Marital troubles, my wife and parents.

[Endo]

I am newly married and live with my parents. My wife and my mother had a problem. My wife wasn’t talking to my mother and it came across as she was ignoring her. This hurt my mother. After asking my wife, she told me she is having some issues with the authority of the house and she doesn’t agree with mother’s way of doing things. These feelings caused her to ignore my mother and keep distance to avoid any conflict. My mother on the other hand felt hurt. I tried to explain to my wife that please talk to my mother, as she is worried something is wrong. My wife didn’t listen to me. I also tried to explain to my mother, that everything is fine and give her a few days and she will be fine.

My father then got involved, as he wasn’t happy with the situation. He tried to calmly ask my wife, whats the problem, trying to discuss and solve the problem. My wife wasn’t responding and was giving answers in a cold and distant manner and my parents felt even more hurt. My wife trying to avoid conflict wanted to keep quiet and say less, trying to keep respect and avoid any emotional outburst from her side. Eventually my father got angry, as my wifes responses were the same. My father used some foul language to my wife and even going as far to insult her parents. He told her, he wants her to get along with my mother no matter what. He told her and me that I should leave the house if we don’t.

I eventually explained to my wife that she should apologise to my parents, which she did. My father and mother are fine with her now. My wife doesn’t understand what she did was wrong and my father also should not have insulted my wife with the foul language. I’ve been trying to comfort my wife, as she is very hurt by my father’s insulting her and her parents. I try to take her side and try to explain to her what she did was wrong too. I am very traumatised by the situation and need some guidance for what I should do and what I’ve done is it enough for my wife? I need help and guidance please.

 

[A.R.BRahimbaksh]

Assaalamu alaykum brother,

Firstly,in my opinion,you should support both of them .if you would take your mother side your wife will be hurt and if wife side your mother will be hurt.
I don't know what was the problem but I think she shouldn't ignore her because in Islam it is there that they are her mother and father as well and she should respect the same way as she does to her parents.because they are older and need more respect .when people become old I mean not young we should treat them as children.they will be very sensitive and even small things can hurt them alot . You should try to make her understand that if they did something wrong she should forgive them .aske her if they were her parents.what would she did .you should convince your wife to be nice with them and make her realize the mistake .what your dad did was also wrong but maybe because of anger and he wants peace in house.you should apologize to your wife behalf of your father because of his words words which he used for her parents.it will make her calm and happy that you also respect her parents and you think of them as your parents .it will also make her realizes her mistake .I hope it will help .
Inshallah.
If my word hurts you please forgive me I am sorry.
Jazaka Allahu khairen.

 

[Cooper Joseph]

Wa alaykum assalam brother,

It's important to support and respect both your wife and your parents. Remind your wife of the Islamic duty to treat parents with kindness and forgiveness. Apologize on behalf of your father to show you value her parents too. Seek guidance from elders or scholars for further advice.

May Allah bless your family with peace and understanding.