Marriage but there is a family issue

[UnknownMuslim88]

[SUB]Asalam Alaikum,
I am currently considering someone for marriage, they are a person of deen and a person of great love and responsibility. However my family does not approve only because we do not have stable jobs. But we truly want to make it halal for the sake of Allah swt, as a result of me bringing this up to my parents they proceeded to throw horrid insults at me. Is there any way I can appoint an imam or someone who is not my family as my wali? This is purely for the sake of Allah swt, as the only daughter in my family simply does not respect me the same way they do their sons. I’m seen as more of a burden to them than anything else. [/SUB]

 

[Hamza Asadullah]

[SUB]Asalam Alaikum,
I am currently considering someone for marriage, they are a person of deen and a person of great love and responsibility. However my family does not approve only because we do not have stable jobs. But we truly want to make it halal for the sake of Allah swt, as a result of me bringing this up to my parents they proceeded to throw horrid insults at me. Is there any way I can appoint an imam or someone who is not my family as my wali? This is purely for the sake of Allah swt, as the only daughter in my family simply does not respect me the same way they do their sons. I’m seen as more of a burden to them than anything else. [/SUB]

Asalaamu Alaikum,

What you have given is a very brief and vague statement. You say that you are considering them for marriage and they are a person of great love and responsibility. What do you mean by this? Do you mean that you have been in a relationship with them for you to know that they are capable of giving you "love"? Anyone can act loving and affectionate before marriage but that doesn't mean they will treat you in the same way during marriage.

Also the danger of falling for someone before marriage is that we become blinded to certain signs that they are not right for us. Also how are they a person of "great responsibility" when you say that they do not have a stable income? I am not saying parents are always right when it comes to our choice of spouse for marriage but surely they are only looking out for you and want the best for you due to the fact that at present this person does not have a stable income. So how will they provide for you?

With regards to marrying someone without your Father as a Wali then firstly sister there is a difference of opinion regarding this but this with the majority opinion being it is not valid and the Hanafi school permitting it although it is not something that is recommended. Therefore this is not something you should consider as it will cause a huge rift in your family and will cause much tension with your parents and immediate family. Surely we would not want to do such a thing considering the great rewards for serving one's parents and surely you would want them to be onboard with you with regards to your marriage.

It is better if you cut off connections for now especially during this blessed month and make much Isthikhara and ask of Allah to do what is best for you regarding this proposal. It is far better to have your immediate family on board with regards to who you marry. However you can also consult with an elder in the family and/or a local Scholar on this issue.

 

[Murid]

I think you family has right.

It is not that easy without stable income or savings to get marrued and have children inshaAllah.

There us sn option to get engaged, but he/you are not allowed to be alone/live alone/consumate.
Best is to limit interaction until resolve comes.

You are not right, that you are a burden to yours. If so, they would let you get married.

Your future husband needs to have housing, savings (for a decent mahr, and crises), good salary. He needs to try to find a second job, to educate further, to work online from hone as a second job etc. until he has enough resources for marriage.

You can not that trust someone you met, especially in the west, where families do not know each other.
Nowdays a word of promise is not strong as in earlier Arab, Persian, Indopak, Turkish or other.

Say you get pregnant and he leaves you, or with a small child.
You need to get back somewhere. Probably to family.

Mahr is a need and it is maybe reasonable to be at least 12 salaries.
It protects woman and child. Arabs, Turks and some other nationalities often give a real fortune, maybe even about 100k £.

You must keep good communication with family and they are, not he, your priority now.

You must not break family ties.

Please read duas from Ad Dua Divine help and His al muslimi regularly.

Make dhikr, ask duas like Allahumma khirli wakhtarli, read salawat ibrahimi, estegfar, give a lot sadaqah day and night.

You need to resolve this obstacle of wealth and family ties first.

Subhanakallahumma wa be hamdika eshadu allailaha illa anta estagfiruka wa atububilayke.

 

[Flos]

Salam sister,

Sabir! If you're truly in love but don't have parent's permission, be patient. Allah knows what He's doing. Maybe you're future husband (if he is indeed your future husband) will find a job and then you receive permission from your father. In the meantime, just stay away from each other in order to prevent zina.

You know that Allah's satisfaction with you is behind your parent's satisfaction. Your parents don't hate you. They care about you and want only the best for you. They also know that romantic desires are something that don't last really.