy..i dont mean to say for you to become antisocial or anything, but independent enough so that you don't reply on people to make you happy...especially males

and also, you have to realize that change dosent come about, until you a) you want to change and b) you help yourself to change


/okay essay over :-[

 

[AnonymousPoster]

I am sorry about your depression sister. For me the best way to get rid of these kind of things is by praying and sometimes I read quran for hours and hours and it sort of heals me, i really cant explain to you what it does but it makes me feel better. Insha'allah try reading quran and begging Allah (swt) for forgivness on your past sins and he will guide you to the straight path.

I'm so scared I'm losing faith imsad I can't be patient, I'm always complaining (that is not patience) I need to let the anger out and I get really bad migraines. I get exhausted praying just one namaz :exhausted

I feel like I'm drop dead, after all these years of suffering, I'm emotionaly and physically drained. Pls I beg you all to do dua for me, a special dua just for me.

 

[AnonymousPoster]

I am sorry about your depression sister. For me the best way to get rid of these kind of things is by praying and sometimes I read quran for hours and hours and it sort of heals me, i really cant explain to you what it does but it makes me feel better. Insha'allah try reading quran and begging Allah (swt) for forgivness on your past sins and he will guide you to the straight path.

What happens when you've prayed but you are still losing your mind? When I say 'losing my mind' I mean that I am literally going insane and I scream and cry in the night, so much so, that I end up with migraines. :grumbling

 

[IbnAbdulHakim]

What happens when you've prayed but you are still losing your mind? When I say 'losing my mind' I mean that I am literally going insane and I scream and cry in the night, so much so, that I end up with migraines. :grumbling

force yourself to recite dhikr


Astagfirullah
SubhanAllah
Alhamdulillah
Laa ilaaha Illaahu
Allahu Akbar



never have they failed me


NEVER !

 

[AnonymousPoster]

^ Alhumdulliah.

Thank you.